Things that Tyr Pihanna Must Not Do In Roleplay
With my greatest respect to Mr. Welch, the original ill-behaved roleplayer (or at least the first to write down his missadventures), I have taken to drafting up a similar, utterly bizarre list. Five years of roleplaying has given me plenty of time...
Icons exist for about the first hundred.
Fifty things that Tyr Pihanna should not do in a roleplay
1. “I’ve never seen a manic-depressive drug-addicted bisexual werewolf prostitute” was not an invitation.
2. Having my character speak the same language as everyone else would be appreciated.
3. Do not arm the psychopath.
4. Do not feed the fangirl.
5. Making the mute healer communicate with the blind assassin was plain cruel.
6. Note to self: do not try to throw back hand grenades.
7. No using loopholes in the story to allow my character to teleport.
8. No character may be resurrected more than twice.
9. I am not to kill more than four people in one explosion.
10. String theory is to be kept out of this.
11. My character did not “eat the couch”.
12. Even werewolf characters have to wear clothes.
13. No teleporting into other characters’ bedrooms.
14. Starting a civil war was not “on my to-do list”.
15. My out of character talk does not need Garet’s input.
16. No more names with nine syllables.
17. No character is part soup.
18. Any more mentions of black leather will get me into trouble.
19. Just because my character is Crown Prince, he does not need six middle names.
20. Any more references to the Kama Sutra will get me shot.
21. No more humans over the age of one hundred.
22. I am not the Devil.
23. “Comedy duo” usually means two people.
24. I do not need to find the tank.
25. Setting off a nuclear bomb in the middle of a city was not a clever ending to the story.
26. I cannot board a helicopter in mid-air.
27. “That shouldn’t be poisonous” is not a great confidence booster.
28. I am not to roleplay a tree.
29. “Magic spork” is not a weapon choice.
30. My post bears no resemblance to a badly-spelt pachyderm.
31. Killing the n00b may have been funny, but it wasn’t nice.
32. Do not eat the n00b.
33. If you can’t see the tattoos now, don’t go looking for them.
34. The prince’s eldest child is not to be conceived in the treehouse.
35. “Silver-grey, sort of eye-shaped” was not a clever way to describe my character’s eyes.
36. No more stunt-driving.
37. I am not a one-man band.
38. If my character’s race is ‘uncertain’ there should be some questions raised.
39. If my GM tells me to get on the stretcher, I should get on the stretcher.
40. I am not to repeat the Vacuum Man song to people.
41. Commentary on the underwear of the other characters was not appreciated.
42. If my character has kissed more than two others, it’s a no-no.
43. “How many personalities” should not be my first question when character-building.
44. My characters do not get random sex changes.
45. Do not call the bounty hunter a “foaming Chihuahua”.
46. “Going for a walk” is not a raunchy euphemism.
47. “Saucy” means something different in America.
48. “Two things beginning with ‘f’” is not my new catchphrase.
49. Seeing a fanfic like that is not an excuse.
50. Narusarasarinawizzlewuzzlethingy is not a planet.
But did it stop there? Oh no. Oh, definitely no.
More Things That Tyr Pihanna Should Not Do In A Roleplay
51. My character is not to kiss every other member of the roleplay.
52. If I break the post length limit, it is a bad thing.
53. Seducing the war goddess is not a PG-13 activity.
54. My characters are not “two for one”.
55. Shirts are not optional.
56. I am not magnetic.
57. Jumping out of windows is not advisable.
58. I must stop complaining about sleeping in a tree.
59. ‘Faster than a speeding bullet’ is cheating if I am not Superman.
60. Lightning is not an alternative to a microwave.
61. Typos do not “spice up a roleplay”.
62. My occupation is not “bar brawler”.
63. I am not to point of phallic symbols at every opportunity.
64. I am not to point out the GM’s character’s abs at every opportunity.
65. Don’t kiss the wizard.
66. A fight is not a grand entrance.
67. “So many beautiful people, so little time” is definitely not my catchphrase.
