Chapter 6: Reality
Chapter 5: Reality
Title: Reality
Masterpost: For warnings and general information of the fic: http://seeking-pardon.livejournal.com/733.html
Author: Lizaredlion
Characters/Pairings: pre-Dean/Castiel, Sam, Death, Claire Novak, Inias, OC.
Rating: NC17-M
Word Count: 4743
Warnings: Language, violence, kidnapping, mentions of rape.
Summary: “I thought he was part of a hallucination.”
~**~
Pontiac, Illinois
October 18, 2011
-This is so weird, Dean. -said Sam while he was getting to the motel room that he had rented with his brother -Do you really believe she was telling the truth?
-Why would she lie about it? -asked Dean, whose eyes seemed really concerned.
-I don’t know. It’s just that... it’s really weird, Dean. Cas alive? And she said she saw him in the streets, living like a vagabond.
-Yeah, that’s what she said.
-Why would Cas choose the streets to live?
-I don’t know, but if it’s really Cas, the guy must be suffering quite a lot. Claire said that he looked terrible.
-He could have lost his powers.
-That’s what I’m afraid of, and if he did, he’s helpless. What I don’t understand is why he didn’t try to get in touch with us. It’s not as if he has anyone else in this world.
-Perhaps he’s scared?
-Scared of what, Sammy? -snapped Dean.
-Because of all that crap that happened five months ago, Dean. Maybe he’s afraid that we could reject him.
-That’s ridiculous. -Dean’s voice didn’t sound convincing.
-Is it? Really, Dean?
-What, Sammy? -snapped the blonde hunter -Do you think I could reject him if he comes to us? Is that what you think?
-You’re angry with him, Dean.
-No, I’m not. -Dean lied, the grimace on his face was as if he would have been eating rotten eggs.
-You’ve been angry with him since he betrayed us, and your anger got worst after he was killed by that dark fog-thing that came out of his body.
-So, now you can read my mind? That’s stupid!
-Well, if you want to believe that, I can’t stop you.
-Look Sam -said Dean, suddenly very serious -, the fact that Cas could be alive right now is something very fucking shocking. I thought he was finished. During these past five months I’ve believed that Cas was dead. Why do you think I would hate a dead guy?
-I didn’t say “hate”, I said “anger”.
-Okay, you know what? I’m not having this stupid conversation. This is so fucking cheesy that I could throw up right here on your shoes. I’m not a girl, Sammy, and this is a girl thing.
-No, it isn’t! We’re just talking like civilized people!
-Well, keep talking to yourself because I’m not available to talk like “civilized people” right now.
Dean laid down on his bed and tried to sleep a little bit to avoid any attempt of Sam to talk about Castiel. But when he closed his eyes he couldn’t avoid remembering that strange vision he had the night before about Castiel jacking himself off over a bed. It was like a wet dream, except he wasn’t asleep at all, and also Dean had ended up with his pants stained with his own sexual fluids. What the hell was happening in his mind?
He knew he felt something about Castiel. He wanted to see him alive again. Even if the celestial had betrayed him, he still considered Cas as part of his family... and secretly Dean saw the angel as something more than just a brother. However, the blonde hunter was wondering if he could forgive the angel for all those terrible choices he had made months ago.
Hard times were waiting for the weird Winchester family.
~**~
Castiel’s recent strange dreams had been haunting him since the day when his friend Emil was murdered by the ones he called “black-eyed monsters”. He wanted to stop those dreams. He wanted to stay awake. But his physical condition was so poor it didn’t let him do such task. Nevertheless, now he was under the watch of his kidnapper, and somehow she was keeping him asleep almost all day. He couldn’t protest or fight because he didn’t have the strength to do it. Whatever drugs he thought his abductor was putting on him were enough to make him as weak as a newborn kitten.
In his dream now he was in a big, elegant house. There were seven people in there. Two of those people were a scared middle-aged couple that was tied up and gagged, sitting on two chairs. The other five were two young men, a middle-aged guy wearing a hat, a thin-skeletal old man wearing a black suit and a cane, and a man in a beige trench coat whose visible parts of his body such as his hands and his face looked swollen, reddened and broken.
One of the young men of the lot was that same guy called Dean.
And that sick-looking man in the trench coat was none other than himself.
But what happened to him? Who have done that to him? And why did he look so cold and angered?
“Enough.” said the damaged Castiel, firm and severe.
“Stupid little soldier you are.” Spat the thin-skeletal man, looking at Castiel disdainfully.
“Why?” asked the sick-looking man, with fury in his eyes while he got close to the thin old man, almost invading his personal space. “Because I dared open a door that He shut? Where is He? I did a service taking His place.”
