All I need is a chicken wire and a chicken feed :)
So I wanna document the best weekend of my life. I always want to say the best night of my life was when Teddy was born, but because Emily was there I kind of knocked it out of my memory.
I wanted to really talk about everything in this entry. I kind of wanted to organize it, but I didn't know where to start.
I guess first off my grandmother. She's been in and out of the hospital for the last two weeks. She's taking anxiety attacks and she's bed ridden. I think dads going to crack under the pressure of having to take care of her, working full time and trying to be a full time dad to Teddy; I can understand it though. I'd cracked long ago. The other day Mom told everyone that grandma took a heart attack when she didn't, she even told Bizza grandma was dead; I wonder if its carelessness or whether she lives off the sympathy. Mom needs some serious help. I decided to stop lying for them. I told my uncle everything and he owns everything they have and have been paying their way for years and he deserves the truth. Plus, there's no point in lying for them anymore because they've done nothing for me. They help me when I need it financially, for the most part and they try to pretend they love me, but they have their priorities. Teddys getting so fucking big.
Thursday I spilled the beans with Brian. I told him all about my attachment issues and how my mind works when it comes to relationships and how it kind of won't let me be happy because every time I come close it tells me to run and unfortunately I usually listen. I'm trying so hard to stay this time. I'm getting help and not just for my own sake. I want to stay with him and show him that I'm capable of love and a real relationship. I've just been so full of insecurity and instability with relationships in the past and Emily fucked up my ideas about human compassion and shit; although, I'm slowly realizing that she never intended on hurting me and that I was only collateral. It just really sucks to think about that that way; the true sadness of life is that we are all really alone. You can't trust anyone because they'll always be more important to themselves than you will be and you can't blame them for that; it's human nature - it's how we survive. I hope he'll just try and stick it out with me. I will be better and I will love him. I'll try my best and do my best to show him that. I'd marry him right now if I knew it would change anything, but in my head those things don't make a difference as Emily proved.
Now for the best weekend of my life. Holy shit.
So Friday me and Rachel got the shuttle first thing in the AM to go to Halifax and see Mother Mother; which I guess I'll inform you, future leslie, you fucking love this band. Every song. Everything. By the time we got to North Sydney we decided to make sure of the times and we didn't have tickets because they're not that big of a band and we assumed that we'd be able to go really early and get tickets - you were wrong. The concert was sold out. Life was ruined. We questioned just going home because there was now no point in going at all, but then we decided to have hope. We put up an ad on Kijiiji for tickets and on facebook and spammed twitter like a mother fucker. The problem though was that there were a hundred people just like us looking for tickets and I really started to lose hope because how were we going to get tickets when there were so many other people looking. But then my heart landed in my stomach as I received a direct message on twitter from the band saying they wanted to put me on the guest list. I died. I couldn't fathom it being real because how was I so lucky. This shit doesn't happen in real life, but the band said they'd put me and Rachels name on the guest list and they were really great about it. I was pissing myself just because they messaged me on twitter, but on top of that the BAND was getting me into the SOLD OUT concert for FREE. Words can't explain the feelings that I was feeling. The amazing reevaluation of human nature and how wonderful everything was. Shit does really happen for people when you have hope. We got to the theater really early and we were getting nervous because we were the only ones there without tickets and I started to question how valid twitter was, but the band reassured me that I'd have no problem and that they'd check the phone to make sure I was in. And then it happened, doors opened and there our names were on the guest list. I thought I'd shit my pants, but it would have ruined everything. We got front and center. The rest is engraved into my mind, soul and heart for the rest of my life. That was the best concert of my life and I'll never forget that. AHHHH still in shock.
We stayed with Stephen Browner in Halifax - fuck I love him. I also got a pink floyd shirt and wolverine headphones. I bought awesome fucking earrings from the black market and some how managed to lose them on the way home so that really sucked.
Easter went by fine. I got Teddy a huge bag of cheezys. He loved the bubbles they got him. So cute. I know this is his second easter, but for the life of me I can't remember his first and I can't understand why I don't have pictures of it. I'm gunna look through my journal for it and see if I can find something. Brian got me chocolate, a fucking tamagotchi (who may I add is a total bitch face - fucking lilly - never wants to play with me) and a book I wanted for a really long time. He's really great at getting me gifts; he really knows me. God, I love that boy.
