New Beginning
That last week was a true roller coaster doozy. There were times when I felt like I was truly losing my mind. I was so paralyzed by boredom, apathy, and misery that I could do nothing. I'm glad I didn't use those times to post, because that isn't a true reflection of how I was feeling, it was just exaggerated by the circumstances.
A lot can and has happened in a week. I tested just how far my patience would stretch at both jobs, being harassed to stay at one and at the other just being harassed, being set in the company of someone almost ten years my junior in age and twenty in maturity. I remembered what it was like to be apart from Kris for days at a time. Having the bed to myself and a quiet house that was just how I wanted it was nice. Having no one to be with when I was lonely and no one to lean on when I needed it was not. Kris had a blast and got a good deal accomplished on the grand cataloguing of his huge gaming collection, and that made him happy, so I'm happy for him. I knocked the biggest scariest thing off my major to do list: the accountant. It was never going to be good news and I found out just how bad. But at least I know exactly the scope of the problem. And the silver lining is that my parents had the money I needed available to lend so now I am in debt to much kinder people than the likes of the government. I may not get to make any major home improvements for the rest of the year and I will definitely have to choose which fun things I get to do and I will also have to continue to work at the cafe for a while, but I will not end up in the poor house.
But enough sad news. The long dark teatime of my temping is over. I am back in the free world of freelance. As predicted, this much freedom is odd to get used to and I will have to remember how this is done. And I will, once I get into the rhythm of things.
Best of all, Saturday my house was filled with love from all over the world, as far as my world is concerned. I was so incredibly happy to have so many of my friends, old and new, from near and far, from all different parts of our lives, Kris's and mine, together in the same place. It is times like those that make the whole thing worth it. Thanks to everyone who was there that made that day so special and wonderful. I know I sound like a fucking hippy but it really was that great. It really made my heart full and it was a wonderful reward/release for how hard my life has been since early spring.
I did have a long talk with Drew. And there's a part of my life we all know I've been neglecting. And hopefully now I will have the time and the willpower and the self-confidence to redevote myself to what is so important. I had an opportunity there, when times were awful, to say "Fuck this, I have a college degree, time to just give up and get a damn real job." But there the dream would have died. And I did not say fuck it. I think that's a positive sign. Now I need to make it worth the while.
~The Rock Star needs to put herself on a mission.
A lot can and has happened in a week. I tested just how far my patience would stretch at both jobs, being harassed to stay at one and at the other just being harassed, being set in the company of someone almost ten years my junior in age and twenty in maturity. I remembered what it was like to be apart from Kris for days at a time. Having the bed to myself and a quiet house that was just how I wanted it was nice. Having no one to be with when I was lonely and no one to lean on when I needed it was not. Kris had a blast and got a good deal accomplished on the grand cataloguing of his huge gaming collection, and that made him happy, so I'm happy for him. I knocked the biggest scariest thing off my major to do list: the accountant. It was never going to be good news and I found out just how bad. But at least I know exactly the scope of the problem. And the silver lining is that my parents had the money I needed available to lend so now I am in debt to much kinder people than the likes of the government. I may not get to make any major home improvements for the rest of the year and I will definitely have to choose which fun things I get to do and I will also have to continue to work at the cafe for a while, but I will not end up in the poor house.
But enough sad news. The long dark teatime of my temping is over. I am back in the free world of freelance. As predicted, this much freedom is odd to get used to and I will have to remember how this is done. And I will, once I get into the rhythm of things.
Best of all, Saturday my house was filled with love from all over the world, as far as my world is concerned. I was so incredibly happy to have so many of my friends, old and new, from near and far, from all different parts of our lives, Kris's and mine, together in the same place. It is times like those that make the whole thing worth it. Thanks to everyone who was there that made that day so special and wonderful. I know I sound like a fucking hippy but it really was that great. It really made my heart full and it was a wonderful reward/release for how hard my life has been since early spring.
I did have a long talk with Drew. And there's a part of my life we all know I've been neglecting. And hopefully now I will have the time and the willpower and the self-confidence to redevote myself to what is so important. I had an opportunity there, when times were awful, to say "Fuck this, I have a college degree, time to just give up and get a damn real job." But there the dream would have died. And I did not say fuck it. I think that's a positive sign. Now I need to make it worth the while.
~The Rock Star needs to put herself on a mission.