Decadence
Decadence
NC-17
Sehun/Kai/Baekhyun
The noise is gone between his friends and then silence follows.
Warnings: Character death, language, drugs, violence, abuse, suicide with a confusing order of scenes.
Written while looping Time Is Running Out.
"Are you out of your mind?" Sehun's eyes widen the moment the door shuts.
- 005 -
This is exactly what's running in Baekhyun's mind right now. Sehun’s voice echoing in his head. Yes, maybe he was out of his mind at the time. Maybe he really lost it then. He was crazy, he knew that. Now he's driving himself more insane. He's stupid and he hates himself. He swears on this as he looks at Jongin huddled in a corner.
- 004 -
Yes, I'm out of my mind, is all what Baekhyun thinks this time. He clicks the door to a lock as he grins widely at Jongin and Sehun who watches him in amusement.
"This guy's insane, man." Jongin tilts his head to Sehun with a sly smirk.
Sehun couldn't believe they're about to do this. He looks at his bestfriends, their smiles almost mocking him.
"It's a one time big time thing." Baekhyun shrugs as he pulls a lighter out from his back pocket.
"Jesus. Baekhyun." Jongin wheezes in fake shock. "Seriously, you've been keeping them for how long?"
"Quite a while." Baekhyun pulls open a drawer. The mahogany is shiny and unscratched like how the rest of the furniture are in the huge room. He conjures up small plastic packets from deep down the drawer, the clear packages seemingly half-filled white grainy crystals. He tosses Jongin one who catches it with one hand up in the air, and offers it to Sehun with his hand outstretched to his direction.
"C'mon Sehun." He urges with a smile and Sehun shakes his head, walks to him, before he takes it from Baekhyun's hand.
"You were leaving me and Sehun behind?" Jongin pretends to be hurt and Baekhyun's chuckle just echoes in the spacious room filled with book shelves in a classic array.
They're in Baekhyun's mansion's library. No one's home aside from Baekhyun, and while things seem to be more complicated than ever, he invites Jongin and Sehun for a night they would never forget.
"Really, Jongin. I'm finally inviting you to join me and you still act like a nagging girlfriend?"
"Are we really doing this?" Sehun asks, his eyebrows raised with an 'I don't mind really, just asking.'
"Oh come on Sehunnn." Jongin slurs, putting an arm on the younger's shoulder while he acts like he's drunk. "Don't be a pussy."
Sehun pushes Jongin's face away from him as a reply.
"You're badly influencing him, Jongin." Baekhyun has been squatting on the floor, his back resting on the shelf behind him as he unseals the packet, professionally collecting the crystals onto a piece of foil before he rolls it onto the other end perfectly.
Jongin pulls away from Sehun and goes to follow what Baekhyun is doing. Sehun walks towards them and forms a circle as they sit side by side.
Sehun does as his friends say.
"Sehun is a natural, he's better than you Jongin." Baekhyun mocks while Jongin gives him the middle finger, admiring what he has finished.
Baekhyun makes use of the lighter and later on, all three of them are smoking on crack.
The first hit makes Jongin seem like he's experiencing a wave of convulsion. Sehun is the same but he tends to keep himself down. The smoke coming out of his mouth tastes terribly bad. It's probably not exactly the taste, but its effect.
Baekhyun feels himself go into some sort of spasm too but he closes his eyes tight, letting the feeling engulf his body until he can feel his fingertips shaking.
"This is the best." He takes another go on the crack and watches his friends struggle with the high. Jongin's eyes are immediately bloodshot, is pupils dilated, not quite a surprise as he looks down to see he's consumed most of it.
"You still okay Sehun?" Baekhyun checks his friend. He looks stiff and in pain but nonetheless breathing.
"The fuck is this?!" His words ring out in the room and Baekhyun knows it's taking it effect.
"It's cocaine."
"Baekhyun, you asshole, how could you leave us out. This is the fucking best man!" Jongin seems to have gotten a hold of himself as he puts the thing in his mouth again, inhaling what seems to be another huge amount of crack.
Sehun drops his own on the carpeted floor and snatches the one between Jongin's fingers.
Jongin glares at him but he stops to watch as Sehun puts it in his own mouth.
"Tastes better." Sehun laughs and stands to do some stretching. Baekhyun springs too and Jongin follows.
"I want to do something." Baekhyun announces as he starts to stretch too, his senses all alert and his mood extremely elevated. It’s finally kicking in.
Jongin grabs Sehun's arm and leads his hand with the foiled crack to his lips to smoke on it. "This is addicting."
"I've never felt so high all my entire life. I feel so... Free." Jongin's grin surfaces on his face as he looks at his friends. "Why can't the world be more friendly and nice like this? This is goddamn golden as fuck."
"That one's not gonna stop talking." Baekhyun nods his head to Jongin's direction. Sehun just pats Jongin's head, laughing at his seemingly exuberant aura and sudden talkativeness.
"Stop making fun of me." Jongin points a finger at Baekhyun irritably. The sudden action makes him trip on his heel and he accidentally falls behind a side table with a vase. The vase of flowers drop to the ground with a muffled crash against the carpet and it breaks.
"Whoa." Jongin catches himself.
Something clicks on Baekhyun's mind.
