il est mort
and so i did the hardest thing i've e'er in this vie done, i signed a consent form to euthanise my favourite child. he purred as i held him, crying- perpetually the rock. as i ran into the lav to get "one last thing" before work, he sat, still and strange on the area rug. i spoke to him, and he couldn't e'en look me in the ogles. as he stood to come closer to me, i noticed profound swelling bilaterally present on his sides. i panicked. i felt him and his fur felt lackluster and cold-- i immediately rang de and woke her.
de drove down to the ro and collected monsieur and took him to the veterinary office where she worked after high school hoping to get him seen, and stat. the doctor worked him in, and kind of attended to him betwixt other patients. as she sat in the car avec him before the office opened, i had her put me on speaker phone so i could reassure him. she said his ears perked and he moved toward the phone.
i got out of work early, and we went to the clinic straight away- de told me that she'd an update from the vet, and that the prognosis was quite poor. we sat there for heures. i cried, and bitterly wished death upon lesser creatures to myself.
monsieur was a beautiful, gleaming gift-- he transcended the feline race-- he was indeed, my baby. i thought of all of the clever things he'd do, and how horribly i'd miss little things, like him saying, "doo" when i said his name. i don't know that i've e'er loved something so deeply and so hard and for so long in all ma vie. i can't e'en describe what he means to me.
i stroked him aprés signing his vie a-way, i cried unto him, clutched him, trying to engrave upon my brain how amazing he felt in my arms; a perfect fit. he was very content, and was content to comfort me. i reiterated to him how i loved him- it became my mantra. i rang matthew, and let him say good-bye. i heard him choke a few things out, and watched as monsieur's ears perked to his voice, and his purr grew louder-- he had grown to love matthew so. as i walked out of the office, i touched his perfect paw one final time and told him that we'd meet again.
i feel so hollow and empty, and i just want to sleep.
cm
de drove down to the ro and collected monsieur and took him to the veterinary office where she worked after high school hoping to get him seen, and stat. the doctor worked him in, and kind of attended to him betwixt other patients. as she sat in the car avec him before the office opened, i had her put me on speaker phone so i could reassure him. she said his ears perked and he moved toward the phone.
i got out of work early, and we went to the clinic straight away- de told me that she'd an update from the vet, and that the prognosis was quite poor. we sat there for heures. i cried, and bitterly wished death upon lesser creatures to myself.
monsieur was a beautiful, gleaming gift-- he transcended the feline race-- he was indeed, my baby. i thought of all of the clever things he'd do, and how horribly i'd miss little things, like him saying, "doo" when i said his name. i don't know that i've e'er loved something so deeply and so hard and for so long in all ma vie. i can't e'en describe what he means to me.
i stroked him aprés signing his vie a-way, i cried unto him, clutched him, trying to engrave upon my brain how amazing he felt in my arms; a perfect fit. he was very content, and was content to comfort me. i reiterated to him how i loved him- it became my mantra. i rang matthew, and let him say good-bye. i heard him choke a few things out, and watched as monsieur's ears perked to his voice, and his purr grew louder-- he had grown to love matthew so. as i walked out of the office, i touched his perfect paw one final time and told him that we'd meet again.
i feel so hollow and empty, and i just want to sleep.
cm