~
.
.
It's late. And every time it's getting late, I simply stop caring about things. Or about my thoughts. About pretty much everything tbh.
I think all of the people here who do know me better or the guys on twitter who follow me do know that I'm not a whiny person. I'm practically never depressed or sad. What is not really a good thing, because most of the time you get depressed because your RL sucks. But I simply SO DO NOT care about my RL that there is just nothing what could hurt me.
And I also do not think that it's a right thing to be sad all the time, because often ppl start to see problems which simply don't exist.
And this is stupid.
And this why I'm never sad. Because...why should I?
And just every once in a while, I'm just sitting here like a little sad bunch full of feelings, with teary eyes and...whine.
Because why?
Why do I have to live in this damn country which is 9000km away from the place where my brain, soul, heart and technically everything WANTS to be.
Why can't I Japanese, even tho for me this is the loveliest, most amazing and most beautiful language in the world for me. Which is not just a language but more...a wonderful feeling which makes you calm, and happy. So, so happy.
Why did I get to know them so dam late, missing all the years, all this beautiful moments of happiness. And sorry, but every person who always comes with the shitty attitude, 'it's absolutely doesn't matter how long you've been a fan' just fuck off. Because it DOES matter.
It matters so much, that every time I recognize how many things I've missed while I was interested in some crappy shit, no one cares about, I just have the urge to find the next wall and just hit my head. Because this is so frustrating and you can't do anything, but simply sit here, trying to watch everything you missed, trying to at least catch a bit of the things which happened.
And it's kinda painful. To live, to go to university, to speak with people, to sleep, to simply live every day, even tho all the time you have this feeling that you want to be...not here, but there.
And all the time you have this damn...feeling of yearning in your chest, which just drives you mad at times, because you can't do anything.
Well of course you can, and I'm incredibly happy that I took the right decision and started to study Japanese last year. Because it was simply the only right thing for me to do.
And every time my mom gets teary eyes because she simply HATES the fact that I'm in love with a country which is SO far away, I can't help but feel guilty, because I know that one day, I'll just leave. If I'm brave enough. When...I'm brave enough. But I know that this moment will come.
Sorry for this overly whiny post and everything. And I'm really fine, tomorrow I will turn into a pink, sparkling bouncy ball again, and just jump around.
On an absolutely other note. (And I'm really, really sorry, that I have to add it here, even tho it's such a mess)
It's 12 and that means that it's moon_catcher's birthday *_*
And because there can never be enough of Kame and white shirts and Kame in white shirts...
Happy birthday Girl. You're the best ♥
.
It's late. And every time it's getting late, I simply stop caring about things. Or about my thoughts. About pretty much everything tbh.
I think all of the people here who do know me better or the guys on twitter who follow me do know that I'm not a whiny person. I'm practically never depressed or sad. What is not really a good thing, because most of the time you get depressed because your RL sucks. But I simply SO DO NOT care about my RL that there is just nothing what could hurt me.
And I also do not think that it's a right thing to be sad all the time, because often ppl start to see problems which simply don't exist.
And this is stupid.
And this why I'm never sad. Because...why should I?
And just every once in a while, I'm just sitting here like a little sad bunch full of feelings, with teary eyes and...whine.
Because why?
Why do I have to live in this damn country which is 9000km away from the place where my brain, soul, heart and technically everything WANTS to be.
Why can't I Japanese, even tho for me this is the loveliest, most amazing and most beautiful language in the world for me. Which is not just a language but more...a wonderful feeling which makes you calm, and happy. So, so happy.
Why did I get to know them so dam late, missing all the years, all this beautiful moments of happiness. And sorry, but every person who always comes with the shitty attitude, 'it's absolutely doesn't matter how long you've been a fan' just fuck off. Because it DOES matter.
It matters so much, that every time I recognize how many things I've missed while I was interested in some crappy shit, no one cares about, I just have the urge to find the next wall and just hit my head. Because this is so frustrating and you can't do anything, but simply sit here, trying to watch everything you missed, trying to at least catch a bit of the things which happened.
And it's kinda painful. To live, to go to university, to speak with people, to sleep, to simply live every day, even tho all the time you have this feeling that you want to be...not here, but there.
And all the time you have this damn...feeling of yearning in your chest, which just drives you mad at times, because you can't do anything.
Well of course you can, and I'm incredibly happy that I took the right decision and started to study Japanese last year. Because it was simply the only right thing for me to do.
And every time my mom gets teary eyes because she simply HATES the fact that I'm in love with a country which is SO far away, I can't help but feel guilty, because I know that one day, I'll just leave. If I'm brave enough. When...I'm brave enough. But I know that this moment will come.
Sorry for this overly whiny post and everything. And I'm really fine, tomorrow I will turn into a pink, sparkling bouncy ball again, and just jump around.
On an absolutely other note. (And I'm really, really sorry, that I have to add it here, even tho it's such a mess)
It's 12 and that means that it's moon_catcher's birthday *_*
And because there can never be enough of Kame and white shirts and Kame in white shirts...
Happy birthday Girl. You're the best ♥