"This bastard is going to destroy the whole library." He shakes his head. "Who gave you permission to do that?"
He raises his voice this time and grabs the vase near him. He smashes it on the floor. A smirk appears playfully on his face.
"Ah. This is not the game you want to play." Jongin kicks the closest chair to him. It hits Sehun's hind leg.
"Ow fuck." Sehun looks angrily at Jongin. The other sniggers at him, finding everything funny.
"Are you fighting me?" Sehun reaches for a book and throws it at Jongin. The pages fly out of its bind and scatter in the air before they slowly fall to the ground.
"C'mon guys. Is that all you could do?" They only notice Baekhyun standing in front of a huge shelf, hands stretched in front, palms pressed on it.
"That one's more fun." Jongin runs to Baekhyun's side to join him. Sehun immediately takes the other side of Baekhyun, all hands outstretched to the big shelf altogether.
"Push." All three of them grunt as they push the shelf hard. At first it only slightly moves but it doesn't sway. It budges when they all scream together and slowly it leans backwards until it's losing its footing on the ground.
They have their mouths open when it topples over the next, causing it to fall backwards too, until a domino effect takes place among the shelves positioned close to each other.
A loud celebratory laughter erupts as they all watch the books scatter everywhere, a few misplaced wood hitting the wall because of the impact.
"This is so much fun." Sehun cries out as he laughs in amusement. Tears form in his eyes as he enjoys the happening a little too much.
"There's still so much things in order here." Baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows and soon enough, all three of them are tearing the whole library down.
"This is for my father!" Jongin yells and kicks a statue at the side, causing shards of it to fly everywhere.
"This is for my good for nothing parents!" Baekhyun lifts a chair and forcibly throws it over the wall.
"Sehun, do it." Baekhyun is already holding a baseball bat out of nowhere.
He catches it just in time Baekhyun has thrown it. Sehun grips on the bat's handle.
"And this is for a fucked up family." Sehun swings and breaks all the ceramic ornaments lined up in the corner.
For a whole hour, they've tired themselves out destroying anything within their reach. It's their only way to vent out their anger towards the world. Their parents. Their families. Themselves.
It's the only freedom they have. They only have it when they're out of their minds.
"I want this to last for a lifetime. I don't want this to end."
They're all lying on their backs, their heads connected in a circle, arms spread slightly out, legs open as if they're the most free men in the world.
Jongin hasn't stopped talking since. And he's starting to choke on his tears.
"I don't want to go back to reality. This is all I need. Just me, and the two of you. I don't need anything else. I don't want my life anymore."
The tears have freely fallen on the sides of Jongin's face. His high is too far from coming down, his fists balled up to his sides.
"Promise me there's nothing else next to this. We'll be stuck here forever and have the time of our lives."
Baekhyun manages to flip on his front and look at Jongin's sobbing mess.
"You talk too much, Jongin." He sounds as if he's found the solution to their problems. "You don't have to worry anymore, there's nothing else after this."
And for a heart-stopping moment, he bends down to where Jongin's face is. His lips hover over his and Jongin immediately answers it. Sehun arches his back to see what's happening. He watches his friends kiss.
Baekhyun breaks it too soon. He sits up and licks his lips. He wipes them with the back of his hand.
"That was some experimenting." He laughs shakily.
Jongin sits up too. He looks at Baekhyun who just shrugs at him. Then his gaze falls darkly on Sehun's lying figure.
"I've always wanted to try it."
Before Sehun can even look up at Jongin, he's already hovering above him.
"You never notice me." Jongin's heavy breathing makes Sehun out of breath himself. The rise and fall of his chest entices Jongin more as he locks gazes with Sehun. Baekhyun watches them this time.
"This is not the time-"
"This is the only time." Jongin responds quickly as Sehun looks away.
"After all those jacking off in the shower together, after all those secret touches, you never let me kiss you." Jongin's half-lidded eyes stare boringly into Sehun's unsteady ones. His eyes roam to the other's lips.
"It's because I was afraid the kiss will break everything off."
Jongin scoffs and chuckles darkly after. "There's nothing more to break."
Even before Sehun could say anything, he dips his head down and tastes Sehun's non-virgin mouth. It starts almost aggressively, teeth clashing with each other, lips pressing harshly against each other and Jongin is nibbling not so gently on every skin he can reach.
The taste of crack still lingers, and it drives them both higher.
Baekhyun has seen this coming, he just have to give them a little push. He lets out a genuine smile. Not from the high, but from the heart. The only thing left is to fulfill his promise to Jongin.
"There's nothing else after this."
A shining shard of glass hits the light and it immediately invites Baekhyun in.
It's the only way.
He's tired. Jongin's tired. Sehun is tired.
They all need a rest.
Baekhyun picks it up and examines it. The glint shines on his face. He looks at himself on the reflection on the sharp piece of object. His eyes are bloodshot red, his hair disheveled in the worst way. This is not him anymore. This is what society has turned him into.
He casts a glance at his two bestfriends. Both who are seemingly putting their lives past them, forgetting everything in the deep long kiss.
It's exactly what they need.
He grips the object in his hand and he feels it sting, crimson red starting to spread in between his fingers.
"It's time."
