RP log with scotcopper | No Escaping the Past
Stuart had gotten to the point where he just told his family to go home... or whatever their homes were currently in London. He was more than aware that the blow-up with Tom meant that it threw Braden and Angus' sleeping arrangements out the window, right along with Jules and Kenzie's. He wished it could be any other way, of course he did. But he didn't have the energy to think about anyone else right then. He barely had the energy to think about himself. Luckily he had a private room, it gave him the luxury of giving into his emotions if he felt the urge. For a long time, though, in the wake of his confrontation with Liam, he just felt numb. It was like the anger and the hurt hit a brick wall, just like his hand had. He just laid there in the hospital room, staring at the wall or the floor or the empty seat beside him. He couldn't sleep, everytime he tried, everything just came rushing back to him.
Liam had never come back to his room, obviously and smartly following Stuart's wishes. The other student had come instead, politely explaining there was a change of plans. A short while later, Dr Veness was back explaining he would have surgery first off the bat in the morning. He needed something called an open reduction to get the bones in the right place to heal, and she pointedly reminded him it was lucky his whole hand wasn't crushed. Well, duh. It was when she asked him if he would like an assessment with a psychologist that Stuart managed to wade through the fog in his brain a little. When he first came into the ER, the staff thought he broke his hand belting someone, but he had denied the fact over and over with the wall story. Obviously that led them to believe he had anger issues, so he ended up just tiredly telling Dr Veness he wasn't a mental case, he'd just been cheated on. It must have hit a familiar raw nerve for her because she got off his back immediately... knowing then enough to ask if he actually even wanted his engagement ring back.
Stuart shifted his eyes slowly to look at the ring sitting on the small cabinet beside the bed, which already had a large bunch of colourful flowers from Kenzie and Jules from the hospital gift shop. Of course he wanted the ring back. He needed it back. Nothing just switched feelings off like that. He still loved Tom, which is why he felt so devastated and hurt right now. He had thought they had a good thing, he'd been excited about the prospect of getting married, and just spending his life with Tom. Then this happened, and he couldn't think straight. Anger seemed to easily overcome everything else, but it was still fresh. He hadn't had the time to process it yet. With his heavily-dressed arm still nursed against his chest, Stuart squeezed his eyes shut as more tears came and turned his head away from the ring. For a split second there, maybe he had just been too happy?
"I'm still his fucking fiancé! You can kill me after I make sure he's okay. Don't you dare tell me I don't love him, because I do. You don't understand a fucking thing about what happened, so just let me through. If you still want to kill me after I've talked to him, then you can do it, but I'm not fucking dying without telling him the truth..."
Tom's angry yells could probably be heard by most of the ward. He really didn't give a shit, and he could have cared less when Angus started shouting back in his broad Scottish accent. Tom stood there and took it, his face bright red from anger and frustration before he finally just pushed past and slammed Stuart's hospital room door shut behind him. It wasn't how he'd wanted to enter his fiancé's room, but any other option had been taken out of his hands when Gus was standing guard. Tom had been stupid to think the entire Evans clan could have just been taking a group piss so he could just sneak in. Ethan was outside the room now with Angus, trying to calm the middle Evans down as he gave Tom a pleading look.
Hopefully this wouldn't be for nothing.
Tom was serious about needing to talk to Stuart before Angus did ram a set of bagpipes up his arse, and slit his throat. He stayed with his back to Stuart for a long moment as he tried to compose himself, but his shoulders started to shake as the tears spilled over onto his cheeks. It was all too fucking much. He wasn't sure he could take much more of this emotional roller coaster. He was also not entirely sure what he was about to see as he turned to look at the Scot copper. Liam's message hadn't said what was wrong with Stuart, just that he was here.
He moved slowly closer to Stuart's bed, stopping at the foot of it. It was just his hand. Only his hand was hurt. He let out a ragged sigh of relief before the sobbing started anew and he just crumpled. "Fuck..." was all he could murmur.
Stuart was surprised he didn't just throw up in reaction. He felt like wanted to, maybe all over Tom just for the fuck of him. He was speechless, really not expecting to either hear the shouting for have his fiancé appear a few moments later. In fact, he knew he should even be pissed off that his brothers hadn't gone home like he had requested. They just told him they would, clearly, but ended up staying anyway. Seeing Tom crying had no effect on him but to fan that flame of anger inside him. His lips tightened and he just watched him, his own eyes still wet. "You can leave," he managed hoarsely, flatly. "I dinnae want to see you."
