The Reclaiming of Lizard Brain Woman
At the beginning of June I started working with what Z Budapest calls Slothwomon in her book, The Holy Book of Women's Mysteries. This is basically the instinctual part of one's soul/spirit/unconscious, referred to by scientists as the 'lizard brain', that runs our reactions such as 'flight or fight', the basic emotions, and all that kind of thing. It is also the part of us that says "I'm happy" or "I'm NOT happy", and lets us know ALL about it. Personally, I think of this more as Lizard Brain Woman, mainly because I love lizards but am not particularly fond of sloths (especially the mold). Anyway...
This month I've been working with Lizard Brain Woman, trying to find out what makes her happy, and how I react to her/ how she reacts to me when she's not. It's been an interesting experience, especially since LBW is, of course, the unconscious Me. And I've come to realize that I have NOT been particularly happy for quite a while, mainly because I've been starving myself of things while trying to "make up for it" by doing other things that were for the "good" of more people than Just Me. This, I am thinking, was a very big mistake.
So I'm changing all that. I've dedicated a drawer (well, part of one) in my ritual room dresser that is completely for me, filled with treats, my favorite "wishing" catalogs, and other goodies not yet decided on. I've been dumping clothes from my closet that don't make me BEG to wear them, not to mention the things I'd forgotten I had that are now too large for me (boo hoo? NOT!). I asked a coworker for the name and number of her hair stylist and will be soon be getting my first professional haircut in YEARS. I may even put a black/hot pink streak in it just for grins! And Sunday I bought two pairs of shoes (on sale) that I've been needing to replace one pair that fell apart last year and another pair that's falling apart now. I haven't even been looking at shoes because I felt guilty spending money on them. I also bought a couple of books that I'm hoping will help me with career hunting, which I consider a justifiable expense.
Today, I took a deep breath and called one of my credit card lenders to explain that my ex is no longer able to send child support because his unemployment just ran out, and what advice could they give me on how to keep paying my bill? Both people I spoke with were extremely nice. The man in "Hardship" is, as he put it, "on the other end of the child support thing", and he was very appreciative of the fact that I was not putting down my ex. He put me on a 3-month hardship plan where I'm paying only about 1/4 of the minimum I've been paying, and also shut off the late fee so I won't keep getting dinged with those. I call them back in September to update them on my situation. This is a bank that used to reply to even very temporary hardship help requests with "too bad, pay your bill". I guess the terrible economy is more than even they can ignore now. (Poor babies, my heart BLEEDS for them.) :-P
All these things, including the last one, make Lizard Brain Woman VERY HAPPY, which makes me feel like I'm more in control of my own happiness, and therefore, my life. Which is a very good thing, indeed.
Happy Summer Solstice, everyone.