i'm sick of drinks, let's go on an icecream date instead.
spring always seems to be associated with positivity. & i know there is all that mental health research about warm, sunny weather doing its job to improve the mood, but often it is more than that.
i feel like good things come to me in the spring time; most recently in the form of music. a mixed tap with fantastic new music, with amazing lyrics as i drive with my windows down for the first time in months.
and i had to just be thankful for the ability to appreciate that positivity, to break out of the ruthless anhedonia i'd been sucked into. all caused by my inability to forgive myself for past transgressions. i am, of course, my own worst enemy.
i mean, i have managed to get past lots of my irresponsible tendencies i.e. spending the majority of my sunday afternoon watching endless re-runs of the L word when i have a pharmacology exam to prepare for, or updating this thing as a means of procrastination, so i guess i am building up to forgiving the bigger things, the life altering choices, so that i may, ultimately, be a person with no regrets.
i think it helps that sundays are only 24 hours, whereas life, is so much longer than that. there is more negotiation. more room to over think, but also more room to believe in things like song lyrics on a sunny afternoon spent driving with the windows down.
i have said before, i think it's good when a heart forgets to by cynical for a little while. being cynical, after all, is tiring, even when used as a line of defense against the things in life that can really dig at us. but i no longer think it's the easier road, because when i let go of my cynicism, the result is something resembling the wicked witch who's just had a bucket of water thrown on her. and it melts away. it? what? i don't know. but i feel it, and suddenly i am dorothy again, contemplating whether or not to click her magical red shoes. but i don't. and i won't. because it's not as simply as clicking. and i know, now, that if i want to go home again, i need to actually walk the road there. in life there are no magic shoes. but there is magic. and forgiveness. if you are willing to walk in the shoes, and the life, you've been given...until you get to it.
i feel like good things come to me in the spring time; most recently in the form of music. a mixed tap with fantastic new music, with amazing lyrics as i drive with my windows down for the first time in months.
and i had to just be thankful for the ability to appreciate that positivity, to break out of the ruthless anhedonia i'd been sucked into. all caused by my inability to forgive myself for past transgressions. i am, of course, my own worst enemy.
i mean, i have managed to get past lots of my irresponsible tendencies i.e. spending the majority of my sunday afternoon watching endless re-runs of the L word when i have a pharmacology exam to prepare for, or updating this thing as a means of procrastination, so i guess i am building up to forgiving the bigger things, the life altering choices, so that i may, ultimately, be a person with no regrets.
i think it helps that sundays are only 24 hours, whereas life, is so much longer than that. there is more negotiation. more room to over think, but also more room to believe in things like song lyrics on a sunny afternoon spent driving with the windows down.
i have said before, i think it's good when a heart forgets to by cynical for a little while. being cynical, after all, is tiring, even when used as a line of defense against the things in life that can really dig at us. but i no longer think it's the easier road, because when i let go of my cynicism, the result is something resembling the wicked witch who's just had a bucket of water thrown on her. and it melts away. it? what? i don't know. but i feel it, and suddenly i am dorothy again, contemplating whether or not to click her magical red shoes. but i don't. and i won't. because it's not as simply as clicking. and i know, now, that if i want to go home again, i need to actually walk the road there. in life there are no magic shoes. but there is magic. and forgiveness. if you are willing to walk in the shoes, and the life, you've been given...until you get to it.