Is this a reboot I see before me?
Certain recent events in the DCverse as well as earlier events related to Spiderman a few years ago have inspired me to look for precedents. Turns out there is one, in Elizabethan times, coming to you translated in modern dialogue by an anonymous transscriber. One of those pesky informers that apparantly showed up frequently in Elizabethan England (just remember how Christopher Marlowe made some additional cash and died) jotted down the following conversation between William Shakespeare and Richard Burbage, main actor and editor leader of the company:
Burbage: Will, those Blackfriars boys are catching up. And then there's bloody Johnson with his court connections. We have to do something. Get some more kick in your plays, you know what I'm saying? Something really radical.
Shakespeare: *glowers*
Burbage: I'm thinking reboot.
Shakespeare: ...?!?
Burbage: Look, you know and I know people really dug Henry IV, both parts. Hotspur, Hal, Poins, those guys were POPULAR. And Falstaff was one of your all time greatest hits. Killing him off was a big mistake, my friend.
Shakeaspeare: I resurrected him for Merry Wives!
Burbage: Prequels just don't sell as well. Anyway. Getting Hal crowned, victorious and married was a mistake as well. I mean, who's supposed to identify with a guy like that?
Shakespeare: Nobody was ever supposed to identify with Hal anyway. That's what the soldiers in Henry V. are there for. And don't tell me that didn't work, because we were swimming in cash every time we played it!
Burbage: Sure, but we could swim in even more cash. With a reboot. Will, can't you see it? A new Henry IV? Nobody has a job and is married because who cares about people like that...
Shakespeare: *briefly looks at his wedding ring* Actually, Hotspur is married if you recall. It's an important characterisation point.
Burbage: Right, let's fix that. He and Kate just fancy each other. Oh, and Will, you need to make Kate younger. And show off her legs. Make her disguise herself as a boy to hang out with the lads, you're good at that stuff. And look, there's no reason why Mistress Quickley and Doll shouldn't be around 15, is there?
Shakespeare: Mistress Quickley owns the tavern, for God's sake!
Burbage: There's no reason for that, either. Let's give her a father who owns it. I mean, a woman with property and a job, that's just not as nifty as a girl anyway. Her, Doll and Falstaff could have a love triangle. Or maybe her, Doll and Hal?
Shakespeare: Hal has a triangle with his father and Falstaff which is all the triangle he needs in those plays!
Burbage: You're just not getting into the reboot spirit, Will.
Shakespeare *loses it*: MY PLAYS ARE PERFECT THE WAY THEY ARE!!!!
Burbage: You authors are all the same.
Shakespeare: There is nothing you can possibly say to tempt to to write a new version of a story I already told and which is still bringing in cash whenever we stage it.
Burbage *crafty*: Oh, I think there is. The original doesn't have one thing you've become really, really fond of in the years since, and I promise you, you can include it in the reboot as much as you want.
Shakespeare *hostile yet undeniably intrigued*: Which is?
Burbage: Pirates!
This entry was originally posted at http://selenak.dreamwidth.org/702475.html. Comment there or here, as you wish.
Burbage: Will, those Blackfriars boys are catching up. And then there's bloody Johnson with his court connections. We have to do something. Get some more kick in your plays, you know what I'm saying? Something really radical.
Shakespeare: *glowers*
Burbage: I'm thinking reboot.
Shakespeare: ...?!?
Burbage: Look, you know and I know people really dug Henry IV, both parts. Hotspur, Hal, Poins, those guys were POPULAR. And Falstaff was one of your all time greatest hits. Killing him off was a big mistake, my friend.
Shakeaspeare: I resurrected him for Merry Wives!
Burbage: Prequels just don't sell as well. Anyway. Getting Hal crowned, victorious and married was a mistake as well. I mean, who's supposed to identify with a guy like that?
Shakespeare: Nobody was ever supposed to identify with Hal anyway. That's what the soldiers in Henry V. are there for. And don't tell me that didn't work, because we were swimming in cash every time we played it!
Burbage: Sure, but we could swim in even more cash. With a reboot. Will, can't you see it? A new Henry IV? Nobody has a job and is married because who cares about people like that...
Shakespeare: *briefly looks at his wedding ring* Actually, Hotspur is married if you recall. It's an important characterisation point.
Burbage: Right, let's fix that. He and Kate just fancy each other. Oh, and Will, you need to make Kate younger. And show off her legs. Make her disguise herself as a boy to hang out with the lads, you're good at that stuff. And look, there's no reason why Mistress Quickley and Doll shouldn't be around 15, is there?
Shakespeare: Mistress Quickley owns the tavern, for God's sake!
Burbage: There's no reason for that, either. Let's give her a father who owns it. I mean, a woman with property and a job, that's just not as nifty as a girl anyway. Her, Doll and Falstaff could have a love triangle. Or maybe her, Doll and Hal?
Shakespeare: Hal has a triangle with his father and Falstaff which is all the triangle he needs in those plays!
Burbage: You're just not getting into the reboot spirit, Will.
Shakespeare *loses it*: MY PLAYS ARE PERFECT THE WAY THEY ARE!!!!
Burbage: You authors are all the same.
Shakespeare: There is nothing you can possibly say to tempt to to write a new version of a story I already told and which is still bringing in cash whenever we stage it.
Burbage *crafty*: Oh, I think there is. The original doesn't have one thing you've become really, really fond of in the years since, and I promise you, you can include it in the reboot as much as you want.
Shakespeare *hostile yet undeniably intrigued*: Which is?
Burbage: Pirates!
This entry was originally posted at http://selenak.dreamwidth.org/702475.html. Comment there or here, as you wish.