JLs Fic - The New Years Eve Party Part A
Title: The New Years Eve Party
Author: see_see
Rating: Adult
Word Count: ~10,560
Characters: James/Joy
Spoilers: None really
Summary: What happen after the Christmas Party, and what will happen on New Years Eve?
Disclaimer: None of these people belong to me. This story is fiction and fiction only. It is not mean to hurt anyone, just for our enjoyment.
A/N:First I have to say that I'm so sorry that this has taken so long. I never meant for it to, but it did. But it's finally done and here it is.
I would like to thank my stand in beta, Berry berrymcgregor thank you so much for doing this hun.
I would also like to thank my usual beta Andrea deea347 for all her help during the time it has taken to write this.
When I started this story I didn't know about the sex tape storyline so there might be some things that doesn't fit, but this is fiction and I have taken liberties. There is a part of the story that might offend some, I'm sorry if it does. I don't mean to. Remember, this is fiction.
I hope you like it, and leave me a not and tell me what you think :D
I'm so sorry, but because the fic is too long, it is split in two posts. The link to the second part is at the end of the fic.
The New Years Eve Party
“I want you, James. I need you. Make love to me.”
Suddenly his actions stopped. She looked up at him, trying to read what was going on in his head. He rolled off her and without looking at her he said.
“I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
She didn’t know if she heard him right. Here she was, willing to finally sleep with him and he was rejecting her. Tears formed in her eyes. She hurriedly got of the bed and found her dress. She put it on as fast as she could. With one last look at him she left, slamming the door behind her.
She remembered her mistake… She was still happily married. Happily. Right.
~*~*~*~*~*~
He closed his eyes as the door slamed shut. What had he done? This was what he wanted, and then he just rejected it. Let it walk out the door. He was never going to get a chance like that again. He couldn’t believe what he had done. He thought about running after her, explain, but he knew it wouldn’t work. If there was one thing he had learned working with her for the past three years and a half, it was that she needed time alone to calm down. He would try later.
She stumbled out the door, slamming it behind her. She hurried over to her own trailer, letting the tears flow freely. She couldn't believe she had let it get to this. She was supposed to be happily married. Well, that was what she made everybody believe. The truth was completely different.
She spent the rest of the weekend at her house. James had tried to call her several times, so had Michael, but she had the sound off. James was even at the door, but she pretended not to be there. She didn't want to talk to him. Five more days of work and it was break. It was going to be hard, but she was an actress, she could do it, she had to do it. She just needed some distance.
Monday morning came around and she was there early. She had called the pick-up van and said she would take her own car that morning. She didn't want to ride with James. It was usually the two of them in the same van when they had to be on set at the same time. They were still filming episode 13. Lucky for her, she didn’t have any long scene with James today. They had a couple of group scenes, but that was it. Knowing she was early she headed to make-up right away, wanting to make sure she wouldn't be in her trailer when he got there.
He headed to her trailer as soon as he got to the set. He had gotten worried when they didn’t pass by her house that morning. The van driver had told him she had taken her own car. Her trailer was locked and he knew she wasn’t in there. He looked for her as long as he could, but he had to get ready. He had several scenes with Chad and Hilarie that morning. He didn’t have anything with her until that afternoon. He had to try and get a hold of her during lunch.
Avoiding someone on set was easy, especially since she was shooting second unit today. Michael had tried to call her a few times and she knew she had to talk to him. She would deal with that later. As soon as they stopped shooting for lunch she was out of there. There was no way she was hanging around; she was bound to run into him. She headed to Subway; it was the only thing she was in the mood for. She was standing in line waiting to order when she heard a familiar voice behind her.
“Order one for me as well please? You know what I like”
She turned around, not surprised that he had found her. Maybe she had subconsciously gone there because she knew he would find her there. It was their thing; whenever they were out on show related events they would always get food at Subway. It still didn’t mean she was ready to talk to him. She turned to look at him.
“Please James, not now. Just not now.”
“I need to talk to you Joy.”
“Well, right now I don’t want to talk to you. Please respect that.”
“When then?”
“Next Year?” She could always hope.
“Joy...” She could hear the frustration in his voice.
“We’ll talk, just not now James. Please.”
She looked at him and he knew that she meant it. With one last look he got up and left. He reached the door, turned and looked at her. At the same time she turned as well. He gave her a careful smile and she gave him one in return. It gave him hope; hope that he hadn’t totally screwed everything up.
Back at the set they were shooting a group scene in Nathan and Haley's apartment. It was the core five and it was an upbeat scene. They had a few rehearsals before they started shooting. They did long shots first which meant they all had to be on cue for their part. Between takes they would joke around to keep the mood up even if it was getting late.
Joy kept quiet. She didn't joke around; she didn't hum or sing like she usually did. James kept looking at her, wanting her to look at him, wanting her to talk to him. The others noticed. They didn't say anything, but they noticed. They finished the long shots and went to close-ups and two-shots. Everyone had to stay, even if they weren't all in the scene. Joy was not giving her all, her mind was elsewhere.
The director was watching Joy. She had been out of it all evening. But he knew he wasn't going to get more out of her, if they needed to they could re-shoot her cover another day.
"Joy, come here a sec." She didn't respond.
"Joy." James had walked over and nudged her shoulder.
"What? Not now." When she realized who it was.
He just pointed to the director.
"Oh." She walked over to him.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry I'm a little spaced out"
"I want you to go home and get ready for tomorrow. I really need you to give me 100% tomorrow."
"Am I done for tonight? What about cover?"
"We'll manage. It's not like it matters anyway, you are not really there even if you are there."
"Oh, okay."
"Joy, there is nothing wrong. I can just see that you can't focus and I really need you 100% tomorrow."
"I'm sorry. I promise that I'll be there all the way tomorrow."
"Good, now go home."
"Thanks." She gave him a hug and headed to her trailer.
James saw her leaving and started to follow her.
"James, get back here."
"I'll only be a second. I'll be right back."
"James."
He turned around and walked back on the set. Why did she leave? He really needed to talk to her.
Watching James trying to stalk after her confirmed his suspicion and confirmed that sending her home was a good idea. Something had happen between them, and by the look of it, it wasn't a good thing. He only hoped that she would come back with her head in the game tomorrow.
