(no subject)
I haven't posted in awhile, so I thought i'd put up a short rant.
Nothing particularly exciting has happened lately, more like a series of disappointments. Disappointment in my immediate and extended family for still being so petty and silly and hurtful all around (yup it was an awesome reunion), disappointment in some of my friends (don't worry, not anyone that's reading this), but mainly disappointment in myself. I feel like verything just bothered me too much, and I felt like I wasn't puttin in as much effort into work as i should have been, disappointment that i didn't get to see see jed, and that he probly isn't even interested, disappointed now since i probly won't be going to australia, and disappointment that i would let myself fall for someone unattainable and i can't control it: someone that i don't even know. i feel like my composure is slowly falling to pieces around me. i'm starting to pick up all the pieces though. been working hard, trying not to dwell too much, trying to get over things and to dol more things that make me feel good. i've had 2 people tell either me or barr that i'm really "gung-ho" when it comes to work in the last couple days, which is nice since barr keeps giving me the impression that i suck. i think he's just like that though. it was nice to have been able to escape my family after last week - but it also made things during that time more difficult. i miss all my friends in boulder though. miss people to hang out with. i feel like things were a little awkward when we hung out though - dunno how much was me and how much was them and all the drama, and how much was just my lack of any patience and just a desire to run and scream. it's sort of sad that there are things i'd like to say but just can't. let's just say that i feel like a lame moony girl and need to get over crap. there is no reason to feel this way. i should go break something - something worth a lot of money. ooo, sounds like a plan.
Nothing particularly exciting has happened lately, more like a series of disappointments. Disappointment in my immediate and extended family for still being so petty and silly and hurtful all around (yup it was an awesome reunion), disappointment in some of my friends (don't worry, not anyone that's reading this), but mainly disappointment in myself. I feel like verything just bothered me too much, and I felt like I wasn't puttin in as much effort into work as i should have been, disappointment that i didn't get to see see jed, and that he probly isn't even interested, disappointed now since i probly won't be going to australia, and disappointment that i would let myself fall for someone unattainable and i can't control it: someone that i don't even know. i feel like my composure is slowly falling to pieces around me. i'm starting to pick up all the pieces though. been working hard, trying not to dwell too much, trying to get over things and to dol more things that make me feel good. i've had 2 people tell either me or barr that i'm really "gung-ho" when it comes to work in the last couple days, which is nice since barr keeps giving me the impression that i suck. i think he's just like that though. it was nice to have been able to escape my family after last week - but it also made things during that time more difficult. i miss all my friends in boulder though. miss people to hang out with. i feel like things were a little awkward when we hung out though - dunno how much was me and how much was them and all the drama, and how much was just my lack of any patience and just a desire to run and scream. it's sort of sad that there are things i'd like to say but just can't. let's just say that i feel like a lame moony girl and need to get over crap. there is no reason to feel this way. i should go break something - something worth a lot of money. ooo, sounds like a plan.