Aug 14, 2006 14:17
And the second worksafe part.
Kikumaru frowned. The scenario was playing out the way he'd secretly thought it would and dearly hoped that it wouldn't. Gakuto's new tenderness was strange and intense, and in Kikumaru's book, 'intense' only meant certain, few, select things.
"What are you playi-" He burst out, cutting himself off when presented with a close view of Gakuto's face, sweet and coy and hopeful and very... raw.
Kikumaru didn't like it because it was so plainly focused around him and there was only one set of raw feelings he really wanted to confront at the moment.
"Of course you can," He said, hoping he wasn't usinghis 'kind-teacher-addressing-the-students' voice. "Thanks. It's lovely. It's from the tree outside, right?"
Gakuto beamed. "Yep. Stole it from right outside. Am I thoughtful or what?"
He turned then, ambling away from Kikumaru - narrow hips swinging like a pendulum. Even all dolled up like a respectable young man, everything about him screamed sex.
Over his shoulder, he called out, "Better get dressed, Kiku-chan, if you want to stop and pick up some chocolate for loverboy."
Following the swinging of Gakuto's hips with his eyes, Kikumaru watched as he left the room. Confused and a little grumpy, he opened the third lunchbox to put the flower inside. That way Gakuto would get one too, and Kikumaru wouldn't feel guilty by wearing it in his lapel.
"I'm doing it, I'm doing it," He called out, hurrying to his bedroom to discover the covers of the bed already straightened. Throwing on a shirt and pants, and hurriedly brushing his hair, Kikumaru made himself ready and was able to report to the front door in under five minutes.
"You ready?"
Already at the front door, holding his manpurse and their lunches, Gakuto smiled when he saw Kikumaru.
"Aren't you going to ask me how you look?"
Kikumaru looked casually rumpled and happy. Gakuto had completely forgotten to be sullen and disgusted with himself for crushing on Kikumaru the way he was. He'd left his duffel on the sofa, as he had every intention of coming back to it later that night.
Face suddenly breaking out into a grin, Kikumaru held up both arms. "How do I look? Gorgeous and ravishing, I expect."
His bag was slipping off his arm- he quickly hauled it up and did a little twirl for good measure.
Snatching up his lip balm, keys and wallet from the little table near to the door, Kikumaru skipped past Gakuto to throw the door open wide.
"After you~!"
Gakuto laughed, tugging Kikumaru's bag strap as he followed him out.
"You look cute, I guess," he allowed, teasing.
Gakuto had to hurry to keep up with Kikumaru's longer strides, but when they stepped out into the cold morning sunshine, Gakuto had never felt more alive or more content with his situation in a very long time.
He hoped Kikumaru wouldn't mind too much when he realized Gakuto was never going to leave.
"I wouldn't settle for anything less!" Kikumaru said loudly, shivering at the feel of the cold air on his skin. It truly was a beautiful morning, and he too felt alive and happy, more so that he could ever remember feeling.
They walked down towards the station, side by side.
"What do you want for dinner? We can't keep ordering take out, it'll get too expensive."
He nudged Gakuto playfully. "This is kind of like university, isn't it? It's fun, all shacked up together!
Sneaking a look at Kikumaru, Gakuto walked closer to him than usual. He'd been thinking exactly the same thing earlier that morning, but hadn't wanted to give voice to it in the event that it reminded Oishi and Kikumaru that they had a guest.
But since he'd brought it up...
"It is fun - It's been a long time since I've spent the night with someone." He was silent for a moment, huddling close to Kikumaru when the wind blew harder. "Are you sure I'm not going to be in your way? As much as I like teasing you guys, I don't want to be unwelcome, you know?"
Gakuto didn't particularly care about dinner. He'd forage in the pantry if he had to.
"No, it's fine!" Kikumaru said, feeling happy and generous. "I mean, if we need to be by ourselves we can go to Oishi's place, and as long as you don't mind... well. I'm sorry about this morning,"
Flushing delicately, Kikumaru grinned into his scarf.