Baekhyun proclaims. Jongin pulls away from Sehun and they both look up at the oldest among them. He looks a lot older against the little rays of sunlight that pass through the broken windows.
Determination on his face.
"It's time to go."
Jongin pulls Sehun up, his face scrunched up as confusion is written all over his face.
"There's nothing else after this." Baekhyun stretches his wounded hand towards Sehun and Jongin, showing them the glass.
"It's the easiest way out."
"But-" Sehun immediately objects, comprehension dawning on him.
"Baekhyun." The name escapes Jongin's lips softly.
"I'll do it. I'm tired. I know I won't ever live a better life even if I try. This is me." Baekhyun lets his hands fall to his sides. "I'm all alone."
Sehun starts to shake his head. He thinks of his little brother. He can't just leave him with a cheating father who's as good as dead. He can't leave him with his mother who has been blinded by her own delusions of love. He can't let his brother live the same way he did. He can't leave the world knowing his little brother would end up as miserable as him. So Sehun won't.
Jongin takes Baekhyun's hand. "I'm with you."
Sehun is shocked. He looks at Jongin in horror.
"No." He almost inaudibly whispers.
"This is me, too, Sehun." Jongin casts his eyes down. "I can never face people without feeling scared. I can't look my father in the eyes without shaking in fear. And I can't live with myself knowing all these. I'm scarred, too deep, to even find the courage to move on."
"I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." Jongin swallows a sob.
Sehun tears up. "You guys can't give up yet."
He can't. He has someone he cares for. But his friends, they have no one left. Sehun is left to choose between them. Between saving his life or losing it with them.
"This can't be the only way."
"But I'd take it." Baekhyun is not crying. But he knows deep in his heart, he's in unbearable pain. He wants all of it to go away.
"I want to end it too." Jongin looks Sehun in the eyes. "You've suffered a lot too. It will stop if you do this, Sehun."
A few drops of blood form on the ground, the ones that come from Baekhyun's wounded palm.
"It's the last pain you'll feel. And then you'll feel nothing." Baekhyun invites him.
Sehun couldn't think straight anymore. He doesn't want to agree with this. He doesn't want to end it this way.
His eyes widen as he watches as Baekhyun brings his arm in front of him. He positions the broken glass just above his wrist, ready to slide it down.
Sehun wants to look away but he couldn't. He wants to scream but his voice is gone. He wants to stop him but it's too late.
Baekhyun slits his wrist.
Sehun's eyes are blocked by his tears and he is wheezing. There's a lot of blood on Jongin's wrist now and he doesn't know what to do.
"Jongin." He cries to shake him awake, Baekhyun almost as if battling with his last breaths next to Jongin's limping body.
"It's your chance Sehun."
"I'm sorry."
"I love you."
And Jongin passes out next to Baekhyun.
Sehun screams this time. He drowns in his own tears. His two friends are lying lifelessly in front of him. There's nothing to hold onto anymore.
He's driven to the edge.
And Sehun finds the bloody glass stinging his fingertips. In the end, he chooses to follow them.
- 003 -
"Is it that bad?" Baekhyun is hurrying to his car, his keys jiggling as he jogs to it.
"It is." Sehun struggles to hold the phone to his ear.
Baekhyun runs past his butler, who asks him where's he's headed, ignores him, and immediately revs the engine to where Sehun and Jongin are.
Sehun has Jongin wrapped with his embrace when Baekhyun arrives. The other seems to be shaking, a sign that he has calmed down from his actual breakdown.
Sehun has his worried and horrified expression, it's that time where he doesn't know where to start comforting Jongin.
Baekhyun kneels down to where Jongin and Sehun are, somewhere beside Sehun's house, where the both of them are huddled on the wet grassy ground under the starry sky. He runs his fingers on Jongin's hair, something he's grown accustomed to to calm Jongin more.
"It's all in the past Jongin." Baekhyun whispers on his back while Sehun rubs his back soothingly. "He can't get to you anymore. He won't lay another finger on you. He's far gone."
The shaking won't stop.
"It's okay, Jongin. You're safe here."
When Jongin shows himself on Sehun's doorstep, Sehun immediately knows what's wrong. Jongin's past always haunts him down. His life with his father is something he can't live with, yet it doesn't leave him.
It's a trauma, they said. And Jongin will carry it all throughout his life, even, maybe, until his grave.
Jongin is a runaway from home. His parents don't care. Or maybe his mother does, but does it still matter?
Jongin is an abused child. Maltreated, beaten up, and unloved.
One day, when Jongin is old enough, when he can rationalize things on his own, he decided he's had enough of the beatings his father inflicts on him every night. He's not an animal. He's better off alone than to live under the roof of the monster that is his father.
He's escaped the physical pain. But never the pain he feels every night, the fear that grows in him every single day. The fear that he'll meet his father again, that he'll surrender to his abusive hands again.
It only takes Jongin a recall of the past to go running to his friends, to Sehun most often, before he breaks down and loses himself.
He's ended the beatings, but the scars are buried too deep.
"Master, your dinner is ready."
But Baekhyun walks, deadpanned, along the stairs, straight to his room. His face is void of emotion, giving nothing away. He doesn't talk to anyone, he doesn't show any sign of weakness.
