Hello, Goodbye
I'm sure everyone knows by now, but I finally resigned from the hell that is known as White Marsh Auntie Anne's. 3 days left. I put in a good year and 9 months. By "good", I mean TERRIBLE. This job took literally everything honest and true I was as a person and turned it upside down. It took away my time, my pride, my sense of self-worth, my respect for peers as well as society, my faith ... it was the most emotionally abusive environment I've been in since my last relationship and/or the last time I lived with my parents. Both are comparable.
This time, instead of becoming depressed and taking it inward, I became ENRAGED and took it out on everyone I could. I became a mean, bitter person who displaced her daily frustrations on the people closest to her. Yet they never spoke up because they knew the amount of stress I was under. It worsened to the point where I got into arguments with total strangers because I was fed up with people's shit in general. I am just completely done with taking people's unneccessary attitudes over the smallest shit or things that don't even concern me, and I don't care how much trouble it gets me in. I have held my tongue for too many years. It'll probably end up getting me killed one day, this state of mind. But no one else is ever going to walk all over me EVER again.
I was "training to be the assistant manager" for 7 months with no raise in sight and nothing but criticism. As time went on I realized I literally had been running the store with no help for most of this time. I did things no one else in the store could do besides the store manager (who, by the way, hadn't been doing them for most of this time). I just felt unappreciated and beaten down. The criticism transcended a professional level into personal territory. Although people would apologize for their words, it was on a consistent basis to the point where I no longer trusted or believed their apologies. I had given up so much for this job. For a measly $9 an hour (until I finally spoke up and said that if I didn't make $10 I was going to quit). Lost so much sleep over this job, constant worry and anxiety about being around my boss, injured my personal relationships, felt like a failure even though I was more responsible and more successful as a person and as an employee than I had ever been. I only called out three times in 2 years, all for which I was incredibly ill and had a doctor's note for. I routinely stayed late to get things done (the overtime hours were crazy sometimes). I was constantly doing projects and extras (which never got me many kudos, if any).
Just tired of this job, full of worse drama than HIGH SCHOOL. Most of it stemming from a 53 year old woman. I'm far too qualified, far too old, far too EVERYTHING for this job anymore. I deserve better. Tired of giving all of myself for something that gives me nothing back. Less than nothing. Hurt and pain and negativity. Betrayal, lying, and heartache on a ridiculous level.
Some good things came out of this situation, however - made some pretty good friends, finally understood the meaning of "responsibility" (didn't have a choice, really), saved a decent amount of money (can go do stuff whenever I want and not have to worry about the money, ever), learned what it is to be "professional"... I struggle to think of more, so I'll stop.
In other news I'll be starting my new job at $$$ on the 21st of April. I train downtown for several weeks before being moved to my permanent (?) location. I see this as an opportunity in a business where there's a decent amount of growth potential and could possibly become a career rather than just a job. The entire application process took a solid month. From the first online questionairre to a phone interview, an in-person interview with a 12 page application, e-mails, and FBI fingerprinting. A lot of work for this type of job, but the entire situation gave me a new faith in myself. Everyone told me there's no way in heck I could get this job (except Brandon who told me all along I would get it) due to my checkered past (not to mention how I told everyone I feel like I am terrible at interviews). But I still tried.... and lo and behold, I got it! This might sound pretty gay, but I felt and STILL feel so accomplished and proud of myself. It took so much courage and fighting within myself to even apply to this type of job. Most of you know that I am one of the most honest people you will EVER meet, and my heart is full of nothing but good intentions so I felt that this job would be a good fit for me.
I have yet to feel any anxiety over starting a new job. I expect it to come sometime during this next week. But I feel incredibly excited more than anything, really. I feel more anxiety at driving downtown than I do actually walking into the building and introducing myself to the trainer.
I hope this turns out like everything I hoped it would be. I mean every job has its flaws, but NOWHERE can be as bad as Auntie Anne's. NOWHERE.
Perhaps I don't feel anxious about the new job because my anxiety-meter is at FULL over Brandon's new living situation. I'm not going to go into details, but honestly, it's just too many people living there. In my experience the more people you live with the more problems you have. I also don't like that fact that he has nowhere to sleep, really.
Between my new job, Brandon's new living situation, and Brandon's work-whatever-hours-they-give-you work schedule (which was my work schedule as well, until now, lol) I expect to only see Brandon 2 or 3 times a week BRIEFLY as opposed to daily. I'm going to have to go to bed at latest 11 pm from now on, and get up at 6:30 to get to work on time. Brandon almost always works evening hours (the earliest he'd be getting off on these days is around 10 pm). So that pretty much rules out seeing him. I'm not sure whether it will be more of a strain on our relationship or what. Either way, there's nothing I can do about it. I do think we might need a break from every-day for a bit though. As much as I don't like that thought.
My sister is 3.5 months pregnant. I'm still unsure how I feel about it. This is going to sound completely insane but I have a slight feeling of jealousy. I don't want a child any time soon, though. Everyone around me is getting married/having babies. I am getting old. In all honestly, I will probably want to have a child within the next 5-7 years. Of course that's assuming I will be in a relationship at the time. The past has shown me that nothing in the future is certain, so I try not to think too far ahead.