The others had also seen the scene that had unfolded. Something had changed, something had happened. Whatever it was, they would find out soon enough.
Two hours later and they finally wrapped. He hurried to his trailer to get some things before heading out of there. He knew Joy was long gone but he would try and talk to her tomorrow. Maybe he could stop by her house on the way home. He then realized he was taking the van with Chad and Hilarie. If he asked the driver to stop by her house it would look too suspicious. Not like they weren't suspicious enough already.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Finally back home she took a long bath in order to try and relax. She finally returned Michael's call, and they had a nice talk. Things were working out for the best. Finally in her favorite PJ's, all nice and relaxed she took a look at next day's script. She hadn’t gotten around to it earlier. Reading through it, she saw that she didn't have any scenes with James. Then she reached the last page and her heart dropped.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. NATHAN AND HALEY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
HALEY is sitting on the couch. The apartment is dark. You hear someone knocking on the door. She doesn't move.
NATHAN
Haley, please open up, I know you are in there. Baby, look.
I'm sorry. Please let me in and we can talk about it.
HALEY doesn't move.
CUT TO:
INT. NATHAN AND HALEY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Shot of the balcony door where you can see NATHAN looking in, SOAKED.
NATHAN
Baby, please let me in. We need to talk about this.
HALEY finally moves to open the door after a little while. She does not let him in.
CUT TO:
EXT. BALCONY OF NATHAN AND HALEY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - RAINING
HALEY is standing in the door opening.
NATHAN
Haley, please listen. I didn't know what was going to
happen, I only wanted to do the right thing for us.
You gotta believe me. Please. I didn't lie to you on
purpose. I was just trying to protect you. I didn't
want you to worry. And I was going to tell you
anyway. I tried to tell you just before the accident.
I just wanted to make things right, for you and
the baby. I know that was a mistake, and I'm
so, so sorry.
HALEY walks out into the rain, not noticing getting wet. She starts phasing back and forth, frustrated and yelling at NATHAN.
HALEY
Nathan, how could you do something so stupid?
And not only that, how could you keep something
like this from me. This is a marriage, we are supposed
to share everything. Talk about things, make decisions
together. Not go and do something as idiotic as that.
NATHAN
Haley, I'm so...
HALEY
I don't want to hear that you are sorry. I know you are,
but right now that is not helping. You need to start thinking
before you go and do things. You no longer only have yourself
to think about. Soon we are going to have a baby here, another
human being that depends on us for everything. If you can't
take care of yourself and me, how are you going to take care
of a baby Nathan.
NATHAN stops her ranting mid sentance by kissing her.
FADE OUT:
This was not good. No wonder he had sent her home, he knew what was coming. How could she have not read this earlier? Not that it would have mattered; she would still have to shoot it. She wondered it James had read it. James... She had to stop thinking about him. Reading over her lines a few more times and thinking about how she might want to do them she finally switched off the light at midnight. Sleep was nowhere to be seen.
"Knock, knock, knock."
Who was knocking on his door before 6:30am? He had just fallen a sleep, who could be at his door at this hour? He grabbed his cell phone which he noticed had run out of battery during the night.
"Knock, knock, knock."
Whoever it was he was not going up. He went into the bathroom, looking for his wrist watch and a sweater to put on.
"Knock, knock, knock."
"Hold on, I'm coming."
Finally finding his watch he took a look at the time. 7:37am
Shit!
Running down to the door he opened it and realized his watched was right.
"Come on James, we are going to be late." Chad looked at him.
"Rough night?"
James just nodded. If only it had been something interesting that had kept him up and not the fact that he couldn't fall a sleep. He ran inside, grabbed his things and his script before heading out the door. He would have to take a shower in his trailer.
"So, what is going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play stupid."
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
"I have to spell it out for you?"
"Looks like it." He was so not in the mood.
"You and Joy not talking, you oversleep, need me to go on?"
"It's nothing."
"Doesn't look like nothing to me."
"Just leave it."
"What did you do?"
"Why do you automatically assume that I did something?"
"Ha, so something did happen?"
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to. So, are you going to tell me?"
"It's none of your business, Chad."
He grabbed his script and flipped through it, hoping Chad would leave him alone. Stopping at the last page he read over the scene again.
This was so not his day.
She had managed to stay away from him all morning, but she knew they would be filming the dreaded scene after lunch. She had gone over her lines a few times and felt like she knew them. Knowing herself, she knew they would not end up like that in the final scene that aired, but that was beside the point.
There was a knock on her door.
“Come in.”
“You ready for hair and make-up?”
“I’ll be right there.”
These days make-up and wardrobe took a little longer as she had to add the belly each time. Most of the times she just had a padded version which she pulled over her head and fasten in the back, but sometimes she had the one that looked like the real thing.
After she was done with hair and face make-up she headed to wardrobe to see what they had picked out for her. When she got there she didn’t see the padded belly anywhere.
“Where is the padded belly?” She asked on of the wardrobe people.
“The notes we got says you are using the other one in this scene”
Crap. That meant skimpy clothes. Walking over to her part of the wardrobe trailer she saw that she was right. Put out for her was a short white summer dress with spaghetti straps and Capri leggings. Great. She got changed and went back to make-up so they could put the other belly on.
Finally finished she went to the set where she found the director. They talked while they waited for James. He wanted to know if everything was okay and if she was ready to give him 100%. She wasn’t, but she told him she was. James walked on set with a bathrobe on. That only meant one thing. Carp.
They rehearsed the scene a few times for blocking and lines, never going over the end. They usually never did rehearse the kissing. It was awkward enough as it was shooting it. They shot her scenes inside the apartment first. After a few takes the director was happy and they moved to the balcony scene.
Everything was ready and James got rid of the bathrobe. Under it he only had a pair of basketball shorts. They sprayed him down with water, making his hair and chest wet. She had to admit, he looked hot, really hot. They started the rain and the director yelled action.
She walked out in the rain and started her lines.
"Cut. Joy, start from the top, you are still dry enough."
"Action."
They did it over and over but the director always yelled cut halfway into it. After the last take he called her over.
"What is going on? I thought you said you were going to give it 100%"
"I'm sorry, I just can't seem to find the right place."
"Ok, go and get dried up, have them dry your clothes and hair and we'll take it from the top."
She did as he said and thirty minutes later she was back. They got ready for the scene again but suddenly the director called her over.
