You know sometimes words have two meanings.....
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY JUSTIN!!!!! (Yesterday)
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!!
Wednesday:
These past 3 days have been hell for me, so here it goes. I had to get up at 9:30. I was working at 2 but I had to take the 11 o'clock 751 to the terminal and then 12 o'clock 770 to the mall. I had to do it that was cuz the only 751 after 11 was at 12:30 and that would make me late. I was frustrated about everything that's been going on lately. Let me give you guys an update. Basically, there's A LOT of trouble in paridise. For those of you don't know, i'll clarify what's been going on lately. So here it is in a nutshell. Over the past month, i've gradually realized that I have feelings for Chris. This is something I never expected to happen. I assumed that he would fall in love with me, like every other guy i've been friends with. First, I realized that I liked him. Then, I realized it was a lot more than that. I don't want to love him, it sucks. It's just been causing me a lot of pain because he'll never feel the same way about me. Now I know what you're thinking. Why would I be saying this if my boyfriend reads this? Well, I told him about it. About all of it. Though he wasn't happy about it, he was glad I at least told him the truth. I wanted to go on a break but he wouldn't let it happen. I can't see why he still wants to be with me. I'm constantly talking about other guys and rubbing it in his face. I'm such a terrible person to him. I can't for the life of me understand why he loves me so much. I don't deserve him and he deserves a lot better. No matter how many times I tell him, though, he just can't see that. One of these days he will, and then i'm screwed. See, the situation i'm in right now sucks. No matter what I do, i'm screwed. I risk losing 2 of the greatest guys i've ever met. If I break up with Justin, i'm screwed cuz I lose him possibly forever and may never get another chance with him. Plus, Chris doesn't want to be with me so i'd just be miserable and alone, (not that I don't deserve that. It's sad to say, but I know I do.) If I don't break up with Justin, I just continue to string him a long and he's gunna end up being more hurt by me than he already is. He'll get to the point where he'll never forgive me and never want to talk to me again, if this continues. AND If I pursue Chris, whether i'm with Justin or not, I risk losing him as well. So no matter what decision I make, i'm fuckin screwed. I love my life. So now that you're all updated, i'll continue with my day. I got to the mall went to T-Mobile to visit my buddies over there. I explained the situation to them and shit. Then I got some food and went to work. Yo, that shit was crazy. Did it all. Register, runs (which were absolutely nuts,) shoes, fitting room, etc. So i'm doing runs and all of a sudden, I look up and Chris is standing there. Turns out, he was at the mall with his brother. So I asked him to wait around for me until I went on break. So 5 comes and I go on break with him. We went to the Apple Store and went on the internet. Now I can go there on my breaks and check my myspace. See, that's when you know you're obsessed! Haha. I FUCKING HATE KARMA. I wanted to go to McDonalds. The T-Mobile stand is on the way there. Well, they saw Chris and they started talking to him. I was so embarassed! However, I got some food at McDonalds and went back there while Mirsad and Chris were chatting. Lolz. It was so weird. Then we went down to the pet store and looked at the cute puppies. I showed him where the bus stop was and we sat on a bench upstairs talking. Then he "left." Haha. Like an hour later, he comes back into the store complaining how he was outside for like an hour waiting for a bus that never came. Haha. Dork. At that point, I had pretty much decided that it would be the right thing to do to break up with Justin. Not because I wanted to though. I wanted to do it for him. I seriously think he doesn't deserve the shit I put him through and that he can do a lot better than me. He deserves someone who can appreciate him the way I should and who loves him the way he loves me. I can't appreciate him when he's so far away. I wish I was a strong enough person to deal with the distance, but i'm just not. However, somehow, we ended up agreeing to have an open relationships. The terms were that we can hook-up with whoever we want but:
1. no sex (obviously)
2. Chris is off limits to me (BASTARD)
3. When he comes home, i'm not with anyone else and i'm his girlfriend again.
I agree with everything, except for the whole Chris thing. Whatever. I'm actually a lot happier with Justin now then I have been for a long time so I guess this is good. Got some new screen tees.