"I don't care what you want right now," Tom said lowly. "I love you, but right now I just don't care. I'm saying this, and after I've said it then I'll leave. All you have to do is sit there and listen. And if you choose not to listen, then fine. At least I know I gave it a shot, because there's one thing I worked out when you left. I'm not giving up without a fight. Another fight. That's not who I am." He managed to quell the tears as he held Stuart's gaze, and clenched his hands into fists and his side. "Nothing happened. Jess didn't see Liam sucking my cock. She saw him kneeling to examine my surgical scar. I've been having nightmares, and I still get twinges of pain. He was doing what any doctor would do - even one in training - trying to see if there was any sort of sign of complications. I've been working myself too hard, I don't eat properly. Old working habits die hard. Where as old sex habits? They die quickly when you find someone you love. And I do love you, Stuart. Yes, Liam and I had a thing, but no one in his family knew. No one outside of it knew except for Ethan. I should have thrown out the porn stash a long time ago, but I didn't. Know why? Because sex with you has been more than enough to keep my mind off any former lays. You're the best I've ever had, Stuart. I don't want anyone else. I don't need anyone else. Liam's a younger version of me. He's who I used to be. I'm not that kid anymore. I've grown up. No one's more shocked than I am to have realised that. He might be a man tart, but he's an honourable one. He doesn't fuck about with people's fiancé's. He has never abided infidelity. Neither have I. He didn't chase after Jess like he should have because I hurt myself trying to get up and go after her myself. I still move like a goddamn pensioner when I've sat down too long." He reached up to run his fingers through his hair and shrugged as his hand dropped back down his side. "I'm sorry, love. I really am. I should have told you about Liam, but I didn't. That bit I can't change. I do need to change your understanding of what happened at my office today. I know Angus got to you. As much was clear from what he said out in the hall. I wanted to get to you first, but it just wasn't meant to be, was it? I should have told you when you got home, but you had that porno out and I just... I cracked."
When Tom finished talking, all Stuart could do was give a slight, teary laugh, but there was no humour behind it. It was just the first reaction as he tried to absorb everything that was just thrown at him. "Aye, okay... for one, Angus didn't 'get to me'. He's my fucking older brother, he was trying to protect me from getting hurt, which is more than I can say for you. Two, you cracked? Poor baby. You have my deepest sympathies," he said with a snort and put his uninjured hand up over his face. "Liam wasnae just a random fuck of your past, and you know it. You might not have had a relationship with him, but he meant something to you. Means something to you. You should've told me, and I dinnae fucking care what excuses you have otherwise. I've been honest with you about everything, and you know what? All I can keep playing over and over in my mind was how you got pissed when I told you I had been engaged before. You got fucking pissed that you werenae my first, so how do you think I felt when I saw you fucking Liam on that screen? I watched three DVDs that day, in a pile of I dinnae even know how fucking many. All you with different blokes. Ohhh, aye... it's your past. Aye, I know. And I was willing to accept that, to understand it. Until this happened. First an ex who turns up murdered, and now a close relationship with Ethan's brother-in-law, that you apparently had no fucking time to possibly tell me about in the weeks and weeks we have spent together. You know what, Tom? I just dinnae think I have the strength for your past. All I feel like asking is, what next?"
"That's everything," Tom replied quietly. He didn't think he had the strength for his past at this stage either. He was starting to wonder how he'd managed to make so many bloody mistakes when he'd always prided himself on being an open person. Or at least an honest one. Apparently honest lawyers really were living and breathing oxymorons. He moved to slump against the wall near the window, careful to stay away from the empty seat next to Stuart's bed. A deep-seated sickness in the pit of his stomach made him think he wasn't going to be there for long. "There is no next. The rest really are insignificant. I can't even picture their faces. The DVDs weren't exactly things I watched often. I suppose they were just... trophies. Meaningless mementos. It was just something I did... They never seemed to mind being filmed. Liam's my friend. It's not going to change, and it's never going to be anything more."
Stuart's face crumpled and another wave of tears spilled down his cheek as he closed his eyes and just dropped his head back against his pillow. Sure, his hand was killing him, he could hardly even make out his individual fingers it was just so much burning pain, but it couldn't hurt as much as what was about to come out of his mouth. "I cannae do it," he whispered through the tears. "I cannae compete with your past. It's just too... painful."
Tom blinked as he gazed at Stuart. "Funny, because I didn't even think you were in a competition with it. You've always been my number one, Stuart. I guess I still have some learning to do about all this stuff." He walked slowly over to the table next to Stuart and set his engagement ring down next to his. "I was ready to marry you. I am ready to marry you. I want this, but I guess I fucked it up without realising."
"You said you wouldnae hurt me," Stuart just said in a tiny voice as he glanced at their rings. It meant so much to him when he bought it. It was impossible to try and not keep crying now, the tears weren't stopping, but he did try to brush them away. "Y-You should go see a doctor. Make sure that pain isnae anything bad..." he finally added in a whisper, hating how final it sounded as he just curled up into a ball and hugged his injured arm to his chest, closing his eyes.
