On fandom, identity and ten years in the community
Last night I finally got to go to knit night, after missing two weeks in a row for various reason. I'd missed my knitters. We were discussing Sock Summit and some of the insanity (not all connected to SS09, although some definitely was) that has been going around Ravelry lately. In fact, it's been so bad at times that I made the remark that "They've made fandom look sane!"
Oddly, even though my knitters aren't involved in the fan community, they knew what I meant :-D
That got me thinking on the drive home and I realised that this year (actually in May) marks ten years that I've been on-line and involved with fannish stuff. 10 years of having my Selenay identity. Yes, children, it's not my RL name. 10 years of writing and discussing and laughing and boggling and having a lot of fun despite the tendency for fandom to ocassionally descend into the kind of insanity that isn't always fun.
It's a little strange. When I first went on-line (and flicked through the nearest book for a pseud, little suspecting what a prominent role Selenay would play in the Mercedes Lackey books or that a Turkish singer of the same name would become quite popular a few years later), it was all fresh and new and exciting. Although I never lied or portrayed myself as something that I'm not, I felt like Selenay was both me and the person I aspired to be. I could be more confident and explore new ideas through the identity of Selenay that were closed to me in RL.
It's different now. Having Selenay as an identity is still important to me, but I feel like it's no longer a seperate thing I do. The confidence and ideas that I explored on-line and gradually through meeting people at events and conventions have become integrated with me in my every day life. The RL me and Selenay are the same person now and I'm actually really grateful for that.
The other thing that I was thinking about was how my interaction with fannish community has changed. When I first got out there, I was a regular on the Bronze. It was the message board on the official Buffy website and we had a ball there. It was creative (thinking up and writing your entrance each day was great fun), the discussion was always thought provoking and it became my sort of model for how that kind of thing should be done. It seemed like there were never the huge implosions and dramas that I've seen everywhere else. I drifted away slowly, after a couple of years, mainly because my time became more limited and the email message groups that had been springing up were easier to keep up with and provided fanfic interaction was well as discussion.
Of course, those message groups were also much more specific than life in the Bronze. I could sign up to groups discussing specific elements or pairings. In that sense, they were much closer to life on LJ.
At some stage, I was wandering around Pink Rabbit looking for more Buffy/Willow fic and discovered Stargate fic. I plunged into that fandom with both feet and drifted away from Buffy.
Stargate kept me completely occupied for several years, but the in-fighting and bitchiness surrounding the entire season six thing started my drift away and then SGA came along in all its silly, glorious fun, season eight of Stargate seemed to have lost it's heart and I was off into another fandom.
And not too long after that, Doctor Who returned. That's always been my fannish heart, the first thing that I really felt that love for and the background constant even when I wasn't actively involved. The difference is that my total absorption into my early on-line fandoms seems to have cured me of any overwhelming obsessions now.
My fannish life today is a muli-dimensional one. I have a lot of things that I watch, think about and discuss. Doctor Who is a large part of that, but not to the exclusion of anything else. There are too many great books, TV shows and movies to restrict myself like that. In ten years I've gone from having one major fandom at a time to being a fannish butterfly with a few constant loves. In many ways, I think it's as much about the way that I've changed and my personality has matured as it is anything else.
Rather than feeling like I'm a part of the Buffy community or the Stargate community, now I'm a part of the wider fan community and I want to sample a little bit of everything. I wonder what the next ten years hold?
Oddly, even though my knitters aren't involved in the fan community, they knew what I meant :-D
That got me thinking on the drive home and I realised that this year (actually in May) marks ten years that I've been on-line and involved with fannish stuff. 10 years of having my Selenay identity. Yes, children, it's not my RL name. 10 years of writing and discussing and laughing and boggling and having a lot of fun despite the tendency for fandom to ocassionally descend into the kind of insanity that isn't always fun.
It's a little strange. When I first went on-line (and flicked through the nearest book for a pseud, little suspecting what a prominent role Selenay would play in the Mercedes Lackey books or that a Turkish singer of the same name would become quite popular a few years later), it was all fresh and new and exciting. Although I never lied or portrayed myself as something that I'm not, I felt like Selenay was both me and the person I aspired to be. I could be more confident and explore new ideas through the identity of Selenay that were closed to me in RL.
It's different now. Having Selenay as an identity is still important to me, but I feel like it's no longer a seperate thing I do. The confidence and ideas that I explored on-line and gradually through meeting people at events and conventions have become integrated with me in my every day life. The RL me and Selenay are the same person now and I'm actually really grateful for that.
The other thing that I was thinking about was how my interaction with fannish community has changed. When I first got out there, I was a regular on the Bronze. It was the message board on the official Buffy website and we had a ball there. It was creative (thinking up and writing your entrance each day was great fun), the discussion was always thought provoking and it became my sort of model for how that kind of thing should be done. It seemed like there were never the huge implosions and dramas that I've seen everywhere else. I drifted away slowly, after a couple of years, mainly because my time became more limited and the email message groups that had been springing up were easier to keep up with and provided fanfic interaction was well as discussion.
Of course, those message groups were also much more specific than life in the Bronze. I could sign up to groups discussing specific elements or pairings. In that sense, they were much closer to life on LJ.
At some stage, I was wandering around Pink Rabbit looking for more Buffy/Willow fic and discovered Stargate fic. I plunged into that fandom with both feet and drifted away from Buffy.
Stargate kept me completely occupied for several years, but the in-fighting and bitchiness surrounding the entire season six thing started my drift away and then SGA came along in all its silly, glorious fun, season eight of Stargate seemed to have lost it's heart and I was off into another fandom.
And not too long after that, Doctor Who returned. That's always been my fannish heart, the first thing that I really felt that love for and the background constant even when I wasn't actively involved. The difference is that my total absorption into my early on-line fandoms seems to have cured me of any overwhelming obsessions now.
My fannish life today is a muli-dimensional one. I have a lot of things that I watch, think about and discuss. Doctor Who is a large part of that, but not to the exclusion of anything else. There are too many great books, TV shows and movies to restrict myself like that. In ten years I've gone from having one major fandom at a time to being a fannish butterfly with a few constant loves. In many ways, I think it's as much about the way that I've changed and my personality has matured as it is anything else.
Rather than feeling like I'm a part of the Buffy community or the Stargate community, now I'm a part of the wider fan community and I want to sample a little bit of everything. I wonder what the next ten years hold?