"I can't guarantee it won't happen again, though. And Oishi will let us know what he's feeling, I'm sure of it. Oh-"
Quickly ducking into a convenience store and pulling Gakuto in with him, Kikumaru hurriedly made his way down the familiar aisles to find some appropriate chocolate for Oishi.
Gakuto tucked his hand into Kikumaru's back pocket and followed along behind him - he wanted some chocolate too.
He smiled a little. "I couldn't hear you this morning, honestly. I was just teasing you. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in your own home, Kiku-chan. I guess I just like the company."
Silent while Kikumaru perused the aisles, Gakuto finally spoke up.
"Does Oishi really like me, Kiku? I mean - do you think he considers me a friend after...after what happened at the retreat?"
Kikumaru's expression softened from one of incredulity ('are you touching my arse?') to one of tenderness.
"Yeah, I really do. He wouldn't hang around, otherwise. And he's affectionate with you. I don't know, but I don't think he does that with just anybody. I get jealous."
Passing over the men's pocky, (that might have been a little tactless) Kikumaru chose a caramel-centered bar for Oishi and brought it to the counter.
Gakuto hung back, a little shocked, as Kikumaru went on ahead and paid for the chocolate he'd selected. He was slow to join him at the counter and - when he did - he looked up at Kikumaru intently.
"Do you trust me, Kiku-chan? Like, really trust me?"
He glanced away, shuffling his feet a little. "I know that I haven't given you much reason to in the past, but I hope you know that I wouldn't betray you."
Kikumaru was surprised by the question.
"Yeah, I trust you," He said, pausing in the doorway as they left the store.
"I mean, I can't trust you not to go on about cock in polite company, but the more important things... yeah, I guess I do. I'd trust you not to reveal my secrets or run off with half my cash. You might be a little mad, but you're not inconsistent."
Pocketing the chocolate, he set off in the direction of the station, thinking.
"You know what? I reckon Oishi does too. Well, he sees something in you. Otherwise he wouldn't have spent so long with you after that awful weekend."
Gakuto was silent as they walked along, lost in thought. He thought
about what it had been like to wrestle around with Kikumaru, feeling
his heat and his quick temper and he sweet softness of his mouth. On
the tails of that thought were thoughts of Oishi - his smile, his
quiet dignity, his considerate gentleness.
They liked him. They *trusted* him. It was a sobering realization for
Gakuto.
"I don't want you to feel jealous, Kiku-chan. I want you to be
comfortable around me." He lowered his voice when they passed a
couple on the street. "I don't want you to wonder if I'm plotting to
steal your boyfriend. Because I wouldn't do that to you."
What he didn't add - and dearly wanted to - was the fact that he would
join them in a heartbeat.
Kikumaru laughed despite himself.
"And I don't think you would either," He said, looking back at Gakuto as they entered the station and joined the queue for tickets. "You totally want to check up on how we're going, don't you?"
Still giggling as he fished in his pocket for change, Kikumaru put on his movie-villain voice and leaned in towards Gakuto with a devious expression.
"What's your motive?"
Eyes wide, Gakuto found himself at a loss for words and could feel the color slowly climbing up his neck and into his cheeks. That he could feel himself blushing spurred him into action finally and he wrinkled his nose, already shoving at Kikumaru's shoulder to duck in front of him in line.
With his back to Kikumaru, standing close and really liking it, Gakuto snorted as he waited his turn. "Like I'd tell you. Allow me *some* mystery, Kiku-chan."
"Hey, you bastard, don't push in!"
Kikumaru poked Gakuto in the back, still obnoxiously cheerful.
"So you do have a motive? I knew it. You're after our chocolate. Or you're scarping on your electricity bill. Hey, speaking of, do you have any spare change? I've only got notes."
He squeezed Gakuto in the side as he turned him so as to gain access to his pockets.
Lifting his arms in surprise and staring at Kikumaru over his shoulder as his friend rummaged through his pockets, Gakuto rolled his eyes.
"As if I'd carry change in my pockets like some vagrant. I have some change in my wallet; quit feeling me up and I'll get it."