“Service?” mocked the old guy, humorless “Settling petty vendettas?”
“No.” stated the Castiel of the memory, with that same fury and coldness “I'm cleaning up one mess after another; selflessly.”
“Quite the humanitarian.” mocked the thin man again.
“And how would you know?” asked the injured Castiel, whose rage was bright in his voice “What are you, really? A flyswatter?”
“Destined to swat you, I think.” The thin old individual didn’t look afraid at all.
“Unless I take you first” Castiel threatened, anger boiling in his cold blue eyes.
“Really bought his own press this one.” The old man said, almost rolling his eyes “Please, Cas. I know God. And you, sir, are no God.”
God? Did that old man just say “God”?
By hearing the argument in that memory, Castiel thought about how idiotic it sounded. That man said he knew God. God? Really? And he also told his other self that “he was no God”, which meant that he, somehow, though at that time that he was God... or something like it. But believing himself as God was as idiotic as this argument.
Since those strange dreams/memories had started, Castiel had been trying to convince himself that those images and scenarios were no other than hallucinations. So, if this dream right now was indeed part of his disturbed imagination, it was really preposterous. And if it wasn’t, he was wondering what in Christ’s name could have made him believe himself as God.
Nevertheless, the next voice he heard was Dean’s voice. The young man seemed to be terrified of both arguing men in front of him.
“All right, put your junk away, both of you.” said Dean, with his voice full of desperation, directing his words to the thin old man “Look, call him what you want. Just kill him now!”
At that order, both Castiels glared at Dean at the same time. However, the Castiel in the memory had a look of fury, betrayal and hate in his cold blue eyes, while the real Cas was confused and scared.
“Just kill him now!”
That phrase started to repeat itself several times in the angel’s head at the same instant the scene in front of him dissipated.
“Just kill him now, kill him now, kill him now, kill him now, KILL HIM NOW!!”
Dean’s voice was replaced by a woman’s voice. Castiel remembered that before going to sleep he had talked to one of his kidnappers. It was a woman named Epinoia. She seemed to hate him, but Cas didn’t know why.
Epinoia’s voice and her face was the only thing Castiel could see in that particular memory. After all, since he was kidnapped he had felt as if he was drugged all the time. His surroundings were never clear for him, except for voices and faces.
“Dean Winchester is the cause of your disgrace, Castiel.” Said Epinoia, with a voice almost maternal but the subtle wicked tone was easily felt by the dreaming angel “You lost your home and your family because of him. And then, after all your loss, he abandoned you. He used you as a tool. For him you were just a weapon that he could use at his whim. He said you were like a ‘brother’ to him, but that was a LIE, Castiel.”
“How do you know it was a lie?” asked the youngest seraph, who was desperate to know about the people in his past.
“I know it because of what he did later. Didn’t he threaten you?”
Castiel remembered then about a conversation in one of those memories. A conversation with Dean:
“Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family, and you are like a brother to me, so if I'm asking you not to do something…You gotta trust me, man.”
That was what Dean had said... but then...
“Or what?”
There it was. That was the daring question he had made to Dean.
“Then I'll have to do what I have to do to stop you”
Dean threatened him. It was the truth. Epinoia wasn’t lying. Remembering that felt as if someone plugged a knife in his chest. It was painful. Castiel cared for that man named Dean, even if he didn’t had most of his memories about him.
“Do you see it now, Castiel?” asked Epinoia, with a smile of triumph in his lips “He was going to kill you. That is not something you do to a brother. Dean Winchester believes that family is important, but you are NOT his family. You are not his flesh and blood. You are nothing to him. He just considered you as a THING that he could use for his own benefit. He didn’t consider you as anything more than that. He didn’t care about your problems, about your feelings, about your pain or even your joy. He just didn’t care. And do you know the most painful fact in all this issue? You loved him, Castiel. That is the most painful fact. You loved him, you cared for him, you sacrificed your blood, your flesh and your well-being for him, and he just didn’t care.”
The Castiel of the memory and the one who was witnessing it looked sad. The dreamer avoided the tears that wanted to escape from his eyes. He didn’t want to spill his tears for somebody who didn’t care about him.
“So... I don’t have a home, do I?” asked the Castiel of the memory, almost afraid of the answer.
“No, you don’t, Castiel.” Said Epinoia, flatly “You have no family, you have no home. You are alone in the world.”
“I want to go to the streets.” Castiel said, with a broken voice “That is my place to be. I have been in the streets for five months now and I know how to survive there.”
“You can’t go there, Castiel.” answered Epinoia “You are getting sicker every day. You are going to die if you go to the streets.”
