Absentia - Part III
Title: Absentia
Pairing: Sehun/Kai; minor!(Sehun/Tao, Kai/Luhan, Sehun/Kris); slight!Sehun/Yixing
Rated: G
Summary: Sehun wishes to see the future. He unknowingly jumps in time and loses five years in the past. Slowly, he realizes, he didn't only lose time. He lost a lot.
The huge condo doesn't suit him. It's too big of a space for one person. Why would he want to live in a cold, lonely, empty place? He prefers the cosy space at Kai's apartment, where they could cuddle on the couch together, snuggle closer in bed, lay beside each other on the balcony. There are too much things they could do in a smaller place like Kai's flat, much more things than what he can think of in a spacious room just for himself. How does Sehun sleep at night? He's afraid of the dark and only Kai's touch can put him to sleep. How did he survive without him?
Did he change that much? Did he overcome his fears? Why doesn't he have any of his friends in his contacts? Did he really change that much?
Sehun rests his back on the headboard of his bed. The only thing he wants now is to have Kai back. Just that.
An early reminder from Yixing wakes him up. Still ignoring the thousands of messages he received from the Stranger, he reads Yixing's message and it's his schedule for the day. His office starts at 7am so he hurries and prepares himself. This is it, he's starting as the Oh Sehun he used to be, or so he thinks.
A flock of gazes turn to him when he enters the door. The loud buzz in the office stopped immediately when the staff sees Sehun walking past them. He feels the eyes on him and he wonders what it's about.
One girl, someone who’s probably new since she looks young and nervous, pauses with a cup of coffee in her hand and remains standing on the way to Sehun's office. Someone held her wrist to pull her away from Sehun's way but Sehun stops in front of her and he feels her anxiety shoot through her.
"Uhm, good morning." He greets. Yixing guides him to his office, leaving the scared girl sighing in relief when the door behind them closes.
They all scramble back to their stalls when Sehun had his back turned.
"Why do they all look surprised?" His curiosity just made him ask this question.
"Because you're here early."
"Doesn't my work start at 7am?"
"Yes." Yixing answers curtly, hoping he stops asking any more questions.
"Then why is it a surprise?"
"You usually come at around 10."
"I come late?" Sehun raises an eyebrow.
"It's your prerogative."
He takes that answer. Sehun has a lot to learn about the new Sehun.
According to Yixing, he already found a Huang Zitao living in the vicinity. However, he wasn't home when he came around to check. He promised to give Sehun more details next time, and Sehun takes it.
"About the Kim Jongin..."
Sehun's heart skips a beat.
"...I'm still trying."
Pain strikes his heart. "Thank you."
Yixing nods in acknowledgement.
He left the office a few minutes ago, telling his staff to take an early off for the meantime since they've just released the special edition of the Diamaunt Magazine and they did with curious looks on their faces as if their boss has grown huge ears and looked funny in their eyes. He ignores this and thinks that they're probably not used to him acting like this yet, because this is the old Sehun, not the 5 years older one. He still yet has to find out what the new one is like.
Walking in the busy streets across the tower, after turning down Yixing's offer to get him a cab home, Sehun appreciates the new environment. He lives in the same city, the same home he had 5 years ago but it has changed a lot from what he can still remember. More companies started in the heart of the city, where the Diamaunt Tower is located as well, hence more hardworking people walking along with him, chatting through phones, giving directions to their own destinations, and more people in suits. He couldn't believe he'd reach this far, and it's the first time he's appreciating how his life has turned. He's an editor-in-chief now, and his magazine is topping other labels, even other international ones, and this is just a dream. Just a dream 5 years ago, but it's happening now. It's perfect.
His footsteps echo below him, and he lets himself explore more of his surroundings, not really minding where he's going. He's happy, somehow he feels happy. One of his dreams springing to life right in front of his eyes.
A smile forms on his face as he steps forward to the open air in a large group of crowd. The smile lingers for a few seconds and right across the street, a familiar sight caught his eye, and the smile falters. He feels his heart pound.
Sehun wills his legs to move faster towards the man walking ahead of him. Rain starts to pour and he can feel the soft drops on his face. Luckily, the man stops in front of a cafe, looking for a place to wait for the rain to stop. Sehun takes out his umbrella and walks forward, his heart racing as he approaches his back.
The rain stops falling on the man and he looks up to see an umbrella hovering above him. He turns around to thank the person, only to be surprised at the used to be familiar face in front of him.
Sehun's eyes glistened slightly with tears as raindrops roll down his face.
"Kai."
Kai stares at those longing eyes.
"Sehun."
For a few minutes, no one dared touch his coffee. Sehun invited Kai inside the cafe they stopped at while they wait for the rain, fortunately, Kai agreed. After their orders arrived, no one among them spoke.