Oh yeah, I bought an XBox 360. I don't know if any of you who read this have an XBox, but my name is seiaidorei on XBox Live. Add me!
This time, instead of becoming depressed and taking it inward, I became ENRAGED and took it out on everyone I could. I became a mean, bitter person who displaced her daily frustrations on the people closest to her. Yet they never spoke up because they knew the amount of stress I was under. It worsened to the point where I got into arguments with total strangers because I was fed up with people's shit in general. I am just completely done with taking people's unneccessary attitudes over the smallest shit or things that don't even concern me, and I don't care how much trouble it gets me in. I have held my tongue for too many years. It'll probably end up getting me killed one day, this state of mind. But no one else is ever going to walk all over me EVER again.
I was "training to be the assistant manager" for 7 months with no raise in sight and nothing but criticism. As time went on I realized I literally had been running the store with no help for most of this time. I did things no one else in the store could do besides the store manager (who, by the way, hadn't been doing them for most of this time). I just felt unappreciated and beaten down. The criticism transcended a professional level into personal territory. Although people would apologize for their words, it was on a consistent basis to the point where I no longer trusted or believed their apologies. I had given up so much for this job. For a measly $9 an hour (until I finally spoke up and said that if I didn't make $10 I was going to quit). Lost so much sleep over this job, constant worry and anxiety about being around my boss, injured my personal relationships, felt like a failure even though I was more responsible and more successful as a person and as an employee than I had ever been. I only called out three times in 2 years, all for which I was incredibly ill and had a doctor's note for. I routinely stayed late to get things done (the overtime hours were crazy sometimes). I was constantly doing projects and extras (which never got me many kudos, if any).
Just tired of this job, full of worse drama than HIGH SCHOOL. Most of it stemming from a 53 year old woman. I'm far too qualified, far too old, far too EVERYTHING for this job anymore. I deserve better. Tired of giving all of myself for something that gives me nothing back. Less than nothing. Hurt and pain and negativity. Betrayal, lying, and heartache on a ridiculous level.
Some good things came out of this situation, however - made some pretty good friends, finally understood the meaning of "responsibility" (didn't have a choice, really), saved a decent amount of money (can go do stuff whenever I want and not have to worry about the money, ever), learned what it is to be "professional"... I struggle to think of more, so I'll stop.
In other news I'll be starting my new job at $$$ on the 21st of April. I train downtown for several weeks before being moved to my permanent (?) location. I see this as an opportunity in a business where there's a decent amount of growth potential and could possibly become a career rather than just a job. The entire application process took a solid month. From the first online questionairre to a phone interview, an in-person interview with a 12 page application, e-mails, and FBI fingerprinting. A lot of work for this type of job, but the entire situation gave me a new faith in myself. Everyone told me there's no way in heck I could get this job (except Brandon who told me all along I would get it) due to my checkered past (not to mention how I told everyone I feel like I am terrible at interviews). But I still tried.... and lo and behold, I got it! This might sound pretty gay, but I felt and STILL feel so accomplished and proud of myself. It took so much courage and fighting within myself to even apply to this type of job. Most of you know that I am one of the most honest people you will EVER meet, and my heart is full of nothing but good intentions so I felt that this job would be a good fit for me.
I have yet to feel any anxiety over starting a new job. I expect it to come sometime during this next week. But I feel incredibly excited more than anything, really. I feel more anxiety at driving downtown than I do actually walking into the building and introducing myself to the trainer.
I hope this turns out like everything I hoped it would be. I mean every job has its flaws, but NOWHERE can be as bad as Auntie Anne's. NOWHERE.
Perhaps I don't feel anxious about the new job because my anxiety-meter is at FULL over Brandon's new living situation. I'm not going to go into details, but honestly, it's just too many people living there. In my experience the more people you live with the more problems you have. I also don't like that fact that he has nowhere to sleep, really.
Between my new job, Brandon's new living situation, and Brandon's work-whatever-hours-they-give-you work schedule (which was my work schedule as well, until now, lol) I expect to only see Brandon 2 or 3 times a week BRIEFLY as opposed to daily. I'm going to have to go to bed at latest 11 pm from now on, and get up at 6:30 to get to work on time. Brandon almost always works evening hours (the earliest he'd be getting off on these days is around 10 pm). So that pretty much rules out seeing him. I'm not sure whether it will be more of a strain on our relationship or what. Either way, there's nothing I can do about it. I do think we might need a break from every-day for a bit though. As much as I don't like that thought.
My sister is 3.5 months pregnant. I'm still unsure how I feel about it. This is going to sound completely insane but I have a slight feeling of jealousy. I don't want a child any time soon, though. Everyone around me is getting married/having babies. I am getting old. In all honestly, I will probably want to have a child within the next 5-7 years. Of course that's assuming I will be in a relationship at the time. The past has shown me that nothing in the future is certain, so I try not to think too far ahead.
Oh yeah, I bought an XBox 360. I don't know if any of you who read this have an XBox, but my name is seiaidorei on XBox Live. Add me!