“And I suppose you are going to take care of me?”
“Not me. My boss.”
“What does she want with me?”
“She wants to help you.”
“I suppose that I don’t have a choice on this issue, right?”
“No, you don’t. You are stuck here, Castiel.”
Castiel woke up and his vision was blurry. He noticed that he was in a different place. This was a barn. The way the place smelled told the angel that he was in the country.
Cas’s wrists and ankles were secured with the usual shackles his kidnappers had put him on the first day of his abduction, but now his arms were behind his back. He was laying on his side, on a pile of haystack, completely naked, only a sheet covering his pale and skinny body.
He tried to get up from the pile of haystack when he felt a sharp pain over his belly button where he could see a strange mark the size of a dime. The mark was reddish and itchy. He was sure that his kidnapper had put that mark there... but with what purpose?
Whatever it was, Castiel was too tired to find out about it. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to rest. The malnourishment he had been suffering made him feel so exhausted. So, the weak angel just closed his eyes and his world went to black again.
~**~
Sam and Dean got out of the Impala and went directly to the door of a modest house in the quiet neighborhood where they had parked.
They didn’t need to knock because a girl opened the door and let them inside. The girl was blonde and beautiful and she had blue eyes. Dean noticed that her eyes were just like her father’s. The look on them had the same softness that Jimmy Novak had. It was very different from Castiel’s eyes. Even though Jimmy and Castiel were in the same flesh, the look in the eyes and the facial expression was different in each of the two individuals.
And now the Winchester brothers were talking to Jimmy’s legacy, his daughter Claire Novak.
The kid told the bros what she had seen on the evening when she spotted Castiel in that cold alley where the angel was seeking shelter, including the fact that a stranger had taken the helpless seraph to an unknown location.
-Are you sure he is the same Cas? -asked Dean, whose face was full of worry.
-I could recognize him from miles away. -Claire said, annoyed. -I wouldn´t lie about something like this. Besides, Castiel is wearing my dad´s body, remember?
-Point taken. -replied Dean.
-So, this woman who took Cas, can you describe her? -asked Sam, who was as worried as his brother was.
-Well, she had dark skin, her hair was long and black and her eyes were brown, but the look on them freaked me out. And she seemed pissed, even when she tried to hide it from Castiel. I guess she didn’t want to scare him and preferred him to go with her on his own free will.
-Dark skin, black hair and freaky look in the eyes. -recited Sam -I can’t think of any... Oh no!
-What’s wrong, Sammy? -asked Dean.
-Raphael.
-The Ninja Turtle angel?
-Who else? Last time we saw him he was wearing a lady, remember?
-Damn it! -growled Dean while he rubbed his hair with his fingers.
-Castiel must be saved. -said a fourth and uninvited voice in the room. The Winchesters and the Novak girl stared at the one who had spoken. It was a man who seemed to be on his early thirties, he was thin, had long dark hair and green eyes. He was wearing a dark suit.
-Sam and Dean Winchester and Claire Novak. -said that man, acknowledging the brothers and the girl -My name is Inias.
-You’re an angel. -said Dean with an annoyed look in his eyes. For his part, Sam was trying to get a hidden angel-sword out of his bag.
-Yes. -answered the celestial with a smooth voice. -And the hostility is not necessary.
-Yeah, right. -spat Dean, while Sam stopped in his attempt to get the sword.
-It is the truth. My only wish is to see my brother Castiel safe.
-And why would you want him to be safe? -now it was Sam who asked the question, obviously annoyed with the angel as his brother was.
-Because he isn’t just my brother. He is my friend too, and he used to be my superior. I know what he did in Heaven; I was there when it happened.
-And you didn’t hate him for that?
-Of course not. What he did was harsh, terrible and radical, but it was also the only way to avoid another Apocalypse. Raphael was tearing us apart. No one who didn’t pledge their allegiance to him was safe. He killed a lot of angels. He killed even more angels than Castiel did on his rampage against Raphael’s soldiers and the sinners of Earth. There were thousands of angels lost in the Holy War and Castiel was the ultimate sacrifice. Everything he did... his deal with an abomination such as the king of Hell was something Castiel didn’t do for his own benefit but for the Earth’s and Heaven’s welfare. It was not the right thing to do, but I can’t blame Castiel for it. He was desperate. Raphael was stronger than him, and you two have already seen the results of Raphael’s wrath against Castiel in the past.
