Abandoned fic post
So here's the thing, I come up with so many ideas for SP fan porns, I can't possibly finish or even begin most of them. So this post is where I'm writing out some of those dead fics, mostly the ones I can remember. Man, there's just so many South Park plot bunnies in my brain. Is that a term people still use? People used it all the time in the hobbit fandom back in the day. It's kind of stupid, if you think about it.
Anyway, the plots in here are all things I'm not finishing, so in case you don't care to be spoiled, don't worry, there's nothing to spoil. I have other stories in progress that I intend to finish; I just can't complete everything, because that would be insane. I mean, maybe I'll write at most one of these, the last one, but honestly, probably not, as much as I love the idea. Eh, I should shut up. Here you go, it's all under the cut.
Maybe this should be a meme. That's right, you should do the same. It'll be fun.
Snorky - 4500 words
This is one of the earliest, earliest things I tried to write. Maybe it even predates TOT. Stan and Kyle are trying to adopt a baby, but they are sabotaged by Cartman. Stan is disappointed, but Kyle gets massively depressed, so to cheer him up and/or distract him, Stan buys him a super nice dog, an Italian greyhound, because I felt those were really gay, or something. That's about where I stopped writing, but the thrust of the story was going to be a farce about Stan and Kyle getting involved in the world of dog competitions, or ... whatever. Of course.
Butters/Kyle math blowjob
Man, I never even tried with this, but back when Andrew was around, he loooooved Butters and wanted me to write about him a lot, and suggested I write a really porny story where Kyle is tutoring Butters in geometry. Kyle inevitably would get super pissed at Butters for being a moron, and then yell at him, and then feel bad, and then apologize to Butters the only way Kyle knows how, with a blowjob. Yeah, I didn't write this.
Cancer/Suicide fic - several bits and pieces, but nothing worth reproducing
I thought this was going to be a great idea. Maybe it was, but I didn't follow through, mostly because I told Foodstamp that idea and my enthusiasm burned off. I was going to call it "Trophy Wife." This is what I wrote to her, way back when:
Background: Kyle and Stan are gay together, OMG, who knew. Kyle is sleazy and made a lot of money, in part because he basically stole it from Cartman. Stan was a bad poet and basically never did anything with his life. They're maybe like 30. Kyle is insecure and thinks he's ugly and that Stan's going to leave him. Little does he realize Stan has no other prospects because he's lame. Stan keeps trying to write pretty things, and he and Kenny write together because Kenny has some actual talent, but isn't getting published because he's actually a coal miner and maybe he's missing an eye. I didn't decide exactly how cliched I should make this. So because what else is going to happen? Kyle gets lymphoma and dies. It's very horrible and dramatic. Cartman and Wendy are together, and they have a kid because he got her pregnant in high school. Stan and Wendy are best friends, and Cartman resents Stan and Kyle because they're basically just horrible to him, and whatever flaws he may have, he's basically a decent guy who doesn't really deserve it. Butters is an academic and he moves to New York and only comes back every now and then, like when Kyle is dying.
Anyway, with Kyle dead, Stan basically realizes that he has no reason to live, because he basically has nothing. He's close to Wendy and Kenny and his mom, but that's basically it. So he kills himself.
This is all backstory. None of that happens in the actual story.
So the story basically opens with Stan's dad finding his body, and he and Sharon flip out, Sharon in particular, because she and Stan were really tight. Shelly comes in and is trying to hold things together. They read the suicide note, and it basically says that Stan wants to be buried next to Kyle, and they do some looking into it and figure out that Stan and Kyle own the plot next to Kyle, but it's a Jewish cemetery and Stan can't be buried there because he's not Jewish, gay, and killed himself. But the rabbi there (or whoever) feels really bad for Sharon and Randy, so he agrees to find them two plots where Stan and Kyle can be buried together.
