I'm not calling you a liar, just don't lie to me
AUGUST 6 2009
Dear Emmy boo,
In no way do I hate you or want to break up;
I can't believe you're getting mad at me over something I didn't do. So what, even when you fuck up I still get in shit over it? Last weekend when we discussed the issue you told me that Matt told you you should watch how you talk to people and that maybe you flirted a bit. You told me you cared about him, lighted up when he came online and that you were confused as to what to do and I understood then that I had to be better and love you more, but I've noticed that you don't want loving. I question sometimes whether you really are a lesbian or maybe (and forgive me for saying this) this was actually a phase that you got comfortable with. You never really met a man who made you feel like Iggy does so you automatically assume you don't like them at all. I wish everyday that Kari got this instead of me; like from what you told me of her she was a fucking idiot and she cheated on you & never loved you. I was the first person to really show you any affection or love; did you just settle for me because you didn't know better? I'll never be Iggy & I refuse to change myself to be more like him to win your heart. My father grew that ugly fucking gotee thing because Pat had one & he thought mom would love him more- I'm not like that. Not that I'm bringing my family into this ( I can see you in my head telling me that I am ) I am simply referencing to prove a point. He showed you something you've never seen; a nice genuine caring MAN. I know that that conversation was in regards to you never going on a date with a man, but joking or not the conversation still sounded convincing. Do you remember the things you've said to me after Kari? That I was sweet & the first person to treat you right;
"The last month of my life has been the most amazing month ever. I have never felt so loved, or loved anyone that much. I know this what true love is now. I know i found my girl." - Emily to Leslie "Happy One Month"
Everything I've ever said about you still stands true. You are my life and always will be, but I will never be him. If you still have doubts or are still confused whether its about him or about us, you have to tell me. You can't keep me on a rope. I believe I make you happy & you couldn't have lied to me the whole time. I will always be like this. If his sweet "beautiful" words woo you I just want you to know that they WILL fade. I'll be damned if I let him give us a baby & if I change my mind the rules will change; he will never see it. I know what you said to me last week & I try my hardest to forget them, but I never imagined it. I don't know how that ended up in BM; if it was before the fight it must be saved or favorited somewhere on your phone and if so you will delete it.
I'm going to bring this up as much as I don't want to- I didn't say those things to Albert; I told him a song reminded me of him & a TV show, but I never told him he was "Sweeter" than you or that he was "amazing". And I wiped him off the surface of the world and made sure that you understood that I would never see or hear of him again. So maybe I should expect the same thing? Do you think it'll stop? that you'll never talk that way again & that it was only that ONE conversation? Your wrong - it'll be brought up again. What about when he gets a girlfriend & you start to "envy her" and "die to be in her shoes"?
What was the "sweetest" thing anyone has ever said to you?
He is one in a million
He amazes you
He is perfect
His arms are dream like ( wanna know why? because faery tales never include lesbians! )
Any girl would be lucky to have him
He is so much more than just a boy
How can I compare to that?
He intimidates me & he always will.
If you are SURE I am what you want & WHO you want then I am happy to stay & love you forever, but if not this has to stop because I am who I am & I'll never be as sweet as him (apparentally)
You convinced me last weekend that you were going to the movies as friends & you did exactly what you said you'd do - not use the word "date"
I promise I'll try to not bring this up & not shove it in your face because who am I to do that to you.
You are the sweetest person I've ever met & this whole thing just reminds me of when we met except now I'm Kari; I wish you never dreamed of Marcus because now look what you've gotten just a little more than a best friend. I don't want him in this house or around me at all. The fact that he knew we were together (and happy before he came into the picture) and still continued on this 'date' then that just says it all. You told him after all that you were a stupid girl & he smiled at the idea of you being terrified and cuddling into him. You smiled when he asked you to go to a MOVIE I'd hate to see what happens if he asked you out.
I can't compete with him. There's no way; especially now where I feel like nothing in comparison to him.
You are MY girlfriend and I will fight to keep you, but I do have a cut off point. Please do what's right for YOU.
I'm sending this because I'm frustrated & weak. The idea of you just talking to him made me want to kill him & now I feel like I shouldn't because he's better than me & if he'll make you happier than I can I feel like I should walk away. I'm such a door mat; don't take advantage of that.
I love you. I won't beg you to stay. I just want you to know that I want you to & that I hope you make the right decision for you. I love you baby girl.
__
Gotta say, I say some awesome words in there. Just making a note of this.
I know how these things go and I KNOW sometimes you get weak and sometimes you'll look me up, you'll creep my facebook and you'll think about me and when you do I hope you come across this. I really hope you know and understand where I am in my life and as much as I'm working on forgiving you and I'm working on removing you from my life completely, as of this moment, I still hope you NEVER get to be happy and I hope someday someone ruins your life like you did mine. Regardless of the fact that you were never a lesbian (neither was I), you used me, I was your experiment and I'll never forgive you for that.
