Meme Replies, aka: Crossover Madness Ahoy
Thank you for all the gloriously crazy prompts! Okay, here's the list:
1.) Natasha Romanoff (MCU)
2.) Gaius Baltar (BSG)
3.) Skyler White (Breaking Bad)
4.) Quark (DS9)
5.) Alfred Bester (Babylon 5)
6.) Joan Watson (Elementary)
7.) Emma Swan (Once Upon A Time)
8.) Caleb Temple (American Gothic)
9.) Amanda Darieux (Highlander)
10.) Arvin Sloane (Alias)
11.) Kima Greggs (The Wire)
12.) Birgitte Nyborg (Borgen)
13.) Gwen Cooper (Torchwood)
14.) Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
15.) David Fisher (Six Feet Under)
From
watervole:
Quark (DS9) and Gaius Baltar (BSG) have to repair a toaster. How successful are they?
Quark yells for Rom to repair the toaster, only to be reminded Rom now works for the Federation and is on his shift. Meanwhile, if it's Season 1 to ep 3.05 Baltar, he cons Felix Gaeta into repairing the toaster for him. If it's s4.01 Baltar, he talks pointedly to the cult about such a task makes for great prayer in action. If it's 4.5 and later Baltar, he says something about this not being the reason why he left Aerolon and became a scientist, but he actually repairs the toaster himself (which he can do), while telling head!Six it's not a racist term if it's actually a real toaster. Quark probably could have, too - he did work as a cook on a Ferengi Marauder for years as a young Ferengi, and you better believe the crew was so cheap they used ancient food preparing devices - but why bother when he can make a human do it for him without having to pay the man, who looks just a bit like Julian Bashir and thus is bound to be an easy mark?
Joan Watson (Elementary), Amanda Darieux (Highlander) and Natasha Romanoff (MCU) decide to have a threesome - who gets kicked out of bed first?
...Amanda, because Natasha catches her stealing Natasha's earrings (though Amanda protests she just wanted to put them to creative use, give a girl some credit). However, Joan deduces that if Natash paid enough non-sexual attention to catch Amanda, this means she must be up to something as well, and sure enough, Natasha, who is on a mission for SHIELD to get some physical proof on the Immortals' existence (especially in the light of the nutter of a CI who claims they are aliens; normally they'd have dismissed him, but after the whole Loki and Chitauri thing Fury wants to make sure), was trying to use the situation to get some samples of Amanda's skin, hair and bodily fluids. This would end get Natasha kicked out of bed and end the threesome were it not for the fact that both Amanda and Natasha want to know why Joan wasn't too distracted by the great sex to notice all this. As it turns out, Joan and Sherlock are investigating a series of mysterious beheadings in New York City. All this revealed deviousness of course makes them all even hotter in each other's eyes, and thus the threesome is resumed.
Which character would you ask to remove a spider from your bath?
I would do it myself, but if for some reason I couldn't, I'd ask Caleb Temple (American Gothic), because he's a kid and I thus would not feel embarrassed for asking.
From [Bad username: vaznetti:]
Caleb Temple gives Skyler White (Breaking Bad) and Birgitte Nyborg (Borgen) a baby or small child to look after. How does that go?
:) Well, Caleb is a child himself but probably not small enough for the intent of the question. Also Birgitte is the Danish PM and thus a little busy with governing, while Skyler currently is involved in money laundering and protecting her family safe from the man "protecting" the family. Then again, both Birgitte and Skyler actually have experience with children and would totally be up to the task of handling a potential antichrist who often is sweet natured but also has a rageful monster inside. So I could see a scenario where Skyler, after having gone into witness protection (this is not a spoiler and hasn't happened on the show, I'm just creating crackfic here), ends up in Denmark as Birgitte's personal book keeper. When the US decides to use Denmark & Greenland not just for illegal CIA prison transports & camps but also for the transport of a boy who has shown a couple of odd powers (when he, freaked out about the American Gothic finale events, ran away from Trinity, he got on the radar), Caleb escapes mid transport. Birgitte doesn't want an international incident, but she doesn't want the kid back in US custody, either, and letting him stay with her own children is out of the question, so her very competent book keeper it is. Skyler and Caleb bond over what happened to Ted and Gail (guilt involving certain falls!) respectively, and also it's alternatively a relief and disconcerting to interact with a boy who thinks his parent is the devil and is sort of okay with that for now. Mind you, once it dawns to Caleb Skyler is a control freak and Birgitte is considering selling him back to the CIA after all in exchange for some truly spectacular trade agreements, he decides to go back to Lucas when Lucas inevitably shows up.
Natasha, David Fisher (Six Feet Under) and Emma Swan (Once Upon A Time) are robbing a bank - why, and how do they do it?
The Los Angeles based bank hosts an originally Hydra-owned artifact which looks like a harmless decorative plant. In order to mask what she's actually after or indeed that SHIELD has located it, Natasha makes it look like a normal bank robbery and thought a fall guy/girl would come in handy, so recruited teenage Emma (Natasha: not a nice person), whose usual criminal activities were more low key, but who looked at the leatherclad badass woman and thought this was exactly who she wanted to be. David was just going to make a withdrawal and because he's David and this is just his kind of luck, ends up taken as a hostage (something Natasha usually wouldn't do but which would make it look exactly like the kind of amateur enterprise she wants it to look like to fool Hydra). (This is before s4 of SFU, so at least he doesn't have traumatic flashbacks.) Natasha's original plan was to leave Emma with the gun, the hostage and the money and high tail it out of there with the artifact/plant, but when she discovers David is an undertaker by profession and because of an unexpected pang when watching teenage Emma and her eagerness to become Natasha, she changes it, makes David swear he'll personally deal with her dead body and bury her with the artifact/plant, fakes a remorseful suicide. At the end, Natasha revives at Fisher & Sons and makes a getaway with the artifact while Emma decides she'll go back to stealing cars for a while though wearing leather jackets is something that stays with her.
From
redfiona10:
Emma Swan and Birgitte Nyborg have to try to complete a top-secret mission together. What kind of mission is it and do they succeed?
There is a reason why there aren't any Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale characters in Storybrooke. When the Curse took effect, they ended up in Denmark instead of Maine, because a very secret relative of Andersen's (Kaspar, I guess, what with being the writer) still lives there. After Emma broke the Curse in the Storybrooke, the Danish enclave full of Andersen characters also became reintegrated in the normal time flow. Birgitte could have taken the Little Mermaid and Thumbelina, but the Emperor Without Clothes and the Snow Queen were too much of a public menace. (Also, Denmark has already to finance one set of royals. An Emperor and the Snow Queen were too much for the treasury.) When Emma, on her next quest to locate missing fairy tale characters, shows up in Denmark, Birgitte gets into contact with her and makes a deal for Emma to get the whole Danish branch of fairy tale people back to Fairy Tale Land as quickly as possible.
