(no subject)
12:34 am.
make a wish.
i wish i would fall asleep.
but i know i wont.
because i had a mocha.
and a very different night.
and i miss my best friend.
and i dont want to go to school.
and i want to graduate.
and i want to just work and make money.
and i want to see someone that i haven't seen in a while.
and i want last summer back.
and i want to have as much fun with the 'gang' as we used to.
but i know all my wishes are lost. because all my wishes have scattered and left me. and the one person who was supposed to help me.
deserted me.
and i have someone knew.
but he'll never know what it felt like to stay awake all night.
playing halo.
a game you suck at.
with two of the most awesome boys.
and with your best friend upstairs.
waiting for you to get bored.
so you can talk about fern gully.
and make chris and kyle watch it.
even though you really aren't watching anything.
your taking in the moment of almost perfect happiness.
and now.
when i look on the moment.
i cry.
because first loves never go away.
even if you have a wonderful new love.
the things you shared.
the plans you made.
the absolute horror of lies.
the small desire still sitting in your stomach.
wanting.
knowing its dead because it will never be allowed to surface.
slowly.
it hurts.
until it is once again burried.
burried untill the next night.
when you alone.
and awake.
and thinking.
at 12:34 am.
make a wish.
make a wish.
i wish i would fall asleep.
but i know i wont.
because i had a mocha.
and a very different night.
and i miss my best friend.
and i dont want to go to school.
and i want to graduate.
and i want to just work and make money.
and i want to see someone that i haven't seen in a while.
and i want last summer back.
and i want to have as much fun with the 'gang' as we used to.
but i know all my wishes are lost. because all my wishes have scattered and left me. and the one person who was supposed to help me.
deserted me.
and i have someone knew.
but he'll never know what it felt like to stay awake all night.
playing halo.
a game you suck at.
with two of the most awesome boys.
and with your best friend upstairs.
waiting for you to get bored.
so you can talk about fern gully.
and make chris and kyle watch it.
even though you really aren't watching anything.
your taking in the moment of almost perfect happiness.
and now.
when i look on the moment.
i cry.
because first loves never go away.
even if you have a wonderful new love.
the things you shared.
the plans you made.
the absolute horror of lies.
the small desire still sitting in your stomach.
wanting.
knowing its dead because it will never be allowed to surface.
slowly.
it hurts.
until it is once again burried.
burried untill the next night.
when you alone.
and awake.
and thinking.
at 12:34 am.
make a wish.