He grinned, then, smug and a little sultry when he said, "Or you can keep doing that and just move your hand a little more to the left."
The woman in front of them gasped and Gakuto bumped his fine, cupcake ass right into Kikumaru's groin. "Still want to talk about motive?"
Kikumaru flushed despite himself.
"What was I saying about not trusting you to talk cock in polite company?" He said, lowering his voice. "You insufferable flirt."
He gave Gakuto a little push forward, as the machine was made free, feeling a little hypocritcal and guilty.
Wasn't he flirting back?
"Did I say 'cock?" He demanded, grabbing Kikumaru's hand and dragging him along the platform. "Did the word 'cock' ever leave my lips? No, it did not."
He turned to Kikumaru when he stopped walking, back facing the wind to keep the chill off his and Kikumaru's face.
"Do you really want to know what my motive is, Kiku-chan? Truly?"
"Well, yeah," Kikumaru's mouth went a little dry. He wasn't entirely sure he did want to know. "Only if you really want to tell me."
He plunged his hands into his pockets to keep them warm, suddenly hoping rather dearly that the woman who had been so appalled by them wasn't the mother of a student.
Gakuto watched his friend withdraw a little, whether or not it was a conscious thing - Gakuto recognized it.
He stepped even closer to Kikumaru, close enough that the scent of his hair, his skin was easily detected. He held one hand out to Kikumaru, slanted in that time-old gesture of welcome that men used to invite a touch.
"Because you're the only family I've really got. Whatever's been between us, you never wrote me off."
The wind blew strands of his hair across his lips and he made no move to push them away. "If it weren't for you, I'd be all alone - in every sense of the word."
Kikumaru opened his mouth ready to tell Gakuto off for his dramatics, but closed it again when he realised that not only was Gakuto wholly serious, but that to react in such a way would more than likely be an insult.
He clasped Gakuto's hand in his and drew him into a funny one-armed hug.
"You'd have other people, Gakuto," He said, "You'd make them, or they'd come to you, you're interesting and loud. But I'm not about to let you go either. You're not the only one who'd be a bit lonely."
With one hand at Kikumaru's shoulder - perhaps placed there to prevent him from winding around his friend like a snake - Gakuto leaned against him, resting his head on Kikumaru's shoulder, facing away from him.
He made no move in shifting away - being so close to Kikumaru felt too good. He closed his eyes - against the wind, against the glances of passers-by, against the tears he was so afraid would come. He took a deep breath, stealing himself. Gakuto Mukahi did not cry.
"Don't. Let me go."
Gakuto had never known that he could feel so happy that it was almost painful. He couldn't tell Kikumaru that he knew very well that he would attract other people and simply didn't want to.
Kikumaru might ask why.
Kikumaru's mood changed instantly when he realised Gakuto was near tears. Suddenly a lot more gentle and accommodating, he rubbed Gakuto's back a little and snaked an arm around his waist when the train arrived on the platform, the gusts of wind blowing their hair around their faces.
"Come on," He said softly, thankful that their carriage didn't seem too crowded; he might have even been able to find them a seat.
He was still more than a little taken aback, by Gakuto's strength of emotion for him, and how vulnerable he seemed, too. He felt he knew what to do now, however, just to keep a place open for Gakuto in his heart. It seemed to make him happy beyond all measure. And, he realised, it was the way it had been all along.
Gakuto allowed Kikumaru to lead him along, head down to hide the expression he knew must still be on his face. It shamed him, to think that Kikumaru was *his* source of strength instead of the other way around. Gakuto had had such grand fantasies about being the one to make Kikumaru feel protected and safe.
But...Oishi had gotten there first. And strangely enough, Gakuto could muster up no jealousy for it.
They sat, Kikumaru's arm still draped around Gakuto's shoulders, in relative silence while Gakuto pondered all the things he might say to get the upper hand again. But he knew, somehow, that it wasn't necessary. Kikumaru had seen him at his very worst and was still sitting beside him, holding him close like he'd always done it.
"I don't know how it came to this," he said, finally. "You must think I'm pretty pathetic."