...and then they find out the Snow Queen is actually Mirrorverse Snow White from the future, but that's another story. :)
From
bagheera_san:
Gaius Baltar, Quark, Joan Watson, Caleb Temple, Arvin Sloane (Alias), Birgitte Nyborg and Arthur Pendragon (Merlin) are the crew of a starship. What are their jobs? What sort of missions do they do (fighting, pirating, peaceful exploration etc.)?
The first three are easy; Gaius is science officer (his studies were financed by the type of scholarship that demands you have to serve a few years in the fleet afterwards before getting to benefit from being a certified academic genius, and he's counting the days), Quark is ship's cook and barman, Joan is the ship's doctor. Birgitte has to be the captain, so Arthur is the pilot. (On the principle that being good with a sword and good at piloting space ships go well together - just ask Sulu!). Arvin Sloane is undercover, playing the CO but is actually the one financing the entire expedition, supposedly space archeaelogy. (In reality, he's looking for Rambaldi artifacts, naturally.) Caleb is the stoaway.
From
honorh:
Natasha and David are mind-whammied into falling in love. How does Caleb react?
He's pretty sure that David when arriving in Trinity because one of the locals had arranged to be buried via Fisher & Sons in a contract signed years before moving to Trinity mentioned something about his husband Keith, and so the whole buying flowers for the redheaded lady supposedly scouting for Stark Industries for local talent seems to come out of nowhere. When people act really weirdly it's usually his father's fault, except that his father is also pretty into the whole free will thing and giving people enough rope to hang themselves, and gay undertaker / redheaded spy make out sessions don't fall into that category. As it turns out, it's Loki's latest idea of revenge on Natasha for pwning him. Finding out more about the background, Caleb can identify with being shocked when finding out your true parentage and so forth, but alien invasions and love spells are both really weird reactions. Also, having Chaotic Evil in Trinity comes close to triggering the Rage and he tries very hard not to remember what he did the last time it happened, but there's that competitive instinct There is a mighty mindmessing Lucas Buck & Caleb versus Loki show down, and one of the fallouts is Natasha and David getting their own minds back. David is horribly embarrassed but doesn't buy the supernatural explanation. He thinks it's probably some lefteover instinct to get back into the closet and/or until now surpressed wish to get back at Keith for the whole Celeste thing, and just hopes it's not a buried Oedipal complex (because Natasha is a redhead). Natasha is just surprised Loki picked a nice undertaker, until she realises he was confusing David Fisher with one Dexter Morgan, serial killer of killers (which she certainly is).
From
deborah_judge:
Quark and Arvin Sloane go on an adventure together. Where do they go?
This would bein the AU where instead of creating the Roswell incident, Quark, Nog and Rom end up crash landing on Earth in the later 70s. Young Agents Sloane and Bristow are in charge of the interrogation. Our Arvin is not yet an evil overlord and the alliance is not even a blink anyone's eye, but you know, he does recognize potential and possibilities when he sees them. This universal translator, for example. Maybe it could even decypher certain centuries old cryptic manuscripts? So he arranges an escape for Quark & family in exchange for some tech, but he has to make it look good, so it's a transport from New Mexico to Langley supposedly so the director can talk to the aliens. Only the transport never arrives. Would you believe it - the small air plane collided with a weather balloon and in the resulting crash, the bodies got so burned you couldn't tell whether they were chimpanzes or in fact aliens. It probably was some type of malicious prank, and in any event, the latest news from Iran are distracting everyone's attention.
Not Jack Bristow's, who is side eying his pal Arvin really hard, but he's young enough and newly enough in love to be a romantic and think their first contact with aliens shouldn't result in prison and vivisection, and fine, letting the Ferengi go was probably better.
(Two decades later, of course, he sees the situation very differently.)
Would you rather see Emma paired with Caleb or Amanda?
Caleb is a child and in a very Henry like situation, so he's not an option. Emma/Amanda is both plausible and hot.
From
lilachigh:
Emma has a bad cold and needs nursing. Do they choose Kima Greggs (The Wire) or Arthur to look after her and why?
Now that's a tricky dilemma. Kima is a very busy police woman who doesn't have the time to nurse people. Arthur never nursed anyone in his life (that's what he has Merlin and before him Gaius for), though then again, he would have the time; Arthur probably ended up in Storybrooke because of the Curse (what? OuaT already had a Lancelot, who of course isn't the Merlin one, so the various Arthurian mythology characters simply got mixed up) and left before the inhabitants figured out that gives you amnesia, and Emma, in some future show time, is looking for him because Snow feels she still owes the late Lancelot. Which is how she ends up in Baltimore and in a situation to be nursed by either Kima or amnesiac!Arthur. ...I think she'll go for Arthur's amateur nursing out of respect - from one professional to another - for Kima's limited leisure time and the importance of busting drug dealers. Also, Henry wouldn't forgive her if she turned down the chance to befriend King Arthur, and he can learn. Even if he serves her an overabundance of chicken soup. :)
Arvin Sloane needs to go clothes shopping. Would Gaius Baltar or Skyler White be a better companion and who would spend the most money?
Oh, Gaius would definitely spend the most money (Skyler is far too careful for that), but he'd be a good choice to go shopping with; he has good taste in suits, and so does Arvin Sloane. Then again, discretion and Gaius Baltar are hardly ever friends, so if he needs to do the clothes shopping without drawing attention to himself, which in Sloane's life is more often the case than not, Skyler would be ideal. Moreover, she would know exactly the right price range to buy in without alerting the IRS by sporting a style a retired CIA agent could not possibly afford. So all in all, he'd probably take Skyler.
From
astrogirl:
Why is Natasha really, really angry with Quark? And just how hard should Quark be watching his back right now?
Quark wanted to pep up Bashir's James Bond holo program by using the image of an actual historic Russian spy. Natasha, who temporarily ended up on DS9 because of a wormhole accident involving the tessaract when she tried to close it (it's that kind of AU), is NOT amused. Not because of the fake Russian accent he gives her alter ego but because a good spy doesn't have her image and name paraded all over the place. Even if it's a future place. It's only the fact she needs to get back to her time and Earth urgently and that Quark can provide her with the plot device of the week to get her there that saves his skin.
