Lizard v Easter Bunny
Got up early this morning (Public holiday - yay!). Hmm why was I up then? Why wasn’t I lolling in bed waiting for Dean (okay anyone) to bring me breakfast? Sad answer? You want breakfast? You make it yourself. ::sniffs:: Sometimes life is so unfair.
Made some Easter buns earlier in week (perfectionists always do trial runs) when I had a few hours to kill before going to hospital for some tests and I really needed a distraction (kneading dough is very therapeutic). Looked great, if somewhat lacking the height of the ones in my local supermarket (I suspect they inject steroids). Did two batches, one with the traditional cross, and another with a more creative symbol on (and yes there is a fic in that). Sadly they tasted blander than I hoped. Not enough fruit or spices ::pout::
Today I got up at 5am to try a completely different (and unfortunately much more complicated) recipe. Wasn’t warm enough inside the house for the yeast in the buns to do the next stage of rising, so at 6:30am I moved the trays (carefully sealed, and bagged) out onto the pavers in my courtyard into a nice sunny spot and sat back in a deck chair with a good strong cup of free trade espresso coffee to await developments.
Turned out I wasn’t alone. Next thing I know a lizard (about 2 foot long) drops down off my back wall and starts scuttling through the undergrowth, moving closer. As there were no delicate plants left for them to disturb (damned possums ate them), I ignored it, kicked back with my coffee and wished I’d had the forethought to drag out a magazine.
At this stage you can tell I’d forgotten all about my blue-bagged buns sitting dead centre sending out tempting smells to any passing critter. Yup. Lizards love the smell of yeast and spices. This one got to within a foot of its target before I noticed (the caffeine hadn’t had enough time to kick in). Luckily I’d been cleaning the evening before and still had some mops and brooms out drying in the sun. I chased that lizard all over the courtyard: over pavers, scrunching through pebbles (Ow! Note to self - no more bare feet on the little, sharp, pointy stones), ducking under palm fronds. Did I catch it? No. Did I scare it under the fence where it could become my neighbour’s problem? No.
I finally (still armed with one broom) went back and sat down with my coffee and laptop (better than a mag any day) and kept one eye peeled on the bushes. Every now and then that lizard ventured closer. Every now and then I managed to angle the laptop to get a fuzzy shot with Photo Booth.
When the buns had risen as far as I thought they were going to I brought the trays inside and whacked (ahem … I mean gently placed with all due reverence to the ghost of Mrs Beeton) them in the oven. Turned around after setting timer to see the lizard right up against the security mesh of my sliding door, peering wistfully after the buns. As I’m sure their eyesight isn’t that good, perhaps it would be more accurate to say it was sniffing wistfully.
With all the distractions it wasn’t till I’d got that batch into the oven that I realised I’d forgotten to pipe the consarned religious symbols on. Grrr. Blame it on the lizards.
By 8am the buns were out, and smelled fantastic (mmm - breakfast!). The lizard certainly agreed with me and was sitting as close as it could get to the door, tail whipping back and forth, pretty much demanding its share of the Easter booty. I held firm. The lizard pouted - yes, it did, and moved a few subtle feet away from the door, but it still looked hopeful.
My elderly mother is obviously made of weaker stuff than myself. And after eating the first half of her bun, she broke the other half down into bits, which she tossed outside to our devoted audience. Yes, the lizard ate every piece, in seconds! Maybe it was the mixed fruit, or the cinnamon, or the nutmeg, or maybe it just loved carbs. Whatever, that lizard perked up immediately.
And just as my mother (a.k.a. the sucker) was about to toss out more of my hard work, we suddenly had another lizard in the courtyard, and then another. Three freaking lizards standing there wanting Easter buns!!!
Even though I took the basket of buns away from said sucker, I am sure we now have three lizards with us for life.
Don’t believe me? Take a look.
And, okay I admit I cheated with the last photo. It is a shot from the batch I made during the week. I couldn’t give you one of the naked irreligious buns could I? And the next, fully adorned lot are still in the oven.
Meanwhile, I have the prettiest and most persistent lizard (let’s call him Dean) out there bumping his nose into the glass. He is obviously torn between admiring his reflection and the understandable desire to let me know he’s ready for morning tea ::sigh:: I’m not going to let him get to me, truly I’m not.
The other two lizards are hanging back. The younger, lankier one keeps looking towards Dean for signs of what to do next. The older one just prowls the perimeter looking aggressively for a weapon (yeah, let’s call him John because this is definitely the same lizard that plays chicken with my car every morning as I back the car out of the garage to go to work, and he sits there on top of the warm metal storm drain grating in the middle of the driveway just daring me to run him over).
There is definitely something in the spices, because those buns resulted in this post's userpic, a banner, and naturally there is an accompanying completely CRACKED!fic (Bread and Circuses). I’ll be finishing it today, and posting it a.s.a.p. (that’s if the lizards don’t give me too many interruptions - I think they are annoyed they're not in the fic).
The rest of the fic? Well, I’m off to sprinkle some virtual nutmeg over my keyboard and we’ll see what arises over the next few days.
Stay tuned and Happy Easter!