Not many more eventful things happened, but Mary wants to take me to disney for her birthday which is kind of fucked up. I think my lap top is kicking the bucket
I wanted to really talk about everything in this entry. I kind of wanted to organize it, but I didn't know where to start.
I guess first off my grandmother. She's been in and out of the hospital for the last two weeks. She's taking anxiety attacks and she's bed ridden. I think dads going to crack under the pressure of having to take care of her, working full time and trying to be a full time dad to Teddy; I can understand it though. I'd cracked long ago. The other day Mom told everyone that grandma took a heart attack when she didn't, she even told Bizza grandma was dead; I wonder if its carelessness or whether she lives off the sympathy. Mom needs some serious help. I decided to stop lying for them. I told my uncle everything and he owns everything they have and have been paying their way for years and he deserves the truth. Plus, there's no point in lying for them anymore because they've done nothing for me. They help me when I need it financially, for the most part and they try to pretend they love me, but they have their priorities. Teddys getting so fucking big.
Thursday I spilled the beans with Brian. I told him all about my attachment issues and how my mind works when it comes to relationships and how it kind of won't let me be happy because every time I come close it tells me to run and unfortunately I usually listen. I'm trying so hard to stay this time. I'm getting help and not just for my own sake. I want to stay with him and show him that I'm capable of love and a real relationship. I've just been so full of insecurity and instability with relationships in the past and Emily fucked up my ideas about human compassion and shit; although, I'm slowly realizing that she never intended on hurting me and that I was only collateral. It just really sucks to think about that that way; the true sadness of life is that we are all really alone. You can't trust anyone because they'll always be more important to themselves than you will be and you can't blame them for that; it's human nature - it's how we survive. I hope he'll just try and stick it out with me. I will be better and I will love him. I'll try my best and do my best to show him that. I'd marry him right now if I knew it would change anything, but in my head those things don't make a difference as Emily proved.
Now for the best weekend of my life. Holy shit.
So Friday me and Rachel got the shuttle first thing in the AM to go to Halifax and see Mother Mother; which I guess I'll inform you, future leslie, you fucking love this band. Every song. Everything. By the time we got to North Sydney we decided to make sure of the times and we didn't have tickets because they're not that big of a band and we assumed that we'd be able to go really early and get tickets - you were wrong. The concert was sold out. Life was ruined. We questioned just going home because there was now no point in going at all, but then we decided to have hope. We put up an ad on Kijiiji for tickets and on facebook and spammed twitter like a mother fucker. The problem though was that there were a hundred people just like us looking for tickets and I really started to lose hope because how were we going to get tickets when there were so many other people looking. But then my heart landed in my stomach as I received a direct message on twitter from the band saying they wanted to put me on the guest list. I died. I couldn't fathom it being real because how was I so lucky. This shit doesn't happen in real life, but the band said they'd put me and Rachels name on the guest list and they were really great about it. I was pissing myself just because they messaged me on twitter, but on top of that the BAND was getting me into the SOLD OUT concert for FREE. Words can't explain the feelings that I was feeling. The amazing reevaluation of human nature and how wonderful everything was. Shit does really happen for people when you have hope. We got to the theater really early and we were getting nervous because we were the only ones there without tickets and I started to question how valid twitter was, but the band reassured me that I'd have no problem and that they'd check the phone to make sure I was in. And then it happened, doors opened and there our names were on the guest list. I thought I'd shit my pants, but it would have ruined everything. We got front and center. The rest is engraved into my mind, soul and heart for the rest of my life. That was the best concert of my life and I'll never forget that. AHHHH still in shock.
We stayed with Stephen Browner in Halifax - fuck I love him. I also got a pink floyd shirt and wolverine headphones. I bought awesome fucking earrings from the black market and some how managed to lose them on the way home so that really sucked.
Easter went by fine. I got Teddy a huge bag of cheezys. He loved the bubbles they got him. So cute. I know this is his second easter, but for the life of me I can't remember his first and I can't understand why I don't have pictures of it. I'm gunna look through my journal for it and see if I can find something. Brian got me chocolate, a fucking tamagotchi (who may I add is a total bitch face - fucking lilly - never wants to play with me) and a book I wanted for a really long time. He's really great at getting me gifts; he really knows me. God, I love that boy.
Not many more eventful things happened, but Mary wants to take me to disney for her birthday which is kind of fucked up. I think my lap top is kicking the bucket