"I didn't take into account the misunderstandings," Tom murmured. "Or my past being too much." He cleared his throat before he bent down to kiss Stuart's forehead, his eyes already damp again as he tried to swallow back the massive lump in his throat. "I hope the operation goes well, love. If you ever... Your brothers will take good care of you." He watched Stuart for a long moment before he just brushed the Scot's hair for what felt like one last time. Now he just wanted to find Ethan. He had no idea how the fuck he was supposed to get through this without his best mate.
Liam had never come back to his room, obviously and smartly following Stuart's wishes. The other student had come instead, politely explaining there was a change of plans. A short while later, Dr Veness was back explaining he would have surgery first off the bat in the morning. He needed something called an open reduction to get the bones in the right place to heal, and she pointedly reminded him it was lucky his whole hand wasn't crushed. Well, duh. It was when she asked him if he would like an assessment with a psychologist that Stuart managed to wade through the fog in his brain a little. When he first came into the ER, the staff thought he broke his hand belting someone, but he had denied the fact over and over with the wall story. Obviously that led them to believe he had anger issues, so he ended up just tiredly telling Dr Veness he wasn't a mental case, he'd just been cheated on. It must have hit a familiar raw nerve for her because she got off his back immediately... knowing then enough to ask if he actually even wanted his engagement ring back.
Stuart shifted his eyes slowly to look at the ring sitting on the small cabinet beside the bed, which already had a large bunch of colourful flowers from Kenzie and Jules from the hospital gift shop. Of course he wanted the ring back. He needed it back. Nothing just switched feelings off like that. He still loved Tom, which is why he felt so devastated and hurt right now. He had thought they had a good thing, he'd been excited about the prospect of getting married, and just spending his life with Tom. Then this happened, and he couldn't think straight. Anger seemed to easily overcome everything else, but it was still fresh. He hadn't had the time to process it yet. With his heavily-dressed arm still nursed against his chest, Stuart squeezed his eyes shut as more tears came and turned his head away from the ring. For a split second there, maybe he had just been too happy?
"I'm still his fucking fiancé! You can kill me after I make sure he's okay. Don't you dare tell me I don't love him, because I do. You don't understand a fucking thing about what happened, so just let me through. If you still want to kill me after I've talked to him, then you can do it, but I'm not fucking dying without telling him the truth..."
Tom's angry yells could probably be heard by most of the ward. He really didn't give a shit, and he could have cared less when Angus started shouting back in his broad Scottish accent. Tom stood there and took it, his face bright red from anger and frustration before he finally just pushed past and slammed Stuart's hospital room door shut behind him. It wasn't how he'd wanted to enter his fiancé's room, but any other option had been taken out of his hands when Gus was standing guard. Tom had been stupid to think the entire Evans clan could have just been taking a group piss so he could just sneak in. Ethan was outside the room now with Angus, trying to calm the middle Evans down as he gave Tom a pleading look.
Hopefully this wouldn't be for nothing.
Tom was serious about needing to talk to Stuart before Angus did ram a set of bagpipes up his arse, and slit his throat. He stayed with his back to Stuart for a long moment as he tried to compose himself, but his shoulders started to shake as the tears spilled over onto his cheeks. It was all too fucking much. He wasn't sure he could take much more of this emotional roller coaster. He was also not entirely sure what he was about to see as he turned to look at the Scot copper. Liam's message hadn't said what was wrong with Stuart, just that he was here.
He moved slowly closer to Stuart's bed, stopping at the foot of it. It was just his hand. Only his hand was hurt. He let out a ragged sigh of relief before the sobbing started anew and he just crumpled. "Fuck..." was all he could murmur.
Stuart was surprised he didn't just throw up in reaction. He felt like wanted to, maybe all over Tom just for the fuck of him. He was speechless, really not expecting to either hear the shouting for have his fiancé appear a few moments later. In fact, he knew he should even be pissed off that his brothers hadn't gone home like he had requested. They just told him they would, clearly, but ended up staying anyway. Seeing Tom crying had no effect on him but to fan that flame of anger inside him. His lips tightened and he just watched him, his own eyes still wet. "You can leave," he managed hoarsely, flatly. "I dinnae want to see you."
