The death watch
I've been pretty sad lately because yesterday I visited grandpa and I can tell he is on his way out of this life. He hasn't eaten or had anything to drink for 4 days now. It's so hard on everyone because we are such a close family, but at the same time we are gaining strength from one another.
I'm just waiting for the phone call that is supposed to come a few hours before he passes on so that I can be there with him and whatever family will be there as he leaves us for wherever.
I keep thinking now about all the good memories I have with him, and about all the funny things he has ever done. I remember him telling us about how his grandmother was a bootlegger, and he got a wild streak from her that caused him to be a wild child while he was in the Navy. Despite his mischievious past, he grew up into a wonderful man. He was such a great grandfather, always extremely loving and watching out for us.
One memory that keeps cropping up makes me sort of sad, though. Him and I are the coin collectors of the family, so every year he would buy me the set of the state quarters. When they first started coming out, he told me, "Now, you will get these every year for your birthday until 2008, because that is when the last of them will be out. If I live that long." And I said, "Don't be silly. Of course you'll be around," because honestly I couldn't imagine a time when he wouldn't be around. He was the big tough Norwegian man, and he sprang back from illness so many times and it is hard for me to accept this time he won't be getting better.
Happy and sad memories, but the man I see dying in the hospice bed isn't really him. It's so hard to see him now, unable to move and fading in and out of consciousness. He's so emaciated and I just wonder how he can't be in pain, but luckily he isn't. I was there holding his hand for a long time though, and I'm so glad I did because he told me "I love you, Laura." before I walked out that door.
It will be over soon, and then it will be time to celebrate the life of a very important part of our family.
I'm just waiting for the phone call that is supposed to come a few hours before he passes on so that I can be there with him and whatever family will be there as he leaves us for wherever.
I keep thinking now about all the good memories I have with him, and about all the funny things he has ever done. I remember him telling us about how his grandmother was a bootlegger, and he got a wild streak from her that caused him to be a wild child while he was in the Navy. Despite his mischievious past, he grew up into a wonderful man. He was such a great grandfather, always extremely loving and watching out for us.
One memory that keeps cropping up makes me sort of sad, though. Him and I are the coin collectors of the family, so every year he would buy me the set of the state quarters. When they first started coming out, he told me, "Now, you will get these every year for your birthday until 2008, because that is when the last of them will be out. If I live that long." And I said, "Don't be silly. Of course you'll be around," because honestly I couldn't imagine a time when he wouldn't be around. He was the big tough Norwegian man, and he sprang back from illness so many times and it is hard for me to accept this time he won't be getting better.
Happy and sad memories, but the man I see dying in the hospice bed isn't really him. It's so hard to see him now, unable to move and fading in and out of consciousness. He's so emaciated and I just wonder how he can't be in pain, but luckily he isn't. I was there holding his hand for a long time though, and I'm so glad I did because he told me "I love you, Laura." before I walked out that door.
It will be over soon, and then it will be time to celebrate the life of a very important part of our family.