Baekhyun is cold on the outside. It's his way of protecting himself. He doesn't want anyone to know that he's hurting, that he's suffering. He's come to terms with himself that he is alone. And it's not gonna change ever.
He locks his room and stares at his door. He's 11, and his only friend died in accident that day.
Baekhyun wants to scream. He wants to cry for help, to save him from the overwhelming feeling of loss. He needs someone to tell him 'It's okay, people come and go.'
But no one checks up on him. No one looks after him. He may have caretakers surrounding him, but all they've done is look, not see.
They have no idea that the more he looks outwardly fine, the more he's internally breaking into pieces.
Baekhyun is from a well-off family. He's an only child and has lived a prince's life since birth. But wealth is the last thing he needs. Yet it's the only thing he has.
He has always considered himself alone in the world. Thus he often makes rash and wrong decisions in life. This is why he always results to self-pity. He, alone, comforts himself. He has always been this way, until he met Sehun and Jongin.
"Use your savings for the meantime. I'm sorry Sehun, but your father needs his medicine." Sehun's mother begs him in front of his bed-ridden father. He doesn't flinch nor disobey. He only nods.
From the outside, no one will ever think Sehun has a family issue. His mother spends all day tending to his bed-ridden father, something not many wives would have done. Something Sehun wished his mother wouldn't have done.
Most especially not when his father has sinned against them, cheating shamelessly in their face when he was still well.
Sehun belongs to a broken family his mother never wants to accept. His mother who always turns a blind eye on the truth that's right in front of her. His mother who only thinks of his father and forgets about her two kids, him and his 5-year old little brother.
Sehun hates how his father is still alive til now. He hates how he's stalling them to keep moving. Or how he's entirely stopped them to continue. Sehun lived his life with his lips pursed, his silence says a lot of things, but none of it gets noticed by his mother.
He's always stuck with his mother, no matter how much he suffers with her. But this is Sehun, he only knows how to obey.
- 002 -
"You are crazy!" Jongin jumps at Baekhyun and tackles him into a headlock.
Sehun pushes his friend away from his other friend to protect him. "You're too violent Jongin."
"I can't believe this guy is going to treat us out to a vacation for 5 days and 4 nights!"
"If you don't want it I can just invite Sehun alone and we can-"
"I am definitely coming, you dickhead!" Jongin shoves Baekhyun playfully.
Baekhyun laughs. "Thought so."
"So where is this coming from huh? Your heart is turning softer each day, I still can't believe you're the same Baekhyun who keeps ignoring me and only talks to Sehun from before." Jongin points a finger to him.
"It's because I'm a lot nicer than you." Sehun sticks out his tongue at him and rests his hand on Baekhyun's shoulder.
"Who told you two to be closer like this? I brought you together, you can't betray me!" Jongin continues with his act and pulls Sehun to his side. He pretends to ignore Baekhyun and walks with Sehun hand in hand.
"There won't be free chicken today." Baekhyun yells after him.
Jongin immediately drops Sehun's hand and runs back to fetch Baekhyun. He takes him by the wrist.
"Come on Baek, let's leave Sehun behind."
- 001 -
"I'm Jongin." Jongin stretches his hand towards his two classmates. The other looks up at him blankly, while the other doesn't even give a fuck about him.
Jongin smirks.
"Looks like I'm not the only one who doesn't have friends." He plops himself on the seat in front of the nicer one.
"Everyone's chosen their group members. Mind if I join yours?" He points his thumb to his back. The one in front of him looks behind him to confirm. Sure enough, they're the only ones left without a group.
"I guess I don't have a choice." The nice one sighs and blows on his fringe.
"Great! You are?" Jongin asks excitedly.
"Sehun." Sehun smiles a little.
"And this is?" Jongin mouths and mumbles but still loud enough for the silent boy to hear.
"Actually, I don't really know." Sehun scratches the back of his neck.
"Hey, lonely boy. What's your name?"
The boy gives him a cold stare and Jongin slightly backs down.
"Hi." Sehun stretches his arm in front of him, almost shyly. "My name is Sehun. Can we be groupmates?"
They don't get a reply at once. But Sehun gives him a hopeful smile.
The boy lowers his gaze and speaks before he looks away.
"I'm Baekhyun."
- 005 -
"Mr. Byun, you have to give me answers. I know it's hard. But what did really happen?"
A tear escapes his eye. He gives another glance at Jongin's blank face.
It's only been a day after their release from the hospital. He doesn't really know how long they stayed admitted in it. But what he knows is that they survived. And he couldn't face the fact that they did.
Because...
"We asked him to do it with us. We asked him to join us." Baekhyun's voice breaks. He takes another look at Jongin. He isn't moving nor talking, he's just staring blankly ahead of him.
"And he did it? On his own freewill?"
Baekhyun breaks into a sob.
"He did it because he wanted to be with us."
From where he's sitting, he could see a tear trickling down Jongin's face.
Baekhyun faces the police investigator, all the grieiving evident in his face.
"Sehun never wanted to do it. But he did it for us. And now, this is the price we pay."
"We'll live while remembering his death."
At the corner, Jongin can only cry.
Throw me anything. I apologize for everything. I couldn't sleep without getting this off of my head so I'm sorry.