So Sharon goes to Sheila Broflovski and basically asks to dig up Kyle's corpse and have it reinterred somewhere else next to Stan, and in like the next day because they have to have a funeral. Sheila basically flips the fuck out and goes off on Sharon, and Sharon's miserable and no one's happy.
Ike comes back (he lives in Toronto, where he's a lawyer) to go to Stan's funeral, and his parents tell him about this thing with the Marshes wanting them to rebury Kyle, and Ike is very sympathetic and basically says, "Their son just killed himself, what's it to you?" And so Ike and his parents start fighting.
Blah blah blah, this is taking too long. There's a funeral, and it turns out that Stan left his money to Kenny and Wendy (and Wendy's daughter, Mabel) and his material possessions to Ike, so Ike gets the house. Cartman is fucking furious, because a) Stan's money came from Kyle, and Kyle basically fucked Cartman over, and b) the only decent thing Cartman ever did in his life was try to do right by his family, and as he sees it Stan and Kyle are basically mocking him from beyond the grave, like emasculating him because now he can't even send his kid to college, his wife's stupid dead gay friend is doing it. So Cartman's not happy about that. Ike basically has them all to the house to try to get it cleaned up, and he and Shelly have some history of not getting along, and there's some bullshit there.
So basically Wendy and Kenny and Butters are hanging out with Ike at this house trying to get it cleaned up so it can be put on the market so he can go back to Canada, and there's a minor subplot about no one knowing if Butters is gay, and Butters is dating someone who's genderqueer, so that's like no help at all. Kenny is very cynical about the whole thing, and he basically says that Stan was a worthless human being and Kyle was vain and cruel and petty, and Ike gets pissed at him, and is like, "Don't say that shit about my dead brother and Stan," and Kenny is like, they don't care what I say about them, I was here while they were alive, and now they're not. OMG DEEP.
So basically they're like cleaning up this house, and they find all these creepy things, like love poetry and dildos and pictures and just ... you know, stuff. And Ike is trying to make sense of it all, and figure out what it means and whether it should mean anything to anyone since these people are dead. Butters has to go back to New York so Kenny invites both of them to lunch the next day, and it turns out he invited Cartman too, and Cartman is like, "I don't want to have lunch with Ike Broflovski," and Ike is like, "Who the fuck are you?" And it's all very awkward. And Butters goes back crying or something because everyone's just miserable.
So then Ike goes to his mother and basically gives her an ultimatum, either she lets the Marshes rebury Kyle with Stan or she'll never see him again. She's like, "I already lost one son, how can you threaten me with that?" And Ike is like, "Because I have to do whatever it takes to leave here with at least one person getting some closure."
So that's what happens, and there's a little service where Stan and Kyle are basically buried together, and everyone's there (except for Cartman, who doesn't want anything to do with them) and absolutely no one is happy, except for Ike, who thinks he did the right thing, and Sharon, who isn't happy, per se, but she feels at little better that she was finally able to see Stan get some kind of fulfilment, albeit in death.
If I really wanted to make it cliched I would have tacked on an epilogue of Stan and Kyle doing something ominous 10 years previously.
Anyway, probably stupid. But, different than your average deathfic, because the dead people are already dead, and Stan and Kyle aren't actually in the story. At all. They're too dead.
Cinvxten - 5000 words
So called because I got the idea from Cinvxten, who wanted to see a story about Stan and Kyle breaking up, and then attempting to get back together years later, with some kind of "do not open until Christmas" sort of gift being symbolic of their decision to get back together, or not. So I took this and started writing a story where Stan and Kyle had broken up before college, because Kyle thought it best, but Stan wanted to do a long-distance thing. Going forward 10 years, Stan lives in New York and is a performance artist, and all of his work is basically about Kyle, wanting to get back together with Kyle. (Clearly he's not a good performance artist, because fuck, how boring and self-absorbed.) Meanwhile, Kyle is like married to -- here's the thing, I couldn't decide -- either Token or Clyde. Probably Token. So anyway, Kyle/Token, and Token's running for Congress in Colorado, and it's dicey because Kyle's really bored with him and there isn't a lot of love there, but he's got a nice, bland thing going, and he's really invested in being part of this stable gay couple for the part of Token's (or Clyde's, whoever, like it matters, but Token's better) political career.
Back in New York, Stan's got a boyfriend he met singing showtunes at a piano bar, and said boyfriend is trying to transition to female, which Stan is not into, so he goes home to Colorado to stew. He has dinner with Kyle and they end up hooking up, and Stan expects they'll get back together and Kyle is like, "Um, no." But Kyle's perfectly content to carry on cheating. Stan breaks up with his boyfriend/girlfriend (things are dicey there) and I'm sure it blows up in Kyle's face, but I never wrote that far. Also Wendy was hanging out, in law school at Fordham.
ICALWTSY prequel
Posted some or all of what I had here. That story doesn't need a prequel. I guess this is evidence of how some of my ideas just burn off really quickly.
Also in that scrap post, lots of other things I never finished, none of them really all that interesting. I guess I used that DA post for, like, a pasted-together look at smaller things I wasn't going to use anywhere.
stan slits his wrists - 5500 words
Maybe my favorite idea I won't finish. Stan does not slit his wirsts, actually, it's metaphorical. Apparently I only wrote 12 pages of this, which is odd, because the idea is so fixed in my brain.
What's weird is that it's in Kyle's point-of-view, like, he's narrating. I try not to write first-person or Kyle's point of view, so that's pretty unusual. Kyle's a grad student studying European history and Stan teaches fourth grade at some shitty inner-city school. Stan plays crunk little songs he writes to his students and Kyle hangs out with Kenny, who's an obnoxious sloth. Kyle is convinced that Kenny had designs on Stan, but actually he's got designs on Butters, who works at a women's clothing resale shop. That's as far as I wrote, but my intended endpoint was that Stan gets fired for singing his students a song about periods or something. Then Stan and Kyle are really poor and up a creek without a paddle. Then what was going to happen? Who knows.
Kyle's mpreg hell - 700 words
Or whatever. Another thing I started writing early, and stopped writing early. Kyle dies (no idea how) and Stan kills himself to get to hell to find him but I guess in hell you forget who you were so Stan doesn't remember what he's doing there until Kenny shows up, but since Kenny doesn't really die he reminds Stan of what he's killed himself for, and they go looking Kyle, who's obviously pregnant with Damien's love child now, or whatever, yeah, this didn't have a lot of traction.
Kyle gets his dick pieced
I posted what I have here. I really don't know what else to say about this. Um. Maybe Andrew gave me the idea? Who can remember.
Stan's slutty European escapade
Here. So, way way back in the day, emzyme was having a porn contest, and I was going to enter it, but then she died, so I didn't, I just posted the scrap. The idea was to contrast Kyle mooning over Stan, waiting for him to come home, with Stan having sex with lots of insulting European stereotypes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Heh. ... Ugh.
Abstinence fic
My original idea for the boys i mean are not refined contest of 2008 (of which ICALWTSY was my ultimate effort) was to write a story where the kids are in eighth grade or something and they're asked to take a vow of purity. (I was coming up with this idea in summer 2008, so before "The Ring.") Everyone in the grade does, except for Kyle, who doesn't want to sign any pledges to Jesus. I was going to try to tell it through Kenny's first-person perspective, and I decided I just couldn't do it. Kids in the class are faithful to this pledge to varying degrees; I don't think Kenny makes it, but Stan and Wendy are good almost to the end of high school, when Stan wants to get married because he really wants to bang her. So Wendy gets freaked out, because she's not ready to get married, and ends up having sex with Kyle, who suspects he's asexual and wants to find out. So, yeah, that's a big clusterfuck. It's been so long I can't remember anything else about this, although I put something from it in that DA scrap post. Yeah, that's all I can recall. It didn't work out.
intersex Kyle - 2500 words
Exactly what it sounds like. Totally incomplete.
physiotherpy - like, nothing
My favorite thing I can't write. Here's what I said about it when I was describing it to negniahn:
Kyle is about 35ish or something, and he signs up for physical therapy at a (mostly gay) gym because he hurt his back and needs, you know, physical therapy. I don't know a lot about physical therapy, but I know people need it. Anyway, it turns out that the therapist he's assigned to is Stan, and they haven't talked for a while. Stan always thought Kyle was gay and is like totally not shocked to see him, but it turns out that Kyle just came out recently and hurt his back when he told his wife and asked for a divorce and she pushed him down the stairs. Stan and Kyle get super close and clearly want each other but they can't be together because it's super fucking complicated for Kyle. He lives with his parents (because his wife has his house, which they're trying to sell while they liquidate their assets) and he is a partner at a law firm, but his wife works there, too, and she is trying to sever all ties to him and move out of the state, like maybe she's from Boston or they met going to law school at Harvard or something, you know, whatever. Stan is shocked to find out that Kyle has a kid, who is like 4, that he barely ever gets to see, first because he works so much and then because he just let his wife have 100 percent custody in their amicable, uncontested divorce settlement. It turns out that Stan is a serial monogamist and is desperate to have a child. He's on like all these adoption waiting lists, but no one wants to give a kid to a single, gay father. (The single thing is the bigger issue.) He bought a nice little two-bedroom bungalow, though, because he thought it would help him get a kid, and he lives in it by himself and is pretty lonely. Stan encourages Kyle to try to take his ex-wife to court to get more custody of the kid or better visitation or to at least stop her from moving with Kyle's child to the other side of the country, but Kyle's specialty is actually family law, and he can't bear to put his kid through the bullshit he sees other people go through, he thinks it's just way better to let him go with his mother and see him rarely if ever. Stan is horrified about this whole situation and something something Kyle moves in with him and they have babies.
And I'm sure there's more, but lord, that's a lot of stories I'm not writing. But I guess what's left over must be pure gold.
Anyway, the plots in here are all things I'm not finishing, so in case you don't care to be spoiled, don't worry, there's nothing to spoil. I have other stories in progress that I intend to finish; I just can't complete everything, because that would be insane. I mean, maybe I'll write at most one of these, the last one, but honestly, probably not, as much as I love the idea. Eh, I should shut up. Here you go, it's all under the cut.
Maybe this should be a meme. That's right, you should do the same. It'll be fun.
Snorky - 4500 words
This is one of the earliest, earliest things I tried to write. Maybe it even predates TOT. Stan and Kyle are trying to adopt a baby, but they are sabotaged by Cartman. Stan is disappointed, but Kyle gets massively depressed, so to cheer him up and/or distract him, Stan buys him a super nice dog, an Italian greyhound, because I felt those were really gay, or something. That's about where I stopped writing, but the thrust of the story was going to be a farce about Stan and Kyle getting involved in the world of dog competitions, or ... whatever. Of course.
Butters/Kyle math blowjob
Man, I never even tried with this, but back when Andrew was around, he loooooved Butters and wanted me to write about him a lot, and suggested I write a really porny story where Kyle is tutoring Butters in geometry. Kyle inevitably would get super pissed at Butters for being a moron, and then yell at him, and then feel bad, and then apologize to Butters the only way Kyle knows how, with a blowjob. Yeah, I didn't write this.