"I know you are mad at James right now. I don't know why and I don't care, but use it. Use the anger you are feeling towards him in the scene."
She nodded in agreement and got ready.
"Action."
James watched her walk back and forth doing her lines. He could see the anger in her eyes. Even though the words were from the script he knew the anger was towards him. She was on fire, he knew this would be the take they would use in the episode. It was getting close to where he was going to cut her off.
He moved towards her, trapping her up against wall, making sure she couldn't get away from him. The action took her by surprise and she shut up, just staring at him. He dipped down and captured her lips. He felt her hands on his chest, trying to push him away, but he didn't budge. Deepening the kiss he felt her melt and kiss him back. She opened her mouth and he took the opportunity to taste her. Letting his tongue caress the inside of her mouth. At the same time taking her face between his hands.
This was a lot more than what was in the script. But she also knew that they had started to put as little as possible when it came to directions for the two of them. They usually let them play out the scene as it felt right for the two of them. And this felt right. No, not right, wrong. So wrong. She was about to break it off when she felt his hands start to move from her face and down her body. She was so wet and her clothes were clinging to her like a second layer.
He graced her breast with one of his hands before he moved down to her stomach. At least that was what she thought, she couldn’t feel it. The other hand which was off screen, made the same path but stopped at her breast. He cupped it. What the hell was he doing? She couldn’t believe what she was feeling. Her brain was telling her that this was wrong, but her body betrayed her as he started to knead her breast. His mouth left hers and moved down to her neck. A moan escaped her lips as he found the spot right behind her ear which he knew always got to her.
Her hands moved up to his chest. Her brain was telling her to push him away, but all she could do was letting her hand roam all over him. No matter how mad she was at him, she couldn't deny that his body was hot. Those arms and that chest made her mouth water, or maybe it was just the still falling rain. It didn't matter. She loved the feeling of his skin under her fingertips.
He continued to message her breast. He knew it was wrong, but it felt so right. He couldn't help himself. She looked so hot, all wet and her dress see-through. Her moans were turning him on big time and he knew she felt it. He didn't care. He wanted her and right now this was the only way he could have her, even if it was mean of him to take advantage of the situation. He knew she wouldn't break the scene; she was too professional for that. And right now he didn't really think she wanted to either.
The rain was still pouring down on them, making them slippery. He cradled her head and placed the other arm behind her back before he slowly lowered them to the ground, his mouth never leaving hers. Once they were both laying on the ground he deepened the kiss one last time before pulling back and looking into her eyes.
"I'm sorry." And she believed him.
"And cut. That was amazing, you guys. Let's call it a wrap, you two are done for today."
And the magic was gone. Getting up from the ground she realized what had just happen. That he had taken advantage of the situation and that pissed her off. She grabbed a bathrobe that one of the assistants offered and got out of there.
"Joy, wait up. I need to talk to you."
"Not now James, you do not want to talk to me now."
"We have to talk, Joy."
He caught up with her and grabbed her arm to get her to stop. She spun around and faced him.
"Stay the hell away from me."
She shoved him as hard as she could and he fell backwards. Giving him one last glare as he was sitting on the ground looking up at her, she stalked out of there.
~*~*~*~*~*~
It was the night before the final day of shooting and the cast had decided to go out and grab a beer together. It was something they hadn't done in a long time, just hang out together. Several things had been strange for a long time. Chad and Sophia, Joy and the rest of them. But tonight it was going to be like the old days, all of them just hanging out. He still hadn't talked to her. Every time he had tried she had managed to get out of it. Tonight he decided she didn't have a choice, she had to talk to him.
They had decided to go to a bar they usually didn't go to. The people in town were nice. They left them alone, didn't care if they were TV stars or not. A lot of people in town didn't even watch the show from what they could tell. They had been there for a while, talking among each other. Joy had excused herself earlier to go to the restroom. He looked at his watch and noticed that she had been a while. He went to go look for her.
As he approached the bar he saw her. She was talking to someone. Walking closer he saw that it was a guy he didn't know. They were laughing and the guy was obviously flirting with her. He felt the rage in him rise. Debating what to do, he finally walked over, standing directly behind her. He put his hand on the counter before he leaned in and whispered into her ear, but still loud enough so the guy could hear him.
"Can we talk?"
The guy looked between them, down at Joy's hands and then over on the counter where James had his hand.
"I'm sorry man; I didn't know she was your wife."
"He is n..."
"She is n..."
They said it at the same time, but the guy was already gone.
"What the hell James? What was that all about?"
She grabbed his hand and looked at it. She looked up at him again, rage and confusion in her eyes.
"You still have the ring on. You still have Nathan's wedding ring on. Why?"
He didn't know what to say. He had forgotten to take it off. It wasn't the first time. He was so used to have it on. It was on his finger twelve hours a day. Sometimes he would look down at his hand, missing the feel of the ring. In the beginning it had been strange. He kept fiddling with it, not used to having it on, but not he was so used to it his hand felt naked without it. He looked up at her, just as confused as she was. He saw her get down from the bar stool; give him one last look before she left the bar. All he could do was watch her leave.
The following day they didn't get a chance to talk either. Looked like she was getting her wish of not talking to him until the next year after all.
~*~*~*~*~*~
He was going crazy at home. Everyone was getting on his nerves. He knew why. He had tried to call her several times, but each time getting her voice mail. He considered leaving a message, but he knew it would lead to nothing. He needed to see her. She had promised him that they would talk before they went on break, but it hadn’t happen. He knew that if he stayed at home he was going to drive everyone crazy, so he decided to take his brother with him to Wilmington. At least there he was closer to the memories, all the pictures, all the things that reminded him of her.
It was the second day in Wilmington. Even thought it was better than staying in Hemet, he was still climbing the walls. He told his brother he was heading out for a drive and that he would be back later. He didn’t need to wait up. He had no idea where he was going, but he needed to get out of there.
He was driving aimlessly around the town. He liked living here. Even thought he was far away from his family and he missed them a lot, it was still his first home and he liked it. It looked a lot better now that he had gotten some furniture’s and everything was in order. Much thanks to Joy. She had helped him pick out things. They had a lot of fun looking. He missed those days. Everything changed once she started dating Michael. He didn’t like the guy from day one. He was sure he was a nice guy, but there was just something about him.
