i'm not really sure...
So tonight at 7, I start a new job. I'm gunna be driving for Sgt. Peps, which is pretty damn sweet caz basically I get paid every time I work because of tips. I'm pretty damn excited caz now I can actually have money for things and I can actually work at paying off my debt. Having two jobs is gunna be fantastic. My boss is kind of the man too. When I went in to fill out an application, he didn't know if he needed any more drivers so he told me to call in a week and a half - two weeks, so I did, talked to him on the phone for about 2 minutes and got the job. Apparently the staff there is pretty crazy too. He asked me if politically incorrect jokes offended me and I laughed at him, so he told me I'd fit right in. Sweet!
On to other things...I don't know who I am anymore. I've changed a lot this year, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed. I guess I'm just kind of going through the motions of living right now. I need something that will make me honestly happy for more than a little while. I need some constants in my life. I need guarantees. None of which I have. My future right now is nonexistant in my eyes. I have no idea where I'm gunna be next year, let alone five years down the road. Things are just kind of messy right now. I know I need to get out of here, but I'm not sure where that's gunna bring me. It's exciting, but at the same time I'm terrified. I act like I have my shit together, but I really don't. I'm more confused than I think I have ever been in my life and I'm not sure how to change it. Hopefully things will eventually pan out. For now I suppose I just have to push myself and motivate myself and straighten shit out.
Speaking of straightening shit out, my braces come off on April 24th, so that's something I can really look forward to. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how that's gunna affect the way I play euphonium, and my jury is probably like a week after that, so I hope I can adjust pretty quickly. At least I don't have to do a promo jury since I'm dropping out after this semester is over.
On to other things...I don't know who I am anymore. I've changed a lot this year, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed. I guess I'm just kind of going through the motions of living right now. I need something that will make me honestly happy for more than a little while. I need some constants in my life. I need guarantees. None of which I have. My future right now is nonexistant in my eyes. I have no idea where I'm gunna be next year, let alone five years down the road. Things are just kind of messy right now. I know I need to get out of here, but I'm not sure where that's gunna bring me. It's exciting, but at the same time I'm terrified. I act like I have my shit together, but I really don't. I'm more confused than I think I have ever been in my life and I'm not sure how to change it. Hopefully things will eventually pan out. For now I suppose I just have to push myself and motivate myself and straighten shit out.
Speaking of straightening shit out, my braces come off on April 24th, so that's something I can really look forward to. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how that's gunna affect the way I play euphonium, and my jury is probably like a week after that, so I hope I can adjust pretty quickly. At least I don't have to do a promo jury since I'm dropping out after this semester is over.