Gwen Cooper (Torchwood) wakes up one day in a strange place with amnesia. What happens when the first person they encounter is David? Does David help, turn away, or take advantage? Does Gwen eventually settle in to be a productive member of David's society? Does she ever get her memories back?
Gwen is in luck! David is a good Samaritan and definitely doesn't take advantage. (He wouldn't even if he weren't gay.) Also, ever since Arthur (that's SFU Arthur the intern, not Arthur Pendragon) left the firm they've been looking for another intern, so until Gwen gets her memories back, she's hired. Being around corpses does not seem to bother her, almost as if she's used to it....
...until one day David reminisces about that horrible, horrible time very recently when Fishers & Sons had to close down entirely because no one was dying anymore, and then there were the burnings and Keith, who'd gone back to being a cop briefly because of the Miracle Day connected crime wave and more prisoners, organized the neighbourhood resistance instead, and with every word Gwen gets a memory back and suddenly knows what she's doing in Los Angeles. It's a dubious blessing.
Kima wakes up in bed with Birgitte. What the heck happened last night?
Kima had done something to piss off Rawles who'd in revenge had made her part of the protection detail for the Danish PM on her visit to Baltimore instead of letting Kima continue with the case at hand. A frustrated Kima did her duty with teeth that became unclenched when she noticed the Danish PM was a very, very attractive and charismatic woman...
Joan Watson has suddenly gained superpowers! What are they, and what use does Joan put them to? Who on the list becomes her superhero sidekick or supervillain minion? And who on the list do they end up having to fight?
Joan acquires spontaneous regeneration (Wolverine's and Claire Bennet's schtick). This is fascinating to her from a medical pov and resssuring to Sherlock since she can't get killed or wounded anymore, but not for long, because obviously it's something any number of supervillains, oh, and politicians, and industry bosses, and the US military, would like to have as well, and if word gets out she'll end up as a human guinea pig. Which is why Joan teams up with the woman she remembers from her hot threesome, Amanda. As an Highlander-style Immortal, Amanda has this ability already, though not the same degree (HL Immies can lose limbs permanently, not just the head), though from anything else they heal, and in most cases instantly. And it's in her own interest to keep it quiet. Plus, let's face it, having a sidekick from the occasional other side of the law is in fashion.
...they'll probably have to fight my guy Arvin Sloane, who is a resourceful man with an interest in immortality.
From
gehayi:
Skyler is the Evil Overlord. Emma is the heroine. Arvin Sloane is the Overlord's Henchman. Kima is the hero or heroine's love interest. Arthur is a soldier in the forces of the Evil Overlord's rival, the Evil Empress. These five people are the only ones who can save the world from disaster. What does each of them do, do they succeed, and what happens after the crisis has passed, one way or another?
We'd have to switch titles for Skyler and her rival, but other than that, let's see. Arthur lives in one of those interpretations of the Merlinverse where he comes back not just once but several times via reincarnation. The Evil Emperor in question in whose army he serves is of course the reincarnation of his father, Uther, determined to create a world free of anything remotely magical and/or supernatural once and for all. Arthur remembers his past just in time, to wit, when he meets Emma, who is trying to infiltrate one camp (while Kima is trying to infiltrate the other) and has the canonical gift of awakening old memories in people. Skyler is in the Evil Ruler business because it was time someone competent, unflashy, Who Knows Best gave it a go, and also, Uther's brand of denial and self justification remind her horribly of Walt, so clearly he has to be stopped. Sloane actually favours save the world plans (which was what his canonical idea of drugging everyone's aggression out of them via the water supply had been about, it's just that things got out of hand, you know), especially if they ensure that no mere clumsy amateurs get their hands on Rambaldi inventions, let alone destroy them, so when he catches Kima at infiltration (no fault of Kima's, it's just that Sloane has more practice at spy work than she does), he tries to recruit her by pointing out he may have dabbled in the drug trade in years past (among other things), but really, can't that wait until Uther gets stopped? Meanwhile, Emma made a deal with Arthur whose only condition was that Uther needs to be stopped in a way that doesn't kill him (which is not a problem anyone else has). At the end, Skyler suggests a meeting in order to propose an alliance to Uther who buys into it enough to show up with only Arthur as his bodyguard; also, Arvin Sloane has agreed to play hostage guarded by one of Uther's people as long as the meeting takes place. "One of Uther's people" being, you guessed it, undercover!Emma, who has been in contact with Kima and thus is updated on the situation. Together, Emma and Sloane deactivate Uther's super secret magical people annihilation weapon that's a modified version of a Rambaldi device (and then Emma has to keep Sloane from doublecrossing her and making off with the device himself - he wouldn't use it to take out all magic, of course, he's fond of it, but it would make such a nice blackmail instrument to get some magical people under control). There's a tense and tragic father-son fight, after which Arthur has the problem that Skyler while having some sympathy for him still based on her own experiences thinks the only way to take out Uther for sure is to kill him (and assume total control herself). Kima (who was acting at Skyler's bodyguard in the Skyler-Uther meeting) despises Uther but has her code, there were promises made, and thus she helps Arthur to make a getaway with a knocked unconscious Uther. They meet up with Emma, whose solution to the "deal with Uther without killing him" situation is to push him through a portal so he ends in Fairy Tale Land (Emma does have a ruthless streak, ask Hook). Arthur takes off to find Gwen and Merlin while Emma and Kima continue their newly founded Heroines For Hire agency.
Gaius Baltar and Caleb are suddenly teleported into Natasha's universe. Somehow, they have to make lives for themselves there. How do they do it?
Caleb ends up at Charles Xavier's school. While Natasha isn't sure he's a mutant exactly, it's the thing that comes to mind for "child with superpowers in development". Gaius spends about half an hour with Tony Stark before the egos clash fataly (not to mention the seeing-each-other-just-how-I don't-want-to-see-myself), so AI expert or not, he's not getting any work from Stark Industries. Being Gaius, he then ends up working for Norman Osborn and almost giving him the power to rule the world before realising Norman Osborn is a supervillain. However, it's not his ethical realisation but a one night stand with Norman's son Harry that gets Gaius kicked out of OsCorp. At which point he throws up his hands and decides to become a Hollywood special effects wizard instead. More money, andyou don't get blamed for ending the world afterwards if you only do it in fiction.
Quark, Joan, and Birgitte are fighting off an invasion of zombies with what weapons Quark can find, Joan's intelligence and Birgitte's transportation. Do they survive or not?
Quark is pretty resourceful, Joan is very smart, and Birgitte as the Danish PM has access to cars and air planes, so yes, I'd say they survive.
