somebody cut these strings
So I'm supposed to have everything under control. Be level-headed, have character, and have a good perception of who I am and where I want to go, what I want to do and see, who I want to become.
Well guess what- I'm nowhere near close to that. It's worlds away. I want to be that person so badly, it overwhelms me daily. I just want to make you happy... it isn't about me, it doesn't even seem like it's my life I'm living. All of this planning and aspiring to get somewhere in life is for you. I'm not sure that, if it weren't for you, I would have any motivation to do what I'm doing. And it really is beautiful, everything you want for me... but I'm dying inside and I don't know why. It's as if I'm a puppet, twisting this way and that to meet your needs. Someday, I'm going to break, rip, and fall apart at the seams. Unless I continue down this path of life as a shell, empty inside and not knowing why, with little reason for what I'm doing. Yes, it undoubtedly will get me somewhere, and maybe one day, I'll feel fulfilled and content with the life I'll have. Or maybe, by succumbing to your will constantly, I will never develop a voice or form opinions of my own and will lead a miserable life of subservience. God, I hope not.
Maybe I need a psychologist. Or is it normal for 16-year-olds to go through a phase of self-worthlessness, inadequacy, and incapability?
So I hear that stress is partly the reason I passed out twice last night. You don't know the stress was caused by all these problems. But maybe I don't either. Maybe it's the knowledge that I can't have him. I don't know anything anymore.
What I wouldn't give to be a freshman again, with few worries and love that was both given and reciprocated.
Well guess what- I'm nowhere near close to that. It's worlds away. I want to be that person so badly, it overwhelms me daily. I just want to make you happy... it isn't about me, it doesn't even seem like it's my life I'm living. All of this planning and aspiring to get somewhere in life is for you. I'm not sure that, if it weren't for you, I would have any motivation to do what I'm doing. And it really is beautiful, everything you want for me... but I'm dying inside and I don't know why. It's as if I'm a puppet, twisting this way and that to meet your needs. Someday, I'm going to break, rip, and fall apart at the seams. Unless I continue down this path of life as a shell, empty inside and not knowing why, with little reason for what I'm doing. Yes, it undoubtedly will get me somewhere, and maybe one day, I'll feel fulfilled and content with the life I'll have. Or maybe, by succumbing to your will constantly, I will never develop a voice or form opinions of my own and will lead a miserable life of subservience. God, I hope not.
Maybe I need a psychologist. Or is it normal for 16-year-olds to go through a phase of self-worthlessness, inadequacy, and incapability?
So I hear that stress is partly the reason I passed out twice last night. You don't know the stress was caused by all these problems. But maybe I don't either. Maybe it's the knowledge that I can't have him. I don't know anything anymore.
What I wouldn't give to be a freshman again, with few worries and love that was both given and reciprocated.