Thanks giving
Bless us.
I re-realized how thankful I am for friends and family. It's good to have a holiday which reminds us, at least once a year. MAybe I need to make me monthly calendar with dates for being grateful, for telling people I love them, for blessing, etc. It would make a lovely personal practice.
There are many sad things going on in this world. Whether it be Mumbai, Dubya, or things personal: such as the shadows which fall in our lives. We need to be angry, we need to scream, we need to be sad, and we need to mourn. And through it all, we live. And it is for each of us who continue in life to weave the memories of those who have gone before us and share them. Time will help fade some of the tinge of sorrow, for the tinge of sorrow is black and it obscures/denies what has been. The tinge of time is sepia brown, the color which is found on the edges of old photographs, memories, and times gone by and in the past. A frame which highlights what was/is important, and gently fuzzes what is not.
I have been learning a lot about sepia-tones lately. I have a new life, while being bitter/sorrowful over the loss of my former life. There is too much black. It is hiding/obscuring important lessons and knowledge from me. Still usable by me, memories which need to be woven and shared, still viable in this world. And yet, my anger, my guilt, my sorrow, the silent screaming in my head, the losses, and the unknown are blocking me from being/becoming what I am. This fucking life-changing diagnosis changed my life... And I'm still having issues hanging on, can't shut up about them, coloring everything I do, finding my way, coping with the present, dealing with the guilt, on and furtheron... Wishing that magickal element of time would fade the black to sepia, would ease my anger, pain, and guilt, would heal me, and I would go on.
I will come back to this in the future. It is much on my mind.
But for all the bad news, for all the limits on life, for all the conformity there is right now- What is alive now matters. So mote it be!
I re-realized how thankful I am for friends and family. It's good to have a holiday which reminds us, at least once a year. MAybe I need to make me monthly calendar with dates for being grateful, for telling people I love them, for blessing, etc. It would make a lovely personal practice.
There are many sad things going on in this world. Whether it be Mumbai, Dubya, or things personal: such as the shadows which fall in our lives. We need to be angry, we need to scream, we need to be sad, and we need to mourn. And through it all, we live. And it is for each of us who continue in life to weave the memories of those who have gone before us and share them. Time will help fade some of the tinge of sorrow, for the tinge of sorrow is black and it obscures/denies what has been. The tinge of time is sepia brown, the color which is found on the edges of old photographs, memories, and times gone by and in the past. A frame which highlights what was/is important, and gently fuzzes what is not.
I have been learning a lot about sepia-tones lately. I have a new life, while being bitter/sorrowful over the loss of my former life. There is too much black. It is hiding/obscuring important lessons and knowledge from me. Still usable by me, memories which need to be woven and shared, still viable in this world. And yet, my anger, my guilt, my sorrow, the silent screaming in my head, the losses, and the unknown are blocking me from being/becoming what I am. This fucking life-changing diagnosis changed my life... And I'm still having issues hanging on, can't shut up about them, coloring everything I do, finding my way, coping with the present, dealing with the guilt, on and furtheron... Wishing that magickal element of time would fade the black to sepia, would ease my anger, pain, and guilt, would heal me, and I would go on.
I will come back to this in the future. It is much on my mind.
But for all the bad news, for all the limits on life, for all the conformity there is right now- What is alive now matters. So mote it be!