68. I do not carry round potassium.
69. Character descriptions do not need to include knees.
70. It doesn’t matter how fetching the boxer shorts are.
71. I will not demonstrate my grasp of Anglo-Saxon.
72. I will not swear in French, German, Spanish, Danish, Welsh or English.
73. My occupation is not “Hoover-man”.
74. I will not start a black market in maths examination papers.
75. I will not start a black market in underwear.
76. They did not have labcoats in medieval times.
77. I will not make the Halfling glow in the dark.
78. I will learn what PG-13 means.
79. I do not solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
80. Playing the only male character was a bad idea.
81. Those were not push-ups.
82. I will not introduce karaoke into the mix.
83. My ship is not the SS Rustbucket.
84. My ship is not the SS “Stupid fucking dumb-ass piece of shit”.
85. The Game is not to be played in character.
86. Being bored was no excuse.
87. My character being drunk was not an excuse.
88. There was no excuse for seducing the war goddess.
89. I will not play a courtesan.
90. Refusing to speak to the French is not polite.
91. “There’s no killing like overkilling” is also not my catchphrase.
92. Interrogation is not a team sport.
93. “Lack of table manners” is not a recurring mannerism.
94. The peasant should not have the longest name.
95. ‘Fuck it’ should not automatically imply my character.
96. My GM is neither a dog nor a bitch, and especially not my bitch.
97. I should not anger the gods enough that they chase me.
98. Stop looking for biplanes.
99. That did not take the celestial biscuit.
100. I won’t investigate all possible ways of wrecking a hotel room.
101. When asked how I find the weather, it is not “by looking out of the window”.
102. Human gestation is nine months.
103. They did not have cars in medieval times.
104. I will not call my character “Waterproof Bum”.
105. I will not call my character “Gazebo”.
106. I am not allowed to build an ark.
107. Should my character scare people, I will not gloat.
108. My character is not to have lipstick marks.
109. Love potion is not to be taken lightly.
110. Cock-a-doodle-squawk is not on the menu.
111. My name is not Inigo Montoya. You did not kill my father. Do not prepare to die.
112. I will not discuss eating the dwarf.
113. There is no such race as “dwaf”.
114. “I don’t believe they exist” are famous last words.
115. My character’s name is not to translate to ‘Lord Penis’.
116. When asked what my character is doing, the answer is neither “wenching” nor “man-wenching”.
117. Telling the nobleman to “piss off” is ill-advised if I am the peasant.
118. I will not assassinate the Pope.
119. Some characters should STAY dead.
120. If it takes more than five minutes to justify, I shouldn’t have done it.
121. The note should not be more than an A5 sheet of paper.
122. Gun =/= cheese.
123. I should not taunt others about their lack of superpowers.
124. Invisible Trouser Man is not a good idea for a superhero.
125. I am not to do anything inspired by Whose Line Is It Anyway.
126. I am not to do anything inspired by Mr Welch.
127. ‘Splortch’ is not a word.
128. The words “there is a plot afoot” are never to be uttered in front of our GM again.
129. “There is a plot afoot!” is not my catchphrase.
130. Anything involving Lara Croft being kidnapped by Indiana Jones is vetoed.
131. Even if lecherous, I am not to corrupt priests.
132. The naked Italian man in the corridor is to be left alone.
133. My roleplaying is to be in the same language as everyone else’s.
134. My roleplaying is particularly not to be in a made-up language.
135. The Scotsmen are not the cannon fodder
136. I am not allergic to turnips.
137. It would help if everyone else could pronounce my character’s name.
138. I will not speak in rhyme.
139. If everyone else is running, I will not proceed at a calm saunter.
140. The Scotsman is not going anywhere near a cannon again.
141. “Link’s gonna smack a bitch” is not my battle cry.
142. Supersue is not a good idea for a superhero.
143. I am not to use the word ‘undulate’.
144. I am not a one-man ambush.
145. I will not turn everything available into cheese.
146. I cannot animal handle the gargoyle.
147. I will not bait the GM.
148. I will not discuss Tom Baker’s underpants.
149. Doctor Who + absinthe =/= a good party.
150. You are not surrounded by armed bastards.
151. My character will not drag up those drunken nights in Shanghai.
152. Retcon is not the answer to all my problems.
153. I know more French than, “Go home, cheese-eating surrender monkey”.
154. I will not add random words beginning with B to the conversation.
155. Leave the inflatable alligator out of this.
156. If the most sane character, I will not mastermind the jailbreak.
157. No more nymphomaniac zombies.
158. I will not wilfully misunderstand US English.
159. There is a limit to what I can do with a board pointer.
160. I will not lick trees.
161. Making the GM cry is not a cause for celebration.
162. When the Italian is naked, I will not talk to him.
163. ‘Commandeering’ a ship is still not legal.
