Never Goodbye (Spawn)
Title: Never Goodbye
Pairing: Spike/Dawn
Setting: Six years after the last episode
Rating: Pg-13
Summary: Dawn has just found out that Spike is still alive and realizes that she’s been emotionally stuck in the past for all these years.
Is it possible for her tears to crystallize in the coldest of nights? Can they turn to ice as they roll down her cheek?
‘It isn’t cold enough,” she says to her self.
Little snowflakes hit her eyelashes and ruin her mascara. She rubs her eyes hard and makes a mess she doesn’t care to clean up.
In the distance she can hear Christmas music playing from the warm house where her sister sits with friends.
‘They’ve all gone on with their lives.’
Xander is getting married in a few months, Willow is once again in love, and Buffy is dating a human.
But Dawn-Dawn wants the cold to make her tears more solid. It’s taken her this long to shed them, and it’s only natural that she’d expect their presence to make more of a lasting impression.
------------------------
He stopped by a few days ago and no one told her he’d come back.
He sat there without his leather jacket and had a new scar on his face.
“I got it from a dragon,” he’d told Buffy, who didn’t look impressed.
He’d left without a smile Dawn’s way, but then, what did she expect? The last thing she’d said to him was, “I wished you’d never come back.”
He must’ve taken her for her word, because even when he was in the same room with her he acted like he was already gone.
-----------
It’s still not cold enough outside, and he drops by when no one is around. She lets him in and looks around her place as if she’s seeing it for the very first time.
She asks to sit down after he has already made himself at home and he raises a brow. She reacts to it with a sigh. How long has it’s been since she’s seen that eyebrow; years, six to be exact, and he doesn’t even know that she thought she’d never see it again.
“It’s your home, Bit,” he says and the nickname rolls off his tongue like she hears it everyday. He says the name like he’s never really left and he’s always watched over her, like he did the summer Buffy went away.
She blushes a deep red and sits down fast.
“Yeah, I- I know,” she says with a forced laugh and pushes her hair behind her ears. She looks down at her hands. She’s wearing too many rings and can’t even remember what significance any of them hold.
“Buffy not here?” he asks.
She wants to jump up and scream at him. “Stop living in the past!” but she’s taken enough classes in psychology to know when someone is projecting one’s feeling onto another.
“Sorry, no,” she says with an apologetic smile, “She’s out with Ray.”
“Her new boy?” he asks.
She can’t say what his expression is like when he says this, because she can’t bear to look up and see his face.
“Yeah, they have…,” she pauses and shrugs, “They’ve been together for awhile now.”
She can hear his breathing, the way the loveseat sighs as he shuffles a little.
“Well, you’re probably busy, so…” she hears him get up and she knows he’s trying to leave again without a simple…anything!
She rushes to him without even realizing she’s made a move.
His skin is cold, but soft like silk and she’s holding both of his arms still. She tightens her grip and knows no matter how hard she holds him he’ll always be able to break free.
He looks as dumbfounded as she feels.
“No one…” she hisses through teeth that ache from far too much tension, “no one ever says goodbye.”
His shirt isn’t black, his leather jacket is gone, and his hair is a dark brown that makes his eyes so much more real than half the humans she encounters.
She stares at him, really looks at him for the first time in so long that she swears the man in front of her is a stranger.
He looks at a loss for words, but his eyes are searching hers and he opens his mouth to speak.
“Is that what you want from me, Bit?”
She moves closer and he shrinks back like she’s ready to strike.
She shakes her head and her hair falls into her eyes, but she can’t let go of him, she’s too fearful to let go, so she stares at him through the shield of her hair.
“No, but a hello would be nice.”
His smile is rare, that much Dawn is sure of, and it looks good on him, this man that Dawn is now sure she’s never really known.
“Hello, Dawn.”
She almost calls him Spike but repeats a different name in her mind before she says it out loud.
“Hello, Will.”
-----------------
She invites him to Christmas, and is shocked when he agrees.
He sits in the back of the room, as if he’s been tied to the chair and isn’t allowed to escape.
His back is straight and he stares at everything, but looks at no one. Dawn wonders if he’s ever let himself be apart of anything.
She reaches underneath the tree, far in the back, hidden behind a pile of ripped, useless wrapping paper and grabs the last unopened gift.
He’s eyes focus on her and really take her in as she nears. She doesn’t know if he’s aware what his undivided attention can do to a woman, but if he could hear her heart beat, he’d know exactly what he does to her.
He looks down at the present and there’s shock in his eyes, such shock that she wishes the gift was something more spectacular then the quick, easy gift she’d picked up at Wal-Mart.
