good night, sweet ladies.
i just wrote a whole entry, and then posted it as private because it was pretty naked and awful and horrifying.
just know that it's almost seven a.m. and i have to be up in three hours.
and that i basically can't stand myself anymore and i've been thinking about it and there's a chance i'm about to become a hermit and start locking myself in my room and reading really really soon.
i have $121 right now.
and i've started to realize that living day-to-day with all the debt i've accumulated and with everything else just isn't going to cut it anymore.
if i want to feel ok again, if i want to feel like a normal fucking human being, i have to get a grip and find some stability and security and get comfortable in my skin.
i have to move out of my mother's house, step 1.
from there i guess i'll feel my way.
i'm considering quitting drinking. not only does it suck up a lot of money, it's one of the easiest-to-access tools which one can use to run away from their problems...
oh jesus. my mom's up.
well. good night.
just know that it's almost seven a.m. and i have to be up in three hours.
and that i basically can't stand myself anymore and i've been thinking about it and there's a chance i'm about to become a hermit and start locking myself in my room and reading really really soon.
i have $121 right now.
and i've started to realize that living day-to-day with all the debt i've accumulated and with everything else just isn't going to cut it anymore.
if i want to feel ok again, if i want to feel like a normal fucking human being, i have to get a grip and find some stability and security and get comfortable in my skin.
i have to move out of my mother's house, step 1.
from there i guess i'll feel my way.
i'm considering quitting drinking. not only does it suck up a lot of money, it's one of the easiest-to-access tools which one can use to run away from their problems...
oh jesus. my mom's up.
well. good night.