Joy had slowly started to change. In the beginning it was hardly noticeable, but once she got married you could tell. She withdrew from the cast, stopped hanging out, and lost some of her spontaneity and her spirit. It hit a high point just before the summer. As soon as they wrapped she was out of there. She didn’t say bye to anyone, including him. He was hurt. He thought their friendship was important, apparently not as much as he thought. They didn’t hear anything from her all summer.
Then suddenly a week before they started shooting after the summer break she was back. And some things had changed. It was like the past ten months never happened. Almost. She was almost back to her usual self. She would hang out more with the rest of the cast; they had fun and did more things together. The two of them didn’t hang out that much to begin with, she would be with Michael, but even he stopped coming to the set that much.
In the past they had been hanging out a lot more, it was beginning to be like it used to. Then he went and ruined it all at the Christmas party. He looked up, realizing that he had stopped the truck. He hadn’t known where he was driving, it was a wonder he hadn’t been in any accidents. Looking out the window he knew where he was. Just as he was about to start the truck again he saw that there was a light in the window. Why would there be a light in the window?
He got out of the truck and walked up to the window to see if he could see anything. The blinds were down, but there was definitely light in there. He walked over to the door, contemplating what to do. She was supposed to be in Washington, and if she was there, then who was here? He was about to knock, but changed his mind, heading back to the truck. Before he reached it he changed his mind again and headed back to the door. He stood there for five minutes before he finally knocked.
At first he didn’t hear anything and was about to leave when someone finally opened the door.
“James… What are you doing here?”
He just stood there, not knowing what to say. She looked so fragile and all he wanted to do was taking her in his arms and hug her. She looked drained, dark circles under her eyes. Something was up.
“I saw the light in the window and was wondering who was here? Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Washington?”
She just looked at him for a minute before she opened the door, indicating that he should enter. She walked into the living room without saying anything. He walked after her and as he sat down at the opposite corner of her in the loveseat, he noticed some official looking papers on the table.
He finally had the chance to talk to her. He had to just say it, not letting her interrupt him, just get it out there.
“Joy, about the Christmas Party, I’m really sorry about what happen. The thing is, I wanted you so bad, and I have for a long time. But I know that you are married. And I knew that if we went through with it you would hate and resent me. And I didn’t want that. I value our friendship so much and I don’t want to loose that. I’m really sorry that I did what I did, I shouldn’t have. But you looked so hot in that dress and that kiss at the party just left me craving for more. I’ll never let it happen again and I really hope that we can continue to be friends. I don’t want to loose you Joy.”
He stopped, realizing that he was rambling and saying things he shouldn’t.
He just looked at her, waiting for her to say something. A million thoughts were going through his head. Would she be mad? Would she forgive him? Understand? And also why was she here? Where was Michael? What were those papers? They must have been sitting there for almost ten minutes before she finally said something.
“I’m no longer married.” She hasn’t looked at him yet.
He just looked at her, didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t even sure if he had heard her right. She looked up and the confusion must have been written on his face, because she continued.
“Those are the annulment papers, it became official today. We have been separated for the past 3 months.”
“Joy?”
“I know.”
He didn’t know what to say. He, like everyone else thought everything was perfect. That was what she had told them all along. Granted they hadn’t seen Michael in a while, but he had been there. And he was supposed to be there for the Christmas Party, but had canceled at the last minute. He had heard them on the phone, they had argued.
“Everything was fine to begin with. I loved being married to Michael. Then he started becoming more and more demanding, telling me what I could and could not do. He didn’t like that I spent time with others. I just started feeling that I couldn’t be myself anymore. Over the summer, when I lost the record deal I kind of fell apart, I wanted it so much. Michael wasn’t supportive, he said it didn’t matter. As long as he had his music I should be happy for him. It was like he didn’t knew me anymore, like he never knew me at all.”
Tears were running down her cheeks now. He wanted to comfort her so much, but he sensed that it was best to leave her alone, let her finish. Her hand was on the couch and he took it, giving her a reassuring squeeze, encouraging her to go on.
“Looking back, I see now that it happened to fast, it was a mistake, and we should have waited. But we were in love, at least I thought so, and we wanted to be together. It was like a fairytale, and the wedding was so amazing. I wish you could have been there. I don’t think I ever truly loved him, but I loved the idea of being married to him, spending the rest of my life with him. I care about him a lot, and I still do, always will, but it was never true love.”
She paused. Looking at him she could see that he was in shock. She had been keeping everything in for so long, pretending everything was picture perfect when it wasn’t. It felt good to finally tell someone, and she was glad it was James.
“At the end of the summer I told him we needed a little break, I just needed some time to think. So when I came back to work, I put all my focus into that. It felt great, just spending time on work, music, being with friends. I missed my friends... I missed you, I missed our friendship."
She looked at him, trying to sense what he was thinking. She hated that she had lied to him, that she had cut him off the way she did. She had missed talking to him, hanging with him, just having him around.
"At the beginning of October, Michael and I had a long talk and I told him that I wanted out, that it wasn't fair to either of us to stay in the marriage. He didn't agree at first, but slowly he realized that it wouldn't work. We filled for annulment the week after and today I got the annulment papers. So I'm no longer married. According to the state of Washington, I have never been married at all."
Never been married... Not married anymore. This was what he wanted; now he could finally have a chance. This news was supposed to make him happy, but it didn't, it made him feel sad. Sad that it had come to this. All he wanted was for her to be happy, and if that meant for her to be happy with Michael, he was okay with that. But now she wasn't happy anymore. She didn't look happy.
"Say something James."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"I know, but I know you. And I know how sacred marriage is to you. You get married, you get married for life. That is what you always told me."
"I know, and I still believe that, I do. But I realized that if being married means sacrifice who you are and your own happiness, then it's not worth it. And that is what happened."
They sat there in silence for a while, neither looking at each other. Suddenly he heard a silent sob and turned to look at her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and she looked so lost. He moved closer to her and took her in his arms, just holding her. As soon as he did that she broke down and just cried.
She hadn't cried until now. It was like it wasn't true. But seeing the papers and talking about it with James it was all crashing in on her. When he had taken her in his arms she couldn't hold back anymore. She just let it all go and cried. She cried for the marriage that wasn't there anymore, for the people she had disappointed, for disappointing herself. She just let it all out.
