the struggle is real
(My 22 y.o. friend uses that phrase a lot. I'm not entirely certain what it means.)
So: hockey.
Former!Prez has been put into Team 2, which it looks like Coach Who Will Not Work With Former!Prez is actually going to coach. So...um, I guess she's willing to work with Former!Prez seeing as she was one of the people doing the grading?
Guess we'll find out on Tuesday.
The only other thing is that I've been dropped from the top team. Which is understandable - I was the borderline player in Team 1 (at best) and always have been.
The difference compared with the last time I was dropped from the top team, last time a bunch of other players also dropped back a grade. This year, I'm the only one. Which, again, understandable: one woman is a solid and consistent defender/midfielder, another has a daughter who is one of our best players. And the players I'll be with in Team 2 are good people - I played with them a couple of years ago when 70% of our Team 1 players didn't re-enrol (and I don't think any of them have come back).
But it is a little humiliating (to be the only one dropped), and a part of me is fretting that maybe it's me and my personality (the way it was with Former!Pres).
Plus, another player went all Shouty at me last year for, oh, everything. Of course, she was shouty at everyone, but I felt judged and found wanting every time I walked off the field. And she was a good player - just not a very nice one. And thankfully gone to another club this year.
But I sometimes feel like her judgements on me are also the judgements on me by the team and the coach, which, well, stupid thinking from self-sabotage brain. (I think. And that's the niggle - the little voice of doubt that says, "well maybe she was right and not just being a bitch".)
On the other hand, the team I'm going to are good: young 'uns who can run, and older ones with cunning and some skill, but mostly a desire to have fun. And we're pretty easy going (apart from the Former!Pres), and not daunted by Former!Pres. In addition to which, last year this team had great defence and midfield, but couldn't quite get the goals. So they need attackers who can push the pace and share the ball; I can, and so can at least two of the older new players.
I think it's mostly pride. And a little worry that I'm That Person. I always worry that I'm That Person, even if I'm pretty sure that (mostly) I'm not.
Anyway, today has been draining and exhausting - not really the hockey - a bunch of other things - but it all adds up.
And I seem to be in the throes of a sugar/pastry/butter craving right now. I want to go out and buy all the sweet pastry things and eat them with large volumes of whipped cream, and equally large portions of full cream milk.
And I want to go home and crawl into bed and not drag myself out until tomorrow morning.
So: hockey.
Former!Prez has been put into Team 2, which it looks like Coach Who Will Not Work With Former!Prez is actually going to coach. So...um, I guess she's willing to work with Former!Prez seeing as she was one of the people doing the grading?
Guess we'll find out on Tuesday.
The only other thing is that I've been dropped from the top team. Which is understandable - I was the borderline player in Team 1 (at best) and always have been.
The difference compared with the last time I was dropped from the top team, last time a bunch of other players also dropped back a grade. This year, I'm the only one. Which, again, understandable: one woman is a solid and consistent defender/midfielder, another has a daughter who is one of our best players. And the players I'll be with in Team 2 are good people - I played with them a couple of years ago when 70% of our Team 1 players didn't re-enrol (and I don't think any of them have come back).
But it is a little humiliating (to be the only one dropped), and a part of me is fretting that maybe it's me and my personality (the way it was with Former!Pres).
Plus, another player went all Shouty at me last year for, oh, everything. Of course, she was shouty at everyone, but I felt judged and found wanting every time I walked off the field. And she was a good player - just not a very nice one. And thankfully gone to another club this year.
But I sometimes feel like her judgements on me are also the judgements on me by the team and the coach, which, well, stupid thinking from self-sabotage brain. (I think. And that's the niggle - the little voice of doubt that says, "well maybe she was right and not just being a bitch".)
On the other hand, the team I'm going to are good: young 'uns who can run, and older ones with cunning and some skill, but mostly a desire to have fun. And we're pretty easy going (apart from the Former!Pres), and not daunted by Former!Pres. In addition to which, last year this team had great defence and midfield, but couldn't quite get the goals. So they need attackers who can push the pace and share the ball; I can, and so can at least two of the older new players.
I think it's mostly pride. And a little worry that I'm That Person. I always worry that I'm That Person, even if I'm pretty sure that (mostly) I'm not.
Anyway, today has been draining and exhausting - not really the hockey - a bunch of other things - but it all adds up.
And I seem to be in the throes of a sugar/pastry/butter craving right now. I want to go out and buy all the sweet pastry things and eat them with large volumes of whipped cream, and equally large portions of full cream milk.
And I want to go home and crawl into bed and not drag myself out until tomorrow morning.