Bester, Caleb, Amanda, Gwen and David are at a cozy house in the country when suddenly Bester is murdered. Caleb is the detective who must solve the case. Of the three remaining people, which is the Second Victim, which is the False Suspect and which is the Real Killer? How did he or she commit the murder? And--most important--why?
The big mystery of course isn't who'd want Bester dead but who'd manage to kill him, given Bester is a ruthless P12 telepath and while not a good person an extremely competent one, especially at avoiding getting killed. Caleb Temple, boy detective, knows he might have been able to do it, and wonders whether he did and this was one of those blackout Rage things again. He hopes he didn't, which is why he tries to solve the case. Amanda is the Second Victim (as a little thing like death doesn't get an Immortal down, this doesn't stick). David Fisher is the False Suspect, because that's the kind of thing which happens to David, who was the one to find the body and immediately could deduce from the temperature and so forth when Bester was killed. This expertise made him look suspicious. Gwen is the Real Killer. She figured out Bester was one from the future and had come back in time to effect historical changes so that his faction would win the Telepath War. Now the Doctor and a Companion would have been able to take Bester out and bring him back to his proper time line without killng him, but Gwen works for Torchwood, so no such luck. She managed to commit the murder by taking an updated version of Retcon that made her unable to remember her plan (which is why Bester didn't get suspicious) until the moment had come. Amanda had seen too much, but luckily by now Gwen is able to spot an Immortal when she sees one and knew death would only temporarily inconvenience Amanda until Gwen could make her getaway.
From
ffutures:
Arvin Sloane, Arthur Pendragon, David Fisher, Alfred Bester and Gaius Baltar are captured by aliens who insist that they demonstrate human breeding techniques. They've grasped the idea that it takes two to reproduce, but not the idea of gender. Which two pairs volunteer, and who is left to face alien probing?
David would have volunteered with Arthur in mind, but alas Gaius spoke up while a stunned Arthur was still struggling with the idea, so it's David/Gaius for the first pairing. Also Arthur insists they should fight for their freedom, not submit and is still arguing that (thus making himself a candidate for probing) when Sloane and Bester surprise the aliens by volunteering as well. While both are too pragmatic to make a fuss about their dignity while their lives are at stake, this is actually not the reason why they agreed; Bester needed the time to adjust to the aliens' minds and just when the demonstrations are about to begin is able to strike telepathically. Aliens believing they're watching mating rituals and general escape ensues.
Which house is each character sent to at Hogwarts, and why?
Natasha: Gryffindor, actually. She's not ambitious enough for Slytherin, and bravery certainly is a dominating characteristic.
Baltar: Gaius is a Ravenclaw who also could end up in Slytherin; he has no world dominating ambitions at all, but definitely get-out-of-Aerolon-become-famous-and-rich-scientist-on-Cabrica ambitions.
Skyler: Slytherin. It's the need for control and the general conviction to know best (before life strikes) that make the Sorting Hat choose.
Quark: Despite his long term goal of owning his own moon - Ravenclaw. No academic intellectual he, but he's very smart in practical ways.
Bester: Slytherin. No question at all.
Joan Watson: could have gone to Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, but picks Hufflepuff for social justice.
Emma Swan: A very practical Gryffindor (i.e the bravery is strong in this one, but she also tends to think before she leaps, though not always).
Caleb: Tells the hat to pick Hufflepuff, not for social justice but because it will infuriate his dad.
Amanda: tells the hat to pick Slytherin, not because she's that ambitious but because that's where a lot of the rich kids are, and it's hardly worth stealing from the poor ones now, is it?
Arvin Sloane: a natural Slytherin who tells the hat he wants to be in Ravenclaw, because it reads better in the resumé when you need people to trust you later. Being a smart boy, he has no problem passing.
Kima Greggs: Hufflepuff. Because Kima Gets Shit Done without making a big deal about it.
Birgitte Nyborg: Slytherin. She didn't enter politics because she lacks ambition.
Gwen Cooper: you'd think Gryffindor, but actually no, Hufflepuff. Gwen is brave but her ruling quality is her inability to retire and not to jump at opportunities for work.
Arthur Pendragon: Gryffindor to his bones.
David Fisher: Hufflepuff; another whose eagerness for work and dedication to his profession is determining his life.
Three of the characters (dealer's choice - the most likely ones you can think of) get the job of presenting Top Gear after the mysterious disappearance of the original team. Who does what? Which of the others becomes The Stig (note - anyone who is a Top Gear presenter or The Stig is not eligible for any of these jobs).
I have not the slightest idea what Top Gear is but from the phrasing of the question it sounds like a reality show contest for fashion or something like that? In which case the judges are Amanda, Gaius Baltar and David.
One of the characters is to be shot at dawn; everyone must vote to see who it is. Who would be selected? Who would try to rig the draw? And who, if not selected, would volunteer to pull the trigger?
Well, that depends on whether everyone else knows Amanda is immortal and that getting shot at dawn will only take her out for a little while. As she would in any case volunteer, I think we have to take Amanda out of the equation entirely to make the reply more interesting. If all the other characters are aware of each other's resumé, they'd probably zone in on Arvin Sloane, Alfred Bester and Gaius Baltar as the three guilty of most deaths and thus the ones who should die. Natasha would volunteer to pull the trigger, not because she's feeling self righteous in light of her own resumé but because she's a professional who knows how to shoot someone without messing it up like the amateurs do, and because she doesn't want one of more innocent characters to carry that burden. Bester would not just try to rig the draw, he would rig it telepathically so that nobody is capable of killing him, which leaves Gaius and Arvin as candidates. It now depends on which point of their canon they are. While for both the need to survive (and being really good at that) is one of their key traits, they also each have brief periods where they are that depressed, exhausted and guilty to enough to canonically want to die. But let's say neither of them is at this point in their canons, but either before or after.
The others then decide it should be Sloane because at least Baltar for the most part can claim lack of intention (the original destruction of the Colonies) or lack of choice (New Caprica). (What he's most directly guilty of without either excuse is handing Gina that bomb because Roslin hurt his feelings, but that's actually something no one else knows he did.) At the eleventh hour, Arthur then stuns everyone by volunteering to be the one to die. Not because he doubts Sloane's guilt but because he's struggling with his own. At which point Natasha, being who she is, just shoots Sloane without waiting for dawn. Naturally, it later once everyone has left turns out Sloane is post season 5 of his canon and thus no longer mortal himself. No, he didn't volunteer. Nobody would have believed that to be in character, and he faked his death a couple of times already, so it would have only result in someone else getting shot in addition to him and would have robbed him of this very convenient opportunity to have some impeccable witnesses for his death and resulting ability to disappear from everyone's radar. Win-win!
