getting it out
A snippet of a conversation I just had with a friend on AIM...
throughbeingcul: its ironic that it happened to someone so full of life, energy, goals, desires. i sometimes wonder why it couldnt happen to someone apathetic, who doesnt really have any great big dreams and whos kinda just going along in life. im just the type of person who was scared to go to college cause i couldnt just pick one major, i wanted to do everything! i want to learn, i want to travel, i want to see the world and experience life to the fullest. some of these things will never happen for me and it kills me every day. you can understand why i wouldnt want to live anymore. all this pain wears me out not just physically but mentally too. i would never wish it on anyone else but im not gonna lie--i wish it was not me. ive been through so much hard shit in my life that this is the last thing i thought would ever happen to me. and i used to be so happy. i used to be blessed. i used to feel lucky. now i just feel sad, defeated, disabled (which i am), not good enough, useless, unlovable too sometimes...
throughbeingcul: its ironic that it happened to someone so full of life, energy, goals, desires. i sometimes wonder why it couldnt happen to someone apathetic, who doesnt really have any great big dreams and whos kinda just going along in life. im just the type of person who was scared to go to college cause i couldnt just pick one major, i wanted to do everything! i want to learn, i want to travel, i want to see the world and experience life to the fullest. some of these things will never happen for me and it kills me every day. you can understand why i wouldnt want to live anymore. all this pain wears me out not just physically but mentally too. i would never wish it on anyone else but im not gonna lie--i wish it was not me. ive been through so much hard shit in my life that this is the last thing i thought would ever happen to me. and i used to be so happy. i used to be blessed. i used to feel lucky. now i just feel sad, defeated, disabled (which i am), not good enough, useless, unlovable too sometimes...