Part B
Author: see_see
Rating: Adult
Word Count: ~10,560
Characters: James/Joy
Spoilers: None really
Summary: What happen after the Christmas Party, and what will happen on New Years Eve?
Disclaimer: None of these people belong to me. This story is fiction and fiction only. It is not mean to hurt anyone, just for our enjoyment.
A/N:First I have to say that I'm so sorry that this has taken so long. I never meant for it to, but it did. But it's finally done and here it is.
I would like to thank my stand in beta, Berry berrymcgregor thank you so much for doing this hun.
I would also like to thank my usual beta Andrea deea347 for all her help during the time it has taken to write this.
When I started this story I didn't know about the sex tape storyline so there might be some things that doesn't fit, but this is fiction and I have taken liberties. There is a part of the story that might offend some, I'm sorry if it does. I don't mean to. Remember, this is fiction.
I hope you like it, and leave me a not and tell me what you think :D
I'm so sorry, but because the fic is too long, it is split in two posts. The link to the second part is at the end of the fic.
The New Years Eve Party
“I want you, James. I need you. Make love to me.”
Suddenly his actions stopped. She looked up at him, trying to read what was going on in his head. He rolled off her and without looking at her he said.
“I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
She didn’t know if she heard him right. Here she was, willing to finally sleep with him and he was rejecting her. Tears formed in her eyes. She hurriedly got of the bed and found her dress. She put it on as fast as she could. With one last look at him she left, slamming the door behind her.
She remembered her mistake… She was still happily married. Happily. Right.
~*~*~*~*~*~
He closed his eyes as the door slamed shut. What had he done? This was what he wanted, and then he just rejected it. Let it walk out the door. He was never going to get a chance like that again. He couldn’t believe what he had done. He thought about running after her, explain, but he knew it wouldn’t work. If there was one thing he had learned working with her for the past three years and a half, it was that she needed time alone to calm down. He would try later.
She stumbled out the door, slamming it behind her. She hurried over to her own trailer, letting the tears flow freely. She couldn't believe she had let it get to this. She was supposed to be happily married. Well, that was what she made everybody believe. The truth was completely different.
She spent the rest of the weekend at her house. James had tried to call her several times, so had Michael, but she had the sound off. James was even at the door, but she pretended not to be there. She didn't want to talk to him. Five more days of work and it was break. It was going to be hard, but she was an actress, she could do it, she had to do it. She just needed some distance.
Monday morning came around and she was there early. She had called the pick-up van and said she would take her own car that morning. She didn't want to ride with James. It was usually the two of them in the same van when they had to be on set at the same time. They were still filming episode 13. Lucky for her, she didn’t have any long scene with James today. They had a couple of group scenes, but that was it. Knowing she was early she headed to make-up right away, wanting to make sure she wouldn't be in her trailer when he got there.
He headed to her trailer as soon as he got to the set. He had gotten worried when they didn’t pass by her house that morning. The van driver had told him she had taken her own car. Her trailer was locked and he knew she wasn’t in there. He looked for her as long as he could, but he had to get ready. He had several scenes with Chad and Hilarie that morning. He didn’t have anything with her until that afternoon. He had to try and get a hold of her during lunch.
Avoiding someone on set was easy, especially since she was shooting second unit today. Michael had tried to call her a few times and she knew she had to talk to him. She would deal with that later. As soon as they stopped shooting for lunch she was out of there. There was no way she was hanging around; she was bound to run into him. She headed to Subway; it was the only thing she was in the mood for. She was standing in line waiting to order when she heard a familiar voice behind her.
“Order one for me as well please? You know what I like”
She turned around, not surprised that he had found her. Maybe she had subconsciously gone there because she knew he would find her there. It was their thing; whenever they were out on show related events they would always get food at Subway. It still didn’t mean she was ready to talk to him. She turned to look at him.
“Please James, not now. Just not now.”
“I need to talk to you Joy.”
“Well, right now I don’t want to talk to you. Please respect that.”
“When then?”
“Next Year?” She could always hope.
“Joy...” She could hear the frustration in his voice.
“We’ll talk, just not now James. Please.”
She looked at him and he knew that she meant it. With one last look he got up and left. He reached the door, turned and looked at her. At the same time she turned as well. He gave her a careful smile and she gave him one in return. It gave him hope; hope that he hadn’t totally screwed everything up.
Back at the set they were shooting a group scene in Nathan and Haley's apartment. It was the core five and it was an upbeat scene. They had a few rehearsals before they started shooting. They did long shots first which meant they all had to be on cue for their part. Between takes they would joke around to keep the mood up even if it was getting late.
Joy kept quiet. She didn't joke around; she didn't hum or sing like she usually did. James kept looking at her, wanting her to look at him, wanting her to talk to him. The others noticed. They didn't say anything, but they noticed. They finished the long shots and went to close-ups and two-shots. Everyone had to stay, even if they weren't all in the scene. Joy was not giving her all, her mind was elsewhere.
The director was watching Joy. She had been out of it all evening. But he knew he wasn't going to get more out of her, if they needed to they could re-shoot her cover another day.
"Joy, come here a sec." She didn't respond.
"Joy." James had walked over and nudged her shoulder.
"What? Not now." When she realized who it was.
He just pointed to the director.
"Oh." She walked over to him.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry I'm a little spaced out"
"I want you to go home and get ready for tomorrow. I really need you to give me 100% tomorrow."
"Am I done for tonight? What about cover?"
"We'll manage. It's not like it matters anyway, you are not really there even if you are there."
"Oh, okay."
"Joy, there is nothing wrong. I can just see that you can't focus and I really need you 100% tomorrow."
"I'm sorry. I promise that I'll be there all the way tomorrow."
"Good, now go home."
"Thanks." She gave him a hug and headed to her trailer.
James saw her leaving and started to follow her.
"James, get back here."
"I'll only be a second. I'll be right back."
"James."
He turned around and walked back on the set. Why did she leave? He really needed to talk to her.
Watching James trying to stalk after her confirmed his suspicion and confirmed that sending her home was a good idea. Something had happen between them, and by the look of it, it wasn't a good thing. He only hoped that she would come back with her head in the game tomorrow.
The others had also seen the scene that had unfolded. Something had changed, something had happened. Whatever it was, they would find out soon enough.
