love stinks...yeah yeah...=P
So Aimee broke up with me, and I'm being, depending on the day, completely rational or completely irrational about it. Or sometimes both, depending on the TIME of day.
At this point, I think my main issue with the whole debacle is the fact that I don't have control over it. She broke up with me. My little corazón is the one que está roto, broken, all mangled and shit, and I didn't have a say in it. I sat there and pleaded and cried and let her cry and apologize to me, and, I'm sorry, but sorry doesn't cut it in that situation (and when does it ever, unless paired with a fine wine, chocolates, money, or sex?) I don't have control, and that's why I keep lashing out at her when we try and have a civil conversation.
Perhaps I'm not ready for a civil conversation--no, I KNOW I'm not ready for a civil conversation, because every time I think about a hypothetical, civilconversationpracticeround in my head, the first thing that comes out of Make Believe Amy's mouth is "Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Honestly, I can see why she did it...I just don't see how she could have done it and been able to live with herself. She just got back to Virginia from seeing me, and the weekend we had was perfection (so I thought--she thought differently, but never bothered to mention it until the breakup conversation). Maybe I was blind to how miserable she was, but the only time she SEEMED miserable while in Vermont was when she had to leave, and didn't want to. Mixed messages much? When did the Law School star wax full and the Amy star get shot by a fucking tank and explode into a million pieces? Who says she can't have both?
I'm still going to Thailand, with or without her. Until then, I'm trying to figure out how to live with myself and possibly still maintain a friendship with Aimee (which I don't know if I want--my emotions are so polarized that I either want to be her lover or her enemy, not something as neutral and benign as a friend). Who knows. Who knows anything anymore, man. I sure don't.