mathom post

[sekrit_omg]

Title: How Am I Different
Rating: R/NC17
Pairing: Stan/Kyle
Summary: Stan and Kyle both lose something. Two things, in Kyle's case. Sequel to First Settlements.
Notes: Spoilers for ASOIAF. Mathom.

part i | part ii | part iii

Comments

[julads]

I've said this like three times now, but I was so, so, so thrilled to see you had posted more of this verse. It was really good to read from Stan's point of view this time, too, because even though my default opinion of point of view changes is generally one of heavy skepticism (although it's true, this isn't a classic chaptered fic either), I felt like we really needed to see from Stan's eyes this time in order to see their actual relationship, because this Kyle is pretty much the most self-absorbed Kyle ever.

The troubling thing about this is that Kyle is obviously going to be very focused on himself because his agony over his body prevents him from ever really being at ease. And poor Stan does every little thing he possibly can to try to make life easier for Kyle, which basically means bowing to Kyle's every whim and hoping this will satisfy him. This doesn't actually solve anything, because Kyle is really all over the place with his desires. He doesn't want Stan to leave, then he wants him to leave. Giving Stan the benefit of the doubt is something he simply cannot do. He's not seeing Stan as an real person who has also feelings, which was so miserably evident when he says this: "Like I said before, or - sometime. It must be nice to only occasionally be confused and upset." What's so sad about this is Stan is confused and upset pretty much constantly throughout this story.

Stan lying in the grass for two hours at the party is essentially where he is right now in their relationship: completely passive, at a total fucking loss, and too guilted to get up and leave (literally, because Stan is Kyle's ride home), even though he probably should, because Kyle thinking it's okay to drunkenly tell him he doesn't want to be in a relationship going into college is the shittiest thing to drop on somebody at a Fourth of July party, even worse when he backtracks on this later and pretends like everything is fine, talking about hot dogs and shit.

I'm just really angry at Kyle. And I feel so sad for Stan and the general disconnect between them. It was actually a huge relief for me that Stan finally breaks down and cries at the end. He's been needing to do that all summer.

I'm anxiously awaiting to see what happens next! Thanks for continuing to write this verse! I really, really enjoy it.

[sekrit_omg]

Hi! I owe SO MANY stupid comments and reviews it's now ridiculous, and I can't even reply to this without saying that, so, hey.

I'm glad you felt that seeing this, or at least this one part, from Stan's point-of-view was useful, because I certainly felt that getting a load of Kyle through someone else's perspective was going to be necessary. I write a lot of self-absorbed Kyles but this one's pretty horrible here, yeah. I hope that's okay and it's not off-putting. (It's probably horribly off-putting.)

>> Kyle is really all over the place with his desires

Yes, yes he sure is, and he's sort of conscious of it and self-conscious about it, and he can't help it. But that doesn't make it any easier on Stan or help the other people in Kyle's life feel better about being caught in the middle of his emotional turmoil. The reason I want to write another part of this is to come back to Stan and Kyle down the road from this and examine how they get on when they're older and more removed from adolescence/high school/each other, in some ways. Stan will learn in time to stick up for himself and will become an adult whose life doesn't revolve around this one person or this one group of people. I guess it's accurate to say that this is Stan's nadir, or both of theirs.

I'm really really glad you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading.