Hear Here
About three weeks ago, I noticed that I was having problems with my left ear. It felt/sounded like something was sliding around in there, and I was having trouble hearing part of the time. I thought it was earwax, which I've always had a problem with, so I got some drops. Tried them for a few days, but after the first couple of times it didn't help anymore. Then I thought it might be allergies, which I haven't had in years but they COULD come back, so I started taking allergy meds to see if that would clear things up. Instead, it got worse, and finally I could hear almost nothing on my left side; the pressure was also rather intense, and it felt like someone had stuffed cotton wool in my head. My supervisor suggested it might be a blocked tube behind the eardrum; that had happened to her, and it sounded like what she was describing. It was over a week before I could get a doctor appointment, so by the time I got in to see him, I'd been partially deaf for close to two weeks. He found that it actually WAS earwax; a giant piece had stuck to my eardrum, and once his assistant had cleaned it out, I was fine. Whew!!!
There are two things about this experience that have really struck me. The first is how VERY grateful I am to have normal hearing!! It was truly horrible, hearing just fine on one side of my head, and barely being able to hear anything on the other side. I was constantly turning my right ear toward people, and frequently had to ask them to repeat what they'd said. I felt uncomfortable driving, as I couldn't hear the traffic properly, so I asked my husband to drive as often as possible, and when I was forced to drive I had the window open so I could hear better, which distorted the sounds even more, but at least I heard them better. However, I could hear weird inner sounds, such as my neck cartilage and swallowing, extremely well! I didn't even want to play music, because it just didn't sound quite right; it was like wearing those earphones that only let you hear on one side.
The second thing that struck me is that both the wax and the hearing problem must have been building up for months, and I DIDN'T KNOW it was happening. For example, my alarm sounds SO loud to me now that I want to scream. Martin says it's always been that loud, but I don't remember it being that way at all. And going home in the van, I kept asking if it was rattling more than usual, but he said no. This tells me that my hearing loss was very gradual, so I need to be aware in case it happens again, especially now that I'm... well, not older than dust, but reaching the age where things DO start to wear out a bit here and there more than they used to.
I've always been sympathetic to those with hearing, vision and mobility problems, but this has brought home to me just how cut off from everything you can feel when things aren't working right. It also made me think twice about my answer to that old question, "If you had to lose either your sight or your hearing, which would you give up?" Until now I've always thought it would probably be my hearing, because then I could still read, still be able to see where I was going, and generally take care of myself. Now, I'm not so sure. To give up hearing is also to give up music, to give up driving, to give up conversations on the phone and in person, to give up hearing children laughing and birdsong and nature sounds and all the beautiful forms of silence. I'm not sure I want to lose all that.
I think, if someday they tell me I have to give something up, they will have to come and take it...
There are two things about this experience that have really struck me. The first is how VERY grateful I am to have normal hearing!! It was truly horrible, hearing just fine on one side of my head, and barely being able to hear anything on the other side. I was constantly turning my right ear toward people, and frequently had to ask them to repeat what they'd said. I felt uncomfortable driving, as I couldn't hear the traffic properly, so I asked my husband to drive as often as possible, and when I was forced to drive I had the window open so I could hear better, which distorted the sounds even more, but at least I heard them better. However, I could hear weird inner sounds, such as my neck cartilage and swallowing, extremely well! I didn't even want to play music, because it just didn't sound quite right; it was like wearing those earphones that only let you hear on one side.
The second thing that struck me is that both the wax and the hearing problem must have been building up for months, and I DIDN'T KNOW it was happening. For example, my alarm sounds SO loud to me now that I want to scream. Martin says it's always been that loud, but I don't remember it being that way at all. And going home in the van, I kept asking if it was rattling more than usual, but he said no. This tells me that my hearing loss was very gradual, so I need to be aware in case it happens again, especially now that I'm... well, not older than dust, but reaching the age where things DO start to wear out a bit here and there more than they used to.
I've always been sympathetic to those with hearing, vision and mobility problems, but this has brought home to me just how cut off from everything you can feel when things aren't working right. It also made me think twice about my answer to that old question, "If you had to lose either your sight or your hearing, which would you give up?" Until now I've always thought it would probably be my hearing, because then I could still read, still be able to see where I was going, and generally take care of myself. Now, I'm not so sure. To give up hearing is also to give up music, to give up driving, to give up conversations on the phone and in person, to give up hearing children laughing and birdsong and nature sounds and all the beautiful forms of silence. I'm not sure I want to lose all that.
I think, if someday they tell me I have to give something up, they will have to come and take it...