This entry was originally posted at http://selenak.dreamwidth.org/874061.html. Comment there or here, as you wish.
1.) Natasha Romanoff (MCU)
2.) Gaius Baltar (BSG)
3.) Skyler White (Breaking Bad)
4.) Quark (DS9)
5.) Alfred Bester (Babylon 5)
6.) Joan Watson (Elementary)
7.) Emma Swan (Once Upon A Time)
8.) Caleb Temple (American Gothic)
9.) Amanda Darieux (Highlander)
10.) Arvin Sloane (Alias)
11.) Kima Greggs (The Wire)
12.) Birgitte Nyborg (Borgen)
13.) Gwen Cooper (Torchwood)
14.) Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
15.) David Fisher (Six Feet Under)
From
watervole:
Quark (DS9) and Gaius Baltar (BSG) have to repair a toaster. How successful are they?
Quark yells for Rom to repair the toaster, only to be reminded Rom now works for the Federation and is on his shift. Meanwhile, if it's Season 1 to ep 3.05 Baltar, he cons Felix Gaeta into repairing the toaster for him. If it's s4.01 Baltar, he talks pointedly to the cult about such a task makes for great prayer in action. If it's 4.5 and later Baltar, he says something about this not being the reason why he left Aerolon and became a scientist, but he actually repairs the toaster himself (which he can do), while telling head!Six it's not a racist term if it's actually a real toaster. Quark probably could have, too - he did work as a cook on a Ferengi Marauder for years as a young Ferengi, and you better believe the crew was so cheap they used ancient food preparing devices - but why bother when he can make a human do it for him without having to pay the man, who looks just a bit like Julian Bashir and thus is bound to be an easy mark?
Joan Watson (Elementary), Amanda Darieux (Highlander) and Natasha Romanoff (MCU) decide to have a threesome - who gets kicked out of bed first?
...Amanda, because Natasha catches her stealing Natasha's earrings (though Amanda protests she just wanted to put them to creative use, give a girl some credit). However, Joan deduces that if Natash paid enough non-sexual attention to catch Amanda, this means she must be up to something as well, and sure enough, Natasha, who is on a mission for SHIELD to get some physical proof on the Immortals' existence (especially in the light of the nutter of a CI who claims they are aliens; normally they'd have dismissed him, but after the whole Loki and Chitauri thing Fury wants to make sure), was trying to use the situation to get some samples of Amanda's skin, hair and bodily fluids. This would end get Natasha kicked out of bed and end the threesome were it not for the fact that both Amanda and Natasha want to know why Joan wasn't too distracted by the great sex to notice all this. As it turns out, Joan and Sherlock are investigating a series of mysterious beheadings in New York City. All this revealed deviousness of course makes them all even hotter in each other's eyes, and thus the threesome is resumed.
Which character would you ask to remove a spider from your bath?
I would do it myself, but if for some reason I couldn't, I'd ask Caleb Temple (American Gothic), because he's a kid and I thus would not feel embarrassed for asking.
From [Bad username: vaznetti:]
Caleb Temple gives Skyler White (Breaking Bad) and Birgitte Nyborg (Borgen) a baby or small child to look after. How does that go?
:) Well, Caleb is a child himself but probably not small enough for the intent of the question. Also Birgitte is the Danish PM and thus a little busy with governing, while Skyler currently is involved in money laundering and protecting her family safe from the man "protecting" the family. Then again, both Birgitte and Skyler actually have experience with children and would totally be up to the task of handling a potential antichrist who often is sweet natured but also has a rageful monster inside. So I could see a scenario where Skyler, after having gone into witness protection (this is not a spoiler and hasn't happened on the show, I'm just creating crackfic here), ends up in Denmark as Birgitte's personal book keeper. When the US decides to use Denmark & Greenland not just for illegal CIA prison transports & camps but also for the transport of a boy who has shown a couple of odd powers (when he, freaked out about the American Gothic finale events, ran away from Trinity, he got on the radar), Caleb escapes mid transport. Birgitte doesn't want an international incident, but she doesn't want the kid back in US custody, either, and letting him stay with her own children is out of the question, so her very competent book keeper it is. Skyler and Caleb bond over what happened to Ted and Gail (guilt involving certain falls!) respectively, and also it's alternatively a relief and disconcerting to interact with a boy who thinks his parent is the devil and is sort of okay with that for now. Mind you, once it dawns to Caleb Skyler is a control freak and Birgitte is considering selling him back to the CIA after all in exchange for some truly spectacular trade agreements, he decides to go back to Lucas when Lucas inevitably shows up.
Natasha, David Fisher (Six Feet Under) and Emma Swan (Once Upon A Time) are robbing a bank - why, and how do they do it?
The Los Angeles based bank hosts an originally Hydra-owned artifact which looks like a harmless decorative plant. In order to mask what she's actually after or indeed that SHIELD has located it, Natasha makes it look like a normal bank robbery and thought a fall guy/girl would come in handy, so recruited teenage Emma (Natasha: not a nice person), whose usual criminal activities were more low key, but who looked at the leatherclad badass woman and thought this was exactly who she wanted to be. David was just going to make a withdrawal and because he's David and this is just his kind of luck, ends up taken as a hostage (something Natasha usually wouldn't do but which would make it look exactly like the kind of amateur enterprise she wants it to look like to fool Hydra). (This is before s4 of SFU, so at least he doesn't have traumatic flashbacks.) Natasha's original plan was to leave Emma with the gun, the hostage and the money and high tail it out of there with the artifact/plant, but when she discovers David is an undertaker by profession and because of an unexpected pang when watching teenage Emma and her eagerness to become Natasha, she changes it, makes David swear he'll personally deal with her dead body and bury her with the artifact/plant, fakes a remorseful suicide. At the end, Natasha revives at Fisher & Sons and makes a getaway with the artifact while Emma decides she'll go back to stealing cars for a while though wearing leather jackets is something that stays with her.
From
redfiona10:
Emma Swan and Birgitte Nyborg have to try to complete a top-secret mission together. What kind of mission is it and do they succeed?
There is a reason why there aren't any Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale characters in Storybrooke. When the Curse took effect, they ended up in Denmark instead of Maine, because a very secret relative of Andersen's (Kaspar, I guess, what with being the writer) still lives there. After Emma broke the Curse in the Storybrooke, the Danish enclave full of Andersen characters also became reintegrated in the normal time flow. Birgitte could have taken the Little Mermaid and Thumbelina, but the Emperor Without Clothes and the Snow Queen were too much of a public menace. (Also, Denmark has already to finance one set of royals. An Emperor and the Snow Queen were too much for the treasury.) When Emma, on her next quest to locate missing fairy tale characters, shows up in Denmark, Birgitte gets into contact with her and makes a deal for Emma to get the whole Danish branch of fairy tale people back to Fairy Tale Land as quickly as possible.
