In my eyes, indisposed, in disguise as no one knows.....

[sekzigoddess87]

So, I got stood up last night. That's not something that really happens to me much, and when it does it usually has a good explanation, like a car accident or something. I talked to him today and his excuse was that he fell asleep and woke up. He felt bad when he realized it was past the time we were supossed to hang out. He wanted to call me but "forgot" to save my number in his phone. Needless to say, I won't be seeing him, at least not romantically. I took it as a sign. I would have only been going out with him just to have a boyfriend, anyway. I would have broken up with him in 2 weeks because he's not Justin. :sigh: I just want to be with Justin. That's all I want in this cold, cruel world. I don't understand why I had to mess everything up and make it all so complicated. Today is his birthday. I bought him a birthday present. I'll write about it in more detail after he opens it. Anyways, I requested this day off a month ago, just to see him for at least 5 minutes on his birthday. I was the first to give him a birthday comment on his myspace, (an hour before it actually happened.) I had to go do something after school but I made sure I was home at 8, so I could catch him before he went out to eat with his friends. I took a bus that dropped me off at the library and frikken walked that long ass walk all the way home, for him. Then I call him when I finally get in and he already went to the Cheesecake Factory and I won't be able to see him at all tonight. I can see him tommorow but that's not that point. I bent over backwards and it just.....I was starting to feel happy again today. I was really excited to see him, since I haven't seen him since last Sunday. Well all know what happened then. It's all shattered now. Though I am slightly upbeat because my new light pink razr arrived in the mail today, (and ironically, Justin just got a black one too. It's fate, i'm telling you. LOLZ.) However, it's just a trivial, material item. I can live without it. I can live without everything. Just not him. GOD DAMMIT. I just wanna.....idk just shoot me, just get it over with. Come on. I'd rather have a murder than a suicide. I just want to be with the person who I love who loves me back. HOW COMPLICATED IS THAT?! ARGH! Forget it, this is my last attempt to make everything right. It can go 1 of 3 ways, I just hope it swings in my direction. I LOVE U, JUSTIN. YOU HEAR ME?! I LOVE YOU! U're just gunna have to fuckin deal with it cuz i'm not gunna give up on u for as long as I live. SO THERE.

::Wednesday::

Classes 8AM-2PM.

Working 3-8.

Seeing Justin? HOPEFULLY. :)

::Thursday::

Classes 8AM-2PM.

Working 5:30-10:30.

::Friday::

CLUBBIN!

::Saturday::

Working 4-10:30.

::Sunday::

Church.