Stuff that makes me want to cry
Well. I feel pretty shitty right now, and I'm pissed off and depressed... all because I finally got an answer back from the doctor's office.
So this thing in my neck - they aren't certain if it's cancerous or not, the biopsy came back uncertain, and because they didn't get a clear 'yes' or 'no', this puts my surgery on the dreaded 'waiting list'. It's October now, and according to the secretary, some people who had their testing done in 2010 are STILL waiting to be scheduled, so..... yeah. It's looking like I may have to wait another YEAR to get rid of this thing.
At least the pain has stopped, or at least I don't notice it anymore, although the pressure on my windpipe has increased. The lump takes up the entire front of my throat now, and makes it look like I've got an enormous Adam's apple. It feels like someone's got their hands around my throat and is holding them there - not squeezing, just holding.
So... trying to get the urge to write anything has been difficult. There are times I manage to get AJ distracted, hubby's watching him for me, I've got a drink, relaxing music if needed, I sit down... and my brain goes to mush. I end up playing a mindless game or two, and that's it.
I have only been able to write one tiny ficbit in the past year and a half, and even that is missing the last few lines needed to finish it. It's been at that stage for 2 months now. I want to finish it, and work on Bad Words and other stuff, but... I don't know. It's as if this freaking lump of crap on my throat is sucking up all my creativity.
I just want it gone so I can get on with my life.
sigh
So this thing in my neck - they aren't certain if it's cancerous or not, the biopsy came back uncertain, and because they didn't get a clear 'yes' or 'no', this puts my surgery on the dreaded 'waiting list'. It's October now, and according to the secretary, some people who had their testing done in 2010 are STILL waiting to be scheduled, so..... yeah. It's looking like I may have to wait another YEAR to get rid of this thing.
At least the pain has stopped, or at least I don't notice it anymore, although the pressure on my windpipe has increased. The lump takes up the entire front of my throat now, and makes it look like I've got an enormous Adam's apple. It feels like someone's got their hands around my throat and is holding them there - not squeezing, just holding.
So... trying to get the urge to write anything has been difficult. There are times I manage to get AJ distracted, hubby's watching him for me, I've got a drink, relaxing music if needed, I sit down... and my brain goes to mush. I end up playing a mindless game or two, and that's it.
I have only been able to write one tiny ficbit in the past year and a half, and even that is missing the last few lines needed to finish it. It's been at that stage for 2 months now. I want to finish it, and work on Bad Words and other stuff, but... I don't know. It's as if this freaking lump of crap on my throat is sucking up all my creativity.
I just want it gone so I can get on with my life.
sigh