comfort

[seem_to_de_dead]

am sitting across the table from you. you are smoking a cigarette lit from the end of the last one you smoked. chain smoking and comfort and difficulty and sense. and clarity and nakedness and exposure and rants. and sweetness and bitterness and cyniscism. and memories of this time last year. well, Miss Teen Yesterday, i will not be smothered by your late night comments, and your melodramatic passive aggressive comments and your denials and your bullshit. i am ready to move past.
the fingernails on my right hand are a little long because of the need for something with which to strum, the left short to clumsily hold those strings i love. the g cords and c cords i am learning to hit just the right ways, at the right times. i will get better. i have to.
the changes i will have to make for happiness, the changes i can never make for the same reason. no concessions of myself. listen, out there; i will not take it anymore. i am here, i am here, i am screaming, and i will not be lonely anymore. i will be just fine. right here. singular. made of stone. a rock. and island. no abuse. no chasing. no running. only strumming. quietly strumming. muffled by my caloused fingertips. i will be sweet when treated thus, curt when in need of walls. breaking down and building up. empowering. strength. quietness and screaming. loving and leaving. coming and going.

just try to stop me.