164. I will not lock ship’s captains in trunks.
165. Getting thrown out of the inn is not the natural culmination of the evening.
166. The correct response to eighteen musketeers is “oh, shit” not “I turn their guns into money”.
167. Musketeers carry muskets, not pea-shooters.
168. I am not the Princess Mantequilla Poppybottom.
169. I will not pull the sick prisoner trick.
170. The ‘Death’ card is not my calling card.
171. I will not gloat just because I have not yet been arrested.
172. I will not be involved in posting ships’ captains.
173. Although female, I will not detail my shopping trips.
174. I will not think up novel uses for a cloak.
175. “I feel one hundred and sixty years younger” is not a good thing to declare.
176. My character will not compare everyone to their father.
177. Coded conversations are meant to be subtle.
178. “Papers… oh, those papers” is once again not my catchphrase.
179. I will not rant about the overbearing gender binary.
180. My character is not an onion.
181. My character will not talk others into stripping.
182. Making pancakes does not require nudity.
183. “I wish I was still alive” is still not my catchphrase.
184. I am not having an affair with the coffee machine.
185. I am not a werehuman.
186. I will not arrange situations just for the awkward silence.
187. Never again will the phrase, “No, he’s not your father” be necessary.
188. I cannot kill with a knitting needle.
189. Or a pine needle.
190. I cannot walk on water.
191. I am not in the company of Guy Fawkes.
192. “You hit like a daffodil” is not a suitable challenge to a duel.
193. I should not be the only human in a roleplay.
194. I will not park using the handbrake.
195. I will not drive solely in top gear.
196. Deliberately bad poetry does no-one anyone favours.
197. Improvised weapons do not include hand-held fans.
198. This is not Sparta. It is sixteenth century France.
199. “Suck this, bitch!” are not suitable last words.
200. Contrary to popular belief, getting drunk does not improve karaoke.
201. I will not shave unsuspecting characters.
202. Particularly if not my own.
203. I will not leave other characters naked in the river.
204. I will not booby trap carriages.
205. Crisp theft does not deserve the death penalty.
206. Jaywalking is not the national sport of anywhere.
207. “It’s all Greek to me” is an idiom, not the basis for a character.
208. No more alien prostitutes.
209. I will not lock other PCs in the freezer.
210. I will not start a bitch-fight for the hell of it.
211. If my body count is higher than the Scotsman’s, I should worry.
212. “Deal with” does not automatically mean “kill”.
213. Thumb-print scanners exist. Buttock-print scanners do not.
214. Double-entendres based on the word ‘tongue’ are not to be encouraged.
215. “One of your team isn’t human” is not an acceptable introduction.
216. If I ‘have many names’, I will not list all of them in one go.
217. Lighting my farts is not an improvised weapon.
218. ‘Shampoo attack’ is not an improvised weapon.
219. My interests are not, “pink things, rainbows, horses and Uzigrips of any sort”.
220. No character is to be called Freddianna.
221. I will not instigate Gay Pride festivals.
222. No, I cannot play a transvestite.
223. ‘No tornadoes on my watch, please’ was a joke, not an invitation.
224. Gary-Stus need reform, not to be found murdered and with their fly undone.
225. I am limited to one death for every two posts.
226. I cannot accidentally switch Hogwarts houses by sitting at the wrong table.
227. No using time travel to tell King Arthur that ‘round is sooooo out, darling’.
228. I cannot take any sort of weapons still in fire extinguisher.
229. ‘Kidnappable’ is not a compliment.