Cancer/Suicide fic - several bits and pieces, but nothing worth reproducing
I thought this was going to be a great idea. Maybe it was, but I didn't follow through, mostly because I told Foodstamp that idea and my enthusiasm burned off. I was going to call it "Trophy Wife." This is what I wrote to her, way back when:
Background: Kyle and Stan are gay together, OMG, who knew. Kyle is sleazy and made a lot of money, in part because he basically stole it from Cartman. Stan was a bad poet and basically never did anything with his life. They're maybe like 30. Kyle is insecure and thinks he's ugly and that Stan's going to leave him. Little does he realize Stan has no other prospects because he's lame. Stan keeps trying to write pretty things, and he and Kenny write together because Kenny has some actual talent, but isn't getting published because he's actually a coal miner and maybe he's missing an eye. I didn't decide exactly how cliched I should make this. So because what else is going to happen? Kyle gets lymphoma and dies. It's very horrible and dramatic. Cartman and Wendy are together, and they have a kid because he got her pregnant in high school. Stan and Wendy are best friends, and Cartman resents Stan and Kyle because they're basically just horrible to him, and whatever flaws he may have, he's basically a decent guy who doesn't really deserve it. Butters is an academic and he moves to New York and only comes back every now and then, like when Kyle is dying.
Anyway, with Kyle dead, Stan basically realizes that he has no reason to live, because he basically has nothing. He's close to Wendy and Kenny and his mom, but that's basically it. So he kills himself.
This is all backstory. None of that happens in the actual story.
So the story basically opens with Stan's dad finding his body, and he and Sharon flip out, Sharon in particular, because she and Stan were really tight. Shelly comes in and is trying to hold things together. They read the suicide note, and it basically says that Stan wants to be buried next to Kyle, and they do some looking into it and figure out that Stan and Kyle own the plot next to Kyle, but it's a Jewish cemetery and Stan can't be buried there because he's not Jewish, gay, and killed himself. But the rabbi there (or whoever) feels really bad for Sharon and Randy, so he agrees to find them two plots where Stan and Kyle can be buried together.
So Sharon goes to Sheila Broflovski and basically asks to dig up Kyle's corpse and have it reinterred somewhere else next to Stan, and in like the next day because they have to have a funeral. Sheila basically flips the fuck out and goes off on Sharon, and Sharon's miserable and no one's happy.
Ike comes back (he lives in Toronto, where he's a lawyer) to go to Stan's funeral, and his parents tell him about this thing with the Marshes wanting them to rebury Kyle, and Ike is very sympathetic and basically says, "Their son just killed himself, what's it to you?" And so Ike and his parents start fighting.
Blah blah blah, this is taking too long. There's a funeral, and it turns out that Stan left his money to Kenny and Wendy (and Wendy's daughter, Mabel) and his material possessions to Ike, so Ike gets the house. Cartman is fucking furious, because a) Stan's money came from Kyle, and Kyle basically fucked Cartman over, and b) the only decent thing Cartman ever did in his life was try to do right by his family, and as he sees it Stan and Kyle are basically mocking him from beyond the grave, like emasculating him because now he can't even send his kid to college, his wife's stupid dead gay friend is doing it. So Cartman's not happy about that. Ike basically has them all to the house to try to get it cleaned up, and he and Shelly have some history of not getting along, and there's some bullshit there.
So basically Wendy and Kenny and Butters are hanging out with Ike at this house trying to get it cleaned up so it can be put on the market so he can go back to Canada, and there's a minor subplot about no one knowing if Butters is gay, and Butters is dating someone who's genderqueer, so that's like no help at all. Kenny is very cynical about the whole thing, and he basically says that Stan was a worthless human being and Kyle was vain and cruel and petty, and Ike gets pissed at him, and is like, "Don't say that shit about my dead brother and Stan," and Kenny is like, they don't care what I say about them, I was here while they were alive, and now they're not. OMG DEEP.
So basically they're like cleaning up this house, and they find all these creepy things, like love poetry and dildos and pictures and just ... you know, stuff. And Ike is trying to make sense of it all, and figure out what it means and whether it should mean anything to anyone since these people are dead. Butters has to go back to New York so Kenny invites both of them to lunch the next day, and it turns out he invited Cartman too, and Cartman is like, "I don't want to have lunch with Ike Broflovski," and Ike is like, "Who the fuck are you?" And it's all very awkward. And Butters goes back crying or something because everyone's just miserable.