Two hours later and they finally wrapped. He hurried to his trailer to get some things before heading out of there. He knew Joy was long gone but he would try and talk to her tomorrow. Maybe he could stop by her house on the way home. He then realized he was taking the van with Chad and Hilarie. If he asked the driver to stop by her house it would look too suspicious. Not like they weren't suspicious enough already.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Finally back home she took a long bath in order to try and relax. She finally returned Michael's call, and they had a nice talk. Things were working out for the best. Finally in her favorite PJ's, all nice and relaxed she took a look at next day's script. She hadn’t gotten around to it earlier. Reading through it, she saw that she didn't have any scenes with James. Then she reached the last page and her heart dropped.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. NATHAN AND HALEY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
HALEY is sitting on the couch. The apartment is dark. You hear someone knocking on the door. She doesn't move.
NATHAN
Haley, please open up, I know you are in there. Baby, look.
I'm sorry. Please let me in and we can talk about it.
HALEY doesn't move.
CUT TO:
INT. NATHAN AND HALEY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Shot of the balcony door where you can see NATHAN looking in, SOAKED.
NATHAN
Baby, please let me in. We need to talk about this.
HALEY finally moves to open the door after a little while. She does not let him in.
CUT TO:
EXT. BALCONY OF NATHAN AND HALEY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - RAINING
HALEY is standing in the door opening.
NATHAN
Haley, please listen. I didn't know what was going to
happen, I only wanted to do the right thing for us.
You gotta believe me. Please. I didn't lie to you on
purpose. I was just trying to protect you. I didn't
want you to worry. And I was going to tell you
anyway. I tried to tell you just before the accident.
I just wanted to make things right, for you and
the baby. I know that was a mistake, and I'm
so, so sorry.
HALEY walks out into the rain, not noticing getting wet. She starts phasing back and forth, frustrated and yelling at NATHAN.
HALEY
Nathan, how could you do something so stupid?
And not only that, how could you keep something
like this from me. This is a marriage, we are supposed
to share everything. Talk about things, make decisions
together. Not go and do something as idiotic as that.
NATHAN
Haley, I'm so...
HALEY
I don't want to hear that you are sorry. I know you are,
but right now that is not helping. You need to start thinking
before you go and do things. You no longer only have yourself
to think about. Soon we are going to have a baby here, another
human being that depends on us for everything. If you can't
take care of yourself and me, how are you going to take care
of a baby Nathan.
NATHAN stops her ranting mid sentance by kissing her.
FADE OUT:
This was not good. No wonder he had sent her home, he knew what was coming. How could she have not read this earlier? Not that it would have mattered; she would still have to shoot it. She wondered it James had read it. James... She had to stop thinking about him. Reading over her lines a few more times and thinking about how she might want to do them she finally switched off the light at midnight. Sleep was nowhere to be seen.
"Knock, knock, knock."
Who was knocking on his door before 6:30am? He had just fallen a sleep, who could be at his door at this hour? He grabbed his cell phone which he noticed had run out of battery during the night.
"Knock, knock, knock."
Whoever it was he was not going up. He went into the bathroom, looking for his wrist watch and a sweater to put on.
"Knock, knock, knock."
"Hold on, I'm coming."
Finally finding his watch he took a look at the time. 7:37am
Shit!
Running down to the door he opened it and realized his watched was right.
"Come on James, we are going to be late." Chad looked at him.
"Rough night?"
James just nodded. If only it had been something interesting that had kept him up and not the fact that he couldn't fall a sleep. He ran inside, grabbed his things and his script before heading out the door. He would have to take a shower in his trailer.
"So, what is going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play stupid."
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
"I have to spell it out for you?"
"Looks like it." He was so not in the mood.
"You and Joy not talking, you oversleep, need me to go on?"
"It's nothing."
"Doesn't look like nothing to me."
"Just leave it."
"What did you do?"
"Why do you automatically assume that I did something?"
"Ha, so something did happen?"
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to. So, are you going to tell me?"
"It's none of your business, Chad."
He grabbed his script and flipped through it, hoping Chad would leave him alone. Stopping at the last page he read over the scene again.
This was so not his day.
She had managed to stay away from him all morning, but she knew they would be filming the dreaded scene after lunch. She had gone over her lines a few times and felt like she knew them. Knowing herself, she knew they would not end up like that in the final scene that aired, but that was beside the point.
There was a knock on her door.
“Come in.”
“You ready for hair and make-up?”
“I’ll be right there.”
These days make-up and wardrobe took a little longer as she had to add the belly each time. Most of the times she just had a padded version which she pulled over her head and fasten in the back, but sometimes she had the one that looked like the real thing.
After she was done with hair and face make-up she headed to wardrobe to see what they had picked out for her. When she got there she didn’t see the padded belly anywhere.
“Where is the padded belly?” She asked on of the wardrobe people.
“The notes we got says you are using the other one in this scene”
Crap. That meant skimpy clothes. Walking over to her part of the wardrobe trailer she saw that she was right. Put out for her was a short white summer dress with spaghetti straps and Capri leggings. Great. She got changed and went back to make-up so they could put the other belly on.
Finally finished she went to the set where she found the director. They talked while they waited for James. He wanted to know if everything was okay and if she was ready to give him 100%. She wasn’t, but she told him she was. James walked on set with a bathrobe on. That only meant one thing. Carp.
They rehearsed the scene a few times for blocking and lines, never going over the end. They usually never did rehearse the kissing. It was awkward enough as it was shooting it. They shot her scenes inside the apartment first. After a few takes the director was happy and they moved to the balcony scene.
Everything was ready and James got rid of the bathrobe. Under it he only had a pair of basketball shorts. They sprayed him down with water, making his hair and chest wet. She had to admit, he looked hot, really hot. They started the rain and the director yelled action.
She walked out in the rain and started her lines.
"Cut. Joy, start from the top, you are still dry enough."
"Action."
They did it over and over but the director always yelled cut halfway into it. After the last take he called her over.
"What is going on? I thought you said you were going to give it 100%"
"I'm sorry, I just can't seem to find the right place."
"Ok, go and get dried up, have them dry your clothes and hair and we'll take it from the top."
She did as he said and thirty minutes later she was back. They got ready for the scene again but suddenly the director called her over.
