(no subject)
Dear F-list why do I fail at remaining cheerful when I'm at home? School as of recently too... but normally at school I'm quite cheerful and bright
Get home... and it's like ..."eeeeeeeehhhhhh..."
I have come to the conclusion that somewhere along my path to "finding myself" through High School I came to need people around me. Because I find that when I'm all alone and not talking to anyone online I start to get depressed or just unhappy.
I wish...that I could go back to being able to entertain myself properly again. Damn socialization
Seriously. I used to be the most un-social person in the world. And now I go into school and EVERYONE knows me. It amazes me that I've come this far as far as socialization. I still have those pathetic embarrassing stupid blurbs, but I get over them.
Now I fail at being at home alone in my own free time.
I was feeling GRANDLY accomplished. No sarcasm. Thursday I got my Excalibur project done for Griffin's class. Friday I got my ransom note for Typography done.
Today? Jack. Absolutely nothing. I was awakened by a phone call that my parents would be home in fifteen minutes so I rolled out of bed, went downstairs, turned on my computer and my video game and played it while I was waiting.
So they get home and Dad's home so I'm horribly distracted <3 because He's been gone all week and I've been like "DD: eeehhhh I miss mah daddy" so I play my game. They sit down, we watch some Reboot, the go upstairs and take a nap, I sit and play my game some more.
Dinner rolls around and they start watching Spider Man 3. I have no intention of watching it but end up doing so anyway since NO ONE was online D: the entire time. There is... still no one online.
And I'm kinda starting to get depressed :/ because my only real contact with anyone today was talking with Lyn when she wasn't feeling sick (get better baby <333) and when Amy called me to return my call from like..8:00pm last night.
I tried thumbnailing out my homework for Background and Layout class but I.. can't really draw tonight. I also should have drawn Nero for Sarah again today but once again. failed horribly.
I DID manage to draw some weird Hadrian thing but that's because the shadow of my hand and my sleeve made a nifty human-ish looking shape so I tried to draw what I could remember of it.
Didn't turn out how I wanted it to but it was something mildly not sucky? And it's original so it sorta counts of the "picture a day" for Sarah.
Speaking of which I'm going to go scan all the crap I haven't given her which is..... goodness a good six drawings?
Bah. I don't like being unhappy D:
EDIT
Haaaa I found more to talk about. And rather than make another entry I'll just add it on here. I'm sorry did I say talk? I mean rant D:
I guess
ahhh.....
damn. I'm making myself feel ill for thinking about bad shit again. Seriously I'm starting to feel queasy and get a headache.
I... sometimes wonder. "what the hell am I doing in art school?" I know that my stuff is better than some people's but I'm not GOING anywhere. seriously I'm not improving, and I know I had this discussion with
fadedfeathers about improving before but it's not the same thing.
It's not... the improving versus good grades thing. It's just.. I'm not improving and I'm in my second year already and I just feel... even if I graduate and they find me a job, is it going to be a good job? am I going to stay with it? will I get fired? holy crap I need to stop thinking about all this stuff D:
I'm just spiraling downward into a "what if (insert horrible happening here)?" state and it's bad.
very bad.
Someone.. needs to sign on/come back from away/invisible/ something D: like... now.
*headdesk*
Get home... and it's like ..."eeeeeeeehhhhhh..."
I have come to the conclusion that somewhere along my path to "finding myself" through High School I came to need people around me. Because I find that when I'm all alone and not talking to anyone online I start to get depressed or just unhappy.
I wish...that I could go back to being able to entertain myself properly again. Damn socialization
Seriously. I used to be the most un-social person in the world. And now I go into school and EVERYONE knows me. It amazes me that I've come this far as far as socialization. I still have those pathetic embarrassing stupid blurbs, but I get over them.
Now I fail at being at home alone in my own free time.
I was feeling GRANDLY accomplished. No sarcasm. Thursday I got my Excalibur project done for Griffin's class. Friday I got my ransom note for Typography done.
Today? Jack. Absolutely nothing. I was awakened by a phone call that my parents would be home in fifteen minutes so I rolled out of bed, went downstairs, turned on my computer and my video game and played it while I was waiting.
So they get home and Dad's home so I'm horribly distracted <3 because He's been gone all week and I've been like "DD: eeehhhh I miss mah daddy" so I play my game. They sit down, we watch some Reboot, the go upstairs and take a nap, I sit and play my game some more.
Dinner rolls around and they start watching Spider Man 3. I have no intention of watching it but end up doing so anyway since NO ONE was online D: the entire time. There is... still no one online.
And I'm kinda starting to get depressed :/ because my only real contact with anyone today was talking with Lyn when she wasn't feeling sick (get better baby <333) and when Amy called me to return my call from like..8:00pm last night.
I tried thumbnailing out my homework for Background and Layout class but I.. can't really draw tonight. I also should have drawn Nero for Sarah again today but once again. failed horribly.
I DID manage to draw some weird Hadrian thing but that's because the shadow of my hand and my sleeve made a nifty human-ish looking shape so I tried to draw what I could remember of it.
Didn't turn out how I wanted it to but it was something mildly not sucky? And it's original so it sorta counts of the "picture a day" for Sarah.
Speaking of which I'm going to go scan all the crap I haven't given her which is..... goodness a good six drawings?
Bah. I don't like being unhappy D:
EDIT
Haaaa I found more to talk about. And rather than make another entry I'll just add it on here. I'm sorry did I say talk? I mean rant D:
I guess
ahhh.....
damn. I'm making myself feel ill for thinking about bad shit again. Seriously I'm starting to feel queasy and get a headache.
I... sometimes wonder. "what the hell am I doing in art school?" I know that my stuff is better than some people's but I'm not GOING anywhere. seriously I'm not improving, and I know I had this discussion with
fadedfeathers about improving before but it's not the same thing.
It's not... the improving versus good grades thing. It's just.. I'm not improving and I'm in my second year already and I just feel... even if I graduate and they find me a job, is it going to be a good job? am I going to stay with it? will I get fired? holy crap I need to stop thinking about all this stuff D:
I'm just spiraling downward into a "what if (insert horrible happening here)?" state and it's bad.
very bad.
Someone.. needs to sign on/come back from away/invisible/ something D: like... now.
*headdesk*