"Completely," Kikumaru teased, squeezing Gakuto's shoulder.
"I'm just kidding." He put on his teacher voice. "You are undergoing a perfectly normal and turbulent transition in life."
Chuckling at his own stupid sense of humor, Kikumaru smiled over Gakuto's head, not forcing his eye contact.
"Seriously... stay as long as you like. Except eventually I'm going to have to claim a dependent for tax, or you're going to have to pay some bills."
Gakuto leaned his head on Kikumaru's shoulder, smiling a little at his friend's silliness. *This* was why he needed him so badly. He made Gakuto forget to hate everything.
"I can't stay with you, Kiku-chan," he said, finally. "You have your own life and you have Oishi and...it makes no sense for me to be there. I just can't tell you how different - better, I guess - it feels just hanging out with you guys."
"Don't say that," Kikumaru said, frowning. "It's not the future, yet, Gakkun, it's still the present. And you haven't disrupted anything, we'd tell you if you had, I..."
Swallowing, he reached into his pocket to pull out his lip balm.
"I like having you around. And Oishi does too. Hell, it's not as if he's moved in or anything, I'm still going to need someone to stack the dishwasher. Plus, he'd have to move his gigantic slab of ocean."
Kikumaru eyed Gakuto gleefully.
"I haven't told you about that, have I?"
Lifting his chin and pursing his lips to indicate that he wanted some of that lip stuff, Gakuto shook his head, eyes wide and dark.
Kikumaru was inviting him to stay - really stay - and he was sincere.
He wasn't just saying so out of obligation or pity. For the first time, Gakuto allowed himself to hope that Kikumaru truly cared for him the way Gakuto cared for Kikumaru.
Never mind the way Oishi's calm, sweet smile made Gakuto's belly flipflop.
"Uh-uh," he said, pooching out his lips a little more and waiting for Kikumaru to do some more talking.
Kikumaru continued his story, holding out the balm so that Gakuto could help himself.
"I didn't notice it at first, because it was all in darkness, and Oishi was distracting me, but when I went over the first time, to his place..."
His eyes were shining as he spoke.
"He has a huge fish tank that takes up the space of the wall, with turtles and fish and snails and everything! He just loves the sea, and when I think about it... it kind of fits. I can just see him up in the mountains, by a lake or something. Oh, and his whole house is covered with turtles... wooden ones, pewter ones... it's just gorgeous."
Applying the lip balm while Kikumaru still held it, Gakuto slumped back in his seat when he was done and sighed, thinking about Oishi's apartment. It sounded like the best sort of refuge and he was willing to bet it felt exactly like Oishi.
"I always wanted an aquarium like that. My mom always said I'd just kill the fish, though, and she wasn't going to finance my killing sprees."
He smiled a little and snuggled against Kikumaru again. His expression shifted, though, when a man standing up shot them a dirty look. Gakuto didn't say a word when he made an incredibly socially unacceptable hand gesture.
"Gakuto!" Kikumaru exclaimed, covering his hand with his own and deliberately ignoring the source of injury.
"Just ignore it," He said quietly, "If people are going to be stupid and ignorant then it's not worth you wasting your energy over. You can snuggle me properly at home, ok?"
Hoping that ploughing forward would smooth the trouble over, Kikumaru continued.
"I didn't know you liked fish. This one would probably be right up your alley, it's lit with a beautiful blue light and everything."
An electronic voice indicated that their stop was approaching.
"Fine, fine, you're right," he muttered, standing first to block the aisle, making the man who'd glared at them wait until Kikumaru had passed before he moved aside to make way.
He didn't touch Kikumaru again, as close to school as they were, and he maintained a careful distance. "Maybe we can have dinner at Oishi's place sometime - I'd love to see it."
At the back of Gakuto's mind, however, was Kikumaru's assertion that they could snuggle at home later. It brought a smile to Gakuto's lips and made him want to suck Oishi's tongue completely out of his mouth for making this situation possible. Gakuto knew, unequivocally, that Oishi Shuuichiroh was the catalyst for his happiness now. Gakuto was determined to make it all work out.