230. I will not think of novel uses for Snape’s hair.
231. I will not bitch about the British weather.
232. Teachers do not ‘have selective hearing as standard’.
233. I will not make up random names for people.
234. No black market cuttlefish.
235. Gravedigging is not an acceptable hobby.
236. If the conversation mentions Garet, it ends now.
237. No fan service.
238. My name is Colonel Pihanna, not Colonel Badass.
239. I will not say ‘elephant’ at inappropriate moments.
240. I am not James Bond.
241. Appropriate formal wear and fighting wear are not the same thing.
242. I am to explain and justify all shower-related suggestions.
243. MSN at 2am is not the place to create plot twists.
244. The random pairings generator is never to be mentioned again.
245. Regeneration and Imperfect Immortality are not to be mixed.
246. Autopsies are not ‘fun for all the family’.
247. I do not have a sudoku fetish.
248. I will not arrange mythological love triangles.
249. I will not speculate about canapés.
250. The Greek God Ares is not a psychotic gym teacher.
251. One-way arguments are not polite.
252. Love potion is to be handed in to lost property immediately.
253. NO FAN SERVICE.
254. The vampire war goddess does not need cutesy nicknames.
255. It is not possible to lose a panther.
256. The regenerate is not to be used for target practice.
257. I answer to my superior officer; I do not answer back to my superior officer.
258. The characters do not need stripper names.
259. I did not order a stripper.
260. I will not smell the GM.
261. We do not have excess Colonels.
262. Even if we do have excess Colonels, I will not declare “There can be only one!”
263. All of the problems would not be solved by a threesome.
264. The hero does not need a stag night.
265. I WILL not order a stripper.
266. Shoulderpads are not necessary.
267. Inappropriate use of the autopilot is not allowed.
268. I will not dress up the autopilot as a stripper.
269. Artistic licence is not at home in the force.
270. ‘Reckless’ is not my character’s middle name.
271. After eight thousand years, I should presume that the demon knows what a door is.
272. If my character has argued with everyone she has met, it’s not good.
273. Pink hair does not make your argument invalid.
274. Oedipus is not suitable inspiration for subplots.
275. I have to shower eventually.
276. The Colonel should not be multicoloured.
277. “Why not” is not a valid reason by itself.
278. We do not need to see the batman in compromising positions.
279. “Surprise!” is not fair warning before sex.
280. Even from the batman.
281. Being well known for playing psychos is not something to be proud of.
282. Contrary to apparent belief, peacemakers and troublemakers are not the same thing.
283. I cannot take advantage of the aliens’ lack of knowledge of Earth customs.
284. My status is not, nor will ever be, “Bumming a fag”.
285. Just because I can swear in Assyrian does not mean that I should.
286. “My god, you’re alive!” is an acceptable greeting. “Took your bloody time!” is not.
287. Redheads do not do EVERYTHING better.
288. No matter how many souls he consumes, my demon will not get fat.
289. No character should be placed in drag.
290. Unless this is in character.
291. I am to leave the Lance-Corporal well alone.
292. “Because I’m fantastic in bed,” is not the batman’s explanation for everything.
293. Three failed murder attempts is quite enough, thank you.
294. Lorem ipsum is not a real language.
295. Small children and takeout really do not mix.
296. I am not to carry an oar at all times.
297. Vampdar does not ‘tingle’.
298. Yes, it counts even if his trousers stay on.
299. Roleplay crossovers are generally ill-advised.
300. Keep the batman away from the stripper.
301. Keep the batman away from the angels.
302. Keep the batman well away from the twins.
303. Damn it, just keep the batman away.
304. A black eye is most likely a rejection of my character’s advances.
305. My sexual orientation is not ‘opportunistic’.
306. My sexual orientation is not ‘please’.
307. I will not suggest waterfights.
308. Mud wrestling is not the correct way to solve a love triangle.
309. There is no such military position as “breast inspector”.
310. I am not that incompetent with hammocks.
311. “Eh, the Captain owns my body anyway” was not a good way to phrase things.
312. The redhead will keep her hands off other women’s husbands.
313. If I’m not allowed to touch it in public, I can forget it.
314. I will not put the hero in drag.
315. Even if he likes it.
316. Especially if he likes it.
317. Arguing with the King of the Underworld will likely be bad for my health.
318. My character will learn not to hit the wrench with his face.
319. It will be necessary that I cease to use such antiquated manners of expressing myself.
320. Do not give feminist texts to the Disney princess.
321. “To see my character’s ego faceplant” is not a good excuse.
