Lonliness
WOW, You never realize how much you loved someone till you don't have them anymore. Then see them with someone else. someone else that makes you look like the worst guy in the world. he has perfect hair, perfect body, perfect smile, hes not afraid or ashamed of anything, hes uber nice, hes really caring, and with the only one who was actually worth it. i guess they are luck to have each other. well, she deserves him. im just a step in the wrong direction. old feelings come back with a vengance....tenfold. I hate having feelings when i know the other doesn't share them anymore. last time i talked to her. I told her i loved her. but I actually meant it. it wasn't just a word i threw around. I need to get a grip on reality. make some GOOD choices.ones that don't involve me being selfish....and breaking someones heart. HEH. im surprised i actully have some fucking feelings for a change...im not a car crash...im a fucking trainwreck. hah...funny how im writing to one person....and its her....because she is my only friend on here. I'll stop babbling. I just want her to be happy. and if he does, I'm all for it....my stomache feels queasy...like it did the night i met her.....wow...reading back this sounds like a ple of forgiveness...w.e. take it how you will...she doesn't think shes noticed...but every time i look at her...i feel im staring. ya...coke c2 and the band RA are EVIL...i blame them for these feelings....k...now im bout to cry...wo0t go me...wussy man...k im done....heh..i guess i feel semi-loved...i have two sn's and two girls like me...and ones a lesbian...kissing a lesbian is a very weird thing to do.i spent christmas with gabe...he keeps me somewhat sane.ok im gonna go..no more ranting....sweet dreams livejournal...until I sign on again <3 always -mike