...and then they find out the Snow Queen is actually Mirrorverse Snow White from the future, but that's another story. :)
From
bagheera_san:
Gaius Baltar, Quark, Joan Watson, Caleb Temple, Arvin Sloane (Alias), Birgitte Nyborg and Arthur Pendragon (Merlin) are the crew of a starship. What are their jobs? What sort of missions do they do (fighting, pirating, peaceful exploration etc.)?
The first three are easy; Gaius is science officer (his studies were financed by the type of scholarship that demands you have to serve a few years in the fleet afterwards before getting to benefit from being a certified academic genius, and he's counting the days), Quark is ship's cook and barman, Joan is the ship's doctor. Birgitte has to be the captain, so Arthur is the pilot. (On the principle that being good with a sword and good at piloting space ships go well together - just ask Sulu!). Arvin Sloane is undercover, playing the CO but is actually the one financing the entire expedition, supposedly space archeaelogy. (In reality, he's looking for Rambaldi artifacts, naturally.) Caleb is the stoaway.
From
honorh:
Natasha and David are mind-whammied into falling in love. How does Caleb react?
He's pretty sure that David when arriving in Trinity because one of the locals had arranged to be buried via Fisher & Sons in a contract signed years before moving to Trinity mentioned something about his husband Keith, and so the whole buying flowers for the redheaded lady supposedly scouting for Stark Industries for local talent seems to come out of nowhere. When people act really weirdly it's usually his father's fault, except that his father is also pretty into the whole free will thing and giving people enough rope to hang themselves, and gay undertaker / redheaded spy make out sessions don't fall into that category. As it turns out, it's Loki's latest idea of revenge on Natasha for pwning him. Finding out more about the background, Caleb can identify with being shocked when finding out your true parentage and so forth, but alien invasions and love spells are both really weird reactions. Also, having Chaotic Evil in Trinity comes close to triggering the Rage and he tries very hard not to remember what he did the last time it happened, but there's that competitive instinct There is a mighty mindmessing Lucas Buck & Caleb versus Loki show down, and one of the fallouts is Natasha and David getting their own minds back. David is horribly embarrassed but doesn't buy the supernatural explanation. He thinks it's probably some lefteover instinct to get back into the closet and/or until now surpressed wish to get back at Keith for the whole Celeste thing, and just hopes it's not a buried Oedipal complex (because Natasha is a redhead). Natasha is just surprised Loki picked a nice undertaker, until she realises he was confusing David Fisher with one Dexter Morgan, serial killer of killers (which she certainly is).
From
deborah_judge:
Quark and Arvin Sloane go on an adventure together. Where do they go?
This would bein the AU where instead of creating the Roswell incident, Quark, Nog and Rom end up crash landing on Earth in the later 70s. Young Agents Sloane and Bristow are in charge of the interrogation. Our Arvin is not yet an evil overlord and the alliance is not even a blink anyone's eye, but you know, he does recognize potential and possibilities when he sees them. This universal translator, for example. Maybe it could even decypher certain centuries old cryptic manuscripts? So he arranges an escape for Quark & family in exchange for some tech, but he has to make it look good, so it's a transport from New Mexico to Langley supposedly so the director can talk to the aliens. Only the transport never arrives. Would you believe it - the small air plane collided with a weather balloon and in the resulting crash, the bodies got so burned you couldn't tell whether they were chimpanzes or in fact aliens. It probably was some type of malicious prank, and in any event, the latest news from Iran are distracting everyone's attention.
Not Jack Bristow's, who is side eying his pal Arvin really hard, but he's young enough and newly enough in love to be a romantic and think their first contact with aliens shouldn't result in prison and vivisection, and fine, letting the Ferengi go was probably better.
(Two decades later, of course, he sees the situation very differently.)
Would you rather see Emma paired with Caleb or Amanda?
Caleb is a child and in a very Henry like situation, so he's not an option. Emma/Amanda is both plausible and hot.
From
lilachigh:
Emma has a bad cold and needs nursing. Do they choose Kima Greggs (The Wire) or Arthur to look after her and why?
Now that's a tricky dilemma. Kima is a very busy police woman who doesn't have the time to nurse people. Arthur never nursed anyone in his life (that's what he has Merlin and before him Gaius for), though then again, he would have the time; Arthur probably ended up in Storybrooke because of the Curse (what? OuaT already had a Lancelot, who of course isn't the Merlin one, so the various Arthurian mythology characters simply got mixed up) and left before the inhabitants figured out that gives you amnesia, and Emma, in some future show time, is looking for him because Snow feels she still owes the late Lancelot. Which is how she ends up in Baltimore and in a situation to be nursed by either Kima or amnesiac!Arthur. ...I think she'll go for Arthur's amateur nursing out of respect - from one professional to another - for Kima's limited leisure time and the importance of busting drug dealers. Also, Henry wouldn't forgive her if she turned down the chance to befriend King Arthur, and he can learn. Even if he serves her an overabundance of chicken soup. :)
Arvin Sloane needs to go clothes shopping. Would Gaius Baltar or Skyler White be a better companion and who would spend the most money?
Oh, Gaius would definitely spend the most money (Skyler is far too careful for that), but he'd be a good choice to go shopping with; he has good taste in suits, and so does Arvin Sloane. Then again, discretion and Gaius Baltar are hardly ever friends, so if he needs to do the clothes shopping without drawing attention to himself, which in Sloane's life is more often the case than not, Skyler would be ideal. Moreover, she would know exactly the right price range to buy in without alerting the IRS by sporting a style a retired CIA agent could not possibly afford. So all in all, he'd probably take Skyler.
From
astrogirl:
Why is Natasha really, really angry with Quark? And just how hard should Quark be watching his back right now?
Quark wanted to pep up Bashir's James Bond holo program by using the image of an actual historic Russian spy. Natasha, who temporarily ended up on DS9 because of a wormhole accident involving the tessaract when she tried to close it (it's that kind of AU), is NOT amused. Not because of the fake Russian accent he gives her alter ego but because a good spy doesn't have her image and name paraded all over the place. Even if it's a future place. It's only the fact she needs to get back to her time and Earth urgently and that Quark can provide her with the plot device of the week to get her there that saves his skin.
Gwen Cooper (Torchwood) wakes up one day in a strange place with amnesia. What happens when the first person they encounter is David? Does David help, turn away, or take advantage? Does Gwen eventually settle in to be a productive member of David's society? Does she ever get her memories back?