"Thanks for the coffee." Kai picks up his cup and sips slowly before he puts it back down and watches the road turn wet from the raging rain.
Sehun just nods, not sure if Kai sees it because their eyes never made contact.
"How have you been?"
"Fine."
Sehun turns silent. The urge to touch him and feel his hands comfort him is too strong, especially when he's sitting just in front of him. But he holds it back. He doesn't know what the 5 year older Sehun has done all the past lost years.
"Kai." His name calling makes Kai's brows crease at the center.
He takes a deep breath. If there's anyone he trusts the most, it's him. And he needs him. Right now.
"This may sound odd, but I woke up one day without you next to me. I just woke up one day, alone. Without you."
"Sehun, what's this?"
"I don't know what happened to me. But one day, I'm suddenly Diamaunt's editor-in-chief. I'm the boss in my company, and I have a huge staff under me. That same day, I find myself detached from you. You're gone, away. I was looking for you, waiting for you but you didn't come."
Desperation is evident in his voice.
"The last memory I have before I woke up is you and me lying under the shooting stars. You held me in your arms and wished me a happy birthday. I went to sleep with you next to me. But when I woke up, I'm someone new."
Kai looks at him with a neutral look. He doesn't give any sign of recognition nor doubt. He just remains silent and blank.
"It's been five years. But that's all I could remember."
Of course, Kai knows what he's talking about very well. That day when they first celebrated his birthday living together, when they danced the night away, when they wished under the stars. How could he ever forget? But that's long been gone. Things changed, Sehun changed. And he couldn't keep holding on to someone he doesn't really know anymore. It was enough.
"It's been five years, Sehun."
"I know." He tries to hold back the tears. He's not cold to him. But he wishes him to just be so he could have the reason to turn his back on him. But instead, Kai just looks at him and answers when he asks him which makes it harder.
The rain has stopped and people start walking on the streets again. Kai shifts his gaze at the people outside, and Sehun knows it's time to go.
He swallows the lump forming in his throat and looks at his untouched coffee.
"Thank you for the time, Jongin-ah." The words slip his tongue as it stings. Sehun barely calls him Jongin.
"It's nice to see you again, Sehun."
He stands from his seat and bows to Sehun as a form of goodbye.
When Sehun couldn't hold it anymore, he calls for him when he was at the door.
"Kai!"
Kai stops and turns around.
"How long have we not been in contact with each other?"
The other guy breathes out.
"4 years."
4 years. What happened during those four years?
•
In his new, empty bedroom, Sehun buries himself under his sheets. Four years. How did he survive those years without Kai?
He repeats the memory of laying beside him, fingers intertwined, watching the shooting stars in the dark evening sky. Every touch, every word, every memory sends Sehun into the deepest hurts in his heart. What happened the year after those memories? Was everything his fault?
A thought crosses his mind and he props himself up with his belly down the bed. He opens his laptop and turns it on. Maybe, just maybe he still uses the same email.
Sehun's fingers dig onto the keys, typing his address carefully and clicking on the body to type his message. His fingers stop just at that. What is he going to say?
Kai. It's been too long. I'm sorry--
Sorry? Why is he saying sorry? He doesn't know the story yet but it just feels like it's appropriate to say it. He presses backspace and types again.
I know it's been too long but I just want to say thank you for earlier.
He hovers over the send button but he suddenly feels nervous. Nevertheless, he clicks on it.
Waiting has never been this painful. The ticking of the clock on his wall echoes around his room, and he's not really expecting a reply but he's hoping for it. A small ding rings a few seconds after. Sehun looks up as his heart beats faster.
No problem
He grits his teeth and fumbles over the keys to type in a reply.
I'm sorry for saying those things. I'm just utterly confused right now.
It takes him a little longer to reply this time.
It's okay, I hope you feel better
Sehun couldn't deny it, but his heart is seeing hope. A smile lands softly on his lips and tears form in the corners of his eyes. He's happy. He's actually happy talking to him again.
Are you going to sleep?
About to
Sehun frowns a little.
Okay, I'm not gonna keep you. Goodnight Kai. And thank you.
No prob, night
He bites back a smile. It feels good to be in contact with him again. This time, he's determined. He's going to find out what happened, and he'll try to gain back those four years without him, starting now.
Kai stares at his ceiling, hands under his head as he lies on his back on his bed. It's the first time he sees Sehun face to face after those four years. He's changed and looks more mature in those sleek black pants and coat. He doesn't understand why he's suddenly feeling bothered by the sudden meeting. Why is he feeling this way? It's been four years.
Why is Sehun acting that way? As if he didn't know anything. As if he didn't drive him away.
Kai shakes his head. They're done, and what's done is done.