WTF KIRA! WTF!

[seedwlives2spar]

*Kira didn't talk to anyone after the last mission. He didn't post anything. He barely talked to Cagalli and Athrun when they found him. The Freedom was virtually totaled. But he didn't really care about that either. It was a machine made for war, made for death. He would use it, no reason not to at this point. But he was fine with not being

Comments

[a_young_legend]

-Shinji has been making a point to avoid people lately, but after hearing about the heavy losses the GDF suffered in the last mission and Kira's involvement, he can't help but seek out the other pilot to rest his weary conscience. It is much to Shinji's surprise, then, when he stumbles upon a terrifyingly focused Kira throwing himself far beyond harm's way in the simulators. Shinji is afraid to intervene with Kira in such a state. His eyes widen at the numerous traps and hazards that could seriously injure, or even kill an ordinary human being that Kira seems to be clearing with minimal difficulties. He mutters to himself in awe.-

Kira... just what happened out there, to make you so...

[seedwlives2spar]

*Kira hears Shinji's voice and resets the simulation. He can always continue later.*

...I can't say anything in specific.

[a_young_legend]

-Shinji is lost for words. While he wasn't sure what he would've said anyway, meeting under such circumstances just confuses him even more. He wrings his hands and stares at his feet. He can't even hide the pity in his voice.-

Your lying... hasn't improved, Kira. I've never seen you so determined. So...

-Shinji shudders a little.-

So scary...

[seedwlives2spar]

Hmm... I am not lying. But I might not be being entirely honest either.

It would be better to say its a number of things, which I could not name the entirety of, that have culminated at this point.

[a_young_legend]

-Shinji glances bitterly back at Kira.-

There's no half lies and half truths. Either you're being honest or you're not. So don't bullshit me like that. Is straining yourself in such a way going to help at all in the long run? It seems you're just trying to distract yourself from whatever vague something you refuse to tell me that's obviously getting to you.

[seedwlives2spar]

That is an interesting thought. You may be correct. I am not entirely sure.

Rau Le Creuset was at PLANT. And he was entirely correct in his assessment of me. That my very existence has the potential to cause fighting.

[a_young_legend]

So you let some crazy rambling jackass get under your skin? I thought you were better than that, Kira. Also, look around you, we're the god damn GDF. Fancy ultimate coordinator status aside, you're not that special. Of course fighting is going to happen because of you, because of me, because of any of us. It's a fate we all share together.

[seedwlives2spar]

I was not referring to people in the GDF. I am not concerned with it's members in this instance.

And yes, he was crazy. But despite this there was a lot of truth to what he was saying. I do not consider myself that special, but there are people who do. The fact that he was so adamant about my destruction is proof of that.

As long as that remains true, what I think of myself has little bearing. People may fight over my existence regardless of what actions I take.

[a_young_legend]

"Crazy, but with a lot of truth to what he was saying"? Right. I hate to say this, Kira, but don't you think you're being overly neurotic here? You can think it over, think it over some more, and then think the problem to death, but it's not going to change anything. Neither is pushing yourself so hard.

-Shinji shakes his head, looking suddenly desperate.-

I don't care what you or anyone else says. You're still human to me, Kira. And by doing things like this, you lose a little more of that humanity. This isn't training. It's torture, self-inflicted. You may not feel it, it may be nothing to you, but it's true, and I can't stand you agonizing over this.

[seedwlives2spar]

And yet if I am to improve, I must subject myself to stimuli that tests my limits. I may be human, but my physical capabilities are far beyond most other human's capacity. And apparently beyond what I had previously thought as well. I am attempting to find the limits of my capabilities so that I may properly hone them.

Shinji, I am not certain I can express to you at the moment entirely what I intend. But at least I can make a request. Please help me. I am not entirely certain you are wrong. I may be losing my humanity.

But I am certain that regardless you will always be my friend. So I ask you to help me with this. Because I believe that if anyone can keep me from losing myself, it's you.

1/2

[a_young_legend]

-Shinji is absolutely stunned by the request. Kira's demeanor continues to put him at unease, but for the sake of this young man, this dear friend, he tries to forge past his anxiety.-

You want... my help, Kira? But--

2/2

[a_young_legend]

-Shinji cuts himself off; wavering isn't what Kira needs right now. Clenching a fist in determination, he stares defiantly back into those cold eyes.-

Alright. How can I help you? What can I do for you? If you need to vent, I can listen. You knew that from the beginning.

[seedwlives2spar]

Hmm... I believe I need you to watch me. I do not entirely understand what I am experiencing. And I cannot have an outside perspective at the moment because so far as I know, I am the only person who enters this state. Which means I must rely on others for any external input regarding it.

[a_young_legend]

Is that all? Just watching makes me feel pretty passive in the process. Then again, I can't exactly run that devil's obstacle course with you, can I? Not that I'd want to. You got it, buddy.

[seedwlives2spar]

It is just for now. I do not know what I will require. However, by watching and trying to understand the state of being I am currently in, you may in fact have some insight that I might miss.

[a_young_legend]

-Shinji tries not to cringe under Kira's sharpness.-

By all means, then. Have at it 'til you're blue in the face. I don't think I can stop you, and the more I see, the more I'll be able to tell you, tough as that is for me to admit. Just remember, Kira, I'm in your corner no matter what.