Freaked
I am so scared. It's 12:30 midnight and I'm more awake then I've been all day. I know I'm freaking but well, I'm freaked and it's freak worthy. I leave for college in less then a month. What if I can't do it, what if I fail. This is University, not community college. I'm not ready. I can't do this. I'm smart, I know I am but I'm also a klutz and forgetful and so not on top of things. I miss my boyfriend already and I'm so afraid I'll loose him- the thought make my heart stop even if I know rationally it will never happen, cause hey we've made it this far and that's quite a ways. I'm just so scared - and I know everybody gets scared and that it's okay cause hey I'm human but gods this hurts. I've never had any thing in my whole life other then my family that's stable- I can't keep friends or contacts. I've never been away from my family for longer then a week. I'm so sick scared. There's so much I don't know and can't do, not on my own, what if I can't do this? I am so scared. What if I fail and bomb - end up one of those people too scared and pathetic to run a house hold on their own? I don't wanna screw up my life or my parent's life or my (someday)kids lives. I wish I had someone to talk to about it but not even my parent's scedules sync up this mine anymore, and I only get to talk to my boyfriend every couple of days, and only for an hour. I'm just freaked. I know I'm freaking, I know I am. I know everybody goes through this and I know that even if I screw up it's okay because everybody screws up some things and I will work it out. I can do this, I know I can, I'm just scared and that's okay- fear tells you what to pay attention to- and it's a natural reaction to change. I'm okay, I'm fine. I'll get everything done I need to. I'm smart and good and kind and clever and hard working and I can do this. I can.
Whew! I feel better, thanks for listening to me!
Whew! I feel better, thanks for listening to me!