Bonus (to help you forget this) → KAI X SEHUN, time is running out by xLuvxvictimx
NC-17
Sehun/Kai/Baekhyun
The noise is gone between his friends and then silence follows.
Warnings: Character death, language, drugs, violence, abuse, suicide with a confusing order of scenes.
Written while looping Time Is Running Out.
"Are you out of your mind?" Sehun's eyes widen the moment the door shuts.
- 005 -
This is exactly what's running in Baekhyun's mind right now. Sehun’s voice echoing in his head. Yes, maybe he was out of his mind at the time. Maybe he really lost it then. He was crazy, he knew that. Now he's driving himself more insane. He's stupid and he hates himself. He swears on this as he looks at Jongin huddled in a corner.
- 004 -
Yes, I'm out of my mind, is all what Baekhyun thinks this time. He clicks the door to a lock as he grins widely at Jongin and Sehun who watches him in amusement.
"This guy's insane, man." Jongin tilts his head to Sehun with a sly smirk.
Sehun couldn't believe they're about to do this. He looks at his bestfriends, their smiles almost mocking him.
"It's a one time big time thing." Baekhyun shrugs as he pulls a lighter out from his back pocket.
"Jesus. Baekhyun." Jongin wheezes in fake shock. "Seriously, you've been keeping them for how long?"
"Quite a while." Baekhyun pulls open a drawer. The mahogany is shiny and unscratched like how the rest of the furniture are in the huge room. He conjures up small plastic packets from deep down the drawer, the clear packages seemingly half-filled white grainy crystals. He tosses Jongin one who catches it with one hand up in the air, and offers it to Sehun with his hand outstretched to his direction.
"C'mon Sehun." He urges with a smile and Sehun shakes his head, walks to him, before he takes it from Baekhyun's hand.
"You were leaving me and Sehun behind?" Jongin pretends to be hurt and Baekhyun's chuckle just echoes in the spacious room filled with book shelves in a classic array.
They're in Baekhyun's mansion's library. No one's home aside from Baekhyun, and while things seem to be more complicated than ever, he invites Jongin and Sehun for a night they would never forget.
"Really, Jongin. I'm finally inviting you to join me and you still act like a nagging girlfriend?"
"Are we really doing this?" Sehun asks, his eyebrows raised with an 'I don't mind really, just asking.'
"Oh come on Sehunnn." Jongin slurs, putting an arm on the younger's shoulder while he acts like he's drunk. "Don't be a pussy."
Sehun pushes Jongin's face away from him as a reply.
"You're badly influencing him, Jongin." Baekhyun has been squatting on the floor, his back resting on the shelf behind him as he unseals the packet, professionally collecting the crystals onto a piece of foil before he rolls it onto the other end perfectly.
Jongin pulls away from Sehun and goes to follow what Baekhyun is doing. Sehun walks towards them and forms a circle as they sit side by side.
Sehun does as his friends say.
"Sehun is a natural, he's better than you Jongin." Baekhyun mocks while Jongin gives him the middle finger, admiring what he has finished.
Baekhyun makes use of the lighter and later on, all three of them are smoking on crack.
The first hit makes Jongin seem like he's experiencing a wave of convulsion. Sehun is the same but he tends to keep himself down. The smoke coming out of his mouth tastes terribly bad. It's probably not exactly the taste, but its effect.
Baekhyun feels himself go into some sort of spasm too but he closes his eyes tight, letting the feeling engulf his body until he can feel his fingertips shaking.
"This is the best." He takes another go on the crack and watches his friends struggle with the high. Jongin's eyes are immediately bloodshot, is pupils dilated, not quite a surprise as he looks down to see he's consumed most of it.
"You still okay Sehun?" Baekhyun checks his friend. He looks stiff and in pain but nonetheless breathing.
"The fuck is this?!" His words ring out in the room and Baekhyun knows it's taking it effect.
"It's cocaine."
"Baekhyun, you asshole, how could you leave us out. This is the fucking best man!" Jongin seems to have gotten a hold of himself as he puts the thing in his mouth again, inhaling what seems to be another huge amount of crack.
Sehun drops his own on the carpeted floor and snatches the one between Jongin's fingers.
Jongin glares at him but he stops to watch as Sehun puts it in his own mouth.
"Tastes better." Sehun laughs and stands to do some stretching. Baekhyun springs too and Jongin follows.
"I want to do something." Baekhyun announces as he starts to stretch too, his senses all alert and his mood extremely elevated. It’s finally kicking in.
Jongin grabs Sehun's arm and leads his hand with the foiled crack to his lips to smoke on it. "This is addicting."
"I've never felt so high all my entire life. I feel so... Free." Jongin's grin surfaces on his face as he looks at his friends. "Why can't the world be more friendly and nice like this? This is goddamn golden as fuck."
"That one's not gonna stop talking." Baekhyun nods his head to Jongin's direction. Sehun just pats Jongin's head, laughing at his seemingly exuberant aura and sudden talkativeness.
"Stop making fun of me." Jongin points a finger at Baekhyun irritably. The sudden action makes him trip on his heel and he accidentally falls behind a side table with a vase. The vase of flowers drop to the ground with a muffled crash against the carpet and it breaks.
"Whoa." Jongin catches himself.
Something clicks on Baekhyun's mind.
