Greedy ; Jongkey; PG-13
Title : Greedy
Author : seetwopm
Rating : PG
Genre: Angst, romance
word count : 1500+ words
Pairing : JongKey, Implied!JongKyung
Summary : Jonghyun just can’t be honest to Kibum, and mostly to himself. Even if he knows better than anyone who’s the one that really owns his heart.
A/N : For all of the Jongkey shippers out there :) because I miss Jongkey like crazy…
Greedy
Forever can never be long enough for me
Feel like I've had long enough with you
Sometimes I feel my life these days is like a dream. Not because it’s beautiful nor heavenly, it’s just that… I can’t seem to realize what I’ve done. Feel like I’m not being my own self. I can’t even remember what I did, my brain just refuses to work along with me. Time does change almost everything, and before I can figure it out, things happen, again, again, and again, leaving me dumfounded. I’ve tried to wake up. Several times, which successfully bring me to the several times of futile efforts.
So here I am, I find myself alone in this cold room, busying myself since the dawn with piles of paper and those broken strings scattered around me, trying to arrange some tones into a mesmerizing melody. Today is one of those few rare days when our group can just stay at our dorm, though I have no passion for resting right now. I just can’t stop myself from doing it. I’ve been addicted. Maybe I still have to learn many things, but I don’t know why, I just feel like I have to write those words. Words that are filling my mind. And lately I’ve realized, that I’m thinking of someone while doing it.
People do come and go, saying hello and goodbye, just like those scenes in the movie. I’m aware of it. But I don’t want any of those things. I really don’t want it, especially those changes between us. I want all the things stay the same. Me and you, us, forever.
Forget the world now we won't let them see
But there's one thing left to do
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way
I bury my head in the paper piles, when suddenly I hear a light knock on the door which makes me lift my head up a bit.
“Hyung, the breakfast is ready. Just wanna say in case you want an early breakfast.” A very familiar voice says from behind the door.
It’s Kibum.
Marry Me
Today and every day
As usual, he’s still kind, and caring, and loving, and amazing, and…. Perfect. I miss this kind of thing, when he calls me for breakfast, when he breaks into my (and Minho’s) bedroom to wake me up with his naggy tone, his hyper excited expression when I show him the song that I wrote myself. Let’s just say that I miss every moment with him, Every little moment.
I glance at the clock on the wall. It shows 07.18 AM, too early for a breakfast indeed. But there’s nothing wrong about it, besides, I always wanna have an early breakfast once or twice. I quickly get up and make my way to the outside.
He’s already gone when I open the door of the work room. Probably he’s already heading to the dining room to prepare the breakfast of something.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Marry Me
If I ever get the nerve to say Hello in this cafe
I am right.
Kibum is already in the dining room. And I’m captivated by the sight. I find him there, he’s wearing his baby blue plaid apron, preparing Taemin’s lunch box lovingly. He makes sure that our beloved maknae won’t starve in the school. He doesn’t seem to realize my presence yet and I keep staring at him, he’s smiling while looking at that cute little lunch box proudly, seems like he’s satisfied with his work. And I can’t help smiling as well.
How I wish this was the sight which I would see every morning. Every morning after I wake up and bring myself for breakfast.
In my future home.
Marry Me
Say you will…
He finally sees me after I let out a light chuckle. We stare at each other for a second before he breaks the contact, turning back his body to wash the dirty plates in the sink, he makes me facing his back. Again. It’s always been like this. I know it. We’re getting distant. And I’m not gonna lie, I know the reason why we become like this better than anyone does.
I sit myself on the dining chair. The meals are all prepared already. I grab the bowl lazily and pour the cereal in it, not bothering to pour any milk. To be honest, I’m not really hungry. I just wanna spend this morning with him, hoping that I can have any conversation with him. Any.
Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
The sun rays are dancing gracefully, reflecting those beautiful colors on the glasses. I keep staring at his back while playing with my cereal. I miss him like crazy. It’s funny that I still find him perfect and attracting, even at the time like this, when he’s only in his simple pajama and apron while doing the dishes. But somehow his simplicity is everything that I’ve ever wanted.
He is one of a kind.
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love
And you're beautiful
Even if I know it, I know that he’s the one for me, I still can’t be honest to him and mostly, to myself. I can’t fight for him, I can’t fight for the one I love. Because If I did it, life would not go easy for both of us. A man isn’t supposed to fall for another man. The fate is not in our side from the start. I don’t think that the world can understand us.