So then Ike goes to his mother and basically gives her an ultimatum, either she lets the Marshes rebury Kyle with Stan or she'll never see him again. She's like, "I already lost one son, how can you threaten me with that?" And Ike is like, "Because I have to do whatever it takes to leave here with at least one person getting some closure."
So that's what happens, and there's a little service where Stan and Kyle are basically buried together, and everyone's there (except for Cartman, who doesn't want anything to do with them) and absolutely no one is happy, except for Ike, who thinks he did the right thing, and Sharon, who isn't happy, per se, but she feels at little better that she was finally able to see Stan get some kind of fulfilment, albeit in death.
If I really wanted to make it cliched I would have tacked on an epilogue of Stan and Kyle doing something ominous 10 years previously.
Anyway, probably stupid. But, different than your average deathfic, because the dead people are already dead, and Stan and Kyle aren't actually in the story. At all. They're too dead.
Cinvxten - 5000 words
So called because I got the idea from Cinvxten, who wanted to see a story about Stan and Kyle breaking up, and then attempting to get back together years later, with some kind of "do not open until Christmas" sort of gift being symbolic of their decision to get back together, or not. So I took this and started writing a story where Stan and Kyle had broken up before college, because Kyle thought it best, but Stan wanted to do a long-distance thing. Going forward 10 years, Stan lives in New York and is a performance artist, and all of his work is basically about Kyle, wanting to get back together with Kyle. (Clearly he's not a good performance artist, because fuck, how boring and self-absorbed.) Meanwhile, Kyle is like married to -- here's the thing, I couldn't decide -- either Token or Clyde. Probably Token. So anyway, Kyle/Token, and Token's running for Congress in Colorado, and it's dicey because Kyle's really bored with him and there isn't a lot of love there, but he's got a nice, bland thing going, and he's really invested in being part of this stable gay couple for the part of Token's (or Clyde's, whoever, like it matters, but Token's better) political career.
Back in New York, Stan's got a boyfriend he met singing showtunes at a piano bar, and said boyfriend is trying to transition to female, which Stan is not into, so he goes home to Colorado to stew. He has dinner with Kyle and they end up hooking up, and Stan expects they'll get back together and Kyle is like, "Um, no." But Kyle's perfectly content to carry on cheating. Stan breaks up with his boyfriend/girlfriend (things are dicey there) and I'm sure it blows up in Kyle's face, but I never wrote that far. Also Wendy was hanging out, in law school at Fordham.
ICALWTSY prequel
Posted some or all of what I had here. That story doesn't need a prequel. I guess this is evidence of how some of my ideas just burn off really quickly.
Also in that scrap post, lots of other things I never finished, none of them really all that interesting. I guess I used that DA post for, like, a pasted-together look at smaller things I wasn't going to use anywhere.
stan slits his wrists - 5500 words
Maybe my favorite idea I won't finish. Stan does not slit his wirsts, actually, it's metaphorical. Apparently I only wrote 12 pages of this, which is odd, because the idea is so fixed in my brain.
What's weird is that it's in Kyle's point-of-view, like, he's narrating. I try not to write first-person or Kyle's point of view, so that's pretty unusual. Kyle's a grad student studying European history and Stan teaches fourth grade at some shitty inner-city school. Stan plays crunk little songs he writes to his students and Kyle hangs out with Kenny, who's an obnoxious sloth. Kyle is convinced that Kenny had designs on Stan, but actually he's got designs on Butters, who works at a women's clothing resale shop. That's as far as I wrote, but my intended endpoint was that Stan gets fired for singing his students a song about periods or something. Then Stan and Kyle are really poor and up a creek without a paddle. Then what was going to happen? Who knows.