Icons exist for about the first hundred.
Fifty things that Tyr Pihanna should not do in a roleplay
1. “I’ve never seen a manic-depressive drug-addicted bisexual werewolf prostitute” was not an invitation.
2. Having my character speak the same language as everyone else would be appreciated.
3. Do not arm the psychopath.
4. Do not feed the fangirl.
5. Making the mute healer communicate with the blind assassin was plain cruel.
6. Note to self: do not try to throw back hand grenades.
7. No using loopholes in the story to allow my character to teleport.
8. No character may be resurrected more than twice.
9. I am not to kill more than four people in one explosion.
10. String theory is to be kept out of this.
11. My character did not “eat the couch”.
12. Even werewolf characters have to wear clothes.
13. No teleporting into other characters’ bedrooms.
14. Starting a civil war was not “on my to-do list”.
15. My out of character talk does not need Garet’s input.
16. No more names with nine syllables.
17. No character is part soup.
18. Any more mentions of black leather will get me into trouble.
19. Just because my character is Crown Prince, he does not need six middle names.
20. Any more references to the Kama Sutra will get me shot.
21. No more humans over the age of one hundred.
22. I am not the Devil.
23. “Comedy duo” usually means two people.
24. I do not need to find the tank.
25. Setting off a nuclear bomb in the middle of a city was not a clever ending to the story.
26. I cannot board a helicopter in mid-air.
27. “That shouldn’t be poisonous” is not a great confidence booster.
28. I am not to roleplay a tree.
29. “Magic spork” is not a weapon choice.
30. My post bears no resemblance to a badly-spelt pachyderm.
31. Killing the n00b may have been funny, but it wasn’t nice.
32. Do not eat the n00b.
33. If you can’t see the tattoos now, don’t go looking for them.
34. The prince’s eldest child is not to be conceived in the treehouse.
35. “Silver-grey, sort of eye-shaped” was not a clever way to describe my character’s eyes.
36. No more stunt-driving.
37. I am not a one-man band.
38. If my character’s race is ‘uncertain’ there should be some questions raised.
39. If my GM tells me to get on the stretcher, I should get on the stretcher.
40. I am not to repeat the Vacuum Man song to people.
41. Commentary on the underwear of the other characters was not appreciated.
42. If my character has kissed more than two others, it’s a no-no.
43. “How many personalities” should not be my first question when character-building.
44. My characters do not get random sex changes.
45. Do not call the bounty hunter a “foaming Chihuahua”.
46. “Going for a walk” is not a raunchy euphemism.
47. “Saucy” means something different in America.
48. “Two things beginning with ‘f’” is not my new catchphrase.
49. Seeing a fanfic like that is not an excuse.
50. Narusarasarinawizzlewuzzlethingy is not a planet.
But did it stop there? Oh no. Oh, definitely no.
More Things That Tyr Pihanna Should Not Do In A Roleplay
51. My character is not to kiss every other member of the roleplay.
52. If I break the post length limit, it is a bad thing.
53. Seducing the war goddess is not a PG-13 activity.
54. My characters are not “two for one”.
55. Shirts are not optional.
56. I am not magnetic.
57. Jumping out of windows is not advisable.
58. I must stop complaining about sleeping in a tree.
59. ‘Faster than a speeding bullet’ is cheating if I am not Superman.
60. Lightning is not an alternative to a microwave.
61. Typos do not “spice up a roleplay”.
62. My occupation is not “bar brawler”.
63. I am not to point of phallic symbols at every opportunity.
64. I am not to point out the GM’s character’s abs at every opportunity.
65. Don’t kiss the wizard.
66. A fight is not a grand entrance.
67. “So many beautiful people, so little time” is definitely not my catchphrase.
