Oh No Ordin, Richard/Kahlan, the box, (R) For Seeker Kink 3, Crack!Fic
Title: Oh No Ordin
Author virkatjol
Rating: R
Pairing: Richard/Kahlan, Ordin
Prompt: clarkoholic's Richard/Any - Dick in a box Midland's style... so dick in a box of Ordin?
Summary: Richard gets Kahlan the best get EVER!! Or is it?
This wasn't Beta'd BUT it's Crack!Fic and that is funny with mistakes, y/y?
A/N: I think I'm Funny. This was NOT beta'd So all typo's are my fault.
"Um Richard…" Kahlan was sporting a shocked look, "Where are your clothes?" He was naked. Well almost naked, The largest box of Ordin was sitting over his privates. She wasn't quite sure how it was staying there. She didn't see anything holding it up and Richard's hands were at his sides. All he was wearing was a very big grin, along with the box.
"Happy Birthday Kahlan!" Richard said with a laugh. "What could I get a girl that's got no room to carry anything else?" He made his way over to her, the box awkwardly balancing on his erection. "So I came up with this." His hands made an arrow motion towards his crotch. The expression on her face was telling him it was either the perfect gift, or he'd been too presumptuous. He was banking on perfect though.
Rising from her seated position she made her way over to inspect her gift. "I think i'm most impressed by the fact that you can balance it on there!"
"That part was easy, Kahlan. You just need to know the proper steps!" He chuckled as if it was so very obvious.
Crouching down to get a closer look still, "So, Richard, what are the steps to this type of gift?"
"First I had to figure out this box of Ordin thing, where i could manage step one." He pointed to the spot nestled against his body. "I didn't want to ruin this thing, in case we might actually need it later, but step one is to cut a whole in the box!"
Kahlan looked impressed at his handy work. the hole looked like it was added to the box with a lot of care. The jewels and symbols hadn't been disturbed and his shaft and balls seemed to fit into it well. "Ok so what is the next step, oh great Seeker of gifts?" She looked up and flashed him a toothy smile.
Richard grimaced recalling step two. "That one wasn't as easy as I was hoping, but the expression on your face made all the pain worth it." He pulled her face up for an awkward kiss, the box was getting in the way of their closeness.
"Ok, enough stalling," Kahlan prodded, "What is step two! A girl needs to know the whole gift assembly process!"
"Put my junk in the box." He looked down at how well it fit, then over at Kahlan. "Let me tell you, the hole wasn't actually big enough. It kind of hurt jamming it all in there. However the look in your eyes when you saw it made the discomfort all better. The scrapes will heal, eventually."
Kahlan reacher her hand to his abdomen, she began rubbing slow circles right above where his curly hair started to grow. "So is that all the steps?"
Groaning out loud at her touch, he struggled to answer, "No, there is one more." He reached down for her hand and moved it to the top of the box. "Step three: Let her open the box. That's the way you do it." Hearing her giggle at the ability to complete step three herself, he followed her hands movement to the hook that kept the Box of Ordin latched.
Kahlan's hands shook as she flipped the hook out, then carefully opened the lid. She reached in the box and wrapped her hands around his cock. Closing her eyes she raised up to kiss him.
A rumble was heard and the land beneath them began to shake. Breaking the kiss Richard looked around. The world was dark and cold, hearing a voice that sounded like death, he knew this wasn't actually the best present he could have thought of.
"You chose to open the wrong Box. Bigger isn't always better Richard Cypher. You now all belong to the Keeper!"
The END
Author virkatjol
Rating: R
Pairing: Richard/Kahlan, Ordin
Prompt: clarkoholic's Richard/Any - Dick in a box Midland's style... so dick in a box of Ordin?
Summary: Richard gets Kahlan the best get EVER!! Or is it?
This wasn't Beta'd BUT it's Crack!Fic and that is funny with mistakes, y/y?
A/N: I think I'm Funny. This was NOT beta'd So all typo's are my fault.
"Um Richard…" Kahlan was sporting a shocked look, "Where are your clothes?" He was naked. Well almost naked, The largest box of Ordin was sitting over his privates. She wasn't quite sure how it was staying there. She didn't see anything holding it up and Richard's hands were at his sides. All he was wearing was a very big grin, along with the box.
"Happy Birthday Kahlan!" Richard said with a laugh. "What could I get a girl that's got no room to carry anything else?" He made his way over to her, the box awkwardly balancing on his erection. "So I came up with this." His hands made an arrow motion towards his crotch. The expression on her face was telling him it was either the perfect gift, or he'd been too presumptuous. He was banking on perfect though.
Rising from her seated position she made her way over to inspect her gift. "I think i'm most impressed by the fact that you can balance it on there!"
"That part was easy, Kahlan. You just need to know the proper steps!" He chuckled as if it was so very obvious.
Crouching down to get a closer look still, "So, Richard, what are the steps to this type of gift?"
"First I had to figure out this box of Ordin thing, where i could manage step one." He pointed to the spot nestled against his body. "I didn't want to ruin this thing, in case we might actually need it later, but step one is to cut a whole in the box!"
Kahlan looked impressed at his handy work. the hole looked like it was added to the box with a lot of care. The jewels and symbols hadn't been disturbed and his shaft and balls seemed to fit into it well. "Ok so what is the next step, oh great Seeker of gifts?" She looked up and flashed him a toothy smile.
Richard grimaced recalling step two. "That one wasn't as easy as I was hoping, but the expression on your face made all the pain worth it." He pulled her face up for an awkward kiss, the box was getting in the way of their closeness.
"Ok, enough stalling," Kahlan prodded, "What is step two! A girl needs to know the whole gift assembly process!"
"Put my junk in the box." He looked down at how well it fit, then over at Kahlan. "Let me tell you, the hole wasn't actually big enough. It kind of hurt jamming it all in there. However the look in your eyes when you saw it made the discomfort all better. The scrapes will heal, eventually."
Kahlan reacher her hand to his abdomen, she began rubbing slow circles right above where his curly hair started to grow. "So is that all the steps?"
Groaning out loud at her touch, he struggled to answer, "No, there is one more." He reached down for her hand and moved it to the top of the box. "Step three: Let her open the box. That's the way you do it." Hearing her giggle at the ability to complete step three herself, he followed her hands movement to the hook that kept the Box of Ordin latched.
Kahlan's hands shook as she flipped the hook out, then carefully opened the lid. She reached in the box and wrapped her hands around his cock. Closing her eyes she raised up to kiss him.
A rumble was heard and the land beneath them began to shake. Breaking the kiss Richard looked around. The world was dark and cold, hearing a voice that sounded like death, he knew this wasn't actually the best present he could have thought of.
"You chose to open the wrong Box. Bigger isn't always better Richard Cypher. You now all belong to the Keeper!"
The END