Kyle's mpreg hell - 700 words
Or whatever. Another thing I started writing early, and stopped writing early. Kyle dies (no idea how) and Stan kills himself to get to hell to find him but I guess in hell you forget who you were so Stan doesn't remember what he's doing there until Kenny shows up, but since Kenny doesn't really die he reminds Stan of what he's killed himself for, and they go looking Kyle, who's obviously pregnant with Damien's love child now, or whatever, yeah, this didn't have a lot of traction.
Kyle gets his dick pieced
I posted what I have here. I really don't know what else to say about this. Um. Maybe Andrew gave me the idea? Who can remember.
Stan's slutty European escapade
Here. So, way way back in the day, emzyme was having a porn contest, and I was going to enter it, but then she died, so I didn't, I just posted the scrap. The idea was to contrast Kyle mooning over Stan, waiting for him to come home, with Stan having sex with lots of insulting European stereotypes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Heh. ... Ugh.
Abstinence fic
My original idea for the boys i mean are not refined contest of 2008 (of which ICALWTSY was my ultimate effort) was to write a story where the kids are in eighth grade or something and they're asked to take a vow of purity. (I was coming up with this idea in summer 2008, so before "The Ring.") Everyone in the grade does, except for Kyle, who doesn't want to sign any pledges to Jesus. I was going to try to tell it through Kenny's first-person perspective, and I decided I just couldn't do it. Kids in the class are faithful to this pledge to varying degrees; I don't think Kenny makes it, but Stan and Wendy are good almost to the end of high school, when Stan wants to get married because he really wants to bang her. So Wendy gets freaked out, because she's not ready to get married, and ends up having sex with Kyle, who suspects he's asexual and wants to find out. So, yeah, that's a big clusterfuck. It's been so long I can't remember anything else about this, although I put something from it in that DA scrap post. Yeah, that's all I can recall. It didn't work out.
intersex Kyle - 2500 words
Exactly what it sounds like. Totally incomplete.
physiotherpy - like, nothing
My favorite thing I can't write. Here's what I said about it when I was describing it to negniahn:
Kyle is about 35ish or something, and he signs up for physical therapy at a (mostly gay) gym because he hurt his back and needs, you know, physical therapy. I don't know a lot about physical therapy, but I know people need it. Anyway, it turns out that the therapist he's assigned to is Stan, and they haven't talked for a while. Stan always thought Kyle was gay and is like totally not shocked to see him, but it turns out that Kyle just came out recently and hurt his back when he told his wife and asked for a divorce and she pushed him down the stairs. Stan and Kyle get super close and clearly want each other but they can't be together because it's super fucking complicated for Kyle. He lives with his parents (because his wife has his house, which they're trying to sell while they liquidate their assets) and he is a partner at a law firm, but his wife works there, too, and she is trying to sever all ties to him and move out of the state, like maybe she's from Boston or they met going to law school at Harvard or something, you know, whatever. Stan is shocked to find out that Kyle has a kid, who is like 4, that he barely ever gets to see, first because he works so much and then because he just let his wife have 100 percent custody in their amicable, uncontested divorce settlement. It turns out that Stan is a serial monogamist and is desperate to have a child. He's on like all these adoption waiting lists, but no one wants to give a kid to a single, gay father. (The single thing is the bigger issue.) He bought a nice little two-bedroom bungalow, though, because he thought it would help him get a kid, and he lives in it by himself and is pretty lonely. Stan encourages Kyle to try to take his ex-wife to court to get more custody of the kid or better visitation or to at least stop her from moving with Kyle's child to the other side of the country, but Kyle's specialty is actually family law, and he can't bear to put his kid through the bullshit he sees other people go through, he thinks it's just way better to let him go with his mother and see him rarely if ever. Stan is horrified about this whole situation and something something Kyle moves in with him and they have babies.
And I'm sure there's more, but lord, that's a lot of stories I'm not writing. But I guess what's left over must be pure gold.