****
My mind is buzzing.
I'm not sure why. It just happens sometimes.
From zero to sixty in under ten seconds.
Or is it more like a small build-up,
a crescendo that goes unnoticed until it reaches its peak?
I'm yelling, I'm slamming,
I'm trying to hold my anger and frustration inside,
but it comes out in my scathing words.
Words designed to hurt and harm.
The bottled up emotions escape the only way they can,
through the small opening on my face that I open from time to time.
They overpower and overtake
any semblance of serenity and sanity I would try to convey.
Why am I not stronger? Why can't I control myself?
Why is it a choice between violent outbursts and psychiatric medicine?
Why can't I just be aware and control myself?
I tell myself I can, but then this demon sneaks through my defenses
when I least expect it, poisoning and infecting the drinking water of my soul.
I'm not sure why. It just happens sometimes.
From zero to sixty in under ten seconds.
Or is it more like a small build-up,
a crescendo that goes unnoticed until it reaches its peak?
I'm yelling, I'm slamming,
I'm trying to hold my anger and frustration inside,
but it comes out in my scathing words.
Words designed to hurt and harm.
The bottled up emotions escape the only way they can,
through the small opening on my face that I open from time to time.
They overpower and overtake
any semblance of serenity and sanity I would try to convey.
Why am I not stronger? Why can't I control myself?
Why is it a choice between violent outbursts and psychiatric medicine?
Why can't I just be aware and control myself?
I tell myself I can, but then this demon sneaks through my defenses
when I least expect it, poisoning and infecting the drinking water of my soul.