68. I do not carry round potassium.
69. Character descriptions do not need to include knees.
70. It doesn’t matter how fetching the boxer shorts are.
71. I will not demonstrate my grasp of Anglo-Saxon.
72. I will not swear in French, German, Spanish, Danish, Welsh or English.
73. My occupation is not “Hoover-man”.
74. I will not start a black market in maths examination papers.
75. I will not start a black market in underwear.
76. They did not have labcoats in medieval times.
77. I will not make the Halfling glow in the dark.
78. I will learn what PG-13 means.
79. I do not solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
80. Playing the only male character was a bad idea.
81. Those were not push-ups.
82. I will not introduce karaoke into the mix.
83. My ship is not the SS Rustbucket.
84. My ship is not the SS “Stupid fucking dumb-ass piece of shit”.
85. The Game is not to be played in character.
86. Being bored was no excuse.
87. My character being drunk was not an excuse.
88. There was no excuse for seducing the war goddess.
89. I will not play a courtesan.
90. Refusing to speak to the French is not polite.
91. “There’s no killing like overkilling” is also not my catchphrase.
92. Interrogation is not a team sport.
93. “Lack of table manners” is not a recurring mannerism.
94. The peasant should not have the longest name.
95. ‘Fuck it’ should not automatically imply my character.
96. My GM is neither a dog nor a bitch, and especially not my bitch.
97. I should not anger the gods enough that they chase me.
98. Stop looking for biplanes.
99. That did not take the celestial biscuit.
100. I won’t investigate all possible ways of wrecking a hotel room.
101. When asked how I find the weather, it is not “by looking out of the window”.
102. Human gestation is nine months.
103. They did not have cars in medieval times.
104. I will not call my character “Waterproof Bum”.
105. I will not call my character “Gazebo”.
106. I am not allowed to build an ark.
107. Should my character scare people, I will not gloat.
108. My character is not to have lipstick marks.
109. Love potion is not to be taken lightly.
110. Cock-a-doodle-squawk is not on the menu.
111. My name is not Inigo Montoya. You did not kill my father. Do not prepare to die.
112. I will not discuss eating the dwarf.
113. There is no such race as “dwaf”.
114. “I don’t believe they exist” are famous last words.
115. My character’s name is not to translate to ‘Lord Penis’.
116. When asked what my character is doing, the answer is neither “wenching” nor “man-wenching”.
117. Telling the nobleman to “piss off” is ill-advised if I am the peasant.
118. I will not assassinate the Pope.
119. Some characters should STAY dead.
120. If it takes more than five minutes to justify, I shouldn’t have done it.
121. The note should not be more than an A5 sheet of paper.
122. Gun =/= cheese.
123. I should not taunt others about their lack of superpowers.
124. Invisible Trouser Man is not a good idea for a superhero.
125. I am not to do anything inspired by Whose Line Is It Anyway.
126. I am not to do anything inspired by Mr Welch.
127. ‘Splortch’ is not a word.
128. The words “there is a plot afoot” are never to be uttered in front of our GM again.
129. “There is a plot afoot!” is not my catchphrase.
130. Anything involving Lara Croft being kidnapped by Indiana Jones is vetoed.
131. Even if lecherous, I am not to corrupt priests.
132. The naked Italian man in the corridor is to be left alone.
133. My roleplaying is to be in the same language as everyone else’s.
134. My roleplaying is particularly not to be in a made-up language.
135. The Scotsmen are not the cannon fodder
136. I am not allergic to turnips.
137. It would help if everyone else could pronounce my character’s name.
138. I will not speak in rhyme.
139. If everyone else is running, I will not proceed at a calm saunter.
140. The Scotsman is not going anywhere near a cannon again.
141. “Link’s gonna smack a bitch” is not my battle cry.
142. Supersue is not a good idea for a superhero.
143. I am not to use the word ‘undulate’.
144. I am not a one-man ambush.
145. I will not turn everything available into cheese.
146. I cannot animal handle the gargoyle.
147. I will not bait the GM.
148. I will not discuss Tom Baker’s underpants.
149. Doctor Who + absinthe =/= a good party.
150. You are not surrounded by armed bastards.
151. My character will not drag up those drunken nights in Shanghai.
152. Retcon is not the answer to all my problems.
153. I know more French than, “Go home, cheese-eating surrender monkey”.
154. I will not add random words beginning with B to the conversation.
155. Leave the inflatable alligator out of this.
156. If the most sane character, I will not mastermind the jailbreak.
157. No more nymphomaniac zombies.
158. I will not wilfully misunderstand US English.
159. There is a limit to what I can do with a board pointer.
160. I will not lick trees.
161. Making the GM cry is not a cause for celebration.
162. When the Italian is naked, I will not talk to him.
163. ‘Commandeering’ a ship is still not legal.