Gwen is in luck! David is a good Samaritan and definitely doesn't take advantage. (He wouldn't even if he weren't gay.) Also, ever since Arthur (that's SFU Arthur the intern, not Arthur Pendragon) left the firm they've been looking for another intern, so until Gwen gets her memories back, she's hired. Being around corpses does not seem to bother her, almost as if she's used to it....
...until one day David reminisces about that horrible, horrible time very recently when Fishers & Sons had to close down entirely because no one was dying anymore, and then there were the burnings and Keith, who'd gone back to being a cop briefly because of the Miracle Day connected crime wave and more prisoners, organized the neighbourhood resistance instead, and with every word Gwen gets a memory back and suddenly knows what she's doing in Los Angeles. It's a dubious blessing.
Kima wakes up in bed with Birgitte. What the heck happened last night?
Kima had done something to piss off Rawles who'd in revenge had made her part of the protection detail for the Danish PM on her visit to Baltimore instead of letting Kima continue with the case at hand. A frustrated Kima did her duty with teeth that became unclenched when she noticed the Danish PM was a very, very attractive and charismatic woman...
Joan Watson has suddenly gained superpowers! What are they, and what use does Joan put them to? Who on the list becomes her superhero sidekick or supervillain minion? And who on the list do they end up having to fight?
Joan acquires spontaneous regeneration (Wolverine's and Claire Bennet's schtick). This is fascinating to her from a medical pov and resssuring to Sherlock since she can't get killed or wounded anymore, but not for long, because obviously it's something any number of supervillains, oh, and politicians, and industry bosses, and the US military, would like to have as well, and if word gets out she'll end up as a human guinea pig. Which is why Joan teams up with the woman she remembers from her hot threesome, Amanda. As an Highlander-style Immortal, Amanda has this ability already, though not the same degree (HL Immies can lose limbs permanently, not just the head), though from anything else they heal, and in most cases instantly. And it's in her own interest to keep it quiet. Plus, let's face it, having a sidekick from the occasional other side of the law is in fashion.
...they'll probably have to fight my guy Arvin Sloane, who is a resourceful man with an interest in immortality.
From
gehayi:
Skyler is the Evil Overlord. Emma is the heroine. Arvin Sloane is the Overlord's Henchman. Kima is the hero or heroine's love interest. Arthur is a soldier in the forces of the Evil Overlord's rival, the Evil Empress. These five people are the only ones who can save the world from disaster. What does each of them do, do they succeed, and what happens after the crisis has passed, one way or another?
We'd have to switch titles for Skyler and her rival, but other than that, let's see. Arthur lives in one of those interpretations of the Merlinverse where he comes back not just once but several times via reincarnation. The Evil Emperor in question in whose army he serves is of course the reincarnation of his father, Uther, determined to create a world free of anything remotely magical and/or supernatural once and for all. Arthur remembers his past just in time, to wit, when he meets Emma, who is trying to infiltrate one camp (while Kima is trying to infiltrate the other) and has the canonical gift of awakening old memories in people. Skyler is in the Evil Ruler business because it was time someone competent, unflashy, Who Knows Best gave it a go, and also, Uther's brand of denial and self justification remind her horribly of Walt, so clearly he has to be stopped. Sloane actually favours save the world plans (which was what his canonical idea of drugging everyone's aggression out of them via the water supply had been about, it's just that things got out of hand, you know), especially if they ensure that no mere clumsy amateurs get their hands on Rambaldi inventions, let alone destroy them, so when he catches Kima at infiltration (no fault of Kima's, it's just that Sloane has more practice at spy work than she does), he tries to recruit her by pointing out he may have dabbled in the drug trade in years past (among other things), but really, can't that wait until Uther gets stopped? Meanwhile, Emma made a deal with Arthur whose only condition was that Uther needs to be stopped in a way that doesn't kill him (which is not a problem anyone else has). At the end, Skyler suggests a meeting in order to propose an alliance to Uther who buys into it enough to show up with only Arthur as his bodyguard; also, Arvin Sloane has agreed to play hostage guarded by one of Uther's people as long as the meeting takes place. "One of Uther's people" being, you guessed it, undercover!Emma, who has been in contact with Kima and thus is updated on the situation. Together, Emma and Sloane deactivate Uther's super secret magical people annihilation weapon that's a modified version of a Rambaldi device (and then Emma has to keep Sloane from doublecrossing her and making off with the device himself - he wouldn't use it to take out all magic, of course, he's fond of it, but it would make such a nice blackmail instrument to get some magical people under control). There's a tense and tragic father-son fight, after which Arthur has the problem that Skyler while having some sympathy for him still based on her own experiences thinks the only way to take out Uther for sure is to kill him (and assume total control herself). Kima (who was acting at Skyler's bodyguard in the Skyler-Uther meeting) despises Uther but has her code, there were promises made, and thus she helps Arthur to make a getaway with a knocked unconscious Uther. They meet up with Emma, whose solution to the "deal with Uther without killing him" situation is to push him through a portal so he ends in Fairy Tale Land (Emma does have a ruthless streak, ask Hook). Arthur takes off to find Gwen and Merlin while Emma and Kima continue their newly founded Heroines For Hire agency.
Gaius Baltar and Caleb are suddenly teleported into Natasha's universe. Somehow, they have to make lives for themselves there. How do they do it?
Caleb ends up at Charles Xavier's school. While Natasha isn't sure he's a mutant exactly, it's the thing that comes to mind for "child with superpowers in development". Gaius spends about half an hour with Tony Stark before the egos clash fataly (not to mention the seeing-each-other-just-how-I don't-want-to-see-myself), so AI expert or not, he's not getting any work from Stark Industries. Being Gaius, he then ends up working for Norman Osborn and almost giving him the power to rule the world before realising Norman Osborn is a supervillain. However, it's not his ethical realisation but a one night stand with Norman's son Harry that gets Gaius kicked out of OsCorp. At which point he throws up his hands and decides to become a Hollywood special effects wizard instead. More money, andyou don't get blamed for ending the world afterwards if you only do it in fiction.
Quark, Joan, and Birgitte are fighting off an invasion of zombies with what weapons Quark can find, Joan's intelligence and Birgitte's transportation. Do they survive or not?
Quark is pretty resourceful, Joan is very smart, and Birgitte as the Danish PM has access to cars and air planes, so yes, I'd say they survive.
