Filk: 18th Century Cell Block European Tango
cahn dared me to do this, and I dare say it's funnier when you know the 18th century history as well as the Cell Block Tango from the musical Chicago, but I thought it might amuse some readers, so, here we go, my first filk effort since at least a decade. If you've wondered how the Seven Years War came to be, well, here's one version...
Chorus: Rhyme, List, Squish, Uh Uh, Silesia, Kolin
And now, the three Ladies of European Power and two of their offsprings
In their rendition of the 7 Years War
Rhyme, List, Squish, Uh Uh, Silesia, Kolin
Rhyme, List, Squish, Uh Uh, Silesia, Kolin
Rhyme, List, Squish, Uh Uh, Silesia, Kolin
Rhyme, List, Squish, Uh Uh, Silesia, Kolin
He had it coming, he had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same
Rhyme, List, Squish, Uh Uh, Silesia, Kolin
Rhyme, List, Squish, Uh Uh, Silesia, Kolin
Marquise de Pompadour: You know how people have these little habits
That get you down? Like Frederick.
Frederick liked to write bad poetry.
No, not write: spew.
So, I’m coming home from Versailles one day,
And I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy,
And there's this Berlin letter.
All about how Fritz has been joking about my love life again.
No, not joking, rhyming.
So, I said to him, I said
"You abuse the French language one more time", and he did.
So, I took the offer from the Austrians about an alliance,
And I tore up the treaty with Prussia - into shreds.
Chorus: He had it coming, he had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there, if you'd have heard it
I betcha you would have done the same
Czarina Elizabeth I. of Russia: I heard from Frederick first a few years ago
When he told me to lock up his brother-in-law, and we hit it off right away.
So, we started out as allies.
He'd invade Austrian territory, I’d kick out the Austrian envoy.
I'd marry my nephew to his general’s kid.
And then I found out.
"Respect", he told me
Respect, my ass.
Not only was he trash-talking me, oh no, he published a list of my lovers.
And he didn’t even get them right, you know
So next thing, when I got an offer from the Austrians
I rewrote the lines of our relationship.
You know, some guys just can’t shut their gob.
Chorus: He had it coming, he had it coming
He took a flower in it's prime
And then he used it and he abused it
It was a lang grab but not a crime
Empress Maria Theresa: Now, I'm ascending to the throne in 1740,
learning on the job, since my Dad never taught me.
Being pregnant with my fourth kid.
In storms bloody Frederick in a greedy rage.
"You hand over Silesia", he says
He was winning, and he kept on invading
"You hand over Silesia"
And then he ran into my push back.
He ran into my push back three times.
Chorus: If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same.
Peter III. of Russia: Wie bin ich bloss in diese Lage gekommen? Meine Tante hat mich adoptiert, und als ihr Nachfolger war ich auf einmal im Krieg mit Fritz. Aber das will ich nicht. Ich bin Preußen-Fan! Ich weiß nicht, warum die Russen mich für verrückt erklären, nur weil ich die Seiten wechsle und Fritz damit Herrschaft und Leben rette. Ich hab’s versucht, meiner Frau zu erklären, aber die versteht mich nicht.
Emperor Joseph II: Yeah, but did you have to do it?
Peter III.: Uh uh, not guilty.
Chorus: He had it coming! This entry was originally posted at https://selenak.dreamwidth.org/1455736.html. Comment there or here, as you wish.