164. I will not lock ship’s captains in trunks.
165. Getting thrown out of the inn is not the natural culmination of the evening.
166. The correct response to eighteen musketeers is “oh, shit” not “I turn their guns into money”.
167. Musketeers carry muskets, not pea-shooters.
168. I am not the Princess Mantequilla Poppybottom.
169. I will not pull the sick prisoner trick.
170. The ‘Death’ card is not my calling card.
171. I will not gloat just because I have not yet been arrested.
172. I will not be involved in posting ships’ captains.
173. Although female, I will not detail my shopping trips.
174. I will not think up novel uses for a cloak.
175. “I feel one hundred and sixty years younger” is not a good thing to declare.
176. My character will not compare everyone to their father.
177. Coded conversations are meant to be subtle.
178. “Papers… oh, those papers” is once again not my catchphrase.
179. I will not rant about the overbearing gender binary.
180. My character is not an onion.
181. My character will not talk others into stripping.
182. Making pancakes does not require nudity.
183. “I wish I was still alive” is still not my catchphrase.
184. I am not having an affair with the coffee machine.
185. I am not a werehuman.
186. I will not arrange situations just for the awkward silence.
187. Never again will the phrase, “No, he’s not your father” be necessary.
188. I cannot kill with a knitting needle.
189. Or a pine needle.
190. I cannot walk on water.
191. I am not in the company of Guy Fawkes.
192. “You hit like a daffodil” is not a suitable challenge to a duel.
193. I should not be the only human in a roleplay.
194. I will not park using the handbrake.
195. I will not drive solely in top gear.
196. Deliberately bad poetry does no-one anyone favours.
197. Improvised weapons do not include hand-held fans.
198. This is not Sparta. It is sixteenth century France.
199. “Suck this, bitch!” are not suitable last words.
200. Contrary to popular belief, getting drunk does not improve karaoke.
201. I will not shave unsuspecting characters.
202. Particularly if not my own.
203. I will not leave other characters naked in the river.
204. I will not booby trap carriages.
205. Crisp theft does not deserve the death penalty.
206. Jaywalking is not the national sport of anywhere.
207. “It’s all Greek to me” is an idiom, not the basis for a character.
208. No more alien prostitutes.
209. I will not lock other PCs in the freezer.
210. I will not start a bitch-fight for the hell of it.
211. If my body count is higher than the Scotsman’s, I should worry.
212. “Deal with” does not automatically mean “kill”.
213. Thumb-print scanners exist. Buttock-print scanners do not.
214. Double-entendres based on the word ‘tongue’ are not to be encouraged.
215. “One of your team isn’t human” is not an acceptable introduction.
216. If I ‘have many names’, I will not list all of them in one go.
217. Lighting my farts is not an improvised weapon.
218. ‘Shampoo attack’ is not an improvised weapon.
219. My interests are not, “pink things, rainbows, horses and Uzigrips of any sort”.
220. No character is to be called Freddianna.
221. I will not instigate Gay Pride festivals.
222. No, I cannot play a transvestite.
223. ‘No tornadoes on my watch, please’ was a joke, not an invitation.
224. Gary-Stus need reform, not to be found murdered and with their fly undone.
225. I am limited to one death for every two posts.
226. I cannot accidentally switch Hogwarts houses by sitting at the wrong table.
227. No using time travel to tell King Arthur that ‘round is sooooo out, darling’.
228. I cannot take any sort of weapons still in fire extinguisher.
229. ‘Kidnappable’ is not a compliment.