Bester, Caleb, Amanda, Gwen and David are at a cozy house in the country when suddenly Bester is murdered. Caleb is the detective who must solve the case. Of the three remaining people, which is the Second Victim, which is the False Suspect and which is the Real Killer? How did he or she commit the murder? And--most important--why?
The big mystery of course isn't who'd want Bester dead but who'd manage to kill him, given Bester is a ruthless P12 telepath and while not a good person an extremely competent one, especially at avoiding getting killed. Caleb Temple, boy detective, knows he might have been able to do it, and wonders whether he did and this was one of those blackout Rage things again. He hopes he didn't, which is why he tries to solve the case. Amanda is the Second Victim (as a little thing like death doesn't get an Immortal down, this doesn't stick). David Fisher is the False Suspect, because that's the kind of thing which happens to David, who was the one to find the body and immediately could deduce from the temperature and so forth when Bester was killed. This expertise made him look suspicious. Gwen is the Real Killer. She figured out Bester was one from the future and had come back in time to effect historical changes so that his faction would win the Telepath War. Now the Doctor and a Companion would have been able to take Bester out and bring him back to his proper time line without killng him, but Gwen works for Torchwood, so no such luck. She managed to commit the murder by taking an updated version of Retcon that made her unable to remember her plan (which is why Bester didn't get suspicious) until the moment had come. Amanda had seen too much, but luckily by now Gwen is able to spot an Immortal when she sees one and knew death would only temporarily inconvenience Amanda until Gwen could make her getaway.
From
ffutures:
Arvin Sloane, Arthur Pendragon, David Fisher, Alfred Bester and Gaius Baltar are captured by aliens who insist that they demonstrate human breeding techniques. They've grasped the idea that it takes two to reproduce, but not the idea of gender. Which two pairs volunteer, and who is left to face alien probing?
David would have volunteered with Arthur in mind, but alas Gaius spoke up while a stunned Arthur was still struggling with the idea, so it's David/Gaius for the first pairing. Also Arthur insists they should fight for their freedom, not submit and is still arguing that (thus making himself a candidate for probing) when Sloane and Bester surprise the aliens by volunteering as well. While both are too pragmatic to make a fuss about their dignity while their lives are at stake, this is actually not the reason why they agreed; Bester needed the time to adjust to the aliens' minds and just when the demonstrations are about to begin is able to strike telepathically. Aliens believing they're watching mating rituals and general escape ensues.
Which house is each character sent to at Hogwarts, and why?
Natasha: Gryffindor, actually. She's not ambitious enough for Slytherin, and bravery certainly is a dominating characteristic.
Baltar: Gaius is a Ravenclaw who also could end up in Slytherin; he has no world dominating ambitions at all, but definitely get-out-of-Aerolon-become-famous-and-rich-scientist-on-Cabrica ambitions.
Skyler: Slytherin. It's the need for control and the general conviction to know best (before life strikes) that make the Sorting Hat choose.
Quark: Despite his long term goal of owning his own moon - Ravenclaw. No academic intellectual he, but he's very smart in practical ways.
Bester: Slytherin. No question at all.
Joan Watson: could have gone to Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, but picks Hufflepuff for social justice.
Emma Swan: A very practical Gryffindor (i.e the bravery is strong in this one, but she also tends to think before she leaps, though not always).
Caleb: Tells the hat to pick Hufflepuff, not for social justice but because it will infuriate his dad.
Amanda: tells the hat to pick Slytherin, not because she's that ambitious but because that's where a lot of the rich kids are, and it's hardly worth stealing from the poor ones now, is it?
Arvin Sloane: a natural Slytherin who tells the hat he wants to be in Ravenclaw, because it reads better in the resumé when you need people to trust you later. Being a smart boy, he has no problem passing.
Kima Greggs: Hufflepuff. Because Kima Gets Shit Done without making a big deal about it.
Birgitte Nyborg: Slytherin. She didn't enter politics because she lacks ambition.
Gwen Cooper: you'd think Gryffindor, but actually no, Hufflepuff. Gwen is brave but her ruling quality is her inability to retire and not to jump at opportunities for work.
Arthur Pendragon: Gryffindor to his bones.
David Fisher: Hufflepuff; another whose eagerness for work and dedication to his profession is determining his life.
Three of the characters (dealer's choice - the most likely ones you can think of) get the job of presenting Top Gear after the mysterious disappearance of the original team. Who does what? Which of the others becomes The Stig (note - anyone who is a Top Gear presenter or The Stig is not eligible for any of these jobs).
I have not the slightest idea what Top Gear is but from the phrasing of the question it sounds like a reality show contest for fashion or something like that? In which case the judges are Amanda, Gaius Baltar and David.
One of the characters is to be shot at dawn; everyone must vote to see who it is. Who would be selected? Who would try to rig the draw? And who, if not selected, would volunteer to pull the trigger?
Well, that depends on whether everyone else knows Amanda is immortal and that getting shot at dawn will only take her out for a little while. As she would in any case volunteer, I think we have to take Amanda out of the equation entirely to make the reply more interesting. If all the other characters are aware of each other's resumé, they'd probably zone in on Arvin Sloane, Alfred Bester and Gaius Baltar as the three guilty of most deaths and thus the ones who should die. Natasha would volunteer to pull the trigger, not because she's feeling self righteous in light of her own resumé but because she's a professional who knows how to shoot someone without messing it up like the amateurs do, and because she doesn't want one of more innocent characters to carry that burden. Bester would not just try to rig the draw, he would rig it telepathically so that nobody is capable of killing him, which leaves Gaius and Arvin as candidates. It now depends on which point of their canon they are. While for both the need to survive (and being really good at that) is one of their key traits, they also each have brief periods where they are that depressed, exhausted and guilty to enough to canonically want to die. But let's say neither of them is at this point in their canons, but either before or after.
The others then decide it should be Sloane because at least Baltar for the most part can claim lack of intention (the original destruction of the Colonies) or lack of choice (New Caprica). (What he's most directly guilty of without either excuse is handing Gina that bomb because Roslin hurt his feelings, but that's actually something no one else knows he did.) At the eleventh hour, Arthur then stuns everyone by volunteering to be the one to die. Not because he doubts Sloane's guilt but because he's struggling with his own. At which point Natasha, being who she is, just shoots Sloane without waiting for dawn. Naturally, it later once everyone has left turns out Sloane is post season 5 of his canon and thus no longer mortal himself. No, he didn't volunteer. Nobody would have believed that to be in character, and he faked his death a couple of times already, so it would have only result in someone else getting shot in addition to him and would have robbed him of this very convenient opportunity to have some impeccable witnesses for his death and resulting ability to disappear from everyone's radar. Win-win!
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