Yesterday:
Woke up at fuckin 6:30 after having only 4 hours of sleep. I was mad tired and I had to work a 9-hour shift. Sucked. I got a cinnabon for breakfast when I got to the mall. Then I went up to the store. I was helping Melissa with the visuals for the first half of my shift. I had to take all the sandals off the walls and put them on racks, that matched with the clothes on the rack. That took me a long time. Then I put the rest on the back wall. Once I was done with that, I had to put purses where they were. I think I have a knack for this, it came out nice. I started putting out the hats but then it was time to go on my break. Went to T-Mobile cuz I got a bill int the mail for the phone I never used. Mirsad said he'd take care of it for me. Called Chris and I went to the apple store to check my myspace. Haha. Then I went to European Pretzel to get my lunch. After that, I just walked around Hollister and Aeropostale to kill time. When I got back, I was doing runs for the rest of the night, and clearance for the last hour I was there. Bought a corset top, which looks realli cute on me, and two necklaces. Can't buy any more clothes till I get my next paycheck, or else i'm gunna go broke. HAHA. So I leave the store and I wait for the bus. It finally comes and it's going along and all of a sudden he stops. Apparently, the engine overheated and the buss broke down. Now, here's where i'm at. I just worked a nine hour shift, after only 4 hours of sleep, and I haven't eaten since 2:30 (and it's like 8:30 at this time.) I was so upset. We had to wait an hour for the next bus to pass by and pick us up. I tried to get my dad to pick me up but he had no idea where I was when I told him, since he doesn't realli know New Milford that well. I was so upset. All I wanted to fuckin do was go home. I was exhausted, starving, and hyperventilating. I was so happy to see that bus come. I heard some dude talking about how the same thing happened to him a few weeks ago. It must be a default with the buses. So i'm happy to sa y that my transportation to school and work is a death trap. Woo fuckin hoo. I was so happy when my dad picked me up. Went to Wendy's and got 2 burgers and fries. Came home and ate it ALL. Most of you who know me, know that to eat that much is a miracle for me. HAHA. After this, I just chilled out on my computer for a while. I was actually up till like 4 in the morning. Haha.
Today:
Slept till 2. It was great. Called into work and they didn't need me but i'm putting in an extra four hours tommorow. Just chilled out at home. Did some laundry, watched Veronica Mars and Invasion, did the dishwasher, downloaded some music, etc. Had quiche for dinner, which my mom made. It was yummy. Just been doing nothing all night. It's been boring. Someone shoot me. Nite all.
::Tommorow::
Working 8-4.
::Sunday::
Church.
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!!
Wednesday:
These past 3 days have been hell for me, so here it goes. I had to get up at 9:30. I was working at 2 but I had to take the 11 o'clock 751 to the terminal and then 12 o'clock 770 to the mall. I had to do it that was cuz the only 751 after 11 was at 12:30 and that would make me late. I was frustrated about everything that's been going on lately. Let me give you guys an update. Basically, there's A LOT of trouble in paridise. For those of you don't know, i'll clarify what's been going on lately. So here it is in a nutshell. Over the past month, i've gradually realized that I have feelings for Chris. This is something I never expected to happen. I assumed that he would fall in love with me, like every other guy i've been friends with. First, I realized that I liked him. Then, I realized it was a lot more than that. I don't want to love him, it sucks. It's just been causing me a lot of pain because he'll never feel the same way about me. Now I know what you're thinking. Why would I be saying this if my boyfriend reads this? Well, I told him about it. About all of it. Though he wasn't happy about it, he was glad I at least told him the truth. I wanted to go on a break but he wouldn't let it happen. I can't see why he still wants to be with me. I'm constantly talking about other guys and rubbing it in his face. I'm such a terrible person to him. I can't for the life of me understand why he loves me so much. I don't deserve him and he deserves a lot better. No matter how many times I tell him, though, he just can't see that. One of these days he will, and then i'm screwed. See, the situation i'm in right now sucks. No matter what I do, i'm screwed. I risk losing 2 of the greatest guys i've ever met. If I break up with Justin, i'm screwed cuz I lose him possibly forever and may never get another chance with him. Plus, Chris doesn't want to be with me so i'd just be miserable and alone, (not that I don't deserve that. It's sad to say, but I know I do.) If I don't break up with Justin, I just continue to string him a long and he's gunna end up being more hurt by me than he already is. He'll get to the point where he'll never forgive me and never want to talk to me again, if this continues. AND If I pursue Chris, whether i'm with Justin or not, I