"I know you are mad at James right now. I don't know why and I don't care, but use it. Use the anger you are feeling towards him in the scene."
She nodded in agreement and got ready.
"Action."
James watched her walk back and forth doing her lines. He could see the anger in her eyes. Even though the words were from the script he knew the anger was towards him. She was on fire, he knew this would be the take they would use in the episode. It was getting close to where he was going to cut her off.
He moved towards her, trapping her up against wall, making sure she couldn't get away from him. The action took her by surprise and she shut up, just staring at him. He dipped down and captured her lips. He felt her hands on his chest, trying to push him away, but he didn't budge. Deepening the kiss he felt her melt and kiss him back. She opened her mouth and he took the opportunity to taste her. Letting his tongue caress the inside of her mouth. At the same time taking her face between his hands.
This was a lot more than what was in the script. But she also knew that they had started to put as little as possible when it came to directions for the two of them. They usually let them play out the scene as it felt right for the two of them. And this felt right. No, not right, wrong. So wrong. She was about to break it off when she felt his hands start to move from her face and down her body. She was so wet and her clothes were clinging to her like a second layer.
He graced her breast with one of his hands before he moved down to her stomach. At least that was what she thought, she couldn’t feel it. The other hand which was off screen, made the same path but stopped at her breast. He cupped it. What the hell was he doing? She couldn’t believe what she was feeling. Her brain was telling her that this was wrong, but her body betrayed her as he started to knead her breast. His mouth left hers and moved down to her neck. A moan escaped her lips as he found the spot right behind her ear which he knew always got to her.
Her hands moved up to his chest. Her brain was telling her to push him away, but all she could do was letting her hand roam all over him. No matter how mad she was at him, she couldn't deny that his body was hot. Those arms and that chest made her mouth water, or maybe it was just the still falling rain. It didn't matter. She loved the feeling of his skin under her fingertips.
He continued to message her breast. He knew it was wrong, but it felt so right. He couldn't help himself. She looked so hot, all wet and her dress see-through. Her moans were turning him on big time and he knew she felt it. He didn't care. He wanted her and right now this was the only way he could have her, even if it was mean of him to take advantage of the situation. He knew she wouldn't break the scene; she was too professional for that. And right now he didn't really think she wanted to either.
The rain was still pouring down on them, making them slippery. He cradled her head and placed the other arm behind her back before he slowly lowered them to the ground, his mouth never leaving hers. Once they were both laying on the ground he deepened the kiss one last time before pulling back and looking into her eyes.
"I'm sorry." And she believed him.
"And cut. That was amazing, you guys. Let's call it a wrap, you two are done for today."
And the magic was gone. Getting up from the ground she realized what had just happen. That he had taken advantage of the situation and that pissed her off. She grabbed a bathrobe that one of the assistants offered and got out of there.
"Joy, wait up. I need to talk to you."
"Not now James, you do not want to talk to me now."
"We have to talk, Joy."
He caught up with her and grabbed her arm to get her to stop. She spun around and faced him.
"Stay the hell away from me."
She shoved him as hard as she could and he fell backwards. Giving him one last glare as he was sitting on the ground looking up at her, she stalked out of there.
~*~*~*~*~*~
It was the night before the final day of shooting and the cast had decided to go out and grab a beer together. It was something they hadn't done in a long time, just hang out together. Several things had been strange for a long time. Chad and Sophia, Joy and the rest of them. But tonight it was going to be like the old days, all of them just hanging out. He still hadn't talked to her. Every time he had tried she had managed to get out of it. Tonight he decided she didn't have a choice, she had to talk to him.
They had decided to go to a bar they usually didn't go to. The people in town were nice. They left them alone, didn't care if they were TV stars or not. A lot of people in town didn't even watch the show from what they could tell. They had been there for a while, talking among each other. Joy had excused herself earlier to go to the restroom. He looked at his watch and noticed that she had been a while. He went to go look for her.
As he approached the bar he saw her. She was talking to someone. Walking closer he saw that it was a guy he didn't know. They were laughing and the guy was obviously flirting with her. He felt the rage in him rise. Debating what to do, he finally walked over, standing directly behind her. He put his hand on the counter before he leaned in and whispered into her ear, but still loud enough so the guy could hear him.
"Can we talk?"
The guy looked between them, down at Joy's hands and then over on the counter where James had his hand.
"I'm sorry man; I didn't know she was your wife."
"He is n..."
"She is n..."
They said it at the same time, but the guy was already gone.
"What the hell James? What was that all about?"
She grabbed his hand and looked at it. She looked up at him again, rage and confusion in her eyes.
"You still have the ring on. You still have Nathan's wedding ring on. Why?"
He didn't know what to say. He had forgotten to take it off. It wasn't the first time. He was so used to have it on. It was on his finger twelve hours a day. Sometimes he would look down at his hand, missing the feel of the ring. In the beginning it had been strange. He kept fiddling with it, not used to having it on, but not he was so used to it his hand felt naked without it. He looked up at her, just as confused as she was. He saw her get down from the bar stool; give him one last look before she left the bar. All he could do was watch her leave.
The following day they didn't get a chance to talk either. Looked like she was getting her wish of not talking to him until the next year after all.
~*~*~*~*~*~
He was going crazy at home. Everyone was getting on his nerves. He knew why. He had tried to call her several times, but each time getting her voice mail. He considered leaving a message, but he knew it would lead to nothing. He needed to see her. She had promised him that they would talk before they went on break, but it hadn’t happen. He knew that if he stayed at home he was going to drive everyone crazy, so he decided to take his brother with him to Wilmington. At least there he was closer to the memories, all the pictures, all the things that reminded him of her.
It was the second day in Wilmington. Even thought it was better than staying in Hemet, he was still climbing the walls. He told his brother he was heading out for a drive and that he would be back later. He didn’t need to wait up. He had no idea where he was going, but he needed to get out of there.
He was driving aimlessly around the town. He liked living here. Even thought he was far away from his family and he missed them a lot, it was still his first home and he liked it. It looked a lot better now that he had gotten some furniture’s and everything was in order. Much thanks to Joy. She had helped him pick out things. They had a lot of fun looking. He missed those days. Everything changed once she started dating Michael. He didn’t like the guy from day one. He was sure he was a nice guy, but there was just something about him.