Perhaps, I’m just too coward. I guess I’m too afraid to lose all these things, the fame, the wealth, the fortune, everything. I know someday I will regret this stupid decision. Someday I will cry alone on my bed, thinking about him in the night, cursing myself for being such a dumbass. But still, I don’t know why I can’t do anything about it.
Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way
And I’m not saying that I don’t like my current girlfriend. I really like her. She’s pretty and kind, she’s quite gorgeous. But there are things that I still can’t understand, why do I keep wanting him when I’m with her? Why do I just can’t break up with her even if I know I keep thinking about him.
Greedy.
That’s what I call myself. I’m really greedy. Maybe, Kibum is the one who suffers the most. This is definitely the reason why our relationship is going distant.
Kibum-ah, I know there’s no use of saying sorry. It’s not enough.
It doesn’t reduce your pain. At all.
You’re always being the cheerful one.
You always say that it’s okay, that you’re fine.
You fake a smile.
But I know it’s all a lie.
Yes, you’re a great actor. You can fool everyone.
Everyone but me.
Because darling… You ain’t a diva.
You’re just the ordinary Kim Kibum.
My one and only Kim Kibum.
Promise me
You'll always be Happy by my side
I hate myself for being such a jerk.
And this is one of the reasons why I can’t be with you.
If you wanna know why, just take a look at yourself. Just look at those perfections. I’m still not good enough for you…. Yet.
So darling, please pray for me. Please pray for me so that I can get the courage that I need, so that someday I can fight my greed, my cowardness, and my fear. So that I can be with you. I’ll be a much better person for you. I can do better than Dongwoon. I can do better than Minho, or anybody. I’ll be the best , only for you.
I promise to sing to you
When all the music dies
I know it can take a very long time, perhaps twenty or ten years later, five years later, I don’t know. But It can be next month, next week, tomorrow, today, or now as well.
And marry me
Today and everyday
It might be too much, but please wait for me. And you can call me selfish, because I’m gonna pray everyday. I’m gonna pray so that your heart will still belong to me, until the day when I’m ready, until the day when I can let go of everything, until the day when I say….
”Marry me Kibum, say you will…”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N : I’m back guys :) sorry for this angsty fic, I just feel like I have to write it. And I just realized that no matter how I ship Minkey and DongKey, Jongkey still has a special place in my heart.
The song lyric is “Marry Me” by Train :)
Thank you for reading my fic and comments are always <3 :)
Author : seetwopm
Rating : PG
Genre: Angst, romance
word count : 1500+ words
Pairing : JongKey, Implied!JongKyung
Summary : Jonghyun just can’t be honest to Kibum, and mostly to himself. Even if he knows better than anyone who’s the one that really owns his heart.
A/N : For all of the Jongkey shippers out there :) because I miss Jongkey like crazy…
Greedy
Forever can never be long enough for me
Feel like I've had long enough with you
Sometimes I feel my life these days is like a dream. Not because it’s beautiful nor heavenly, it’s just that… I can’t seem to realize what I’ve done. Feel like I’m not being my own self. I can’t even remember what I did, my brain just refuses to work along with me. Time does change almost everything, and before I can figure it out, things happen, again, again, and again, leaving me dumfounded. I’ve tried to wake up. Several times, which successfully bring me to the several times of futile efforts.
So here I am, I find myself alone in this cold room, busying myself since the dawn with piles of paper and those broken strings scattered around me, trying to arrange some tones into a mesmerizing melody. Today is one of those few rare days when our group can just stay at our dorm, though I have no passion for resting right now. I just can’t stop myself from doing it. I’ve been addicted. Maybe I still have to learn many things, but I don’t know why, I just feel like I have to write those words. Words that are filling my mind. And lately I’ve realized, that I’m thinking of someone while doing it.
People do come and go, saying hello and goodbye, just like those scenes in the movie. I’m aware of it. But I don’t want any of those things. I really don’t want it, especially those changes between us. I want all the things stay the same. Me and you, us, forever.
Forget the world now we won't let them see
But there's one thing left to do
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way
I bury my head in the paper piles, when suddenly I hear a light knock on the door which makes me lift my head up a bit.
“Hyung, the breakfast is ready. Just wanna say in case you want an early breakfast.” A very familiar voice says from behind the door.
It’s Kibum.
Marry Me
Today and every day
As usual, he’s still kind, and caring, and loving, and amazing, and…. Perfect. I miss this kind of thing, when he calls me for breakfast, when he breaks into my (and Minho’s) bedroom to wake me up with his naggy tone, his hyper excited expression when I show him the song that I wrote myself. Let’s just say that I miss every moment with him, Every little moment.