He fiddles with the bow when she hands it to him, after awhile, she nudges him with her foot.
“Well,” she says with mock exasperation, “are you going to open it?”
He looks so human that she can’t even remember what it was like to fear him when she was just a kid.
He nods his head and rips the sides.
It’s a brown leather journal with a design burned into the cover.
“A key,” he says as he traces the design with his fingertip. He stares into her eyes, asking questions she knows he’s never even considered asking her before.
“Yeah, a useless key that has no lock,” she tries to joke, but it falls flat and she realizes how solemn it sounded to both of them.
She shakes her head and gives him a look that asks for clemency.
He shrugs but his eyes go blank and she feels the absence of their warmth acutely.
He looks back down at the journal and places both hands over the cover as if he’s trying to stop the key from bleeding out into the real world
When he opens his mouth to speak, the words sound so real, so solid, that Dawn swears they have physical mass when they reach her ears.
“Have you ever considered that the key was the façade and Dawn was always the reality?”
There’s Christmas music in the background, Buffy and Ray are singing along. Xander is bickering with his fiancé in the kitchen and Willow is kissing her new lover’s cheek in the hall.
Dawn stares down at the man seated in front of her, and feels, for the first time in years, like she belongs.
-------------------------------
“I promise that I’ll never leave without saying goodbye,” he promises as he gets ready to leave the Christmas party. He isn’t wearing clunky steel toe boots and his running shoes look comfortable and well worn.
Dawn watches him walk down the apartment hallway and push the button for the elevator. He turns and does a double take when he notices that she’s still there.
He gives her a questioning look, and she struggles to find an answer.
After a moment has pasted, his stare becomes cold and he shakes his head.
“Are you waiting for a goodbye, Bit,” he calls out with a forced smile, “are you already hoping I’ll be out of your life so soon?”
She really shouldn’t be amazed that he’s the type to think the worse when left on his own to fill in the blanks.
“What?!” she calls out and realizes she’s running when the world begins to move faster than its usual slow drag.
Between the space of Dawn and Will, their past lives mingle and dance with the smells of holly, pine and cheap, overly sweet wine.
Will’s skin will always be cold, but his lips taste of warmth and life.
When she pulls back she lightly slaps his arm, “No, you fool, I never want to hear you say goodbye again.”
Pairing: Spike/Dawn
Setting: Six years after the last episode
Rating: Pg-13
Summary: Dawn has just found out that Spike is still alive and realizes that she’s been emotionally stuck in the past for all these years.
Is it possible for her tears to crystallize in the coldest of nights? Can they turn to ice as they roll down her cheek?
‘It isn’t cold enough,” she says to her self.
Little snowflakes hit her eyelashes and ruin her mascara. She rubs her eyes hard and makes a mess she doesn’t care to clean up.
In the distance she can hear Christmas music playing from the warm house where her sister sits with friends.
‘They’ve all gone on with their lives.’
Xander is getting married in a few months, Willow is once again in love, and Buffy is dating a human.
But Dawn-Dawn wants the cold to make her tears more solid. It’s taken her this long to shed them, and it’s only natural that she’d expect their presence to make more of a lasting impression.
------------------------
He stopped by a few days ago and no one told her he’d come back.
He sat there without his leather jacket and had a new scar on his face.
“I got it from a dragon,” he’d told Buffy, who didn’t look impressed.
He’d left without a smile Dawn’s way, but then, what did she expect? The last thing she’d said to him was, “I wished you’d never come back.”
He must’ve taken her for her word, because even when he was in the same room with her he acted like he was already gone.
-----------
It’s still not cold enough outside, and he drops by when no one is around. She lets him in and looks around her place as if she’s seeing it for the very first time.
She asks to sit down after he has already made himself at home and he raises a brow. She reacts to it with a sigh. How long has it’s been since she’s seen that eyebrow; years, six to be exact, and he doesn’t even know that she thought she’d never see it again.
“It’s your home, Bit,” he says and the nickname rolls off his tongue like she hears it everyday. He says the name like he’s never really left and he’s always watched over her, like he did the summer Buffy went away.
She blushes a deep red and sits down fast.
“Yeah, I- I know,” she says with a forced laugh and pushes her hair behind her ears. She looks down at her hands. She’s wearing too many rings and can’t even remember what significance any of them hold.
“Buffy not here?” he asks.
She wants to jump up and scream at him. “Stop living in the past!” but she’s taken enough classes in psychology to know when someone is projecting one’s feeling onto another.
“Sorry, no,” she says with an apologetic smile, “She’s out with Ray.”