"I don't care what you want right now," Tom said lowly. "I love you, but right now I just don't care. I'm saying this, and after I've said it then I'll leave. All you have to do is sit there and listen. And if you choose not to listen, then fine. At least I know I gave it a shot, because there's one thing I worked out when you left. I'm not giving up without a fight. Another fight. That's not who I am." He managed to quell the tears as he held Stuart's gaze, and clenched his hands into fists and his side. "Nothing happened. Jess didn't see Liam sucking my cock. She saw him kneeling to examine my surgical scar. I've been having nightmares, and I still get twinges of pain. He was doing what any doctor would do - even one in training - trying to see if there was any sort of sign of complications. I've been working myself too hard, I don't eat properly. Old working habits die hard. Where as old sex habits? They die quickly when you find someone you love. And I do love you, Stuart. Yes, Liam and I had a thing, but no one in his family knew. No one outside of it knew except for Ethan. I should have thrown out the porn stash a long time ago, but I didn't. Know why? Because sex with you has been more than enough to keep my mind off any former lays. You're the best I've ever had, Stuart. I don't want anyone else. I don't need anyone else. Liam's a younger version of me. He's who I used to be. I'm not that kid anymore. I've grown up. No one's more shocked than I am to have realised that. He might be a man tart, but he's an honourable one. He doesn't fuck about with people's fiancé's. He has never abided infidelity. Neither have I. He didn't chase after Jess like he should have because I hurt myself trying to get up and go after her myself. I still move like a goddamn pensioner when I've sat down too long." He reached up to run his fingers through his hair and shrugged as his hand dropped back down his side. "I'm sorry, love. I really am. I should have told you about Liam, but I didn't. That bit I can't change. I do need to change your understanding of what happened at my office today. I know Angus got to you. As much was clear from what he said out in the hall. I wanted to get to you first, but it just wasn't meant to be, was it? I should have told you when you got home, but you had that porno out and I just... I cracked."
When Tom finished talking, all Stuart could do was give a slight, teary laugh, but there was no humour behind it. It was just the first reaction as he tried to absorb everything that was just thrown at him. "Aye, okay... for one, Angus didn't 'get to me'. He's my fucking older brother, he was trying to protect me from getting hurt, which is more than I can say for you. Two, you cracked? Poor baby. You have my deepest sympathies," he said with a snort and put his uninjured hand up over his face. "Liam wasnae just a random fuck of your past, and you know it. You might not have had a relationship with him, but he meant something to you. Means something to you. You should've told me, and I dinnae fucking care what excuses you have otherwise. I've been honest with you about everything, and you know what? All I can keep playing over and over in my mind was how you got pissed when I told you I had been engaged before. You got fucking pissed that you werenae my first, so how do you think I felt when I saw you fucking Liam on that screen? I watched three DVDs that day, in a pile of I dinnae even know how fucking many. All you with different blokes. Ohhh, aye... it's your past. Aye, I know. And I was willing to accept that, to understand it. Until this happened. First an ex who turns up murdered, and now a close relationship with Ethan's brother-in-law, that you apparently had no fucking time to possibly tell me about in the weeks and weeks we have spent together. You know what, Tom? I just dinnae think I have the strength for your past. All I feel like asking is, what next?"
"That's everything," Tom replied quietly. He didn't think he had the strength for his past at this stage either. He was starting to wonder how he'd managed to make so many bloody mistakes when he'd always prided himself on being an open person. Or at least an honest one. Apparently honest lawyers really were living and breathing oxymorons. He moved to slump against the wall near the window, careful to stay away from the empty seat next to Stuart's bed. A deep-seated sickness in the pit of his stomach made him think he wasn't going to be there for long. "There is no next. The rest really are insignificant. I can't even picture their faces. The DVDs weren't exactly things I watched often. I suppose they were just... trophies. Meaningless mementos. It was just something I did... They never seemed to mind being filmed. Liam's my friend. It's not going to change, and it's never going to be anything more."
Stuart's face crumpled and another wave of tears spilled down his cheek as he closed his eyes and just dropped his head back against his pillow. Sure, his hand was killing him, he could hardly even make out his individual fingers it was just so much burning pain, but it couldn't hurt as much as what was about to come out of his mouth. "I cannae do it," he whispered through the tears. "I cannae compete with your past. It's just too... painful."
Tom blinked as he gazed at Stuart. "Funny, because I didn't even think you were in a competition with it. You've always been my number one, Stuart. I guess I still have some learning to do about all this stuff." He walked slowly over to the table next to Stuart and set his engagement ring down next to his. "I was ready to marry you. I am ready to marry you. I want this, but I guess I fucked it up without realising."
"You said you wouldnae hurt me," Stuart just said in a tiny voice as he glanced at their rings. It meant so much to him when he bought it. It was impossible to try and not keep crying now, the tears weren't stopping, but he did try to brush them away. "Y-You should go see a doctor. Make sure that pain isnae anything bad..." he finally added in a whisper, hating how final it sounded as he just curled up into a ball and hugged his injured arm to his chest, closing his eyes.
"I didn't take into account the misunderstandings," Tom murmured. "Or my past being too much." He cleared his throat before he bent down to kiss Stuart's forehead, his eyes already damp again as he tried to swallow back the massive lump in his throat. "I hope the operation goes well, love. If you ever... Your brothers will take good care of you." He watched Stuart for a long moment before he just brushed the Scot's hair for what felt like one last time. Now he just wanted to find Ethan. He had no idea how the fuck he was supposed to get through this without his best mate.