Sam and Dean couldn’t forget it. It had happened on that day when they were looking for Castiel, a little after he had rebelled against Heaven and before the rise of Lucifer. Castiel was killed then, and the Winchesters saw the results of that carnage the day after. They went to the house of the prophet Chuck Shurley and they saw a massacre there. Blood and flesh were splattered all over the prophet’s home. It was Castiel’s remains. His entire being had been literally exploded by the wrathful archangel Raphael. That was a very horrific scenario.
-I understand that you’re upset with Castiel, Dean Winchester. -continued Inias -You have all the right to be angry at him because of what he did to your brother and the betrayal he did to you and to your family. But I also know there is no one in Heaven capable enough to understand Castiel as well as you do. I know you consider him part of your own family. So, I believe you would want him to be safe as much as I want.
-I thought he was dead. -Dean said, with a low voice - Castiel died in that warehouse. That fog-creature killed him.
-He died, and he was brought back again, by our Father’s hand. -stated Inias -He has been chosen by God to be the one who could save this world and Heaven.
-You know it for a fact? -asked Sam.
-I know it because that is how it is. -replied the soft-spoken angel -There is a huge burden on Castiel’s shoulders. Been chosen is not something easy. I know now that Castiel was chosen since long before Lucifer rose from the Cage. He was chosen when he saved you from Hell, Dean Winchester. Many angels went to Hell to your rescue, but it was Castiel who did it at the end. When he laid a hand on you for the first time he made a bond with you. Since then, Castiel had been saving this world and Heaven in one way or another, with your help. So I know you can help him again. Castiel needs you as much as you need him.
-Where is him? -asked Dean in an almost broken voice. His eyes were glassy and his facial expression was affected by grief.
-We have been trying to locate him, but the only thing we got so far is that Castiel is in this town, but we cannot find the exact address where Castiel was taken. Raphael and his followers are powerful enough to hide themselves from us.
-So what do we do? - asked Dean, whose anger and desperation was starting to rise.
-Do not fear for Castiel, Dean Winchester. -Inias said, noticing Dean’s uneasiness - There are two angels searching for him at this same moment. They are very capable and I am sure they would find him soon.
-No, they won’t. -said a female’s voice. Epinoia had appeared in the Novak’s house, a couple of meters from where Inias was standing, with an overconfident demeanor.
-Epinoia! -exclaimed Inias, while the Winchesters and the Novak girl retreated.
-Hello Inias. -said the female angel, with a mocking tone - I can see you are helping the monkeys.
-They are not monkeys. -growled Inias, upset.
-And I can see that you have learnt very well the teachings of your former superior. Now you help and defend the monkeys. Good for you, Inias!
-Where is Castiel? -Inias tone and his facial expression was very different now than it was when he was talking to the Winchesters. Anger was filling the clear green eyes and the voice of the angel.
-Do you really think I would tell you that?
-I am asking the questions here, not you! -stated Inias, furious.
-I don’t want to do this, brother -Epinoia’s tone changed in that moment. Now she was deadly serious -; but if you insist in helping the monkeys and searching for Castiel I will have to kill you. Those are Raphael’s orders.
-If you are going to kill me, you will have to fight me first. -Inias was ready, with his sword in hand.
-Very well. -Epinoia said, and in the blink of an eye she threw a shot of white light to Inias chest, rendering him unconscious while blood was pouring from his mouth; nevertheless, he was still holding his sword. The poor celestial never expected that kind of attack.
The brothers and Claire were scared to death, but they tried to stay calm, watching with wide eyes to both angels.
-Did you kill him? -asked Dean, who seemed concerned for Inias. The eyes of the hunter were invaded by anger and fear.
-Not yet. -answered the despicable female holy being - But he will be dead after I finish my job with you, Dean Winchester.
Sam tried to move; however, in the blink of an eye he was flying across the Novaks’ living room, crashing against an old glass-and-wood table. The young Winchester remained sprawled on the floor in a mix of broken glass and torn wood and was unconscious instantly.
-Sammy! -screamed Dean, however, the next he knew was that the aggressive angel had two fingers over his forehead.
Suddenly, Dean felt as his whole world started to get easier. Everything was so simple now and he felt he could do whatever he wanted. He also didn’t care about anything anymore. He didn’t care about his pain for losing Castiel, he didn’t care that his brother Sam was unconscious and beaten on the floor, a few steps from him, he didn’t care about the angel who had tried to help them and now was injured and comatose on the floor alongside Sam’s unconscious form, and neither he cared about the scared Claire, who seemed so terrified with all that matter. He also didn’t give a damn about the angel who had attacked them. She could touch his forehead all the times she wanted. She could smite him if she wanted. She could torture and kill him and kill all the members of his short family if she wanted. Dean just didn’t give a rat’s ass about anything or anyone. It was as if his heart was shut, making him unable to feel emotions. Nevertheless, there was only desire inside him. He was craving for pleasure, and Epinoia was not going to deny it to him. She was going to put Dean Winchester on the right path.