Joy had slowly started to change. In the beginning it was hardly noticeable, but once she got married you could tell. She withdrew from the cast, stopped hanging out, and lost some of her spontaneity and her spirit. It hit a high point just before the summer. As soon as they wrapped she was out of there. She didn’t say bye to anyone, including him. He was hurt. He thought their friendship was important, apparently not as much as he thought. They didn’t hear anything from her all summer.
Then suddenly a week before they started shooting after the summer break she was back. And some things had changed. It was like the past ten months never happened. Almost. She was almost back to her usual self. She would hang out more with the rest of the cast; they had fun and did more things together. The two of them didn’t hang out that much to begin with, she would be with Michael, but even he stopped coming to the set that much.
In the past they had been hanging out a lot more, it was beginning to be like it used to. Then he went and ruined it all at the Christmas party. He looked up, realizing that he had stopped the truck. He hadn’t known where he was driving, it was a wonder he hadn’t been in any accidents. Looking out the window he knew where he was. Just as he was about to start the truck again he saw that there was a light in the window. Why would there be a light in the window?
He got out of the truck and walked up to the window to see if he could see anything. The blinds were down, but there was definitely light in there. He walked over to the door, contemplating what to do. She was supposed to be in Washington, and if she was there, then who was here? He was about to knock, but changed his mind, heading back to the truck. Before he reached it he changed his mind again and headed back to the door. He stood there for five minutes before he finally knocked.
At first he didn’t hear anything and was about to leave when someone finally opened the door.
“James… What are you doing here?”
He just stood there, not knowing what to say. She looked so fragile and all he wanted to do was taking her in his arms and hug her. She looked drained, dark circles under her eyes. Something was up.
“I saw the light in the window and was wondering who was here? Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Washington?”
She just looked at him for a minute before she opened the door, indicating that he should enter. She walked into the living room without saying anything. He walked after her and as he sat down at the opposite corner of her in the loveseat, he noticed some official looking papers on the table.
He finally had the chance to talk to her. He had to just say it, not letting her interrupt him, just get it out there.
“Joy, about the Christmas Party, I’m really sorry about what happen. The thing is, I wanted you so bad, and I have for a long time. But I know that you are married. And I knew that if we went through with it you would hate and resent me. And I didn’t want that. I value our friendship so much and I don’t want to loose that. I’m really sorry that I did what I did, I shouldn’t have. But you looked so hot in that dress and that kiss at the party just left me craving for more. I’ll never let it happen again and I really hope that we can continue to be friends. I don’t want to loose you Joy.”
He stopped, realizing that he was rambling and saying things he shouldn’t.
He just looked at her, waiting for her to say something. A million thoughts were going through his head. Would she be mad? Would she forgive him? Understand? And also why was she here? Where was Michael? What were those papers? They must have been sitting there for almost ten minutes before she finally said something.
“I’m no longer married.” She hasn’t looked at him yet.
He just looked at her, didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t even sure if he had heard her right. She looked up and the confusion must have been written on his face, because she continued.
“Those are the annulment papers, it became official today. We have been separated for the past 3 months.”
“Joy?”
“I know.”
He didn’t know what to say. He, like everyone else thought everything was perfect. That was what she had told them all along. Granted they hadn’t seen Michael in a while, but he had been there. And he was supposed to be there for the Christmas Party, but had canceled at the last minute. He had heard them on the phone, they had argued.
“Everything was fine to begin with. I loved being married to Michael. Then he started becoming more and more demanding, telling me what I could and could not do. He didn’t like that I spent time with others. I just started feeling that I couldn’t be myself anymore. Over the summer, when I lost the record deal I kind of fell apart, I wanted it so much. Michael wasn’t supportive, he said it didn’t matter. As long as he had his music I should be happy for him. It was like he didn’t knew me anymore, like he never knew me at all.”
Tears were running down her cheeks now. He wanted to comfort her so much, but he sensed that it was best to leave her alone, let her finish. Her hand was on the couch and he took it, giving her a reassuring squeeze, encouraging her to go on.
“Looking back, I see now that it happened to fast, it was a mistake, and we should have waited. But we were in love, at least I thought so, and we wanted to be together. It was like a fairytale, and the wedding was so amazing. I wish you could have been there. I don’t think I ever truly loved him, but I loved the idea of being married to him, spending the rest of my life with him. I care about him a lot, and I still do, always will, but it was never true love.”
She paused. Looking at him she could see that he was in shock. She had been keeping everything in for so long, pretending everything was picture perfect when it wasn’t. It felt good to finally tell someone, and she was glad it was James.
“At the end of the summer I told him we needed a little break, I just needed some time to think. So when I came back to work, I put all my focus into that. It felt great, just spending time on work, music, being with friends. I missed my friends... I missed you, I missed our friendship."
She looked at him, trying to sense what he was thinking. She hated that she had lied to him, that she had cut him off the way she did. She had missed talking to him, hanging with him, just having him around.
"At the beginning of October, Michael and I had a long talk and I told him that I wanted out, that it wasn't fair to either of us to stay in the marriage. He didn't agree at first, but slowly he realized that it wouldn't work. We filled for annulment the week after and today I got the annulment papers. So I'm no longer married. According to the state of Washington, I have never been married at all."
Never been married... Not married anymore. This was what he wanted; now he could finally have a chance. This news was supposed to make him happy, but it didn't, it made him feel sad. Sad that it had come to this. All he wanted was for her to be happy, and if that meant for her to be happy with Michael, he was okay with that. But now she wasn't happy anymore. She didn't look happy.
"Say something James."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"I know, but I know you. And I know how sacred marriage is to you. You get married, you get married for life. That is what you always told me."
"I know, and I still believe that, I do. But I realized that if being married means sacrifice who you are and your own happiness, then it's not worth it. And that is what happened."
They sat there in silence for a while, neither looking at each other. Suddenly he heard a silent sob and turned to look at her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and she looked so lost. He moved closer to her and took her in his arms, just holding her. As soon as he did that she broke down and just cried.
She hadn't cried until now. It was like it wasn't true. But seeing the papers and talking about it with James it was all crashing in on her. When he had taken her in his arms she couldn't hold back anymore. She just let it all go and cried. She cried for the marriage that wasn't there anymore, for the people she had disappointed, for disappointing herself. She just let it all out.
Part B