Funeral
My family has delegated the task of being the master of ceremonies and it happens to be the day of our end of the world party. I have my 35 page thesis shit to turn in along with a 12 page paper and a 10 page paper by the end of May. And I just feel like i have little things to look forward to but nothing as a whole i want to see or do. All i can do is move forward one day at a time, but I realized my happiness and assumptions of the future were wrapped up in someone else...i let myself do that once again, but ive decided not to beat myself up about it, because someday i think ill find someone i can lean on that much. I know i can give that much to someone, and just hope i can find someone who can provide that in return. I just really cant imagine anyone else filling Katrin's place though. Its pathetic but ive started trying to surround myself with momentary physical and instant gratification. ie: buying shit, piercing myself, painting zoning out. Its all that can get me through each day. Im not making a call out for help, im not going to do anything dumb, i know ill get over it, but know its gonna take a very long time and those momentary things are going to be the only think keeping me going, right now i just cant see the big picture. The picture looks fucked yet again, everyone dies and ends up mediocre and normal...which is fine, but then even those outcomes can let you down ie getting dumped.
This is all a note for myself mainly so in a couple months or years ill have a record of how i felt and what my thoughts were while going through this.
Well fuck it im going fishing...murdering fish makes everyone feel happy
This is all a note for myself mainly so in a couple months or years ill have a record of how i felt and what my thoughts were while going through this.
Well fuck it im going fishing...murdering fish makes everyone feel happy