love
wow! ok so I was really excited to see chris for new years. I haven't seen him in over a year and i miss him alot. we've gotten really close lately and i don't know things are looking up for us. I'm not sure but there is a chance that a part of my infatuation with him is the fact that ive been feeling all alone in life lately but i don't care because no matter how i look at it i love him and he says he loves me too so why question it. i think there is a small chance he could be the one for me. and don't think ive gone totally crazy and lost myself and now have the ability to totally trust someone. on the contrary i still question the choice to go away to school and possibly at that moment decide to devote myself to one person, the same person i've been devoted to through distance for four years. but i do love him and it's nice to have someone tell you they love you and have the dream of being happy with this perfect person. it just seems so idealistic that i cant give it up. and now, when i finally get the chance to see him and nothing can get in our way where we can finally be together and try our chances with each other it gets ripped away from me. i just wish he would commit to coming up to see me. I don't want to be the one who has to drive to see him but at this point i don't think i care as long as i see him. and if i bring some friends along it will be fun no matter what so where can i go wrong. so I leave with you with this, my invisible audience, is my love worthwhile or am i just infatuated with an essence?