One more touch on his forehead and Dean and the evil angel disappeared.
-Sam? -said Claire a few seconds after Epinoia and Dean were gone -Sam, are you okay?
-He is... h-he... he is unconscious. -answered Inias with difficulty, coughing and trying to get up from the floor, failing miserably at the attempt.
-Inias? -asked Claire, worried. She feared that the two beings on the floor could be severely injured.
-Are y-you... okay, child?
-I’m fine. The question is, are YOU okay?
-My grace is shocked and... a little damaged, but I will heal... after I get some rest.
-What about Sam?
Inias made an enormous effort to rise himself, sitting on the ground, but he was still dizzy and trembling and his body bobbled as if he was drunk. The injured angel touched Sam’s forehead with two fingers. And then the young hunter flinched and opened his eyes.
-Welcome back, Sam. -said Claire, with a light smile. She was glad that the man and the angel were awoken.
-W-what... what the hell happened? -Sam was shocked with the recent events, as much as the two people that were staring at him.
-Epinoia. -replied Inias -She is a loyal soldier of Raphael, but she’s also insane. She would do everything in her power to feed her twisted desires. She has a lot of hatred inside her, and she wants to get revenge from all the beings she hates so much. One of those beings is Castiel, and to get revenge from him she took Dean.
-But why? -asked Sam, scared of what could happen to his older sibling.
-Because Dean is very attached to Castiel. He cares about him. Epinoia wants to break the bond our brothers share.
-How?
-I believe you won’t like the answer to that question, Sam. -Inias’ tone became somber. His eyes were sad, and Sam noticed that the angel also seemed embarrassed.
-What... what is it? -the younger Winchester had been prepared for almost everything in his life. However, he wondered if this time he could deal with the angel’s answer. -What will she use against them?
-Rape. -Inias said in almost a whisper.
The Novak house went dead silent then.
~**~
Epinoia stared at Castiel as he started to move over the pile of haystack, awakening from his sleep again. The young seraph stared back at her as soon as he was aware of his surroundings.
-You are here. -said the male angel, with a rough voice. -Where is the lady? Where is Raphaella?
-Castiel. -she called him. She ignored the questions of his trapped brother - You have a visitor.
-A visitor? -asked the seraph, looking everywhere around him.
-He is outside, Castiel. -stated Epinoia when she saw the young angel searching for the visitor.
-Who is it? - Cas seemed really nervous.
-It is Dean Winchester.
-So... he is actually real?
-Of course. What did you think?
-I thought he was part of a hallucination.
-Oh no, Castiel. This is reality, child. Dean is real, and so are the things he did to you. The threats, the abandonment, the fact that he tried to kill you... everything!
-Why is he here?
-He came here to claim you. More specifically, he came to claim your virginity.
It took a few seconds to Castiel’s brain to process what he just had heard. It couldn’t be true. The man who wanted to kill him in his past was there somewhere, eager to claim him, to claim his purity. Also, the youngest seraph was shocked because he didn’t know he was a virgin. He thought about the issue and it almost made him laugh. Supposedly, he was in his mid-thirties or something; his body and face indicated that age in him. It was preposterous the fact that he was a virgin at his 34 or 35 years old.
-Am I really a...?
-Yes, Castiel, you are, and now Dean Winchester will take that purity away from you. -Epinoia’s smile was very vile then -You can come in, human.
Before the terrified gaze of the youngest seraphim of Heaven, the hunter Dean Winchester appeared in the door of the barn. The look in his eyes was invaded with lust and need. The blonde boy glanced at the angel and a light smile curved his lips. It was a triumphant smile.
-Hi, Cas. -said Dean, with a soft voice -You have no idea how much I’ve been waiting for this moment.
-W-what do y-you want? -Castiel asked, but he already knew the answer. He just wanted to hear it from the man of his memories. He wanted to know for sure that this guy really didn’t give a damn about him and that he only wanted Castiel to use him as a tool or a weapon.
-I want you, Castiel. -Dean said, simply and solemnly -I desire you, Cas. I’ve desired you since you put your hands over my soul to rescue me from Hell. And now... now you will be mine.
**********
Author's note:
1 COMMENTS ARE VERY WELCOME. Thanks for reading
2 The story will be updated every one or two weeks. If I update late someday it's because I'm sick. I suffer from Crohn's disease, and that causes me a lot of troubles. But I will do my best effort to update the fanfic in time.
Thanks for your understanding.