risk losing him as well. So no matter what decision I make, i'm fuckin screwed. I love my life. So now that you're all updated, i'll continue with my day. I got to the mall went to T-Mobile to visit my buddies over there. I explained the situation to them and shit. Then I got some food and went to work. Yo, that shit was crazy. Did it all. Register, runs (which were absolutely nuts,) shoes, fitting room, etc. So i'm doing runs and all of a sudden, I look up and Chris is standing there. Turns out, he was at the mall with his brother. So I asked him to wait around for me until I went on break. So 5 comes and I go on break with him. We went to the Apple Store and went on the internet. Now I can go there on my breaks and check my myspace. See, that's when you know you're obsessed! Haha. I FUCKING HATE KARMA. I wanted to go to McDonalds. The T-Mobile stand is on the way there. Well, they saw Chris and they started talking to him. I was so embarassed! However, I got some food at McDonalds and went back there while Mirsad and Chris were chatting. Lolz. It was so weird. Then we went down to the pet store and looked at the cute puppies. I showed him where the bus stop was and we sat on a bench upstairs talking. Then he "left." Haha. Like an hour later, he comes back into the store complaining how he was outside for like an hour waiting for a bus that never came. Haha. Dork. At that point, I had pretty much decided that it would be the right thing to do to break up with Justin. Not because I wanted to though. I wanted to do it for him. I seriously think he doesn't deserve the shit I put him through and that he can do a lot better than me. He deserves someone who can appreciate him the way I should and who loves him the way he loves me. I can't appreciate him when he's so far away. I wish I was a strong enough person to deal with the distance, but i'm just not. However, somehow, we ended up agreeing to have an open relationships. The terms were that we can hook-up with whoever we want but:
1. no sex (obviously)
2. Chris is off limits to me (BASTARD)
3. When he comes home, i'm not with anyone else and i'm his girlfriend again.
I agree with everything, except for the whole Chris thing. Whatever. I'm actually a lot happier with Justin now then I have been for a long time so I guess this is good. Got some new screen tees.
Yesterday:
Woke up at fuckin 6:30 after having only 4 hours of sleep. I was mad tired and I had to work a 9-hour shift. Sucked. I got a cinnabon for breakfast when I got to the mall. Then I went up to the store. I was helping Melissa with the visuals for the first half of my shift. I had to take all the sandals off the walls and put them on racks, that matched with the clothes on the rack. That took me a long time. Then I put the rest on the back wall. Once I was done with that, I had to put purses where they were. I think I have a knack for this, it came out nice. I started putting out the hats but then it was time to go on my break. Went to T-Mobile cuz I got a bill int the mail for the phone I never used. Mirsad said he'd take care of it for me. Called Chris and I went to the apple store to check my myspace. Haha. Then I went to European Pretzel to get my lunch. After that, I just walked around Hollister and Aeropostale to kill time. When I got back, I was doing runs for the rest of the night, and clearance for the last hour I was there. Bought a corset top, which looks realli cute on me, and two necklaces. Can't buy any more clothes till I get my next paycheck, or else i'm gunna go broke. HAHA. So I leave the store and I wait for the bus. It finally comes and it's going along and all of a sudden he stops. Apparently, the engine overheated and the buss broke down. Now, here's where i'm at. I just worked a nine hour shift, after only 4 hours of sleep, and I haven't eaten since 2:30 (and it's like 8:30 at this time.) I was so upset. We had to wait an hour for the next bus to pass by and pick us up. I tried to get my dad to pick me up but he had no idea where I was when I told him, since he doesn't realli know New Milford that well. I was so upset. All I wanted to fuckin do was go home. I was exhausted, starving, and hyperventilating. I was so happy to see that bus come. I heard some dude talking about how the same thing happened to him a few weeks ago. It must be a default with the buses. So i'm happy to sa y that my transportation to school and work is a death trap. Woo fuckin hoo. I was so happy when my dad picked me up. Went to Wendy's and got 2 burgers and fries. Came home and ate it ALL. Most of you who know me, know that to eat that much is a miracle for me. HAHA. After this, I just chilled out on my computer for a while. I was actually up till like 4 in the morning. Haha.
Today:
Slept till 2. It was great. Called into work and they didn't need me but i'm putting in an extra four hours tommorow. Just chilled out at home. Did some laundry, watched Veronica Mars and Invasion, did the dishwasher, downloaded some music, etc. Had quiche for dinner, which my mom made. It was yummy. Just been doing nothing all night. It's been boring. Someone shoot me. Nite all.
::Tommorow::
Working 8-4.
::Sunday::
Church.