(no subject)
Just goes to show you what a little bit of peanut butter can do to spice up your life:
ICB687: gosh, i can't think of anything worthwhile...that cursed writer's block. u know, they say there's only one remedy for writer's block.
Vip4867415: peanut butter?
ICB687: u obliterated my witty reply, smartass.
Vip4867415: ha ha ha
ICB687: sheesh. that leaves one final remedy. and it is known as...
Vip4867415: what?
ICB687: sex.
ICB687: BUT not 'sex'. u see, in this instance, the 'x' is silent, so it's pronounced like 'say'. 'sex' is a ancient practice created sometime during the height of the mesopotamian era, somewhere in a remote farming village between the two rivers, the tigris and euphrates. ok. let's see...there was a young man named Ooota who one day sat eating a handful of mesopotamian peanut butter, and had a brilliant, stunningly genius solution to his predicament. u see, Ooota was a poet in the royal court of Quatowato VII. now. Quatowato was a wanker. a very ugly, mesopotamian wanker who, if he didn't like u, would dip your twig and berries in honey and have you dry hump a mound of mesopotamian killer ants...a very cruel punishment indeed. anyways, Ooota needed a poem to present to his royalness, but he couldn't find the words to express his thoughts. that was until he had his genius solution while sitting on his porch staring at the peanut butter in his hands. so...later that night, Ooota tells his problem to his wife, Suuuka. she is a very loving women and was willing to do anything to help her husband's writer's block - otherwise she would have no more husband. so she says 'Ooota, my love, i wish i could help, but my mind provides no answers. i am afraid you and your twig and berries will perish'. this was not reassuring for Ooota. after 15 minutes of awkward silence, Suuka said 'i give up. it seems u will die, Ooota ...but before u go, place your twig and berries between my legs. i want to know what they feel like before they are merciliessly devoured by ants. Ooota, startled by the imagery, does what his wife says. so he slept between her legs, and while he was there, he remembered the peanut butter and he understood how the peanut butter was the grand unifier of the cosmos, and he got excited, so excited he startled his wife, and she nearly jumped when Ooota was shaking with joy, while still between her legs, mind you. next day. he goes to the royal court and impresses Quatowato VII so greatly he orders every other writer in the mesopotamian countrysides to be sent to their deaths dry humping ant hills. and thus, in the great tradition of assigning arbitrary terms to literary events and techniques, Ooota calls his moment of excitement and realization 'sex'. the end.