"This bastard is going to destroy the whole library." He shakes his head. "Who gave you permission to do that?"
He raises his voice this time and grabs the vase near him. He smashes it on the floor. A smirk appears playfully on his face.
"Ah. This is not the game you want to play." Jongin kicks the closest chair to him. It hits Sehun's hind leg.
"Ow fuck." Sehun looks angrily at Jongin. The other sniggers at him, finding everything funny.
"Are you fighting me?" Sehun reaches for a book and throws it at Jongin. The pages fly out of its bind and scatter in the air before they slowly fall to the ground.
"C'mon guys. Is that all you could do?" They only notice Baekhyun standing in front of a huge shelf, hands stretched in front, palms pressed on it.
"That one's more fun." Jongin runs to Baekhyun's side to join him. Sehun immediately takes the other side of Baekhyun, all hands outstretched to the big shelf altogether.
"Push." All three of them grunt as they push the shelf hard. At first it only slightly moves but it doesn't sway. It budges when they all scream together and slowly it leans backwards until it's losing its footing on the ground.
They have their mouths open when it topples over the next, causing it to fall backwards too, until a domino effect takes place among the shelves positioned close to each other.
A loud celebratory laughter erupts as they all watch the books scatter everywhere, a few misplaced wood hitting the wall because of the impact.
"This is so much fun." Sehun cries out as he laughs in amusement. Tears form in his eyes as he enjoys the happening a little too much.
"There's still so much things in order here." Baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows and soon enough, all three of them are tearing the whole library down.
"This is for my father!" Jongin yells and kicks a statue at the side, causing shards of it to fly everywhere.
"This is for my good for nothing parents!" Baekhyun lifts a chair and forcibly throws it over the wall.
"Sehun, do it." Baekhyun is already holding a baseball bat out of nowhere.
He catches it just in time Baekhyun has thrown it. Sehun grips on the bat's handle.
"And this is for a fucked up family." Sehun swings and breaks all the ceramic ornaments lined up in the corner.
For a whole hour, they've tired themselves out destroying anything within their reach. It's their only way to vent out their anger towards the world. Their parents. Their families. Themselves.
It's the only freedom they have. They only have it when they're out of their minds.
"I want this to last for a lifetime. I don't want this to end."
They're all lying on their backs, their heads connected in a circle, arms spread slightly out, legs open as if they're the most free men in the world.
Jongin hasn't stopped talking since. And he's starting to choke on his tears.
"I don't want to go back to reality. This is all I need. Just me, and the two of you. I don't need anything else. I don't want my life anymore."
The tears have freely fallen on the sides of Jongin's face. His high is too far from coming down, his fists balled up to his sides.
"Promise me there's nothing else next to this. We'll be stuck here forever and have the time of our lives."
Baekhyun manages to flip on his front and look at Jongin's sobbing mess.
"You talk too much, Jongin." He sounds as if he's found the solution to their problems. "You don't have to worry anymore, there's nothing else after this."
And for a heart-stopping moment, he bends down to where Jongin's face is. His lips hover over his and Jongin immediately answers it. Sehun arches his back to see what's happening. He watches his friends kiss.
Baekhyun breaks it too soon. He sits up and licks his lips. He wipes them with the back of his hand.
"That was some experimenting." He laughs shakily.
Jongin sits up too. He looks at Baekhyun who just shrugs at him. Then his gaze falls darkly on Sehun's lying figure.
"I've always wanted to try it."
Before Sehun can even look up at Jongin, he's already hovering above him.
"You never notice me." Jongin's heavy breathing makes Sehun out of breath himself. The rise and fall of his chest entices Jongin more as he locks gazes with Sehun. Baekhyun watches them this time.
"This is not the time-"
"This is the only time." Jongin responds quickly as Sehun looks away.
"After all those jacking off in the shower together, after all those secret touches, you never let me kiss you." Jongin's half-lidded eyes stare boringly into Sehun's unsteady ones. His eyes roam to the other's lips.
"It's because I was afraid the kiss will break everything off."
Jongin scoffs and chuckles darkly after. "There's nothing more to break."
Even before Sehun could say anything, he dips his head down and tastes Sehun's non-virgin mouth. It starts almost aggressively, teeth clashing with each other, lips pressing harshly against each other and Jongin is nibbling not so gently on every skin he can reach.
The taste of crack still lingers, and it drives them both higher.
Baekhyun has seen this coming, he just have to give them a little push. He lets out a genuine smile. Not from the high, but from the heart. The only thing left is to fulfill his promise to Jongin.
"There's nothing else after this."
A shining shard of glass hits the light and it immediately invites Baekhyun in.
It's the only way.
He's tired. Jongin's tired. Sehun is tired.
They all need a rest.
Baekhyun picks it up and examines it. The glint shines on his face. He looks at himself on the reflection on the sharp piece of object. His eyes are bloodshot red, his hair disheveled in the worst way. This is not him anymore. This is what society has turned him into.
He casts a glance at his two bestfriends. Both who are seemingly putting their lives past them, forgetting everything in the deep long kiss.
It's exactly what they need.
He grips the object in his hand and he feels it sting, crimson red starting to spread in between his fingers.
"It's time."