“Her new boy?” he asks.
She can’t say what his expression is like when he says this, because she can’t bear to look up and see his face.
“Yeah, they have…,” she pauses and shrugs, “They’ve been together for awhile now.”
She can hear his breathing, the way the loveseat sighs as he shuffles a little.
“Well, you’re probably busy, so…” she hears him get up and she knows he’s trying to leave again without a simple…anything!
She rushes to him without even realizing she’s made a move.
His skin is cold, but soft like silk and she’s holding both of his arms still. She tightens her grip and knows no matter how hard she holds him he’ll always be able to break free.
He looks as dumbfounded as she feels.
“No one…” she hisses through teeth that ache from far too much tension, “no one ever says goodbye.”
His shirt isn’t black, his leather jacket is gone, and his hair is a dark brown that makes his eyes so much more real than half the humans she encounters.
She stares at him, really looks at him for the first time in so long that she swears the man in front of her is a stranger.
He looks at a loss for words, but his eyes are searching hers and he opens his mouth to speak.
“Is that what you want from me, Bit?”
She moves closer and he shrinks back like she’s ready to strike.
She shakes her head and her hair falls into her eyes, but she can’t let go of him, she’s too fearful to let go, so she stares at him through the shield of her hair.
“No, but a hello would be nice.”
His smile is rare, that much Dawn is sure of, and it looks good on him, this man that Dawn is now sure she’s never really known.
“Hello, Dawn.”
She almost calls him Spike but repeats a different name in her mind before she says it out loud.
“Hello, Will.”
-----------------
She invites him to Christmas, and is shocked when he agrees.
He sits in the back of the room, as if he’s been tied to the chair and isn’t allowed to escape.
His back is straight and he stares at everything, but looks at no one. Dawn wonders if he’s ever let himself be apart of anything.
She reaches underneath the tree, far in the back, hidden behind a pile of ripped, useless wrapping paper and grabs the last unopened gift.
He’s eyes focus on her and really take her in as she nears. She doesn’t know if he’s aware what his undivided attention can do to a woman, but if he could hear her heart beat, he’d know exactly what he does to her.
He looks down at the present and there’s shock in his eyes, such shock that she wishes the gift was something more spectacular then the quick, easy gift she’d picked up at Wal-Mart.
He fiddles with the bow when she hands it to him, after awhile, she nudges him with her foot.
“Well,” she says with mock exasperation, “are you going to open it?”
He looks so human that she can’t even remember what it was like to fear him when she was just a kid.
He nods his head and rips the sides.
It’s a brown leather journal with a design burned into the cover.
“A key,” he says as he traces the design with his fingertip. He stares into her eyes, asking questions she knows he’s never even considered asking her before.
“Yeah, a useless key that has no lock,” she tries to joke, but it falls flat and she realizes how solemn it sounded to both of them.
She shakes her head and gives him a look that asks for clemency.
He shrugs but his eyes go blank and she feels the absence of their warmth acutely.
He looks back down at the journal and places both hands over the cover as if he’s trying to stop the key from bleeding out into the real world
When he opens his mouth to speak, the words sound so real, so solid, that Dawn swears they have physical mass when they reach her ears.
“Have you ever considered that the key was the façade and Dawn was always the reality?”
There’s Christmas music in the background, Buffy and Ray are singing along. Xander is bickering with his fiancé in the kitchen and Willow is kissing her new lover’s cheek in the hall.
Dawn stares down at the man seated in front of her, and feels, for the first time in years, like she belongs.
-------------------------------
“I promise that I’ll never leave without saying goodbye,” he promises as he gets ready to leave the Christmas party. He isn’t wearing clunky steel toe boots and his running shoes look comfortable and well worn.
Dawn watches him walk down the apartment hallway and push the button for the elevator. He turns and does a double take when he notices that she’s still there.
He gives her a questioning look, and she struggles to find an answer.
After a moment has pasted, his stare becomes cold and he shakes his head.
“Are you waiting for a goodbye, Bit,” he calls out with a forced smile, “are you already hoping I’ll be out of your life so soon?”
She really shouldn’t be amazed that he’s the type to think the worse when left on his own to fill in the blanks.
“What?!” she calls out and realizes she’s running when the world begins to move faster than its usual slow drag.
Between the space of Dawn and Will, their past lives mingle and dance with the smells of holly, pine and cheap, overly sweet wine.
Will’s skin will always be cold, but his lips taste of warmth and life.
When she pulls back she lightly slaps his arm, “No, you fool, I never want to hear you say goodbye again.”