I glance at the clock on the wall. It shows 07.18 AM, too early for a breakfast indeed. But there’s nothing wrong about it, besides, I always wanna have an early breakfast once or twice. I quickly get up and make my way to the outside.
He’s already gone when I open the door of the work room. Probably he’s already heading to the dining room to prepare the breakfast of something.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Marry Me
If I ever get the nerve to say Hello in this cafe
I am right.
Kibum is already in the dining room. And I’m captivated by the sight. I find him there, he’s wearing his baby blue plaid apron, preparing Taemin’s lunch box lovingly. He makes sure that our beloved maknae won’t starve in the school. He doesn’t seem to realize my presence yet and I keep staring at him, he’s smiling while looking at that cute little lunch box proudly, seems like he’s satisfied with his work. And I can’t help smiling as well.
How I wish this was the sight which I would see every morning. Every morning after I wake up and bring myself for breakfast.
In my future home.
Marry Me
Say you will…
He finally sees me after I let out a light chuckle. We stare at each other for a second before he breaks the contact, turning back his body to wash the dirty plates in the sink, he makes me facing his back. Again. It’s always been like this. I know it. We’re getting distant. And I’m not gonna lie, I know the reason why we become like this better than anyone does.
I sit myself on the dining chair. The meals are all prepared already. I grab the bowl lazily and pour the cereal in it, not bothering to pour any milk. To be honest, I’m not really hungry. I just wanna spend this morning with him, hoping that I can have any conversation with him. Any.
Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
The sun rays are dancing gracefully, reflecting those beautiful colors on the glasses. I keep staring at his back while playing with my cereal. I miss him like crazy. It’s funny that I still find him perfect and attracting, even at the time like this, when he’s only in his simple pajama and apron while doing the dishes. But somehow his simplicity is everything that I’ve ever wanted.
He is one of a kind.
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love
And you're beautiful
Even if I know it, I know that he’s the one for me, I still can’t be honest to him and mostly, to myself. I can’t fight for him, I can’t fight for the one I love. Because If I did it, life would not go easy for both of us. A man isn’t supposed to fall for another man. The fate is not in our side from the start. I don’t think that the world can understand us.
Perhaps, I’m just too coward. I guess I’m too afraid to lose all these things, the fame, the wealth, the fortune, everything. I know someday I will regret this stupid decision. Someday I will cry alone on my bed, thinking about him in the night, cursing myself for being such a dumbass. But still, I don’t know why I can’t do anything about it.
Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way
And I’m not saying that I don’t like my current girlfriend. I really like her. She’s pretty and kind, she’s quite gorgeous. But there are things that I still can’t understand, why do I keep wanting him when I’m with her? Why do I just can’t break up with her even if I know I keep thinking about him.
Greedy.
That’s what I call myself. I’m really greedy. Maybe, Kibum is the one who suffers the most. This is definitely the reason why our relationship is going distant.
Kibum-ah, I know there’s no use of saying sorry. It’s not enough.
It doesn’t reduce your pain. At all.
You’re always being the cheerful one.
You always say that it’s okay, that you’re fine.
You fake a smile.
But I know it’s all a lie.
Yes, you’re a great actor. You can fool everyone.
Everyone but me.
Because darling… You ain’t a diva.
You’re just the ordinary Kim Kibum.
My one and only Kim Kibum.
Promise me
You'll always be Happy by my side
I hate myself for being such a jerk.
And this is one of the reasons why I can’t be with you.
If you wanna know why, just take a look at yourself. Just look at those perfections. I’m still not good enough for you…. Yet.
So darling, please pray for me. Please pray for me so that I can get the courage that I need, so that someday I can fight my greed, my cowardness, and my fear. So that I can be with you. I’ll be a much better person for you. I can do better than Dongwoon. I can do better than Minho, or anybody. I’ll be the best , only for you.
I promise to sing to you
When all the music dies
I know it can take a very long time, perhaps twenty or ten years later, five years later, I don’t know. But It can be next month, next week, tomorrow, today, or now as well.
And marry me
Today and everyday
It might be too much, but please wait for me. And you can call me selfish, because I’m gonna pray everyday. I’m gonna pray so that your heart will still belong to me, until the day when I’m ready, until the day when I can let go of everything, until the day when I say….
”Marry me Kibum, say you will…”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N : I’m back guys :) sorry for this angsty fic, I just feel like I have to write it. And I just realized that no matter how I ship Minkey and DongKey, Jongkey still has a special place in my heart.
The song lyric is “Marry Me” by Train :)
Thank you for reading my fic and comments are always <3 :)