230. I will not think of novel uses for Snape’s hair.
231. I will not bitch about the British weather.
232. Teachers do not ‘have selective hearing as standard’.
233. I will not make up random names for people.
234. No black market cuttlefish.
235. Gravedigging is not an acceptable hobby.
236. If the conversation mentions Garet, it ends now.
237. No fan service.
238. My name is Colonel Pihanna, not Colonel Badass.
239. I will not say ‘elephant’ at inappropriate moments.
240. I am not James Bond.
241. Appropriate formal wear and fighting wear are not the same thing.
242. I am to explain and justify all shower-related suggestions.
243. MSN at 2am is not the place to create plot twists.
244. The random pairings generator is never to be mentioned again.
245. Regeneration and Imperfect Immortality are not to be mixed.
246. Autopsies are not ‘fun for all the family’.
247. I do not have a sudoku fetish.
248. I will not arrange mythological love triangles.
249. I will not speculate about canapés.
250. The Greek God Ares is not a psychotic gym teacher.
251. One-way arguments are not polite.
252. Love potion is to be handed in to lost property immediately.
253. NO FAN SERVICE.
254. The vampire war goddess does not need cutesy nicknames.
255. It is not possible to lose a panther.
256. The regenerate is not to be used for target practice.
257. I answer to my superior officer; I do not answer back to my superior officer.
258. The characters do not need stripper names.
259. I did not order a stripper.
260. I will not smell the GM.
261. We do not have excess Colonels.
262. Even if we do have excess Colonels, I will not declare “There can be only one!”
263. All of the problems would not be solved by a threesome.
264. The hero does not need a stag night.
265. I WILL not order a stripper.
266. Shoulderpads are not necessary.
267. Inappropriate use of the autopilot is not allowed.
268. I will not dress up the autopilot as a stripper.
269. Artistic licence is not at home in the force.
270. ‘Reckless’ is not my character’s middle name.
271. After eight thousand years, I should presume that the demon knows what a door is.
272. If my character has argued with everyone she has met, it’s not good.
273. Pink hair does not make your argument invalid.
274. Oedipus is not suitable inspiration for subplots.
275. I have to shower eventually.
276. The Colonel should not be multicoloured.
277. “Why not” is not a valid reason by itself.
278. We do not need to see the batman in compromising positions.
279. “Surprise!” is not fair warning before sex.
280. Even from the batman.
281. Being well known for playing psychos is not something to be proud of.
282. Contrary to apparent belief, peacemakers and troublemakers are not the same thing.
283. I cannot take advantage of the aliens’ lack of knowledge of Earth customs.
284. My status is not, nor will ever be, “Bumming a fag”.
285. Just because I can swear in Assyrian does not mean that I should.
286. “My god, you’re alive!” is an acceptable greeting. “Took your bloody time!” is not.
287. Redheads do not do EVERYTHING better.
288. No matter how many souls he consumes, my demon will not get fat.
289. No character should be placed in drag.
290. Unless this is in character.
291. I am to leave the Lance-Corporal well alone.
292. “Because I’m fantastic in bed,” is not the batman’s explanation for everything.
293. Three failed murder attempts is quite enough, thank you.
294. Lorem ipsum is not a real language.
295. Small children and takeout really do not mix.
296. I am not to carry an oar at all times.
297. Vampdar does not ‘tingle’.
298. Yes, it counts even if his trousers stay on.
299. Roleplay crossovers are generally ill-advised.
300. Keep the batman away from the stripper.
301. Keep the batman away from the angels.
302. Keep the batman well away from the twins.
303. Damn it, just keep the batman away.
304. A black eye is most likely a rejection of my character’s advances.
305. My sexual orientation is not ‘opportunistic’.
306. My sexual orientation is not ‘please’.
307. I will not suggest waterfights.
308. Mud wrestling is not the correct way to solve a love triangle.
309. There is no such military position as “breast inspector”.
310. I am not that incompetent with hammocks.
311. “Eh, the Captain owns my body anyway” was not a good way to phrase things.
312. The redhead will keep her hands off other women’s husbands.
313. If I’m not allowed to touch it in public, I can forget it.
314. I will not put the hero in drag.
315. Even if he likes it.
316. Especially if he likes it.
317. Arguing with the King of the Underworld will likely be bad for my health.
318. My character will learn not to hit the wrench with his face.
319. It will be necessary that I cease to use such antiquated manners of expressing myself.
320. Do not give feminist texts to the Disney princess.
321. “To see my character’s ego faceplant” is not a good excuse.