Baekhyun proclaims. Jongin pulls away from Sehun and they both look up at the oldest among them. He looks a lot older against the little rays of sunlight that pass through the broken windows.
Determination on his face.
"It's time to go."
Jongin pulls Sehun up, his face scrunched up as confusion is written all over his face.
"There's nothing else after this." Baekhyun stretches his wounded hand towards Sehun and Jongin, showing them the glass.
"It's the easiest way out."
"But-" Sehun immediately objects, comprehension dawning on him.
"Baekhyun." The name escapes Jongin's lips softly.
"I'll do it. I'm tired. I know I won't ever live a better life even if I try. This is me." Baekhyun lets his hands fall to his sides. "I'm all alone."
Sehun starts to shake his head. He thinks of his little brother. He can't just leave him with a cheating father who's as good as dead. He can't leave him with his mother who has been blinded by her own delusions of love. He can't let his brother live the same way he did. He can't leave the world knowing his little brother would end up as miserable as him. So Sehun won't.
Jongin takes Baekhyun's hand. "I'm with you."
Sehun is shocked. He looks at Jongin in horror.
"No." He almost inaudibly whispers.
"This is me, too, Sehun." Jongin casts his eyes down. "I can never face people without feeling scared. I can't look my father in the eyes without shaking in fear. And I can't live with myself knowing all these. I'm scarred, too deep, to even find the courage to move on."
"I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." Jongin swallows a sob.
Sehun tears up. "You guys can't give up yet."
He can't. He has someone he cares for. But his friends, they have no one left. Sehun is left to choose between them. Between saving his life or losing it with them.
"This can't be the only way."
"But I'd take it." Baekhyun is not crying. But he knows deep in his heart, he's in unbearable pain. He wants all of it to go away.
"I want to end it too." Jongin looks Sehun in the eyes. "You've suffered a lot too. It will stop if you do this, Sehun."
A few drops of blood form on the ground, the ones that come from Baekhyun's wounded palm.
"It's the last pain you'll feel. And then you'll feel nothing." Baekhyun invites him.
Sehun couldn't think straight anymore. He doesn't want to agree with this. He doesn't want to end it this way.
His eyes widen as he watches as Baekhyun brings his arm in front of him. He positions the broken glass just above his wrist, ready to slide it down.
Sehun wants to look away but he couldn't. He wants to scream but his voice is gone. He wants to stop him but it's too late.
Baekhyun slits his wrist.
Sehun's eyes are blocked by his tears and he is wheezing. There's a lot of blood on Jongin's wrist now and he doesn't know what to do.
"Jongin." He cries to shake him awake, Baekhyun almost as if battling with his last breaths next to Jongin's limping body.
"It's your chance Sehun."
"I'm sorry."
"I love you."
And Jongin passes out next to Baekhyun.
Sehun screams this time. He drowns in his own tears. His two friends are lying lifelessly in front of him. There's nothing to hold onto anymore.
He's driven to the edge.
And Sehun finds the bloody glass stinging his fingertips. In the end, he chooses to follow them.
- 003 -
"Is it that bad?" Baekhyun is hurrying to his car, his keys jiggling as he jogs to it.
"It is." Sehun struggles to hold the phone to his ear.
Baekhyun runs past his butler, who asks him where's he's headed, ignores him, and immediately revs the engine to where Sehun and Jongin are.
Sehun has Jongin wrapped with his embrace when Baekhyun arrives. The other seems to be shaking, a sign that he has calmed down from his actual breakdown.
Sehun has his worried and horrified expression, it's that time where he doesn't know where to start comforting Jongin.
Baekhyun kneels down to where Jongin and Sehun are, somewhere beside Sehun's house, where the both of them are huddled on the wet grassy ground under the starry sky. He runs his fingers on Jongin's hair, something he's grown accustomed to to calm Jongin more.
"It's all in the past Jongin." Baekhyun whispers on his back while Sehun rubs his back soothingly. "He can't get to you anymore. He won't lay another finger on you. He's far gone."
The shaking won't stop.
"It's okay, Jongin. You're safe here."
When Jongin shows himself on Sehun's doorstep, Sehun immediately knows what's wrong. Jongin's past always haunts him down. His life with his father is something he can't live with, yet it doesn't leave him.
It's a trauma, they said. And Jongin will carry it all throughout his life, even, maybe, until his grave.
Jongin is a runaway from home. His parents don't care. Or maybe his mother does, but does it still matter?
Jongin is an abused child. Maltreated, beaten up, and unloved.
One day, when Jongin is old enough, when he can rationalize things on his own, he decided he's had enough of the beatings his father inflicts on him every night. He's not an animal. He's better off alone than to live under the roof of the monster that is his father.
He's escaped the physical pain. But never the pain he feels every night, the fear that grows in him every single day. The fear that he'll meet his father again, that he'll surrender to his abusive hands again.
It only takes Jongin a recall of the past to go running to his friends, to Sehun most often, before he breaks down and loses himself.
He's ended the beatings, but the scars are buried too deep.
"Master, your dinner is ready."
But Baekhyun walks, deadpanned, along the stairs, straight to his room. His face is void of emotion, giving nothing away. He doesn't talk to anyone, he doesn't show any sign of weakness.
