(no subject)

[seekingsolace]

I have the house to myself, to do list is nowhere done but I want to go out singing. It's been a million years since I've done it. It's about the only place where I've felt special. I don't want to go alone. But if I go I'm sure it'll be a good night. Why do the people I know kind of suck, I can't be too frustrated it is a school night after all but Gena = insanely lonely and in need of a little spotlight. I've already been blown off once tonight even reduced to begging which is stupid. Maybe I should be the stupid one and go out anyway. It's just so much safer to go to a bar with a friend or two. But I'd have a lot less living under my belt if I waited for my friends to come along with me and I wonder when I got to be like this. I used to go out singing karaoke by myself all the time. Then again I'd start out at the places with my friends so one night by myself would be no big deal, I was a regular that does add a bit of safety. I really should get to the to do list and if I'm up to it by that time I'm going.

I just hate it every effort I make to meet new people is just a place for me to have more worked piled on me and I get no new relationships, yet the new relationships I should be fostering are pushed aside to meet those work expectations of the groups I go to to meet people.