(no subject)
I've been having a surreal experience of life these past couple of years, sometimes in my body, sometimes floating somewhere above myself and watching my mouth say things that i have no control over. It's been on and off. Sometimes i forget about watching ppl and stripping them down to their base biological needs...but not lately.
Dammit.
I worry about love and feelings and how we manipulate ourselves to think/feel on a subconscious level. All our reactions are w/in our control. I picked a fight with my best the other night. I was thinking "Why am i doing this?" but i wasn't about to relent. I didn't even give a damn. I know why i pick fights with him. I know what base need it fufills. Half way through I just wanted to switch topics, just out of boredom. That wouldn't fly though.
Anyway I thought my scale of morality might have been affected by this listlessness, but I watched a documentary about the Gulu walk iand the human rights situation in Uganda. I felt sick and useless.
Sounds about right.
Then i caught a glimpse of my adidas shelltoes out of the corner of my eye and hated myself for ever having bought them (2 yrs ago?).
Then i threw the new TV on the Radio cd into the machine and let it play through. Oh man. 'Province' came on and it was perfect. Enjoy the good moments, don't let them loose value, because we'll miss this carelessness when the world falls (further in)to shit.
Dammit.
I worry about love and feelings and how we manipulate ourselves to think/feel on a subconscious level. All our reactions are w/in our control. I picked a fight with my best the other night. I was thinking "Why am i doing this?" but i wasn't about to relent. I didn't even give a damn. I know why i pick fights with him. I know what base need it fufills. Half way through I just wanted to switch topics, just out of boredom. That wouldn't fly though.
Anyway I thought my scale of morality might have been affected by this listlessness, but I watched a documentary about the Gulu walk iand the human rights situation in Uganda. I felt sick and useless.
Sounds about right.
Then i caught a glimpse of my adidas shelltoes out of the corner of my eye and hated myself for ever having bought them (2 yrs ago?).
Then i threw the new TV on the Radio cd into the machine and let it play through. Oh man. 'Province' came on and it was perfect. Enjoy the good moments, don't let them loose value, because we'll miss this carelessness when the world falls (further in)to shit.