Baekhyun is cold on the outside. It's his way of protecting himself. He doesn't want anyone to know that he's hurting, that he's suffering. He's come to terms with himself that he is alone. And it's not gonna change ever.
He locks his room and stares at his door. He's 11, and his only friend died in accident that day.
Baekhyun wants to scream. He wants to cry for help, to save him from the overwhelming feeling of loss. He needs someone to tell him 'It's okay, people come and go.'
But no one checks up on him. No one looks after him. He may have caretakers surrounding him, but all they've done is look, not see.
They have no idea that the more he looks outwardly fine, the more he's internally breaking into pieces.
Baekhyun is from a well-off family. He's an only child and has lived a prince's life since birth. But wealth is the last thing he needs. Yet it's the only thing he has.
He has always considered himself alone in the world. Thus he often makes rash and wrong decisions in life. This is why he always results to self-pity. He, alone, comforts himself. He has always been this way, until he met Sehun and Jongin.
"Use your savings for the meantime. I'm sorry Sehun, but your father needs his medicine." Sehun's mother begs him in front of his bed-ridden father. He doesn't flinch nor disobey. He only nods.
From the outside, no one will ever think Sehun has a family issue. His mother spends all day tending to his bed-ridden father, something not many wives would have done. Something Sehun wished his mother wouldn't have done.
Most especially not when his father has sinned against them, cheating shamelessly in their face when he was still well.
Sehun belongs to a broken family his mother never wants to accept. His mother who always turns a blind eye on the truth that's right in front of her. His mother who only thinks of his father and forgets about her two kids, him and his 5-year old little brother.
Sehun hates how his father is still alive til now. He hates how he's stalling them to keep moving. Or how he's entirely stopped them to continue. Sehun lived his life with his lips pursed, his silence says a lot of things, but none of it gets noticed by his mother.
He's always stuck with his mother, no matter how much he suffers with her. But this is Sehun, he only knows how to obey.
- 002 -
"You are crazy!" Jongin jumps at Baekhyun and tackles him into a headlock.
Sehun pushes his friend away from his other friend to protect him. "You're too violent Jongin."
"I can't believe this guy is going to treat us out to a vacation for 5 days and 4 nights!"
"If you don't want it I can just invite Sehun alone and we can-"
"I am definitely coming, you dickhead!" Jongin shoves Baekhyun playfully.
Baekhyun laughs. "Thought so."
"So where is this coming from huh? Your heart is turning softer each day, I still can't believe you're the same Baekhyun who keeps ignoring me and only talks to Sehun from before." Jongin points a finger to him.
"It's because I'm a lot nicer than you." Sehun sticks out his tongue at him and rests his hand on Baekhyun's shoulder.
"Who told you two to be closer like this? I brought you together, you can't betray me!" Jongin continues with his act and pulls Sehun to his side. He pretends to ignore Baekhyun and walks with Sehun hand in hand.
"There won't be free chicken today." Baekhyun yells after him.
Jongin immediately drops Sehun's hand and runs back to fetch Baekhyun. He takes him by the wrist.
"Come on Baek, let's leave Sehun behind."
- 001 -
"I'm Jongin." Jongin stretches his hand towards his two classmates. The other looks up at him blankly, while the other doesn't even give a fuck about him.
Jongin smirks.
"Looks like I'm not the only one who doesn't have friends." He plops himself on the seat in front of the nicer one.
"Everyone's chosen their group members. Mind if I join yours?" He points his thumb to his back. The one in front of him looks behind him to confirm. Sure enough, they're the only ones left without a group.
"I guess I don't have a choice." The nice one sighs and blows on his fringe.
"Great! You are?" Jongin asks excitedly.
"Sehun." Sehun smiles a little.
"And this is?" Jongin mouths and mumbles but still loud enough for the silent boy to hear.
"Actually, I don't really know." Sehun scratches the back of his neck.
"Hey, lonely boy. What's your name?"
The boy gives him a cold stare and Jongin slightly backs down.
"Hi." Sehun stretches his arm in front of him, almost shyly. "My name is Sehun. Can we be groupmates?"
They don't get a reply at once. But Sehun gives him a hopeful smile.
The boy lowers his gaze and speaks before he looks away.
"I'm Baekhyun."
- 005 -
"Mr. Byun, you have to give me answers. I know it's hard. But what did really happen?"
A tear escapes his eye. He gives another glance at Jongin's blank face.
It's only been a day after their release from the hospital. He doesn't really know how long they stayed admitted in it. But what he knows is that they survived. And he couldn't face the fact that they did.
Because...
"We asked him to do it with us. We asked him to join us." Baekhyun's voice breaks. He takes another look at Jongin. He isn't moving nor talking, he's just staring blankly ahead of him.
"And he did it? On his own freewill?"
Baekhyun breaks into a sob.
"He did it because he wanted to be with us."
From where he's sitting, he could see a tear trickling down Jongin's face.
Baekhyun faces the police investigator, all the grieiving evident in his face.
"Sehun never wanted to do it. But he did it for us. And now, this is the price we pay."
"We'll live while remembering his death."
At the corner, Jongin can only cry.
Throw me anything. I apologize for everything. I couldn't sleep without getting this off of my head so I'm sorry.
Bonus (to help you forget this) → KAI X SEHUN, time is running out by xLuvxvictimx