Way to be awesome "Emmy bear" - Good luck there Tim
Dear Emmy boo,
In no way do I hate you or want to break up;
I can't believe you're getting mad at me over something I didn't do. So what, even when you fuck up I still get in shit over it? Last weekend when we discussed the issue you told me that Matt told you you should watch how you talk to people and that maybe you flirted a bit. You told me you cared about him, lighted up when he came online and that you were confused as to what to do and I understood then that I had to be better and love you more, but I've noticed that you don't want loving. I question sometimes whether you really are a lesbian or maybe (and forgive me for saying this) this was actually a phase that you got comfortable with. You never really met a man who made you feel like Iggy does so you automatically assume you don't like them at all. I wish everyday that Kari got this instead of me; like from what you told me of her she was a fucking idiot and she cheated on you & never loved you. I was the first person to really show you any affection or love; did you just settle for me because you didn't know better? I'll never be Iggy & I refuse to change myself to be more like him to win your heart. My father grew that ugly fucking gotee thing because Pat had one & he thought mom would love him more- I'm not like that. Not that I'm bringing my family into this ( I can see you in my head telling me that I am ) I am simply referencing to prove a point. He showed you something you've never seen; a nice genuine caring MAN. I know that that conversation was in regards to you never going on a date with a man, but joking or not the conversation still sounded convincing. Do you remember the things you've said to me after Kari? That I was sweet & the first person to treat you right;
"The last month of my life has been the most amazing month ever. I have never felt so loved, or loved anyone that much. I know this what true love is now. I know i found my girl." - Emily to Leslie "Happy One Month"
Everything I've ever said about you still stands true. You are my life and always will be, but I will never be him. If you still have doubts or are still confused whether its about him or about us, you have to tell me. You can't keep me on a rope. I believe I make you happy & you couldn't have lied to me the whole time. I will always be like this. If his sweet "beautiful" words woo you I just want you to know that they WILL fade. I'll be damned if I let him give us a baby & if I change my mind the rules will change; he will never see it. I know what you said to me last week & I try my hardest to forget them, but I never imagined it. I don't know how that ended up in BM; if it was before the fight it must be saved or favorited somewhere on your phone and if so you will delete it.
I'm going to bring this up as much as I don't want to- I didn't say those things to Albert; I told him a song reminded me of him & a TV show, but I never told him he was "Sweeter" than you or that he was "amazing". And I wiped him off the surface of the world and made sure that you understood that I would never see or hear of him again. So maybe I should expect the same thing? Do you think it'll stop? that you'll never talk that way again & that it was only that ONE conversation? Your wrong - it'll be brought up again. What about when he gets a girlfriend & you start to "envy her" and "die to be in her shoes"?
What was the "sweetest" thing anyone has ever said to you?
He is one in a million
He amazes you
He is perfect
His arms are dream like ( wanna know why? because faery tales never include lesbians! )
Any girl would be lucky to have him
He is so much more than just a boy
How can I compare to that?
He intimidates me & he always will.
If you are SURE I am what you want & WHO you want then I am happy to stay & love you forever, but if not this has to stop because I am who I am & I'll never be as sweet as him (apparentally)
You convinced me last weekend that you were going to the movies as friends & you did exactly what you said you'd do - not use the word "date"
I promise I'll try to not bring this up & not shove it in your face because who am I to do that to you.
You are the sweetest person I've ever met & this whole thing just reminds me of when we met except now I'm Kari; I wish you never dreamed of Marcus because now look what you've gotten just a little more than a best friend. I don't want him in this house or around me at all. The fact that he knew we were together (and happy before he came into the picture) and still continued on this 'date' then that just says it all. You told him after all that you were a stupid girl & he smiled at the idea of you being terrified and cuddling into him. You smiled when he asked you to go to a MOVIE I'd hate to see what happens if he asked you out.
I can't compete with him. There's no way; especially now where I feel like nothing in comparison to him.
You are MY girlfriend and I will fight to keep you, but I do have a cut off point. Please do what's right for YOU.
I'm sending this because I'm frustrated & weak. The idea of you just talking to him made me want to kill him & now I feel like I shouldn't because he's better than me & if he'll make you happier than I can I feel like I should walk away. I'm such a door mat; don't take advantage of that.
I love you. I won't beg you to stay. I just want you to know that I want you to & that I hope you make the right decision for you. I love you baby girl.
__
Gotta say, I say some awesome words in there. Just making a note of this.
I know how these things go and I KNOW sometimes you get weak and sometimes you'll look me up, you'll creep my facebook and you'll think about me and when you do I hope you come across this. I really hope you know and understand where I am in my life and as much as I'm working on forgiving you and I'm working on removing you from my life completely, as of this moment, I still hope you NEVER get to be happy and I hope someday someone ruins your life like you did mine. Regardless of the fact that you were never a lesbian (neither was I), you used me, I was your experiment and I'll never forgive you for that.
Way to be awesome "Emmy bear" - Good luck there Tim